Pretty Little Liars

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Pretty Little Liars

happening52

Emma at a teen church retreat called Happening 52.

I never knew much about liars and lying. I guess I never thought much about lying being a disorder. I thought people lied to get what they want, but never thought about people NOT being able to stop themselves from lying.

I know someone, a friend of a friend, who is a liar. I don’t know this man well, but he’s a pretty nice person. He will drop what he’s doing to help a friend, and when I needed something, he dropped everything to help me one day because another friend called him, and I hardly even know the guy. The odd thing about this man is that he is a liar. I don’t think he means to lie, it’s more like telling stories. He starts talking, and they just come out. His lies aren’t mean. He doesn’t talk badly about people. On the contrary, I remember one story he told about someone, and the story was very complimentary and positive, just not true. Everyone that knows this man knows how he is. You take what he says with a grain of salt because it’s probably not true. I suppose if I spent any time around this man, his stories would get on my nerves, but he’s harmless. I know he’s lost friends who got tied of his lying, and I don’t understand it, but it’s just the way he is.

 

Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about Emma’s lies. I wondered if Emma knew she lied or did she even know what came out of her mouth. I’ve wondered why Emma lied. Some lies were a means to an end. Emma had a plan and lied to get her way. Other lies were just stories about people. They were typically negative stories, maybe to make Emma look good. Just about everyone Emma knew at school was sexually active, drinking, or using drugs for example. Emma’s friend, Kayla Benifield Weaver, was a good enough friend to want Emma in her wedding, and yet Emma told so many lies about Kayla’s mother, grandparents, boyfriend’s family, etc., and these were mean, hateful lies. Kayla’s mother and her (then) boyfriend were drunks and kept the girls out all night at a sports bar, Kayla’s grandfather was a racist, white supremacist, Blair’s little sister had medical issues and his parents expected Kayla and Blair to have her live with them once they got married……….. And then there’s the whole “Lacey” story. How does a pen-pal turn into a rape victim and attempt suicide? Why would Emma make up these stories?

 

Those are some of the big lies, but there were many little lies. Emma would have barely met someone and lie about them. I think one I mentioned before was a new couple at church with two little girls, and Emma claimed that the girls were his by his first marriage, and the wife was the stepmom. Emma told me this story when she was in 9th grade and co-teaching Sunday school with an adult teacher. Why would Emma make this up?

 

Emma was in 9th or 10th grade when a friend called and I was out of town. Emma claimed she had this great, long conversation with this friend who was talking about the state of the world, and I don’t even remember the bizarre story Emma told me, other than it was something about white supremacists and how this friend told Emma she would need to keep some blonde hair dye under the sink so she could become blonde. At the time, I was out of state, visiting a friend who was dying of cancer, so I really didn’t care much or think much about this story, but of course now I wish I’d done more to call Emma on her lies..

 

Why, when a couple of friends so generously took Emma to the Cirque Du Soleil, would Emma say they talked all through the show and that people kept turning around staring at them?

 

When Emma went to Haiti with a group from Eternal Hope in Haiti, she came back with many stories that I have to question now, but she also told me about a friend of ours who asked her why she would go down there to help ________s (the N-word.) This friend was proud of Emma for wanting to help people and never said any such thing.

 

I’ve heard people describe Emma as pathological, antisocial, a compulsive liar, borderline, delusional….. but I have to admit, it’s been a long, long time since I took Psych 101 in college, so I didn’t really know what any of these meant, so I will share with you a little about what I’ve read on lying liars and the liars who tell them. I’m not even sure the so-called experts agree on the terms and their meanings, but here are a few things I’ve found:

 

A Sociopath

A sociopath is typically defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. A sociopath is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused—it is done to get one’s way). Sociopaths have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. Sociopaths are often charming and charismatic, but they use their talented social skills in manipulative and self-centered ways.

Compulsive Liar

A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (unlike sociopaths), rather they simply lie out of habit—an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship.

 

Site: truthaboutdeception.com

 

Could Emma be both? I definitely see some of the sociopath lying in Emma, but there were other times where Emma just seemed to lie without thinking, sort of like the man I mentioned at the beginning of this post. Emma lied as easily as she told the truth. At home, Emma frequently lied especially if you asked her if she’d done a chore. The answer was always yes, and more often than not, that was a lie. I thought that was normal kid behavior. What kids likes to do chores? Or did Phill and I miss something by not catching on to all the little harmless lies Emma told.

 

Pathological Liars

Pathological liars lie with what might be called “intent”. They have a clear purpose or aim they hope to achieve through lying. They can be manipulative and cunning and normally care little for the opinions or feelings of others. Pathological liars simply want things their own way.

 

Compulsive Liars

A compulsive liar is someone who has little or no control over the lies he or she tells. Lying, for them, is habitual and constant. They may lie about anything and in any situation. They lie to avoid the truth, perhaps because they find telling the truth uncomfortable.

It appears that low self-esteem is a significant factor in the development of a compulsive liar. The condition may be developed whilst in childhood and in most cases, compulsive liars are relatively harmless. They lie habitually and may be aware of doing so, but find themselves unable to stop.

 

Site: Steadyhealth.com

 

 

Again, Emma seems to be both a pathological and a compulsive liar. The pathological liar goes along with the sociopath liar. So many times I felt like Emma lied as easliy as she told the truth, and that seems to fit the compulsive liar definition.

Then, I found something interesting about Genetic liars:

In 2022 geneticists made a remarkable discovery. Among people who are just incapable of telling the truth, one in five is a congenital liar. That is, their constant lying is the result of a specific genetic defect.

Site:http://www.cs.wcupa.edu/epstein/Default.htm

 

Could Emma’s lying be a genetic disorder?

 

And a little more information, this website lists five types of liars, and if you read the first section about Sociopathic Liars, you will recognize Emma. I could write pages and pages about how this definition applies to Emma.

 

Sociopathic Liars

Sociopaths are defined as someone who lies continuously in an attempt to get their own way, without showing care or concern for others. These individuals are goal-oriented.

Even though it might seem hard to believe, lying is focused – they are focused on getting their own way. Sociopaths don’t have a lot of respect or regard for the feelings and rights of others. They tend to be charismatic and charming, but they will use their exceptional social skills in a self-centered and manipulative manner.

 

Compulsive Liars

Compulsive liars are defined as someone who continually lies from sheer habit. Lying tends to be their normal manner of responding to any questions from others.

These individuals will always bend the truth, regardless of how small or large the question is. For these individuals, telling the truth doesn’t feel right. They are uncomfortable whenever they tell the truth, while lying makes them feel right.

Compulsive lying is often thought to manifest during childhood, due to being put into situations and environments where lying became a necessity. Most of the time, compulsive liars aren’t cunning or manipulative, rather they only lie because it has become such a habit for them.

This automatic response is more difficult to break. It can end up taking its toll on being able to maintain a relationship. Many people also call these individuals pathological liars or habitual liars, but they all mean the same thing.

