A little Catch Up!

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

bsit8

Emma Buchheim (Emma Roey)

RIP Little C.  From what I understand, Emma still loves Chihuhua mixes and she and Tyler have two little ones!  (I have granddogs!)  Emma, I do have to ask you about Game of Thrones, though.

Thank you to those of you who’ve asked about the blog.  Yes, I am behind, and I will get back to it.   In addition to work and other obligations, I’ve had some friends going through a very, very difficult situation, and a crazy neighbor with lots of drama and plenty of police involvement.  After what I went through with Emma, you’d think I’d be used to drama by now.  Some of it has been quite bizarre, and with a little distance it is kind of funny, but it is not funny when you are in the middle of it!  Some of it has been a little scary, and I’ve had the police call me at work, and then I had to be interviewed by the police regarding the crazy neighbor.  I may write more about it one day, but mostly it is just very sad to see someone who so obviously needs help.   Just one of the many adventures in the life of Divorcedom!

In any event, I hope to be moving soon, and getting back to a calm and peaceful household, and then will get back to telling Emma’s story.

If you have any questions or comments, don’t hesitate to write to me at:  losingemma@gmail.com

Take Care!

The Death of a Marriage

 

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

The Death of a Marriage

Just some random thoughts on this morning. I was thinking of a couple at our church maybe 15 years ago. They were a little younger that Phill and I and had two children, a son Emma’s age and a daughter a little younger. We’d seen them go through a difficult time when the husband lost his job after 9-11. He went out and got a job that one would have thought was beneath him, to take care of his family. This was a man who would do whatever he needed to do to take care of his family. Suddenly they were separated and getting divorced. They couldn’t even speak to each other. They couldn’t even be at church at the same time. What happened? No one seemed to know. Not knowing them well, I wasn’t going to pry into their business, but it seemed so sad. They’d been in a Sunday school class with Phill and I and seemed so happy and loving. Later, the husband took up riding motorcycles and got his ear pierced. He seemed to become a different person. Was it a midlife crisis that destroyed their marriage? She occasionally showed up for church or he occasionally showed up, but neither of them very often. I’ve lost touch and don’t attend that church anymore, so I never did find out, but how does this happen to two people who love each other. How do two people who love each other become bitter enemies?

How does the person you love most and trust with all your heart become someone you can’t even talk to? I saw this happen in my own marriage. For almost 27 years of marriage, Phill told me and showed everyday how much he loved me everyday. All of a sudden, our 17 year old makes up lies of rape, sexual molestation, a suicide attempt, and then accuses her mother of physical abuse. Lie after lie, and Phill decides to go with that Emma is an abused child? Someone who knew Emma said she was sure that if we had looked at Emma’s computer, we would have found quite a history of all the things she looked up on the internet such as how to act like an abused child in front of her therapists. I’m sure Emma studied and practiced. I can’t count the number of people who’ve said to me, “I know Emma’s sick, but Phill? What is wrong with him?”

For almost 27 years of marriage, Phill professed his love everyday, and planned our future. We were looking forward to our little bird growing up into an independent young woman and leaving the nest, and we had things we wanted to do when we retired. We talked about getting a camper or RV and traveling. I had joked with Emma that we would show up at her college with the RV and camp out in the parking lot by her dorm so we could check on her. We had projects we wanted to work on around the house. Phill always talked about putting in a pond in our yard. How do you go from, “I love you. I love you. I love you.” to “too much water under the bridge” and “I’ve put up with a lot” and throw away your marriage practically overnight? It was like the flip of a switch. All of a sudden, two deputies showed up and threw me out of our home.

During the divorce, I couldn’t even speak to Phill. I was so heartbroken at what my husband had done. How could you destroy the person you adored and cherished all those years? Besides being heartbroke, I was stunned, or maybe in shock. I felt like I’d been hit by a tractor trailer. Everyday was waking up to the nightmare of what was happening in my life. Emotionally, I was at my absolute weakest. I was a wreck. I did not want to speak to Phill and had to turn to an attorney, to handle everything for me. Fortunately I have some good friends who got me through a very tough time, but as far as legal matters, my husband wasn’t looking out for me, so I had to trust an attorney. Of course, he wasn’t looking out for me so much as getting things settled and telling me what I would have to agree to or how he expected a judge would side in issues.

Later on, Phill was the one who couldn’t talk to me. Maybe he just can’t face what he did. When I presented him with lie after lie that Emma told, he blocked me from texting him. And I’m not talking about being a crazy ex- and texting him 50 times a day. I’m talking about a few texts period. To this day, Phill can not talk about what Emma did.

Even after Phill had me thrown out of my house, on the few times we saw each other, he tried to put his arms around me, hug me, kiss me, hold my hand….. Up until the day Emma pulled her, “I want to live in a group home…” stunt, Phill was loving, kind, thoughtful, and then all of a sudden it was over. How do you go from talking about Emma leaving home and the plans we have to “It’s over.”

It took me years to understand, Phill didn’t want the divorce, Emma did.

Let me say that again, Phill didn’t want the divorce, Emma did.

(to be continued….)

 

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Facebook Memories

 

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

Facebook Memories

A few days ago, I got on to Facebook and saw one of those “share your memories” posts about how on this day 7 years ago, I had posted how I finished a book a student had lent me (City of Bones by Cassandra Clare), we got up and went to church, Emma and I went to a bead show, and then came home and Phill had made us dinner, and what a lovely day it was. How was I to know that a short month later, on her dad’s birthday, Emma would begin all her drama of accusing a priest of molesting her, leading to the destruction of our family and of Phill’s and my marriage.

This particular bead show came to the Gwinnett Civic Center about twice a year, and I frequently went, mostly to look, but ofter there was some little thing to pick up that I couldn’t find locally. For those of you that may not know, I used to make glass beads and jewelry. Unfortunately, I had no where to put my glass supplies when I got thrown out of my home, so they are gone. I have no idea what Phill did with them. I do have my beads and some supplies, but when I asked Phill for my old desk, he refused to give it to me, and I doubt, between working two jobs, volunteering, and having somewhat of a life, I will ever make jewelry again. All my supplies sit in boxes. Eventually, I will give it all away.

I think this was the same show where Emma bought her purity ring, and then in the fall of 2010 during the time Emma was seeing Dr. Genie Burnett at Manna Treatment, Emma complained that we wouldn’t send her on a church retreat because we couldn’t afford it, but I could got to a bead show and buy beads. That particular show that Emma complained about, I’d bought $30 worth of supplies, and the reason we wouldn’t send Emma to the church retreat was because she was throwing up all the time and taking so much medicine (Zofran) that she slept all the time, and we couldn’t see sending her on a retreat when all she did was sleep. (Of course, we didn’t know that another reason Emma was sleeping so much was because she was on the phone late at night, talking to her other mommy, Sandra Brooks McCravy, whining about her pitiful life and how mean her mommy was. Emma was a busy girl.) It had nothing to do with the cost of the weekend retreat, but I suppose it sounded good to Dr. Burnett to say that I was too selfish to spend on my daughter, but could spend on myself.

