Tag Archives: When your husband has a midlife crisis

Emma and the Other Woman

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My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California where Emma sells insurance.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

Emma and the Other Woman

I’ve wondered a couple of things about Emma and the other woman. First, I was the other woman, but I was too stupid to realize I was in a competition, and I lost. I also didn’t know the rules for playing against someone who has what I assume is an anti-social personality. They don’t play by the same rules as the rest of us, and they will do anything to win. If you fight fair, you don’t have a chance.

As I’ve written, I’m not sure that Emma has a conscience. Ok, as her mom who raised her for 17 years, I really don’t think Emma has a conscience. I would LOVE to be proven wrong, and I don’t think you, dear reader, can imagine how much I would love to be proven wrong on this. I want to think Emma has a heart and a moral compass, and I pray for God’s healing for her everyday, but I can’t say I’m hopeful. I think Emma is what she is. Supposedly 1 out of 25 people is a sociopath, and as much as I hate to say it, I think my daughter is one of them. I pray everyday that I’m wrong, but there is something very wrong with Emma. When you’re pregnant you worry about every little thing that could go wrong with the baby, and I was so happy Emma had all her fingers and toes and was a happy, beautiful baby, and I thought Phill and I could raise her to be a decent human being, someone who would make a positive difference in the world, but I never worried about my child having a personality disorder. That was never something that occurred to me. I could never have imagined what kind of person my daughter would turn out to be.

Emmaboots

Emma loved cowboy boots when she was little!  I will never forget her wearing her pretty Christmas dress to church when she was three with her ugly brown (hand-me-down) cowboy boots!  It was precious!

So, if Emma is a sociopath, how does she feel about the other woman in her dad’s life? I can’t tell you the number of people who’ve said to me, “Oh, just wait until Phill gets a girlfried. She’d better look out! Emma will take care of her!” I’ve often thought that Emma got me out of the way, and that was her goal, so she probably doesn’t give her mother a second thought. Mission accomplished. But, then again, I’ve wondered if her dad having a new squeeze made Emma happy that she could stick it to her mother one more time or did she even think of that? Is she so wrapped up in her California life with Tyler, trying to prove what a grownup she is, that she doesn’t even care about having a stepmom? I’m reading and learning about personality disorders and people like Emma, but I know I will never be quite the authority like all of Emma’s therapists.

And, being the good little Christian girl that Emma is, I’m sure Emma wants her dad and Kim Chassion married and not living in sin anymore.

I’m sure at first, Emma will love Kim Chassion and call her “mom” like she called Sandra Brooks McCravy “Mommy.” And, in addition to another mommy figure, Emma gets a new “sister” in Sydney Chastain. Emma always wanted a sister and resented me for not having more children. She often said ugly things to me about being an only child and how I didn’t give her a sister, and she was always trying to adopt younger girls at church to be their big sister. At one time, I thought Emma was just being sweet to the younger girls, but now I think part of this was because Emma didn’t do well with peers her own age, so by gathering a flock of younger girls, she could be the authority figure and be in control, and be in charge, and they would listen to her and do what she wanted.

As for Phill, I mentioned that for 26 years, 9 months, and 14 days Phill loved being married, and I have no doubt that he wants to be married again, if he’s not already. Phill told me almost daily how happy he was to be married to me, and he often brought up that we had the longest lasting marriage in his family. Phill hates being alone and always missed me terribly whenever I was gone for more than a few days. In other ways, Phill wants to be married, so he can say, “This is my wife……….” and pretend that he is as normal as possible. He will no longer have to talk about his ex-wife, and we all know when you meet a 59 year old with a girlfriend, everyone speculates, “Is he divorced?” “Never married?” “What’s the deal?”

I have wondered what Kimberly Chassion thinks of our divorce? Are there any red flags going up? I’ve known a lot of women that will take a man, any man, just to have one and will not question anything he says because they want a man so badly, but I have wondered. Does Kim just blindly believe everything Phill says? Has she picked up on that there’s something not quite right with Emma yet?

I want to learn more about men and their midlife crises, and that it something I plan on reading more about in the future, but I just haven’t gotten to it yet. How do you go from telling your wife how much you love her and then turn on a dime and say you’ve “put up with a lot” and “there’s too much water under the bridge?” And then, instead of a sports car, you buy RC airplanes and travel the country being a pretend pilot, hanging out, talking toy air planes, and drinking beer with your buddies.