 

Occasional Liars

Occasional liars are those who seldom tell a lie. When they do, they are so blown away by what they said that their guilt overcomes them. These individuals are quick to ask for forgiveness from the individual that they lied to.

Occasional liars might not be perfect, but they are often respected for their attempts at being truthful and humble enough to admit when they are wrong.

 

Careless Liars

Careless liars will go about their normal lives and lie every way they can. This individual isn’t concerned about trying to hide their lies or making sure they make sense. Everyone knows that the person isn’t being honest because they tend to be sloppy with their lies. They don’t have a lot of friends because most people get tired of hearing their twisted stories.

 

White Liars

People who tell white lies don’t usually think of themselves as true “liars”. They justify their white lies as harmless, or even beneficial, in the long term. They will sometimes tell only part of the truth, and not be suspected of lying at all. White liars may use their lies to to shield someone from what they believe is a hurtful or damaging truth.

Sadly, lying is a common denominator in many of our lives and recognizing some of the different types might just help us in dealing with the liar in our lives.

 

http://www.compulsivelyingdisorder.com/

So, dear readers, this is just some information for you about lying and liars. I know a lot of my readers know Emma, so you can read for yourself and make your own decision about what kind of liar you think Emma is. As for me, I still don’t know. Yes, as much as I hate to say this about my own child, I do think she’s a sociopath. I would like to think of that happy ending for my child, that she’s going to have a happy, normal life, that she can function as a responsible adult, that she will learn from her mistakes and grow into a better person, but I don’t think those things will happen for Emma. She’s never going to grow up and take responsibility. Everything wrong in her life will always be someone else’s fault.

Sadly, I think Emma’s husband will figure Emma out sooner or later. Tyler may be blinded by love right now, but as smart as Emma is, I don’t think she will be able to pull the wool over his eyes forever.

Is there help for Emma? There seems to be a number of opinions about that as well. If Phill and I had caught on sooner that Emma had a problem, could she have gotten help for her lying? Is it too late? Someone said to me that at the age of 16 a person’s personality is pretty much formed. Emma is what she is.

I feel like Phill and I owe the world an apology for our daughter. At one time, I thought we were raising a decent child who would make the world a better place. I guess when mental illness (or a personality disorder, but that’s for another post) rears it’s ugly head, all bets are off. Like the alcoholic, Emma can’t be helped if she doesn’t admit she has a problem, and it could also be something beyond Emma’s control. She is what she is, and being a liar may be as much a part of her as her blue-grey eyes or her light brown hair.

Denial Dad! And What’s Your Superpower?

Denial Dad! And What’s Your Superpower?

A lot of people have asked me over the past few years, “What happened to Phill?” “What is wrong with Phill?” and many more questions along those lines. Well, Phill is really the only one who can answer that, but I can give you my perspective after being married to the man for 26+ years. Phill was a good person, and I never thought in a million years he would do some of the things he did, and I surely thought, after realizing his mistake, Phill would take the appropriate action. But, like a lot of men, Phill has a lot of trouble admitting he’s wrong, and let’s face it, accusing your wife of abusing your daughter and destroying your marriage because of it is one heck of a mistake to make.

I wanted to share what it it like to deal with Phill through some recent e-mails. A while back, Phill and I were texting and when I brought up a subject Phill was uncomfortable with, he threatened to block me, which I’m assuming he did. I haven’t tried to text him in a while, so I don’t know for sure. At the time, I assumed he blocked me from his e-mails as well.

Recently, I misplaced a check and forgot all about cashing it. At the same time, a friend and I’d been talking about how I used to do some beadwork (you can see it on my facebook page, and if your are interested, just e-mail me and I’ll send you the album links), and I sort of wished I had my old desk and maybe I’d take up my old hobby again. I told her that I’d asked Phill two or three years ago for my desk, but he just ignored me. She told me to ask him for it, and knowing about Phill’s difficulty with facing his wife, suggested that she could go over and pick up my desk for me. I’d already told Phill that he could have all my stuff, and if you’re curious about that part of the story, just do a search for Bradley D. Moody, and you can read all about Phill and how he came to keep all my things.

So anyway, back to my story, I came home and thought why not e-mail and ask for my desk, a birthday gift Phill got me from IKEA, but since Phill had probably blocked me, I was going to e-mail his newest attorney, Bradley D. Moody, Attorney at Law with Lee Sexton and Associates in Stockbridge, Ga.? And since Bradley D. Moody, son-in-law of Matt Klos, husband of Jessie Klos Moody, father to little Ella Moody, always uses his Bar# when he signs his correspondences, I was going to be sure to include Bar#655693.

20130430_157

This picture of Rob, one of the kids from Emma’s youth group, but you can see part of the IKEA desk in the background.  It had some nice shelves.

I came home and got on the computer, and surprise, surprise, there, out of the blue, was an e-mail from my husband! It read as follows:

10/28/16

I reissued a check you didn’t cash back in July, it should be there in a few days. They’re only good for 90 days so it was automatically voided.

I never blocked my email so you don’t have to get creative if you need to get in touch.

Phill

So I responded:

Wow. Your ears must be burning. I was just about to email your “attorney” Bradley D. Moody, attorney at law #655693 to get in touch with you.

A while ago, I asked for the desk that you got me for my birthday from IKEA, and you never brought it. Can I send a “third party” to pick it up?

Oh, and since I have you, a friend re-did my computer with Windows 10, etc., but I lost my snip tool. (This has quite a learning curve, for me anyway.) Can you tell me the name of that program we had. I can’t seem to find it.

My best to Emma.

So…………….after all this time of no correspondence whatsoever from my dear husband, I get yet another e-mail the same day:

If you click on the Cortana button just to the right of the start(windows) button and start typing “snipping” the tool will show up.

http://www.techsupportalert.com/content/screenshot-captor.htm-1

The one we used to use is gone.

As to the desk, you have lost the rights to the items you didn’t pick up. I tried for years to get you to get the items in the settlement

Phill

Wow, what authority! He certainly told me, didn’t he! It’s a shame he never took that tone with Emma, or she might not have the problems she does. (Well, yeah, she probably would, I think she was born with some personality disorders and such, but we just didn’t figure it out.)

Ok, and so some of you reading this blog know me, and know I can be a very patient person when I need to be, but sometimes, just sometimes, I have a low tolerance for idiots, so I couldn’t resist getting a little bit snarky:

Okay, but would you please send me the copy of the Toxicology report that Emma claims to have showing that I poisoned her with DDT? My lawyer is still waiting on that.

Did you ever talk to Father T. about all those times Emma babysat his boys? And the time she had the called 911 because son #1 got so out of hand?

Lie after lie. What happens when you finally accept the truth in real life How badly you betrayed your wife? Don’t bother to answer. I won’t bother you again. I’ll go through your attorney for anything else.

Love, wifey number one. My best to Kim. (Kim Chassion, aka Mrs. Roey 2.0)

And if you’re new to the blog, let me just mention that yes, Emma was going around telling people I poisoned her with DDT, and Emma never babysat our priest’s sons, but knew the parents had to call 911 when their bipolar son got out of control one night, so she went around telling people that SHE had to call 911 one night when SHE was babysitting the boys. Funny thing is, Emma NEVER babysat those boys.