Sandra Brooks McCravy

Sandra Brooks McCravy

I don’t remember the story, but in one of Emma’s history books we read about a character, maybe a raven? (Emma, help me out here. I’m sure you remember.) Anyway, the character got distracted by shiny objects. If you’ve seen the movie UP, which we saw as a family, and even Phill cried, then you know what I mean when I say, “Squirrel.” and how the dogs got distracted every time someone said “squirrel.” Well, we’d read this story a few years before we saw up, and Emma would always refer to it when she saw something small and pretty and acted like whatever it was completely distracted her and she would say, “Oooooo, shiny!” No one else would know what Emma was referring to, it was kind of a private joke between the two of us.

What’s kind of funny was that when I went to the bead show in February of 2011, it was during the time Emma was telling her therapist that I was abusing her. Hmmmm, so why would you want to go out with your abusive mother when you didn’t have to? Emma didn’t always go with me to the bead shows, but she loved going and usually went with me. As much as I hate to say it, she didn’t really have friends, so Phill and I were most of her social life. Phill was usually often home on Sundays if he wasn’t flying RC planes, and Emma was old enough to stay alone anyway, so why did she want to go to the bead show with her abusive mother when she could have stayed home and not risked being physically abused? (Hmmm…) When she did go with me, we oooed and ahhed over all the pretties and sometimes Emma bought something for herself, or I bought her something if she saw something she wanted to make into a project. She pretty much had access to any of my supplies if she wanted to make something, and of course, I made her plenty of jewelry. If Emma got a new dress, I could whip up something for her to wear with it. We had a lot of fun collaborating on what she wanted. I also spent many hours teaching Emma beading stitches and took her on trips to the William Holland School in Young Harris, Ga., where she took classes.

Another thing Emma and I did in February of 2011 was to take our Foster Dog to Agility training. The woman who did the classes let foster dogs with the rescue come to class for free. It was great for them to learn a few things and gain some confidence. These classes were on Sunday afternoons. Emma always wanted to go with me right up until she had her little fit at Suzie McGarvey’s office on March 14 2011 and wanted to go live in a group home. She certainly didn’t have to go with me those Sunday afternoons. I loved going and running the dog, but when Emma went, I always let her take the dog on the course and I watched. Selfish mommy that I was, I gave up what I loved doing so that my daughter could do it. Of course, when I asked Phill why Emma always wanted to go with her abusive mother to Agility if I was so horrible, he said I made her go with me. Yep, that must be it.

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Emma Buchheim and our foster dog, Benny, at Agility.  Mean mommy that I am, I dragged Emma to Agility class during the time she claimed I abused her, even though I would have much enjoyed an afternoon to myself.  

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After those horrible events on September 11, 2001, the 9-11 commission said, “They were at war with us. We weren’t at war with them.” (Excuse me if I didn’t quote that exactly right.) That is pretty much how I feel about my daughter. She was at war with me, and I had no idea. She wanted me out of her way so she could run the household and be the wife default, taking over as the woman in Phill’s life, and I never saw it coming. Emma hated me so much just for being her mother. It saddens me to know this horrible human being came out of my body. Phill and I thought we were raising a good, decent young lady, and I know she acts the part, but I’m finding more and more people who know the truth about Emma. I’m sorry Tyler Buchheim, we didn’t raise her that way.

Recently, I ready the book, by Sue Klebold, A Mother’s Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy, and I could compare so much of my story to the heart breaking story of Sue Klebold. Thank you God that Emma has not killed anyone yet. Do I think it could happen, yes. I hope it won’t, but I think Emma is capable of some pretty horrible things.

I wish I’d taken some notes, and I may have to go back and get the book from the library again. They two young me, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris had different personality disorders if you want to call it that. Dylan sounded more depressed and Eric sounded like more of a sociopath. I remember reading about Eric and thinking, “That sounds like Emma.” Not that in any way do I think Emma is going to go out and commit mass murder. She doesn’t fit that profile, but I think she will do other things, and I don’t think she has a conscience.

Also recently, I had some conversations with a young man who discovered my blog and thought he was a lot like Emma. In telling me about himself, he thought maybe he could help me understand Emma. I hope to write more about some insight this young man gave me in the future when I get some time because it was kind of odd to be in that position of speaking to someone who knew so much about your daughter without having ever met her. It was interesting to say the least.

I also want to write for all the estranged parents our there. I’ve talked to other parents who’ve been through something similar, and I’ve found that many of them don’t want their child back in their lives. They love the child that they raised, but why would you invite all that turmoil back into your life? Would I want Emma back in my life?

I don’t talk about Emma much except to a few close friends, some of whom knew Emma while she was growing up. Sometimes, when I coworker is talking about something their child or grandchild did, I want to share a memory of Emma, but I don’t. I am a reminder of every mother’s nightmare. I remind them of what could happen when a child goes horribly wrong. It is frightening to other parents to know what Emma did and to wonder if your own child could ever do such a thing. It’s kind of like being in a secret club. Every once in a while someone will tell me their story, and I don’t mind sharing mine with them because it helps to know you are not alone, but this is not a club people want to talk about belonging to. We all want that “normal” child that grows up to be a functioning adult, with goals and accomplishments and who gets married and has babies and finds her place in this world.

Some years back, one of our relatives made a half-hearted suicide attempt, and the nurse at the ER told her mother that if she could just get her to aged 24, she would be ok. This young woman is now in her 40’s and doing fairly well. She is married with children of her own. As Emma turns 24 later this year, we’ll see if that holds true. No, I don’t think it will. It’s a nice thought, but when I look back on Emma, especially the teen years, and realize she lied pretty much about everyone she knew, I think there was more than a little teen angst going on with my baby girl. Not all the lies were mean, many were quite humourous, but they were lies. Emma is a teller of tales. I don’t think you outgrow that.

No matter what horrible things your child has done, there will always be good memories. Emma was a wonderful baby, and an adorable toddler. Up until the teenage years, I thought Phill and I were raising her right. I do have a lot of fun, normal childhood memories of Emma, and I am thankful for them. I thought being Emma’s mom was the most important job I could ever have. I loved being her mom. For all you parents going through something similar, hold on to the good memories. No one can take those from you.

 

Childhood Lies and the Fire Alarm

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

After my last post about Pretty Little Liars, I got to thinking a lot about Emma’s childhood lies. Should Phill and I have caught on that Emma had a problem? Did we miss the signs that Emma had a problem telling the truth? We didn’t have another child to compare Emma to, but maybe if we had, would we have noticed that Emma lied more than most children?