But I digress……….. Anyway, I think there will be sort of a honeymoon phase for Emma, and she will love her new mom and new sister at first. What Kimberly Chassion and Sydney Chassion need to know is that Emma will lie TO them and Emma will lie ABOUT them. That is just Emma. After I looked back on it, I realised Emma lied about almost everyone she ever knew. Phill choose not to believe Emma has a problem even though I pointed out lie after lie after lie, but deep down, he knows the truth. He just has to take the easy way, and not facing Emma’s problems is how Phill needs to deal with things right now. I loved my husband, and one of the endearing things about him was his easy going personality, but along with that easy going personality is a passiveness, and Phill doesn’t like to rock the boat. Phill doesn’t like to make the difficult decisions, I always had to, right up until he had me thrown out of our home, and then Emma took over as the decision maker of the family.

Whatever happens, Kimberly Chassion and Sydney Chassion will find out that life with Emma won’t be boring.

Denial Dad! And What’s Your Superpower?

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Denial Dad! And What’s Your Superpower?

A lot of people have asked me over the past few years, “What happened to Phill?” “What is wrong with Phill?” and many more questions along those lines. Well, Phill is really the only one who can answer that, but I can give you my perspective after being married to the man for 26+ years. Phill was a good person, and I never thought in a million years he would do some of the things he did, and I surely thought, after realizing his mistake, Phill would take the appropriate action. But, like a lot of men, Phill has a lot of trouble admitting he’s wrong, and let’s face it, accusing your wife of abusing your daughter and destroying your marriage because of it is one heck of a mistake to make.

I wanted to share what it it like to deal with Phill through some recent e-mails. A while back, Phill and I were texting and when I brought up a subject Phill was uncomfortable with, he threatened to block me, which I’m assuming he did. I haven’t tried to text him in a while, so I don’t know for sure. At the time, I assumed he blocked me from his e-mails as well.

Recently, I misplaced a check and forgot all about cashing it. At the same time, a friend and I’d been talking about how I used to do some beadwork (you can see it on my facebook page, and if your are interested, just e-mail me and I’ll send you the album links), and I sort of wished I had my old desk and maybe I’d take up my old hobby again. I told her that I’d asked Phill two or three years ago for my desk, but he just ignored me. She told me to ask him for it, and knowing about Phill’s difficulty with facing his wife, suggested that she could go over and pick up my desk for me. I’d already told Phill that he could have all my stuff, and if you’re curious about that part of the story, just do a search for Bradley D. Moody, and you can read all about Phill and how he came to keep all my things.

So anyway, back to my story, I came home and thought why not e-mail and ask for my desk, a birthday gift Phill got me from IKEA, but since Phill had probably blocked me, I was going to e-mail his newest attorney, Bradley D. Moody, Attorney at Law with Lee Sexton and Associates in Stockbridge, Ga.? And since Bradley D. Moody, son-in-law of Matt Klos, husband of Jessie Klos Moody, father to little Ella Moody, always uses his Bar# when he signs his correspondences, I was going to be sure to include Bar#655693.

20130430_157

This picture of Rob, one of the kids from Emma’s youth group, but you can see part of the IKEA desk in the background.  It had some nice shelves.

I came home and got on the computer, and surprise, surprise, there, out of the blue, was an e-mail from my husband! It read as follows:

10/28/16

I reissued a check you didn’t cash back in July, it should be there in a few days. They’re only good for 90 days so it was automatically voided.

I never blocked my email so you don’t have to get creative if you need to get in touch.

Phill

So I responded:

Wow. Your ears must be burning. I was just about to email your “attorney” Bradley D. Moody, attorney at law #655693 to get in touch with you.

A while ago, I asked for the desk that you got me for my birthday from IKEA, and you never brought it. Can I send a “third party” to pick it up?

Oh, and since I have you, a friend re-did my computer with Windows 10, etc., but I lost my snip tool. (This has quite a learning curve, for me anyway.) Can you tell me the name of that program we had. I can’t seem to find it.

My best to Emma.

So…………….after all this time of no correspondence whatsoever from my dear husband, I get yet another e-mail the same day:

If you click on the Cortana button just to the right of the start(windows) button and start typing “snipping” the tool will show up.

http://www.techsupportalert.com/content/screenshot-captor.htm-1

The one we used to use is gone.

As to the desk, you have lost the rights to the items you didn’t pick up. I tried for years to get you to get the items in the settlement

Phill

Wow, what authority! He certainly told me, didn’t he! It’s a shame he never took that tone with Emma, or she might not have the problems she does. (Well, yeah, she probably would, I think she was born with some personality disorders and such, but we just didn’t figure it out.)

Ok, and so some of you reading this blog know me, and know I can be a very patient person when I need to be, but sometimes, just sometimes, I have a low tolerance for idiots, so I couldn’t resist getting a little bit snarky:

Okay, but would you please send me the copy of the Toxicology report that Emma claims to have showing that I poisoned her with DDT? My lawyer is still waiting on that.

Did you ever talk to Father T. about all those times Emma babysat his boys? And the time she had the called 911 because son #1 got so out of hand?