So once again, the threat:

I will answer emails regarding alimony and the property settlement. I also don’t mind tech support questions.

I will not respond to anything having to do with the grounds leading to the divorce. I warned you I’d block phone and text if you continued to harangue me and you chose to push it so I blocked you. If you do the same on email I’ll block that too, leaving only US mail. I’d prefer not to do that.

Phill

Poor Phill! Harangued! Threatening to block me again! Oh, my stars, what will I do? (I swear folks, he was not this stupid when I was married to him.) I brought up a subject that Phill can’t deal with, so he has to threaten to block me again. Horrors!  Funny, it was some SEFF folks who told me about Emma going around saying I poisoned her with DDT and she had the toxicology report to prove it, but my poor little snowflake of a husband can’t deal with that, so we are not allowed to discuss it.  Nope, can’t even bring it up.  Phill won’t explain Emma’s actions because he can’t, and he can’t face the truth, so let’s just not talk about it.  Now, that’s a real tough man right there, isn’t he?

At this point, I figured I’d just let Phill retreat to his “Safe Space” and get some counseling, some warm milk, and maybe a therapy dog. I didn’t want to stress the poor boy out any more than I already had. After all, if he can’t handle an e-mail and has to threaten to block me, he must really be upset. Poor baby. (I swear folks, he wasn’t this much of a wimp when I was married to him.) I didn’t e-mail Phill and further and decided if I needed to talk to him, I’d just do it through the blog or through his latest attorney, Bradley D. Moody, Attorney at Law, Bar #655693, the associate part of Lee Sexton and Associates of Stockbridge, Ga., son-in-law of Phill’s RC buddy, Matt Klos (Events Director of SEFF), wife of Jessie Klos Moody, father to Ella Moody, and as for computer help, I won’t bother the poor boy with that either, though I always need the help, but thankfully, I have other friends who are computer literate, as I am not!  (Usually, when I asked Phill to teach me something on the computer, he told me not to worry about it because he’d always be there to do it for me.)

This blog is really about Emma, and I’m not going to talk too much about Phill, or at least not now, other than how he relates to the story of Emma. We were married for 26 years, and up until Emma accused me (the 2nd time) of abuse, I thought we were happy. Phill always claimed to be happy, talked about retirement, and us doing things together after Emma was gone, etc. and was proud of our long marriage right up until he decided to have a midlife crisis in the middle of all Emma’s problems. I was totally blindsided by what my husband did and one day, I hope he’ll have the guts to explain to me what in the world he was thinking, but right now, he can’t face me (I am that scary!), or I guess to put it more clearly, he can’t face what he did, so the easiest way for him to deal with that is to not to have to face me, hence that’s why he wanted me to send a 3rd party to pick up my things at our home………………… I mean, I get the whole midlife crisis thing. I’ve known several women who’ve been through the same thing. There is always someone younger, cuter, slimmer, different issues, someone who hasn’t heard your same jokes and stories 1000 times, a bottle blonde as opposed to your salt and pepper haired wife…………. (funny thing is, Phill hated me coloring my hair and wanted me to let it go natural, and then he takes up with a bottle blonde?) But the Phill I was married to would not have let Emma go on with her lies. The Phill I was married to considered himself a secular humanist, a good person, and he would have not let an innocent person be falsely accused by his daughter, but now he’s done it with both the priest and with me. And for many other lie’s Emma’s told, Phill just makes excuses for her.  When Emma claimed the girl down the street had an abortion and she might be pregnant again, I later investigated and this girl told me none of it was true.  Instead of asking Emma about her lies, Phill chose to believe the girl told Emma these things to sound cool.  Emma couldn’t have possible made them up.  Somebody get the man a cape for Christmas!

I hope Phill survives this midlife personality shift he’s going through with a clear conscience. The man I was married to would have stood up and would have been a man, and would have done what’s right, but I don’t even know who this new Phill is.  I don’t think he does either.

And, BTW, Phill was wrong about the snip tool, I was able to get the exact one I had, which is great because I am a creature of habit and wanted to stick with the one I know.

As for the desk, that’s ok, Phill. I have new hobbies now and I’ll probably end up giving all my beading stuff away. I like to write now, and I still have a lot of Emma’s story to tell.

A Question of Timing

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

A Question of Timing

I’ve been reading a lot about liars and lying, and I probably have several posts I can write about that topic as it relates to Emma, but something that’s been on my mind lately was Emma’s timing.

The first time Emma accused me of physical abuse (Dec. 2010), it was to cover up the lies about her friend “Lacey” who was not raped and did not attempt suicide. Since Emma claimed “Lacey’s” rape brought up her repressed memories of being molested when she was 12, how could Emma’s own allegations be true if the stories about “Lacey” were NOT true. We had some attorneys who were willing to sue on Emma’s behalf, and they were about to file the lawsuit. I can only imagine the panic Emma must have felt as a just turned 17 year old, about to be caught in a whopper of a lie. Everyone would know that her claims of being sexually molested by a priest were lies! Emma had to stop the law suit, so she found a way to take the focus off her stories with a new story. Now poor Emma wasn’t just the victim of sexual abuse by a priest, but she was also the vicim of physical abused by her mother! What drama!

Ok, so that is not the part I am thinking about at this point. That was really just a brief update for my new readers who might not have read a lot of Emma’s story yet.

In March of 2011, Emma was in school at Jefferson High School, Jefferson Ga., and we were cruising along in therapyland. We took Emma to weekly appointments with Suzie McGarvey ( Lanier Counseling, North Gwinnett Counseling Associates) and had family therapy sessions. Emma also had several DFACS therapists who met with her. At that time, she really didn’t have any friends, other than “Lacey” whom she texted and e-mailed and called her “best friend” although the two girls had never met. It was kind of like we were paying therapists to act in the place of Emma’s friends.

Phill and I had met with Suzie a few times privately as well, and when Emma found out about this, she was furious. She yelled at me and claimed we were going to meet with Suzie to “talk bad” about her. To add to her fury, Emma was upset when she found out Phill and I had gone out to IHOP to eat after a session. Apparently we weren’t allowed to eat out without our daughter. How dare we cheat her out of her funny face pancakes! (Come on, Emma. It’s not like we were going to The Melting Pot or something.)

It was March 14th, 2011 when we met with Suzie McGarvey and she told me that Emma and I would have to be separated because Emma claimed I still abused her and she wanted to go live in a group home.