One of the lies I that stuck in my mind after that last “Pretty Little Liars” post was the story about the fire drill. We were at Master’s Academy, the homeschool arts program where Emma took classes on Fridays, and I worked, at first just to pay for Emma’s tuition, but later, because kids were interested in my classes, and I found that I loved teaching the kids. (Masters Academy took place at Hebron Baptist Church, Dacula, Ga. Later on, the arts program became Dacula Classical Academy.)

Emma was in 6th or 7th grade, and was taking a dance class. I don’t even remember what class I was in, but there was a fire alarm, and we had to take the kids outside. Afterwards, on the drive home, Emma told me what I think was an Emma Tale, about how one of the girls in the class, Rachel M. had “accidentally” pulled the fire alarm. How do you accidentally pull a fire alarm? Don’t they have a little glass bar that has to break to sound the alarm? Silly me, I had just assumed that the fire drill was a routine event that occurred every once in a while. Since we were like a school at the church, it would make sense to have fire drills, like we had in school when we were kids.

I questioned Emma, because the story just didn’t sound right, but she went on about how Rachel was dancing around and somehow grabbed the fire alarm and set it off.

I had been an aide in some classes with Rachel, and I know I had her in at least one of my classes, and also Rachel’s little sister. Both girls were very sweet, quiet, kind, polite, helpful, good workers, and well behaved. They never caused any kind of trouble, never brought any attention to themselves, and had Rachel “accidentally” pulled the fire alarm, she would have been MORTIFIED, and according to Emma, that’s what happened. Poor Rachel was so embarrassed that she had pulled the fire alarm, she had to hide and couldn’t face anyone. Emma went into great detail about how embarrassed Rachel was over “accidentally” pulling the fire alarm.

masters-dance

Emma and a friend from a dance class at Master’s Academy

A lot of Emma’s childhood lies have caused me to think and wonder if Phill and I could have done anything different. So many times, I couldn’t prove Emma was lying, so I just let her tell her stories and didn’t go out and verify that she was lying. Being a “not my child” kind of mom, of course I didn’t want to believe my child had trouble telling the truth. All children lie, right? When does lying become a problem? Is Emma’s lying my fault (everything in Emma’s life is my fault, so I guess I need to take credit for this too) because I didn’t establish a “No Lying” policy in the house to get Emma on the straight an narrow?

Kids like for attention, to individuate, to get out of trouble, to establish their identity, etc. Kids learn to tell white lies, so as not to hurt someone’s feelings, just like they see adults do. There were times I felt like Emma’s lies came from an active imagination, and again, I assumed lying was a normal part of childhood. During Emma’s teen years, I learned that Emma would say whatever she needed to say to get what she wanted. She would tell me she put her clothes away, when she crammed them under her dresser or threw them on her closet floor because I’d told her to put her clothes away before we were going to do something or go somewhere. Again, I thought this was just typical kid behavior. Did I miss something?

It will be interesting to see where my prodigal daughter goes in life. Is it too later for her to have a normal life. Will she continue to lie her way through life? Is it now such a part of her that there’s no turning back? I also have to wonder about Tyler and if he’s caught on to Emma yet. Living with her on a daily basis, even blinded by love, I think sooner or later he will figure it out.

Happy Birthday Emma #23!!

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

icarriedyou

Ok, except the labor was more like 20 hours or so, not 15!  Emma, I remember being at Target with Daddy at about 1 or 2 in the afternoon, and I had to sit down on an empty shelf because the pain was so bad!  I kept denying it was labor because it was too early.  We were going to go get our Christmas tree, but we never made it.

20130430_23

I’m re-posting this picture just because it was one of my favorites of Emma helping me do Pet’s with Santa photos.  Emma is holding Benny, who was our foster dog at that time.  Santa was the classmate of our good friend, Janice, and generously volunteered his time to help the rescue animals.

Dec. 19, 1993 at 7:34 am, my beautiful baby girl was born in downtown Atlanta, Ga.  Emma, you weighed 6 pounds, 12 ounces and were 19 1/2 inches long.  One day, I’ll write a longer version and tell you more about the day you were born.

Tell Tyler I’m sorry I forgot his birthday.  I’ll do better next year.  I hope you both are well and have a wonderful day!

Love, Mom

Oh, and Emma:

http://www.scarymommy.com/girls-nagging-moms-grow-successful-says-science/

You’re Welcome.

Pretty Little Liars

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Pretty Little Liars

happening52

Emma at a teen church retreat called Happening 52.

I never knew much about liars and lying. I guess I never thought much about lying being a disorder. I thought people lied to get what they want, but never thought about people NOT being able to stop themselves from lying.

I know someone, a friend of a friend, who is a liar. I don’t know this man well, but he’s a pretty nice person. He will drop what he’s doing to help a friend, and when I needed something, he dropped everything to help me one day because another friend called him, and I hardly even know the guy. The odd thing about this man is that he is a liar. I don’t think he means to lie, it’s more like telling stories. He starts talking, and they just come out. His lies aren’t mean. He doesn’t talk badly about people. On the contrary, I remember one story he told about someone, and the story was very complimentary and positive, just not true. Everyone that knows this man knows how he is. You take what he says with a grain of salt because it’s probably not true. I suppose if I spent any time around this man, his stories would get on my nerves, but he’s harmless. I know he’s lost friends who got tied of his lying, and I don’t understand it, but it’s just the way he is.

Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about Emma’s lies. I wondered if Emma knew she lied or did she even know what came out of her mouth. I’ve wondered why Emma lied. Some lies were a means to an end. Emma had a plan and lied to get her way. Other lies were just stories about people. They were typically negative stories, maybe to make Emma look good. Just about everyone Emma knew at school was sexually active, drinking, or using drugs for example. Emma’s friend, Kayla Benifield Weaver, was a good enough friend to want Emma in her wedding, and yet Emma told so many lies about Kayla’s mother, grandparents, boyfriend’s family, etc., and these were mean, hateful lies. Kayla’s mother and her (then) boyfriend were drunks and kept the girls out all night at a sports bar, Kayla’s grandfather was a racist, white supremacist, Blair’s little sister had medical issues and his parents expected Kayla and Blair to have her live with them once they got married……….. And then there’s the whole “Lacey” story. How does a pen-pal turn into a rape victim and attempt suicide? Why would Emma make up these stories?

Those are some of the big lies, but there were many little lies. Emma would have barely met someone and lie about them. I think one I mentioned before was a new couple at church with two little girls, and Emma claimed that the girls were his by his first marriage, and the wife was the stepmom. Emma told me this story when she was in 9th grade and co-teaching Sunday school with an adult teacher. Why would Emma make this up?