Lie after lie. What happens when you finally accept the truth in real life How badly you betrayed your wife? Don’t bother to answer. I won’t bother you again. I’ll go through your attorney for anything else.

Love, wifey number one. My best to Kim. (Kim Chassion, aka Mrs. Roey 2.0)

And if you’re new to the blog, let me just mention that yes, Emma was going around telling people I poisoned her with DDT, and Emma never babysat our priest’s sons, but knew the parents had to call 911 when their bipolar son got out of control one night, so she went around telling people that SHE had to call 911 one night when SHE was babysitting the boys. Funny thing is, Emma NEVER babysat those boys.

So once again, the threat:

I will answer emails regarding alimony and the property settlement. I also don’t mind tech support questions.

I will not respond to anything having to do with the grounds leading to the divorce. I warned you I’d block phone and text if you continued to harangue me and you chose to push it so I blocked you. If you do the same on email I’ll block that too, leaving only US mail. I’d prefer not to do that.

Phill

Poor Phill! Harangued! Threatening to block me again! Oh, my stars, what will I do? (I swear folks, he was not this stupid when I was married to him.) I brought up a subject that Phill can’t deal with, so he has to threaten to block me again. Horrors!  Funny, it was some SEFF folks who told me about Emma going around saying I poisoned her with DDT and she had the toxicology report to prove it, but my poor little snowflake of a husband can’t deal with that, so we are not allowed to discuss it.  Nope, can’t even bring it up.  Phill won’t explain Emma’s actions because he can’t, and he can’t face the truth, so let’s just not talk about it.  Now, that’s a real tough man right there, isn’t he?

At this point, I figured I’d just let Phill retreat to his “Safe Space” and get some counseling, some warm milk, and maybe a therapy dog. I didn’t want to stress the poor boy out any more than I already had. After all, if he can’t handle an e-mail and has to threaten to block me, he must really be upset. Poor baby. (I swear folks, he wasn’t this much of a wimp when I was married to him.) I didn’t e-mail Phill and further and decided if I needed to talk to him, I’d just do it through the blog or through his latest attorney, Bradley D. Moody, Attorney at Law, Bar #655693, the associate part of Lee Sexton and Associates of Stockbridge, Ga., son-in-law of Phill’s RC buddy, Matt Klos (Events Director of SEFF), wife of Jessie Klos Moody, father to Ella Moody, and as for computer help, I won’t bother the poor boy with that either, though I always need the help, but thankfully, I have other friends who are computer literate, as I am not!  (Usually, when I asked Phill to teach me something on the computer, he told me not to worry about it because he’d always be there to do it for me.)

This blog is really about Emma, and I’m not going to talk too much about Phill, or at least not now, other than how he relates to the story of Emma. We were married for 26 years, and up until Emma accused me (the 2nd time) of abuse, I thought we were happy. Phill always claimed to be happy, talked about retirement, and us doing things together after Emma was gone, etc. and was proud of our long marriage right up until he decided to have a midlife crisis in the middle of all Emma’s problems. I was totally blindsided by what my husband did and one day, I hope he’ll have the guts to explain to me what in the world he was thinking, but right now, he can’t face me (I am that scary!), or I guess to put it more clearly, he can’t face what he did, so the easiest way for him to deal with that is to not to have to face me, hence that’s why he wanted me to send a 3rd party to pick up my things at our home………………… I mean, I get the whole midlife crisis thing. I’ve known several women who’ve been through the same thing. There is always someone younger, cuter, slimmer, different issues, someone who hasn’t heard your same jokes and stories 1000 times, a bottle blonde as opposed to your salt and pepper haired wife…………. (funny thing is, Phill hated me coloring my hair and wanted me to let it go natural, and then he takes up with a bottle blonde?) But the Phill I was married to would not have let Emma go on with her lies. The Phill I was married to considered himself a secular humanist, a good person, and he would have not let an innocent person be falsely accused by his daughter, but now he’s done it with both the priest and with me. And for many other lie’s Emma’s told, Phill just makes excuses for her.  When Emma claimed the girl down the street had an abortion and she might be pregnant again, I later investigated and this girl told me none of it was true.  Instead of asking Emma about her lies, Phill chose to believe the girl told Emma these things to sound cool.  Emma couldn’t have possible made them up.  Somebody get the man a cape for Christmas!

I hope Phill survives this midlife personality shift he’s going through with a clear conscience. The man I was married to would have stood up and would have been a man, and would have done what’s right, but I don’t even know who this new Phill is.  I don’t think he does either.

And, BTW, Phill was wrong about the snip tool, I was able to get the exact one I had, which is great because I am a creature of habit and wanted to stick with the one I know.

As for the desk, that’s ok, Phill. I have new hobbies now and I’ll probably end up giving all my beading stuff away. I like to write now, and I still have a lot of Emma’s story to tell.