Something else going on at this time was that Phill was getting ready for SEFF Week (Southeast Electric Fly off) in Americus, Ga. He would go down and spend a week playing with RC planes and hanging out with his flying buddies. Emma had been going to SEFF since she was 12. She worked as the administrative assistant to the director Jeff Meyers and later Matt Klos’ (the father-in-law of Phill’s newest attorney, Bradley D. Moody, the associate part of Lee Sexton and Associates, Stockbridge, Ga.) She got paid for the week, and she loved the money she made. She worked hard and did a great job. We were always proud of how our sometimes typical nasty teenager could turn into a mature young lady who took her position seriously. Emma also liked the prestige of being the director’s right hand girl, and Jeff Meyers said some really nice things about how hard she worked. She got to boss around the vendors and tell them where to set up. Everyone knew Emma and she was known as the “go-to” girl. She worked at SEFF every year right up until 2015, until she got married.

emmajeffmeyers

Emma made a nice chunk of change and enjoyed working at SEFF week as Jeff Meyers’ assistant.  (And then later under Matt Klos)

I had never been to SEFF because SEFF week always conflicted with my end of the year program at the homeschool arts program where I worked part time, and it was always a busy week for me. Also, Emma and I spent so much time together all year and Phill was on the road so much with UPS, that I liked the idea of her having this week with Daddy and it being “their” annual thing together. Phill was always a little jealous of my relationship with Emma, so I was really glad for them to have this mommy-free time with just the two of them. After homeschooling and being busy with the end of the year program at my job, I usually enjoyed the first 2-3 of days of a quiet house to myself.

We had 3 dogs at home, so getting away wasn’t easy and Phill and Emma always sounded so busy that I wasn’t sure what I would do there, but Phill had been after me to go, so I was planning on going to Americus Ga. For SEFF in 2010. My school program ended on a Thursday night, so I could go down on Fri. and then we would all come home on Sunday.

Being somewhat an introvert and not knowing anyone at SEFF (I’d met a few of the people when I went out to watch Phill fly with the local RC groups, but I didn’t really know them.), I was a little nervous about driving down to Americus and hanging out with Phill and all his buddies. From what I heard, there was flying during the day and then a lot of sitting around, drinking and gabbing in the evening.

After hearing about what a great job Emma did at SEFF, I was really looking forward to seeing her in action. It sounded like she was kept pretty busy with all that had to be done, and I would get to see just what her job entailed after hearing so much about it. It was one of those things where you feel like all your hard work as a parent gets paid off, that you might get a glimpse of the adult your child is going to become.

Well, everything came to a screeching halt when Emma again accused me of abuse. I never even found out what I was actuall accused of that time. Suzie McGarvey just said that Emma claimed the abuse was still going on, but never told me anything specific. (Great job, Suzie! Just let your clients say whatever they want and don’t call them on it! As long as they pay and keep comint to therapy, they can say whatever they want, right?) I guess I should have pushed for that information, but at the time I was so distraught and shocked that Emma was pulling this stunt again that I just didn’t think of it. (Later, I did find out about Emma’s famous bruised arm, which written in another post so I’m not going to write it again here.) A couple of weeks later, my loving husband would want to know every detail of my schedule so he could have a sheriff’s deputy remove me from my home while he was out.

Of course, Phill wasn’t going to mess SEFF Week, so while his family was falling apart, he went down to Americus, Ga. To fly airplanes, hang out with all his new RC buds and drink beer. To be honest, I don’t even know if he took Emma that year or left her with Judy and John Hall, our neighbors who kept Emma when she couldn’t stay home with her abusive mother. She was in school at the time, and had missed so much, she should have been home and going to school, but Phill had his priorities and SEFF Week was more important than his family or his daughter’s school attendance

A year or so later, I was to hear from a few of Phill’s SEFF Week friends, whose names will be witheld from the blog. I got to hear some of the stories Emma told down at SEFF, including the one about me poisoning Emma with DDT and Emma claiming to have the toxicology report as proof.

I have to wonder, did Emma choose that time to once again accuse me of abusing her to stop me from going to SEFF Week? Was she afraid if I went down there and met people she’d been telling lies to that she would be exposed? She could trash talk her mom, but if people actually me her mom, they might find out she wasn’t this ogre that Emma described. Oh, no! Emma’s mom going to SEFF Week could ruin everything for her! Is this why Emma chose that particular time to cry abuse yet again? Only Emma knows her motives, and for now they are a mystery, but I have figured out a few things, and I may be on the right trail with my guess about this one.

 

Coming up next…………………….I think I’ll write about my latest experience with Denial Daddy.  Everyone needs a superpower!

Attention, Agendas, and New Friends

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

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Emma going up and down a tree at the home of Carl Lehmann, Phill’s work partner.

I apologize to my readers for not keeping up with the blog.  I’m trying to get myself to organize my time a little better and work on writing more, but it’s hard to do between work and other obligations, and with the holidays coming, it gets even busier!  I’ve had some topics on my mind, but just haven’t sat down to write, so I’m posting something I was recently thinking about.

 

Attention, Agendas, and New Friends

 

With what’s going on in politics, and the women who have come forward at the last minute before the election to accuse Donald Trump of sexual abuse or harassment, I’ve had some conversations with people about sexual abuse, lying, reasons for lying, etc. The current events got me thinking about Emma’s lies and comparing her situation with what’s going on during this election season.

I haven’t really kept up with the allegations concerning Donald Trump. Apparently there are several women who accused him of sexual harassment or sexual assault. I tried to google the numbers, but those seem to change. It doesn’t really matter to me. Yes, I did hear the video of Mr. Trump speaking to Billy Bush, and yes it was crude and disgusting, and yes, I have been in situations where I’ve heard men speak the same way. (To be fair, in my situation of hearing men speak this way, the main one that comes to mind was when I was younger and worked as a waitress with some young guys. I thought of t their talk as bravado and masochism, and just thought of them as jerks with some growing up to do.) I’m not passing judgment on Mr. Trump either way right now. I’m not making a judgment as to whether these stories or true or not.

The timing of these accusations does make it appear that these women have an agenda. And yes, I do get that it takes one brave person to step forward and then others will follow. Also, apparently Mrs. Clinton was working on the Alicia Machado story for quite some time before bringing it up at the debate, so again, the fat shaming story was part of an agenda.

So, in reading about children and lying, I’ve wondered a lot about why children make up accusations about being molested or sexually abused, and I’ve wondered about Emma’s agenda in accusing the priest she accused of sexual assault. I know children don’t realize how much their story can harm another person, so of course they are not thinking of the ramifications of their actions, but from what I’ve read, the big reason is for attention, and that got me thinking about Emma’s need for attention. Why did Emma need to make up the abuse story?

I think a few things that come into play in the case of Emma’s accusing the priest of molestation are:

  1. Emma was failing an on line Physics class, so she told the teacher she’d been molested, couldn’t focus on school, etc.
  2. Emma was upset over the boy she liked losing interest in her.
  3. Emma had no close friends, and her two best friends were Kayla Weaver, whom she saw maybe twice a year, and “Lacey” who started out as pen-pal from an English assignment and became a friend through letters, e-mail, and texting, but whom Emma had never met. Phill and I did not realise that Emma was telling us many lies about “Lacey” and her family.
  4. Emma was bored. (I think we all know that bored teenagers, especially teens with a high IQ will find something to relieve their boredom whether it be something positive or something negative.)