Emma was in 9th or 10th grade when a friend called and I was out of town. Emma claimed she had this great, long conversation with this friend who was talking about the state of the world, and I don’t even remember the bizarre story Emma told me, other than it was something about white supremacists and how this friend told Emma she would need to keep some blonde hair dye under the sink so she could become blonde. At the time, I was out of state, visiting a friend who was dying of cancer, so I really didn’t care much or think much about this story, but of course now I wish I’d done more to call Emma on her lies..

Why, when a couple of friends so generously took Emma to the Cirque Du Soleil, would Emma say they talked all through the show and that people kept turning around staring at them?

When Emma went to Haiti with a group from Eternal Hope in Haiti, she came back with many stories that I have to question now, but she also told me about a friend of ours who asked her why she would go down there to help ________s (the N-word.) This friend was proud of Emma for wanting to help people and never said any such thing.

I’ve heard people describe Emma as pathological, antisocial, a compulsive liar, borderline, delusional….. but I have to admit, it’s been a long, long time since I took Psych 101 in college, so I didn’t really know what any of these meant, so I will share with you a little about what I’ve read on lying liars and the liars who tell them. I’m not even sure the so-called experts agree on the terms and their meanings, but here are a few things I’ve found:

A Sociopath

A sociopath is typically defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. A sociopath is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused—it is done to get one’s way). Sociopaths have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. Sociopaths are often charming and charismatic, but they use their talented social skills in manipulative and self-centered ways.

Compulsive Liar

A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (unlike sociopaths), rather they simply lie out of habit—an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship.

Site: truthaboutdeception.com

Could Emma be both? I definitely see some of the sociopath lying in Emma, but there were other times where Emma just seemed to lie without thinking, sort of like the man I mentioned at the beginning of this post. Emma lied as easily as she told the truth. At home, Emma frequently lied especially if you asked her if she’d done a chore. The answer was always yes, and more often than not, that was a lie. I thought that was normal kid behavior. What kids likes to do chores? Or did Phill and I miss something by not catching on to all the little harmless lies Emma told.

Pathological Liars

Pathological liars lie with what might be called “intent”. They have a clear purpose or aim they hope to achieve through lying. They can be manipulative and cunning and normally care little for the opinions or feelings of others. Pathological liars simply want things their own way.

Compulsive Liars

A compulsive liar is someone who has little or no control over the lies he or she tells. Lying, for them, is habitual and constant. They may lie about anything and in any situation. They lie to avoid the truth, perhaps because they find telling the truth uncomfortable.

It appears that low self-esteem is a significant factor in the development of a compulsive liar. The condition may be developed whilst in childhood and in most cases, compulsive liars are relatively harmless. They lie habitually and may be aware of doing so, but find themselves unable to stop.

Site: Steadyhealth.com

Again, Emma seems to be both a pathological and a compulsive liar. The pathological liar goes along with the sociopath liar. So many times I felt like Emma lied as easliy as she told the truth, and that seems to fit the compulsive liar definition.

Then, I found something interesting about Genetic liars:

In 2022 geneticists made a remarkable discovery. Among people who are just incapable of telling the truth, one in five is a congenital liar. That is, their constant lying is the result of a specific genetic defect.

Site:http://www.cs.wcupa.edu/epstein/Default.htm

Could Emma’s lying be a genetic disorder?

And a little more information, this website lists five types of liars, and if you read the first section about Sociopathic Liars, you will recognize Emma. I could write pages and pages about how this definition applies to Emma.

Sociopathic Liars

Sociopaths are defined as someone who lies continuously in an attempt to get their own way, without showing care or concern for others. These individuals are goal-oriented.

Even though it might seem hard to believe, lying is focused – they are focused on getting their own way. Sociopaths don’t have a lot of respect or regard for the feelings and rights of others. They tend to be charismatic and charming, but they will use their exceptional social skills in a self-centered and manipulative manner.

Compulsive Liars

Compulsive liars are defined as someone who continually lies from sheer habit. Lying tends to be their normal manner of responding to any questions from others.

These individuals will always bend the truth, regardless of how small or large the question is. For these individuals, telling the truth doesn’t feel right. They are uncomfortable whenever they tell the truth, while lying makes them feel right.

Compulsive lying is often thought to manifest during childhood, due to being put into situations and environments where lying became a necessity. Most of the time, compulsive liars aren’t cunning or manipulative, rather they only lie because it has become such a habit for them.

This automatic response is more difficult to break. It can end up taking its toll on being able to maintain a relationship. Many people also call these individuals pathological liars or habitual liars, but they all mean the same thing.

Occasional Liars

Occasional liars are those who seldom tell a lie. When they do, they are so blown away by what they said that their guilt overcomes them. These individuals are quick to ask for forgiveness from the individual that they lied to.

Occasional liars might not be perfect, but they are often respected for their attempts at being truthful and humble enough to admit when they are wrong.

Careless Liars

Careless liars will go about their normal lives and lie every way they can. This individual isn’t concerned about trying to hide their lies or making sure they make sense. Everyone knows that the person isn’t being honest because they tend to be sloppy with their lies. They don’t have a lot of friends because most people get tired of hearing their twisted stories.

White Liars

People who tell white lies don’t usually think of themselves as true “liars”. They justify their white lies as harmless, or even beneficial, in the long term. They will sometimes tell only part of the truth, and not be suspected of lying at all. White liars may use their lies to to shield someone from what they believe is a hurtful or damaging truth.

Sadly, lying is a common denominator in many of our lives and recognizing some of the different types might just help us in dealing with the liar in our lives.

http://www.compulsivelyingdisorder.com/

So, dear readers, this is just some information for you about lying and liars. I know a lot of my readers know Emma, so you can read for yourself and make your own decision about what kind of liar you think Emma is. As for me, I still don’t know. Yes, as much as I hate to say this about my own child, I do think she’s a sociopath. I would like to think of that happy ending for my child, that she’s going to have a happy, normal life, that she can function as a responsible adult, that she will learn from her mistakes and grow into a better person, but I don’t think those things will happen for Emma. She’s never going to grow up and take responsibility. Everything wrong in her life will always be someone else’s fault.

Sadly, I think Emma’s husband will figure Emma out sooner or later. Tyler may be blinded by love right now, but as smart as Emma is, I don’t think she will be able to pull the wool over his eyes forever.

Is there help for Emma? There seems to be a number of opinions about that as well. If Phill and I had caught on sooner that Emma had a problem, could she have gotten help for her lying? Is it too late? Someone said to me that at the age of 16 a person’s personality is pretty much formed. Emma is what she is.