As for Emma not having any friends, I didn’t think of this as a problem until I read Dr. Richard Born’s somewhat lacking (in my opinon) Psychological assessment of Emma. Emma wasn’t comfortable with kids her own age. Oh, she was a great leader or organizer. She made a great youth group secretary and could call or text the kids and remind them where to be and when, but she never really hung out with any of the kids other than in the youth group activities, and more typically at church, Emma liked being responsible for younger kids where she was in charge rather than a peer. Phill and I tried to encourage her to have kids over, were happy to host, cook, take them places or do whatever, but I realize now that was more us trying to encourage Emma, but Emma didn’t try to be a friend. And like a lot of kids, Emma could have a ton of friends on Facebook, and she could carry on some witty banter for a few lines, so she thought she was popular in that way.

One child, who Emma played with a few times when she was oh, I think middle school aged, described Emma as bossy, and lost interest in playing with Emma, and I think I understand it now. At the time, I thought it was just personality differences, but it was more that Emma would run things and wasn’t really being a friend.

It always made me sad that in 17 years of raising Emma, I never saw her have that “best friend” that so many of us remember fondly from childhood. Often, we’d invite a new friend to spend the night, and then they would reciprocate, and maybe see each other once or twice more, but that would be it. Emma didn’t seem to bond to anyone. Sadly, and as much as Emma would hate to admit this, I think I was her best friend up until she cried “child abuse.” I was often the person she sat with and cuddled and poured out her thoughts to, right up until she decided she didn’t need a mother anymore, but that is another story.

As for attention, I always thought Emma had PLENTY. As a homeschooling mom, I was at her beck and call, and Phill doted on her when he wasn’t on the road or out flying rc airplanes. We had a lot of fun as a family, just doing little things together, but she was always the center of our world. Yes, I know she was spoiled, but at the time, I thought no more than any other kid we knew.

Emma was very involved in church activities, in other things besides the youth group, and I was always proud of how she could socialize with people of any age, and wasn’t like some kids who clammed up and didn’t speak unless they were among kids their own age. I thought Emma got a lot out of having conversations with adults as well as kids, and I felt like she was exposed to a lot of people she wouldn’t have been exposed to had she been in public school, so I never felt like she was the “unsocialized homeschooler” but, as I said, I didn’t realize Emma was so uncomfortable around kids her own age.

Emma had belonged to a homeschool arts program, where I worked as well, and this was a big social activity for the homeschool kids. They would show up, greet their buddies, hang out between classes and after class, have lunch together, etc., but Emma really didn’t do much of that. She didn’t make any good friends, and she didn’t hang out much with the other kids. She would hang out in my classroom. She just never quite fit in, but I think she didn’t try to fit in.

A lot of the kids loved Drama, as did Emma, but Emma didn’t want to take the drama classes because there were too many kids and not enough parts. She wanted to be a lead, and there was too much competition. She also complained about how the end of the year program was written so that many of the kids would have some sort of speaking part. She didn’t like that teacher tried to include everyone and not just have a few star parts, so Emma would take some other elective and then was rarely happy with her choice. I know kids complain about school, and that’s just what they do, but it really wasn’t until Emma got to Jackson County Comprehensive High School that Emma found her true love, Drama with Mrs. Bonnie Roberts. That is, until the 2nd semester when Emma couldn’t have a big part in the play after having been the star the first semester. Suddenly, she didn’t care that much about Drama anymore and that was when Emma started a lot of throwing up and missed so much school we had to pull her out and finish the semester on line.

Emma lost interest and later quit the homeschool arts program. I continued to teach there, which was a bone of contention with her. I think Emma was always a little jealous that I had a great time with the kids in my classes.

I have to wonder, was Emma’s making up a tale of being sexually molested partly in response to the lack of attention she’d been receiving. She’d loved being the star of Metamorphosis, but 2nd semester was a let down. She had no friends at school, and no longer was the queen of the drama class she’d loved so much. If I remember right, Emma couldn’t even take drama that semester and had to take PE and Health instead, so school was a real bummer. Is this part of what led to all the vomiting and then later the molestation accusation? Emma had gone from being a star to being just another kid. Was she not getting enough attention?

I think a big mistake we made in Emma’s case was not to question Emma about the abuse. If someone had dug in to get her to explain every detail, I think her story probably would have fallen apart right away, but we treated her like the delicate, fragile, wounded child, and Phill and I didn’t question her, leaving it up to the professionals. If you’ve read my earlier posts, you know that both Dr. Elizabeth Genie Burnett and Suzie Mcgarvey both claimed that Emma would not talk about the abuse. There was nothing to talk about, so she started complaining about her Mother instead.

Anyway, what got me on this topic today, was thinking about the accusers of Donald Trump and the timing of the accusations. With the accusations coming out right before an election, it seems that there is some sort of agenda to these accusations. This really got me wondering about Emma and her agenda at the time. Was it just for attention? I’m sure Emma didn’t realize how much attention she would receive once all the local authorities got involved, the church, the police, the attorneys, the therapists, etc. Is that what Emma loved so much? Being the victim (volunteer) and being the center of attention because she was that poor child who’d been a victim of the crime of sexual abuse? Just how much attention does a child need?

Or did Emma need an excuse for failing her physics class? Emma had always been a good student, so failing a class would be a huge embarrassment to her. Saying she couldn’t focus on school because of repressed memories of sexual abuse suddenly appearing was a much better excuse than failing because she was spending too much time in chat rooms and writing letters to her pen-pal.

Emma lost the attention of the boy she liked, but got so much more attention once she announced she was the victim of sexual assault.

Emma didn’t have any close friends, so in claiming abuse she got a lot of “new friends” in the form of DFACS, social workers, therapists, police detectives, etc.

Anyway, so my thoughts were on Attention and Agendas today. I hope one day to learn just exactly why Emma choose to make up the abuse story. Since Emma claimed her sexual abuse was brought up because of repressed memories that came up when “Lacey” was raped and attempted suicide, and since was know “Lacey” WAS NOT raped and did not attempt suicide, was Emma already planning the sexual abuse story when she made up the rape story, or did she think that far ahead?  And, at the time of the rape story, Emma was very moody and rude to her dad, claiming he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. Phill likes to believe that Emma said these things because she was dealing with her repressed memories and was taking it out on him. I have to wonder if Emma was planning on accusing her dad of sexual abuse, but then couldn’t do it, so she chose the priest instead. One day, I hope we’ll have the answers to these questions.

Happy 1st Anniversary Emma and Tyler Buchheim!

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

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Happy 1st Anniversary Emma and Tyler Buccheim.  Hope it is a wonderful day!  You two got me thinking, and I am embarrassed to say I can’t remember what Daddy and I did for our 1st anniversary except that we got out the wedding cake that we’d frozen, and ate some, and it was awful!

I remember our 6 month anniversary, and our 2nd anniversary has quite a story to go along with it (ask Daddy, but I’ll tell you about it later).  I can not remember what we did for our 1st anniversary.  Probably went out to dinner.  Daddy and I didn’t do much for our anniversaries or birthdays, and hopefully Daddy will do better with your stepmother, but to be fair, we didn’t have Groupon or Pinterest back then to get ideas!  I always had a hard time coming up with gifts for Daddy because he always wanted computer stuff, and then when he got into the RC toy airplanes, he wanted that stuff.  I just never knew much about either.  Daddy had a much easier time with me because there was always something I wanted or needed for the house and then there’s the old standbys, flowers, clothes and jewelry.  Thank goodness we were both pretty relaxed about it and didn’t expect too much.  (Some people say I didn’t train Daddy right.  Oh, well.  Except for one year, getting me something HE wanted, and forgetting my birthday and our anniversary a few times, it was fine.)    I think most of our anniversaries we didn’t get each other anything, but just went out to dinner.

Anyway, I love you both!  Have a great day!  Give my best to Sherry and Bob Buchheim, and to Caitlin as well.  How exciting to be able to say that Caitlin Buchheim, my son-in-law’s sister, is a cheerleader at the University of Dayton, Ohio, and going to be a biologist as well.  What a smart cookie!

Lots of love,

Mom!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Emma Changes Churches **Updated 9/13/16

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Emma and Holy Trinity Anglican Church

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This is one of those posts that is way out of order, so if you are one of my regular readers just skip down to the ************************ below while I give a brief introduction for my new readers as to what was going on at the time of which I’m writing about. I have 17 years of Emma’s life to write about, and then eventually, I will go back and put everything in order.

In late 2009, Emma had been really, really ugly to her dad, claiming her called her a “bitch” and a “slut” on a daily basis, saying she did not like the way her dad touched her, etc. Then, on her 16th birthday, Dec. 19, 2009, as Phill and I picked her up from her church youth group, Emma told us she’d received a call from her on-line friend, “Lacey” who lived in Dalton, Ga., and that “Lacey” had been raped and called Emma from the ER and was hysterical. Then the story changed to “Lacey” had tried to commit suicide after being raped.

A few months later, on her dad’s birthday, March 21, 2010, Emma told her dad and I that she had been molested by a priest when she was 12 and claimed that the catalyst for bringing up her repressed memories was “Lacey’s” rape and suicide attempt. Emma had been speaking to one of her church youth group leaders about her “molestation” and this woman had reported it to our church Deacon who go involved on Emma’s behalf and found out what we had to do formally to file a complaint with the church……………………….then the police and DFACS got involved……………………….and you can go back through the blog for more of that part of the story.

At the time, we’d gone to our church for maybe 10 years. I thought we had a church home where we would continue to go for years and years and that maybe one day my daughter would get married there. Emma was very involved in many activities at church: Sunday School (both going and then assistant teaching when she was in 9th grade), the children’s choir, VBS, the newsletter group, the youth group, serving as an acolyte and a lay reader….. anything she wanted to be involved in, Phill and I made sure she was able to be there.

During this time, Emma got her heart broken by a boy who was interested in her and then dropped her and was paying attention to another girl. She was also failing her on line physics class, and these two events may have contributed greatly to Emma making up the “molestation” story. Emma was always a good student as long as it was a subject she was interested in, so she should not have been failing, but at the time, I think Emma spent way too much time writing letters to “Lacey” and on-line chatting with “Lacey” and other students, and not doing her schoolwork.

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So, at this point, we’d filed a complaint with the church, dealt with the sheriff’s department, DFACS, Gwinnett Co. detectives, therapists, etc. Emma and I were the ones to make all the decisions about these things, with a lot of help and advice from our church Deacon who also wanted to see this situation handled properly. Phill was very passive and left everything to me to decide how to handle things. I would try to talk things over with him, but he never voiced any opinion about how we should proceed. It probably should have been something we worked together on, but he took a passive role. Of course, if Emma’s parents hadn’t been idiots, we would have investigated some of her stories and caught on to her lying a lot sooner, but that is water under the bridge. We certainly we not going to call up “Lacey’s” parents, whom we’d never met, and ask about the rape and suicide attempt. Even when we were going through the divorce, my attorney was very uncomfortable with getting in touch with “Lacey’s” parents just because if the story turned out to be true, it seemed like such an intrusion into the family. Later on, when my attorney discovered how much Emma had lied about, he didn’t feel like you could trust anything Emma said, and Phill’s attorney had issues with Emma as well.

So……………………we are cruising along with all this drama. We went to church sporadically, and Emma pretty much quit going. Because of the way the church handled, or seemingly ignored our complaint (The incident was reported in March, and we did not hear from anyone until the Bishop came to our home in July to speak with us.) I was not comfortable going to our church anymore either. Phill was ambivalent and would go to church if I was going, but had no opinion about anything either way.

We pretty much quit going to church, and then Emma visited a few churches, checking out the youth Sunday School classes, and she continued to go to the youth group at 12 Stone church at Hamilton Mill in Buford Ga., but she didn’t want to go to church there. It was a huge church, and very different than what we were used to. One of the things that bothered Emma was that some of the modern churches had no icons. It was like walking into an auditorium. There wasn’t a cross to be seen.

Another story that was interesting was when Emma went to visit Hamilton Mill Methodist Church. I had dropped Emma off for Sunday School and then she went to church and I met her afterwards. I don’t remember Emma’s specific complaints about the Sunday School class. It was something fairly mild like they just sat around a table and didn’t do anything, but the more interesting comments came after she went to church. If you remember the story about the couple that Phill and I played cards with, and how Emma did not like their son and later claimed he destroyed a book that belonged to her, thus pretty much ending the friendship between the parents, Emma claimed that this family was sitting in front of her at church. (Oh, my! Emma could not go to church there! Since her arch enemy was her age, they would be in the same Sunday School class! She simply could not have that!) I thought this was odd because they had left our church and had been attending another church, in Sugar Hill, Ga., when we were still friends, and I knew they were quite happy where they were going. Another reason I questioned this story was because I knew this family, and if they came to church, they usually attended Sunday school as well. It’s possible they could have changed churches again, but I always wondered if Emma made up this story just because she did not like Hamilton Mill Methodist for whatever reason.

NOTE: Had I to do it over again, I wish now we’d sat Emma and the young man down together and not let either one go until we got the truth out of who destroyed Emma’s book. It’s sad that a friendship between parents ended based on the lies of a child. This is another example of how much control and power we inadvertently gave to Emma.

One day we visited Holy Trinity Anglican Church in Flowery Branch, Ga.

www.holytrinityflowerybranch.org

Holy Trinity was a very small church, but the liturgy was very similar to what we were used to, so of course it was very comfortable to us. (Phill was not interested in participating in finding a new church and pretty much left it up to Emma and me. He would go when we decided where we wanted to go, but he was not going to visit churches and participate in deciding where we would like to go for worship. )

After a couple of visits, Emma and I liked Holy Trinity, but it was hard for me to leave my old church behind. Being somewhat of an introvert, it took me a long time to feel comfortable there, and I wasn’t eager to leave and start over somewhere else. My heart just wasn’t in it. I finally told Emma if she really wanted to go there we probably needed to talk to the pastor and let him know why we were looking for a church, so Emma called up Fr. George Ivey and told him her story. Emma got off the phone, and immediately told me that Fr. George knew the priest Emma had accused and said that when she told him about her “molestation,” even before she said who, Fr. George told her that that priest was the first person he thought of. I’m not sure what kind of bad blood there was between Fr. George and the other priest, but I do remember him telling us about when the Anglican Bishop visited and that priest refused communion from him.