I feel like Phill and I owe the world an apology for our daughter. At one time, I thought we were raising a decent child who would make the world a better place. I guess when mental illness (or a personality disorder, but that’s for another post) rears it’s ugly head, all bets are off. Like the alcoholic, Emma can’t be helped if she doesn’t admit she has a problem, and it could also be something beyond Emma’s control. She is what she is, and being a liar may be as much a part of her as her blue-grey eyes or her light brown hair.

Denial Dad! And What’s Your Superpower?

Denial Dad! And What’s Your Superpower?

A lot of people have asked me over the past few years, “What happened to Phill?” “What is wrong with Phill?” and many more questions along those lines. Well, Phill is really the only one who can answer that, but I can give you my perspective after being married to the man for 26+ years. Phill was a good person, and I never thought in a million years he would do some of the things he did, and I surely thought, after realizing his mistake, Phill would take the appropriate action. But, like a lot of men, Phill has a lot of trouble admitting he’s wrong, and let’s face it, accusing your wife of abusing your daughter and destroying your marriage because of it is one heck of a mistake to make.

I wanted to share what it it like to deal with Phill through some recent e-mails. A while back, Phill and I were texting and when I brought up a subject Phill was uncomfortable with, he threatened to block me, which I’m assuming he did. I haven’t tried to text him in a while, so I don’t know for sure. At the time, I assumed he blocked me from his e-mails as well.

Recently, I misplaced a check and forgot all about cashing it. At the same time, a friend and I’d been talking about how I used to do some beadwork (you can see it on my facebook page, and if your are interested, just e-mail me and I’ll send you the album links), and I sort of wished I had my old desk and maybe I’d take up my old hobby again. I told her that I’d asked Phill two or three years ago for my desk, but he just ignored me. She told me to ask him for it, and knowing about Phill’s difficulty with facing his wife, suggested that she could go over and pick up my desk for me. I’d already told Phill that he could have all my stuff, and if you’re curious about that part of the story, just do a search for Bradley D. Moody, and you can read all about Phill and how he came to keep all my things.

So anyway, back to my story, I came home and thought why not e-mail and ask for my desk, a birthday gift Phill got me from IKEA, but since Phill had probably blocked me, I was going to e-mail his newest attorney, Bradley D. Moody, Attorney at Law with Lee Sexton and Associates in Stockbridge, Ga.? And since Bradley D. Moody, son-in-law of Matt Klos, husband of Jessie Klos Moody, father to little Ella Moody, always uses his Bar# when he signs his correspondences, I was going to be sure to include Bar#655693.

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This picture of Rob, one of the kids from Emma’s youth group, but you can see part of the IKEA desk in the background.  It had some nice shelves.

I came home and got on the computer, and surprise, surprise, there, out of the blue, was an e-mail from my husband! It read as follows:

10/28/16

I reissued a check you didn’t cash back in July, it should be there in a few days. They’re only good for 90 days so it was automatically voided.

I never blocked my email so you don’t have to get creative if you need to get in touch.

Phill

So I responded:

Wow. Your ears must be burning. I was just about to email your “attorney” Bradley D. Moody, attorney at law #655693 to get in touch with you.

A while ago, I asked for the desk that you got me for my birthday from IKEA, and you never brought it. Can I send a “third party” to pick it up?

Oh, and since I have you, a friend re-did my computer with Windows 10, etc., but I lost my snip tool. (This has quite a learning curve, for me anyway.) Can you tell me the name of that program we had. I can’t seem to find it.

My best to Emma.

So…………….after all this time of no correspondence whatsoever from my dear husband, I get yet another e-mail the same day:

If you click on the Cortana button just to the right of the start(windows) button and start typing “snipping” the tool will show up.

http://www.techsupportalert.com/content/screenshot-captor.htm-1

The one we used to use is gone.

As to the desk, you have lost the rights to the items you didn’t pick up. I tried for years to get you to get the items in the settlement

Phill

Wow, what authority! He certainly told me, didn’t he! It’s a shame he never took that tone with Emma, or she might not have the problems she does. (Well, yeah, she probably would, I think she was born with some personality disorders and such, but we just didn’t figure it out.)

Ok, and so some of you reading this blog know me, and know I can be a very patient person when I need to be, but sometimes, just sometimes, I have a low tolerance for idiots, so I couldn’t resist getting a little bit snarky:

Okay, but would you please send me the copy of the Toxicology report that Emma claims to have showing that I poisoned her with DDT? My lawyer is still waiting on that.

Did you ever talk to Father T. about all those times Emma babysat his boys? And the time she had the called 911 because son #1 got so out of hand?

Lie after lie. What happens when you finally accept the truth in real life How badly you betrayed your wife? Don’t bother to answer. I won’t bother you again. I’ll go through your attorney for anything else.

Love, wifey number one. My best to Kim. (Kim Chassion, aka Mrs. Roey 2.0)

And if you’re new to the blog, let me just mention that yes, Emma was going around telling people I poisoned her with DDT, and Emma never babysat our priest’s sons, but knew the parents had to call 911 when their bipolar son got out of control one night, so she went around telling people that SHE had to call 911 one night when SHE was babysitting the boys. Funny thing is, Emma NEVER babysat those boys.

So once again, the threat:

I will answer emails regarding alimony and the property settlement. I also don’t mind tech support questions.

I will not respond to anything having to do with the grounds leading to the divorce. I warned you I’d block phone and text if you continued to harangue me and you chose to push it so I blocked you. If you do the same on email I’ll block that too, leaving only US mail. I’d prefer not to do that.

Phill

Poor Phill! Harangued! Threatening to block me again! Oh, my stars, what will I do? (I swear folks, he was not this stupid when I was married to him.) I brought up a subject that Phill can’t deal with, so he has to threaten to block me again. Horrors!  Funny, it was some SEFF folks who told me about Emma going around saying I poisoned her with DDT and she had the toxicology report to prove it, but my poor little snowflake of a husband can’t deal with that, so we are not allowed to discuss it.  Nope, can’t even bring it up.  Phill won’t explain Emma’s actions because he can’t, and he can’t face the truth, so let’s just not talk about it.  Now, that’s a real tough man right there, isn’t he?

At this point, I figured I’d just let Phill retreat to his “Safe Space” and get some counseling, some warm milk, and maybe a therapy dog. I didn’t want to stress the poor boy out any more than I already had. After all, if he can’t handle an e-mail and has to threaten to block me, he must really be upset. Poor baby. (I swear folks, he wasn’t this much of a wimp when I was married to him.) I didn’t e-mail Phill and further and decided if I needed to talk to him, I’d just do it through the blog or through his latest attorney, Bradley D. Moody, Attorney at Law, Bar #655693, the associate part of Lee Sexton and Associates of Stockbridge, Ga., son-in-law of Phill’s RC buddy, Matt Klos (Events Director of SEFF), wife of Jessie Klos Moody, father to Ella Moody, and as for computer help, I won’t bother the poor boy with that either, though I always need the help, but thankfully, I have other friends who are computer literate, as I am not!  (Usually, when I asked Phill to teach me something on the computer, he told me not to worry about it because he’d always be there to do it for me.)

This blog is really about Emma, and I’m not going to talk too much about Phill, or at least not now, other than how he relates to the story of Emma. We were married for 26 years, and up until Emma accused me (the 2nd time) of abuse, I thought we were happy. Phill always claimed to be happy, talked about retirement, and us doing things together after Emma was gone, etc. and was proud of our long marriage right up until he decided to have a midlife crisis in the middle of all Emma’s problems. I was totally blindsided by what my husband did and one day, I hope he’ll have the guts to explain to me what in the world he was thinking, but right now, he can’t face me (I am that scary!), or I guess to put it more clearly, he can’t face what he did, so the easiest way for him to deal with that is to not to have to face me, hence that’s why he wanted me to send a 3rd party to pick up my things at our home………………… I mean, I get the whole midlife crisis thing. I’ve known several women who’ve been through the same thing. There is always someone younger, cuter, slimmer, different issues, someone who hasn’t heard your same jokes and stories 1000 times, a bottle blonde as opposed to your salt and pepper haired wife…………. (funny thing is, Phill hated me coloring my hair and wanted me to let it go natural, and then he takes up with a bottle blonde?) But the Phill I was married to would not have let Emma go on with her lies. The Phill I was married to considered himself a secular humanist, a good person, and he would have not let an innocent person be falsely accused by his daughter, but now he’s done it with both the priest and with me. And for many other lie’s Emma’s told, Phill just makes excuses for her.  When Emma claimed the girl down the street had an abortion and she might be pregnant again, I later investigated and this girl told me none of it was true.  Instead of asking Emma about her lies, Phill chose to believe the girl told Emma these things to sound cool.  Emma couldn’t have possible made them up.  Somebody get the man a cape for Christmas!

I hope Phill survives this midlife personality shift he’s going through with a clear conscience. The man I was married to would have stood up and would have been a man, and would have done what’s right, but I don’t even know who this new Phill is.  I don’t think he does either.

And, BTW, Phill was wrong about the snip tool, I was able to get the exact one I had, which is great because I am a creature of habit and wanted to stick with the one I know.

As for the desk, that’s ok, Phill. I have new hobbies now and I’ll probably end up giving all my beading stuff away. I like to write now, and I still have a lot of Emma’s story to tell.

A Question of Timing

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

A Question of Timing

I’ve been reading a lot about liars and lying, and I probably have several posts I can write about that topic as it relates to Emma, but something that’s been on my mind lately was Emma’s timing.

The first time Emma accused me of physical abuse (Dec. 2010), it was to cover up the lies about her friend “Lacey” who was not raped and did not attempt suicide. Since Emma claimed “Lacey’s” rape brought up her repressed memories of being molested when she was 12, how could Emma’s own allegations be true if the stories about “Lacey” were NOT true. We had some attorneys who were willing to sue on Emma’s behalf, and they were about to file the lawsuit. I can only imagine the panic Emma must have felt as a just turned 17 year old, about to be caught in a whopper of a lie. Everyone would know that her claims of being sexually molested by a priest were lies! Emma had to stop the law suit, so she found a way to take the focus off her stories with a new story. Now poor Emma wasn’t just the victim of sexual abuse by a priest, but she was also the vicim of physical abused by her mother! What drama!

Ok, so that is not the part I am thinking about at this point. That was really just a brief update for my new readers who might not have read a lot of Emma’s story yet.

In March of 2011, Emma was in school at Jefferson High School, Jefferson Ga., and we were cruising along in therapyland. We took Emma to weekly appointments with Suzie McGarvey ( Lanier Counseling, North Gwinnett Counseling Associates) and had family therapy sessions. Emma also had several DFACS therapists who met with her. At that time, she really didn’t have any friends, other than “Lacey” whom she texted and e-mailed and called her “best friend” although the two girls had never met. It was kind of like we were paying therapists to act in the place of Emma’s friends.

Phill and I had met with Suzie a few times privately as well, and when Emma found out about this, she was furious. She yelled at me and claimed we were going to meet with Suzie to “talk bad” about her. To add to her fury, Emma was upset when she found out Phill and I had gone out to IHOP to eat after a session. Apparently we weren’t allowed to eat out without our daughter. How dare we cheat her out of her funny face pancakes! (Come on, Emma. It’s not like we were going to The Melting Pot or something.)

It was March 14th, 2011 when we met with Suzie McGarvey and she told me that Emma and I would have to be separated because Emma claimed I still abused her and she wanted to go live in a group home.

Something else going on at this time was that Phill was getting ready for SEFF Week (Southeast Electric Fly off) in Americus, Ga. He would go down and spend a week playing with RC planes and hanging out with his flying buddies. Emma had been going to SEFF since she was 12. She worked as the administrative assistant to the director Jeff Meyers and later Matt Klos’ (the father-in-law of Phill’s newest attorney, Bradley D. Moody, the associate part of Lee Sexton and Associates, Stockbridge, Ga.) She got paid for the week, and she loved the money she made. She worked hard and did a great job. We were always proud of how our sometimes typical nasty teenager could turn into a mature young lady who took her position seriously. Emma also liked the prestige of being the director’s right hand girl, and Jeff Meyers said some really nice things about how hard she worked. She got to boss around the vendors and tell them where to set up. Everyone knew Emma and she was known as the “go-to” girl. She worked at SEFF every year right up until 2015, until she got married.

emmajeffmeyers

Emma made a nice chunk of change and enjoyed working at SEFF week as Jeff Meyers’ assistant.  (And then later under Matt Klos)

I had never been to SEFF because SEFF week always conflicted with my end of the year program at the homeschool arts program where I worked part time, and it was always a busy week for me. Also, Emma and I spent so much time together all year and Phill was on the road so much with UPS, that I liked the idea of her having this week with Daddy and it being “their” annual thing together. Phill was always a little jealous of my relationship with Emma, so I was really glad for them to have this mommy-free time with just the two of them. After homeschooling and being busy with the end of the year program at my job, I usually enjoyed the first 2-3 of days of a quiet house to myself.

We had 3 dogs at home, so getting away wasn’t easy and Phill and Emma always sounded so busy that I wasn’t sure what I would do there, but Phill had been after me to go, so I was planning on going to Americus Ga. For SEFF in 2010. My school program ended on a Thursday night, so I could go down on Fri. and then we would all come home on Sunday.

Being somewhat an introvert and not knowing anyone at SEFF (I’d met a few of the people when I went out to watch Phill fly with the local RC groups, but I didn’t really know them.), I was a little nervous about driving down to Americus and hanging out with Phill and all his buddies. From what I heard, there was flying during the day and then a lot of sitting around, drinking and gabbing in the evening.