Anyway, Fr. George wanted to meet with us, so Phill, Emma and I went to Fr. George and Paulette Ivey’s beautiful home in Buford, Ga. Sure enough, Emma wasn’t lying this time, Fr. George told us that when Emma told him about being “molested” the first person he thought of was the man Emma had accused.

Fr. George was comforting and supportive, and I felt better about going to a new church since he knew why we were looking for a new church home. Fr. George also got very involved with Emma’s drama, helping to find attorneys, going to interviews, etc.

We began attending Holy Trinity which meant Sunday School, then coffee, and then church. As I mentioned, the church was very small. Sunday School might consist of about 10 people and church might be about 20-25. There were only a few other teens, so there really wasn’t much to offer in the way of a youth group, but Emma didn’t mind. She seemed to prefer being around adults anyway. Partly, I think Emma preferred adults because adults were to eaisly impressed with how smart, polite, etc. she was. She gave a great first impression. (If you have read Dr. Richard Born’s Psychological Evaluation of Emma, you will remember that he mentioned she was not comfortable around her peers.)

Phill and I loved Fr. George’s Sunday School classes. He was the best Sunday School teacher we’d ever had. We felt bad that the church was so small and people were missing out on such interesting and informative classes. Fr. George was an extremely smart man and he had a passion for studying and learning and he generously shared his knowledge. While it wouldn’t have been near as lucrative as his business career, Fr. George would have made a great teacher. Paulette Ivey, however, was an elementary school teacher at Ivy Creek Elementary School, in Buford, Ga.

Things rolled along. Emma began serving as an acolyte at our new church……. Emma was still going to therapy, working on her “sexual molestation” and we were dealing with things with our old church. Fr. George knew someone who worked in, I believe it was the ER, in a hospital in Cumming, Ga., and had discussed Emma’s story with her. She had recommended an attorney firm nearby, and we set up an interview with them. Fr. George went with Phill, Emma, and I to meet two attorneys at this firm. They were interested in Emma’s story, but claimed not to have the “war chest” it would take file the lawsuit against the church.

It was around Oct. of 2010 that I said something to Emma about Allen Hunt. Allen Hunt was a Methodist minister (now Catholic) who had a radio program on WSB radio on Sunday evenings that I, and often Emma, enjoyed listening to. I knew he did work raising money for a home for abused children, and I wondered if he could help us. Emma asked me to write him, and I suggested she write to him as I thought it would mean more coming from her, the “victim.”

Now, Phill likes to say that I, the evil mommy, forced Emma to sit down and write an e-mail to Mr. Hunt. I can assure you that I did not, but I guess Phill can use his standby line that oh, yes I did, but I “blocked it out” and have no memory of forcing Emma to sit at the computer and compose and send an e-mail.

Emma happily wrote off an e-mail and sent it. We quickly received a reply from Mr. Hunt who recommended a place for counseling and who also recommended the firm of Cruiser and Mitchell in Norcross, Ga. Bill Mitchell was a personal friend of Allen Hunt’s and in fact, Mr. Hunt called Mr. Mitchell to tell him about Emma’s story. When I called to set up an appointment, Mr. Mitchell wanted to meet with us right away. I called Fr. George who dropped everything to meet us at the firm’s office.

Fr. George was a tremendous help in explaining the hierarchy of the church, rules, etc. to the attorneys. I won’t go into detailing that meeting again as I have already told that story. For those of you who haven’t read it, you will have to go back through earlier posts in the blog.

Not long after we started attending Holy Trinity, we went to the ordination of Bishop Foley Beach in Atlanta. Foley Beach had left the Episcopal church after the 2003 General Convention in which a homosexual, Gene Robinson was elected Bishop of the Diocese of New Hampshire. Bishop Robinson was the first openly gay priest to be consecrated in the Episcopal church, and for anyone in the church during this time, there was a lot of fall out over Bishop Robinson. Our particular church had been growing and had gone to three services on Sunday mornings, but after the General Convention and Bishop Robinson’s consecration, a lot of folks left the church, some temporarily, and some permanently. Our three services were cut to two, but could have easily been cut to one. I think they only kept the 8:30 (early service) for the people who wanted to come to church early so they could get on with their day. If you went to the 10:30 service, by the time you got out and got home, the day was half over, and the early risers didn’t want to waste their day.

Phill was working, but Emma and I went to Bishop Beach’s ordination along with our friend, Janice, who’d grown up as a neighbor of Foley Beach’s wife, Allison. Foley Beach had been the rector at St. Alban’s Epicopal Church in Monroe, Ga. until he left the church and then he became the rector at Holy Cross Anglican Church in Loganville before he became the Bishop.

Befoe meeting with Emma’s attorneys, Fr. George Ivey had spoken to Foley Beach and had told us that Foley Beach was meeting with the Episcopal church and that he would talk to Bishop Alexander about Emma. Just before the ordination of Foley Beach as Bishop, we had settled on Emma’s attorney, and I will never forget going through the receiving line, shaking hands with Bishop Foley Beach, and he said to Emma and I that he understood we were in good hands now, indicating we did not need his help. A short time later, I would be greatly disappointed in both Fr. George Ivey and Archbishop Foley Beach.

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Fr. George met Emma and I at the offfices of Cruiser and Mitchell, and we had an interview with Bill Mitchell and one of his associates, whom I believe was named Drew Ashby. The funny thing was, one of Phill’s RC buddies, Mike ( Mike Howell, I believe, but there were several Mikes in the RC group), had given Phill the name of an attorney for us to check out, and it happened to be Stephen Ashby, in Tucker, Ga., who was Drew’s father.

While Mr. Mitchell questioned Emma, Fr. George, and me, Drew Ashby took a lot of notes. At one point, I remember Emma stepped out, and Mr. Mitchell wanted to talk to me without Emma. (Hey, Dr. Richard Born, are you listening? This is something you missed when you did your Psych Eval on Emma!) Emma did a great job, acted very professional and mature as she acted out her drama for the attorneys. She explained how her friend “Lacey’s” rape was the catalyst for her remembering her own molestation when she was 12 years old. She went into detail about the priest following her into the women’s bathroom, pulling down her panties, and sticking a finger into her vagina. She answered all the attorneys questions confidently and was very composed. A couple of things that stood out to me from this session:

Mr. Mitchell said he would need to speak to Phill because often times when a child falsely accusess someone of sexual abuse, they are doing it to cover up the fact that it is someone close to them who molested them. (I have to wonder if this was where Emma got the idea to accuse her mother of abuse. Maybe one day, Emma will let me know.)

Mr. Mitchell mentioned that their firm takes one out of 1000 cases, and he wanted to take Emma’s case. He said he believed Emma and Drew believed Emma so strongly that he wasn’t sure Drew could be objective about Emma’s case.