After hearing about what a great job Emma did at SEFF, I was really looking forward to seeing her in action. It sounded like she was kept pretty busy with all that had to be done, and I would get to see just what her job entailed after hearing so much about it. It was one of those things where you feel like all your hard work as a parent gets paid off, that you might get a glimpse of the adult your child is going to become.

Well, everything came to a screeching halt when Emma again accused me of abuse. I never even found out what I was actuall accused of that time. Suzie McGarvey just said that Emma claimed the abuse was still going on, but never told me anything specific. (Great job, Suzie! Just let your clients say whatever they want and don’t call them on it! As long as they pay and keep comint to therapy, they can say whatever they want, right?) I guess I should have pushed for that information, but at the time I was so distraught and shocked that Emma was pulling this stunt again that I just didn’t think of it. (Later, I did find out about Emma’s famous bruised arm, which written in another post so I’m not going to write it again here.) A couple of weeks later, my loving husband would want to know every detail of my schedule so he could have a sheriff’s deputy remove me from my home while he was out.

Of course, Phill wasn’t going to mess SEFF Week, so while his family was falling apart, he went down to Americus, Ga. To fly airplanes, hang out with all his new RC buds and drink beer. To be honest, I don’t even know if he took Emma that year or left her with Judy and John Hall, our neighbors who kept Emma when she couldn’t stay home with her abusive mother. She was in school at the time, and had missed so much, she should have been home and going to school, but Phill had his priorities and SEFF Week was more important than his family or his daughter’s school attendance

A year or so later, I was to hear from a few of Phill’s SEFF Week friends, whose names will be witheld from the blog. I got to hear some of the stories Emma told down at SEFF, including the one about me poisoning Emma with DDT and Emma claiming to have the toxicology report as proof.

I have to wonder, did Emma choose that time to once again accuse me of abusing her to stop me from going to SEFF Week? Was she afraid if I went down there and met people she’d been telling lies to that she would be exposed? She could trash talk her mom, but if people actually me her mom, they might find out she wasn’t this ogre that Emma described. Oh, no! Emma’s mom going to SEFF Week could ruin everything for her! Is this why Emma chose that particular time to cry abuse yet again? Only Emma knows her motives, and for now they are a mystery, but I have figured out a few things, and I may be on the right trail with my guess about this one.

Coming up next…………………….I think I’ll write about my latest experience with Denial Daddy.  Everyone needs a superpower!

Attention, Agendas, and New Friends

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

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Emma going up and down a tree at the home of Carl Lehmann, Phill’s work partner.

I apologize to my readers for not keeping up with the blog.  I’m trying to get myself to organize my time a little better and work on writing more, but it’s hard to do between work and other obligations, and with the holidays coming, it gets even busier!  I’ve had some topics on my mind, but just haven’t sat down to write, so I’m posting something I was recently thinking about.

Attention, Agendas, and New Friends

With what’s going on in politics, and the women who have come forward at the last minute before the election to accuse Donald Trump of sexual abuse or harassment, I’ve had some conversations with people about sexual abuse, lying, reasons for lying, etc. The current events got me thinking about Emma’s lies and comparing her situation with what’s going on during this election season.

I haven’t really kept up with the allegations concerning Donald Trump. Apparently there are several women who accused him of sexual harassment or sexual assault. I tried to google the numbers, but those seem to change. It doesn’t really matter to me. Yes, I did hear the video of Mr. Trump speaking to Billy Bush, and yes it was crude and disgusting, and yes, I have been in situations where I’ve heard men speak the same way. (To be fair, in my situation of hearing men speak this way, the main one that comes to mind was when I was younger and worked as a waitress with some young guys. I thought of t their talk as bravado and masochism, and just thought of them as jerks with some growing up to do.) I’m not passing judgment on Mr. Trump either way right now. I’m not making a judgment as to whether these stories or true or not.

The timing of these accusations does make it appear that these women have an agenda. And yes, I do get that it takes one brave person to step forward and then others will follow. Also, apparently Mrs. Clinton was working on the Alicia Machado story for quite some time before bringing it up at the debate, so again, the fat shaming story was part of an agenda.

So, in reading about children and lying, I’ve wondered a lot about why children make up accusations about being molested or sexually abused, and I’ve wondered about Emma’s agenda in accusing the priest she accused of sexual assault. I know children don’t realize how much their story can harm another person, so of course they are not thinking of the ramifications of their actions, but from what I’ve read, the big reason is for attention, and that got me thinking about Emma’s need for attention. Why did Emma need to make up the abuse story?

I think a few things that come into play in the case of Emma’s accusing the priest of molestation are:

  1. Emma was failing an on line Physics class, so she told the teacher she’d been molested, couldn’t focus on school, etc.
  2. Emma was upset over the boy she liked losing interest in her.
  3. Emma had no close friends, and her two best friends were Kayla Weaver, whom she saw maybe twice a year, and “Lacey” who started out as pen-pal from an English assignment and became a friend through letters, e-mail, and texting, but whom Emma had never met. Phill and I did not realise that Emma was telling us many lies about “Lacey” and her family.
  4. Emma was bored. (I think we all know that bored teenagers, especially teens with a high IQ will find something to relieve their boredom whether it be something positive or something negative.)

As for Emma not having any friends, I didn’t think of this as a problem until I read Dr. Richard Born’s somewhat lacking (in my opinon) Psychological assessment of Emma. Emma wasn’t comfortable with kids her own age. Oh, she was a great leader or organizer. She made a great youth group secretary and could call or text the kids and remind them where to be and when, but she never really hung out with any of the kids other than in the youth group activities, and more typically at church, Emma liked being responsible for younger kids where she was in charge rather than a peer. Phill and I tried to encourage her to have kids over, were happy to host, cook, take them places or do whatever, but I realize now that was more us trying to encourage Emma, but Emma didn’t try to be a friend. And like a lot of kids, Emma could have a ton of friends on Facebook, and she could carry on some witty banter for a few lines, so she thought she was popular in that way.

One child, who Emma played with a few times when she was oh, I think middle school aged, described Emma as bossy, and lost interest in playing with Emma, and I think I understand it now. At the time, I thought it was just personality differences, but it was more that Emma would run things and wasn’t really being a friend.

It always made me sad that in 17 years of raising Emma, I never saw her have that “best friend” that so many of us remember fondly from childhood. Often, we’d invite a new friend to spend the night, and then they would reciprocate, and maybe see each other once or twice more, but that would be it. Emma didn’t seem to bond to anyone. Sadly, and as much as Emma would hate to admit this, I think I was her best friend up until she cried “child abuse.” I was often the person she sat with and cuddled and poured out her thoughts to, right up until she decided she didn’t need a mother anymore, but that is another story.

As for attention, I always thought Emma had PLENTY. As a homeschooling mom, I was at her beck and call, and Phill doted on her when he wasn’t on the road or out flying rc airplanes. We had a lot of fun as a family, just doing little things together, but she was always the center of our world. Yes, I know she was spoiled, but at the time, I thought no more than any other kid we knew.

Emma was very involved in church activities, in other things besides the youth group, and I was always proud of how she could socialize with people of any age, and wasn’t like some kids who clammed up and didn’t speak unless they were among kids their own age. I thought Emma got a lot out of having conversations with adults as well as kids, and I felt like she was exposed to a lot of people she wouldn’t have been exposed to had she been in public school, so I never felt like she was the “unsocialized homeschooler” but, as I said, I didn’t realize Emma was so uncomfortable around kids her own age.

Emma had belonged to a homeschool arts program, where I worked as well, and this was a big social activity for the homeschool kids. They would show up, greet their buddies, hang out between classes and after class, have lunch together, etc., but Emma really didn’t do much of that. She didn’t make any good friends, and she didn’t hang out much with the other kids. She would hang out in my classroom. She just never quite fit in, but I think she didn’t try to fit in.

A lot of the kids loved Drama, as did Emma, but Emma didn’t want to take the drama classes because there were too many kids and not enough parts. She wanted to be a lead, and there was too much competition. She also complained about how the end of the year program was written so that many of the kids would have some sort of speaking part. She didn’t like that teacher tried to include everyone and not just have a few star parts, so Emma would take some other elective and then was rarely happy with her choice. I know kids complain about school, and that’s just what they do, but it really wasn’t until Emma got to Jackson County Comprehensive High School that Emma found her true love, Drama with Mrs. Bonnie Roberts. That is, until the 2nd semester when Emma couldn’t have a big part in the play after having been the star the first semester. Suddenly, she didn’t care that much about Drama anymore and that was when Emma started a lot of throwing up and missed so much school we had to pull her out and finish the semester on line.

Emma lost interest and later quit the homeschool arts program. I continued to teach there, which was a bone of contention with her. I think Emma was always a little jealous that I had a great time with the kids in my classes.

I have to wonder, was Emma’s making up a tale of being sexually molested partly in response to the lack of attention she’d been receiving. She’d loved being the star of Metamorphosis, but 2nd semester was a let down. She had no friends at school, and no longer was the queen of the drama class she’d loved so much. If I remember right, Emma couldn’t even take drama that semester and had to take PE and Health instead, so school was a real bummer. Is this part of what led to all the vomiting and then later the molestation accusation? Emma had gone from being a star to being just another kid. Was she not getting enough attention?

I think a big mistake we made in Emma’s case was not to question Emma about the abuse. If someone had dug in to get her to explain every detail, I think her story probably would have fallen apart right away, but we treated her like the delicate, fragile, wounded child, and Phill and I didn’t question her, leaving it up to the professionals. If you’ve read my earlier posts, you know that both Dr. Elizabeth Genie Burnett and Suzie Mcgarvey both claimed that Emma would not talk about the abuse. There was nothing to talk about, so she started complaining about her Mother instead.

Anyway, what got me on this topic today, was thinking about the accusers of Donald Trump and the timing of the accusations. With the accusations coming out right before an election, it seems that there is some sort of agenda to these accusations. This really got me wondering about Emma and her agenda at the time. Was it just for attention? I’m sure Emma didn’t realize how much attention she would receive once all the local authorities got involved, the church, the police, the attorneys, the therapists, etc. Is that what Emma loved so much? Being the victim (volunteer) and being the center of attention because she was that poor child who’d been a victim of the crime of sexual abuse? Just how much attention does a child need?

Or did Emma need an excuse for failing her physics class? Emma had always been a good student, so failing a class would be a huge embarrassment to her. Saying she couldn’t focus on school because of repressed memories of sexual abuse suddenly appearing was a much better excuse than failing because she was spending too much time in chat rooms and writing letters to her pen-pal.

Emma lost the attention of the boy she liked, but got so much more attention once she announced she was the victim of sexual assault.

Emma didn’t have any close friends, so in claiming abuse she got a lot of “new friends” in the form of DFACS, social workers, therapists, police detectives, etc.

Anyway, so my thoughts were on Attention and Agendas today. I hope one day to learn just exactly why Emma choose to make up the abuse story. Since Emma claimed her sexual abuse was brought up because of repressed memories that came up when “Lacey” was raped and attempted suicide, and since was know “Lacey” WAS NOT raped and did not attempt suicide, was Emma already planning the sexual abuse story when she made up the rape story, or did she think that far ahead?  And, at the time of the rape story, Emma was very moody and rude to her dad, claiming he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. Phill likes to believe that Emma said these things because she was dealing with her repressed memories and was taking it out on him. I have to wonder if Emma was planning on accusing her dad of sexual abuse, but then couldn’t do it, so she chose the priest instead. One day, I hope we’ll have the answers to these questions.

Happy 1st Anniversary Emma and Tyler Buchheim!

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.  Emma and Tyler live in Petaluma Californnia.

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Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim.

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Happy 1st Anniversary Emma and Tyler Buccheim.  Hope it is a wonderful day!  You two got me thinking, and I am embarrassed to say I can’t remember what Daddy and I did for our 1st anniversary except that we got out the wedding cake that we’d frozen, and ate some, and it was awful!

I remember our 6 month anniversary, and our 2nd anniversary has quite a story to go along with it (ask Daddy, but I’ll tell you about it later).  I can not remember what we did for our 1st anniversary.  Probably went out to dinner.  Daddy and I didn’t do much for our anniversaries or birthdays, and hopefully Daddy will do better with your stepmother, but to be fair, we didn’t have Groupon or Pinterest back then to get ideas!  I always had a hard time coming up with gifts for Daddy because he always wanted computer stuff, and then when he got into the RC toy airplanes, he wanted that stuff.  I just never knew much about either.  Daddy had a much easier time with me because there was always something I wanted or needed for the house and then there’s the old standbys, flowers, clothes and jewelry.  Thank goodness we were both pretty relaxed about it and didn’t expect too much.  (Some people say I didn’t train Daddy right.  Oh, well.  Except for one year, getting me something HE wanted, and forgetting my birthday and our anniversary a few times, it was fine.)    I think most of our anniversaries we didn’t get each other anything, but just went out to dinner.

Anyway, I love you both!  Have a great day!  Give my best to Sherry and Bob Buchheim, and to Caitlin as well.  How exciting to be able to say that Caitlin Buchheim, my son-in-law’s sister, is a cheerleader at the University of Dayton, Ohio, and going to be a biologist as well.  What a smart cookie!

Lots of love,

Mom!