Mr. Mitchell was firmly against the death penalty. As one who’s always favored the death penalty, when Mr. Mitchell talked about Project Innocence and explained his reasoning and cases he’d worked on, he gave me some things to think about after hearing his perspective.

When Fr. George asked how much we could expect to get from this lawsuit, Mr. Mitchell stated, “The sky is the limit.” His plan was to sue the priest, the church, and the diocese. He would have investigators look into the background of the priest, and they would have to interview Emma’s friend, “Lacey.” A short time later, Emma began making plans on how to spend her money. She could buy a car, use the money for college and would be able to afford to go away to college and not have to live at home, etc. She got a little giddy about her prospective windfall, and that worried me A LOT. I tried to explain to her that this was not about the money, that it was about punishing someone who did something very wrong.

After the interview, Emma and I felt very confident about the situation and indeed felt like we were in good hands. We walked outside with Fr. George and he stood with us in the parking lot and prayed before we all went separate ways.

As Emma and I were leaving, I asked her if she was ok with the attorneys talking with “Lacey” and Emma said she was. She said she had told “Lacey” that we were meeting with the attorneys and that they might need to speak with her and that “Lacey” was ok with it. (At this point, I did not know the whole story of “Lacey” being raped and attempting suicide was one of Emma’s big lies.) Emma had been worried about having to face her “sexual abuser” in court, but after meeting with Mr. Mitchell and Mr. Ashby, Emma said to me, “You know mom, with these lawyers helping me, I could testify in court!”

Emma was almost jubilant as we drove home. She had done a convincing job and had two attorneys that believed her. I guess she was proud of her performance. After dealing with the church attorney the month before (another post I need to write) who was quite unpleasant, I felt comfortable that we had someone looking out for our, but especially for Emma’s best interests.

Just after this meeting, I had to get some papers notarized and faxed back to the attorneys offices. Phill and I rushed around like mad and went to meet a friend from the ladies Bible study that Emma and I attended because she was a notary. I remember us dropping everything to meet her at the Braselton Cracker Barrel on her way home from work so that we could sign and she could notarize. No big deal to Emma that her parents were doing all this for nothing. Emma already knew the lawsuit would have to be stopped and she was working on her plan for stopping it. I hate thinking of how much time and energy was wasted by all parties on Emma’s little drama. Not just my time, but the time of the police, DFACS, social workers, the church, whom I’m sure all had better things to do than take a role in a 16 year old girl’s drama.

If you’ve read the blog, you know that just as Mr. Mitchell was about to file Emma’s lawsuit, Emma had Dr. Elizabeth (Genie) Burnett call the police to say Emma was being abused by her Mother (dramatic music playing in the background). You can read the police report earlier in the blog. I’m not going to rehash that here. I’ve already told that part of Emma’s story, but I wanted to tell about the church’s involvment, particularly Fr. George Ivey’s involvement in Emma’s drama.

In March of 2011, when Emma pulled her, “I want to live in a group home.” at the office of Suzie McGarvey, one of her many therapists, Phill fell apart and couldn’t handle Emma’s problems. Omigosh, his wife was a child abuser! What an idiot (ok that part is true) that it took him 17 years to see that! What an idiot that he had lived with this woman for over 28 years and he never knew she was violent! He had to have a divorce! And besides, there were other fish in the sea!

When Phill turned on me and decided to support Emma, I had no idea what was to come, that Phill would take out a TPO and have me thrown out of my home. My thoughts were to save my family and my marriage. I suspected there was something deeper going on. At this point I hadn’t discovered all Emma’s lies. I didn’t know that “Lacey” wasn’t actually raped, didn’t attempt suicide, her mother didn’t almost die of breast cancer, or that Emma had lied about many, many other things. I was trying to save my family. Even though I was angry at Phill for being so stupid, I thought surely he would come to his senses (boy was I wrong there!).

Phill and I discussed meeting with Fr. George for counseling, and if you’ve read the blog, Phill did go to on therapy session to try to save his marriage. I had talked to Fr. George after Emma accused me of abuse, and he told me he would never believe it. He’d been through his own drama with his two son’s and their addiction/substance abuse problems. Paulette had even told us about one time when he knocked down the bedroom door to their son’s room.

Fr. George told me he saw us every week in church, and he’d noticed how much Emma leaned on me, rested her head on my shoulder, held my hand, put her arm around me, grabbed my arm and put it around her, etc. She was such a touchy feely kid towards me, there was no way he believed she was abused.

After Phill had me thrown out of our home, Fr. George changed his mind about meeting with us about counseling. I knew there’d been a divorce where he’d tried to counsel the couple, and he was called to testify at the divorce. I didn’t know the couple and didn’t know anything about the divorce. I got an e-mail from Fr. George saying he did not want to get involved and one of the funny things I remember was that he mentioned that they tried to make him perjure himself. I thought it kind of funny that he spelled perjure wrong.

This was one of my biggest disappointments in Fr. George Ivey. He knew our family was in crisis. He did not believe Emma, and we were parishioners at his church. I always thought a priest was supposed to care for his flock. Fr. George seemed to care more about the thought of possibly being inconvenienced with his fear of having to testify in another divorce case than he cared about a family in his church. That hard to fathom. I lost all respect for Fr. George after this. I know priests/pastors are human and just as flawed as the rest of us, but I thought caring for your parishioners was part of the job. It seemed that Fr. George just wanted to lecture and stand in front of his church, but God help him if he actually had to get his hands dirty.

Because of the TPO, I could no longer attend church if Phill and Emma were there. My only hope was to get Phill to counseling, so that he could realize Emma had some problems, but Phill decided there was too much water under the bridge and he didn’t want to be married to me anymore. He had no desire to fix our family or our marriage. And besides, SEFF was the following month, and he sure wasn’t going to miss that!

I also sent a letter to Archbishop Foley Beach, since he’d been aware of our drama, explaining what was going on. I got a nice little card from him saying I was in his prayers. (Much easier than actually getting involved.)

To be continued…………

A Note for Emma

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

facepaintEmma painted her face while helping with a 12Stone Church project where people went out to do things in the community.  Some of our friends from Bible study belonged to this church, and Emma wanted to go.  She ended up making balloon animals and doing face painting.

Hi Emma,

I realize your 1st anniversary is coming up, and I’ll write a little about that later.  I just wanted to mention that I got an e-mail that you might want to read.  Let me know, and I will forward it do you.  I’m certainly not going to contact you without your permission.  After all, we don’t want you to have to go to the trouble of taking out a restraining order against your mother.  Anyway, I’m not going to post it here and embarrass the person who sent it.

I got a little chuckle when I was at WalMart the other day.  Look what I found:

Emmatoes

Not what I was looking for, but this caught my eye and reminded me of when you kicked your bathroom cabinet “accidentally” and you SCREAMED and Daddy and I came running.  I checked you over and said that if your toe was broken, a doctor wouldn’t do anything about it anyway, and since you could move your foot, and it wasn’t swollen, I wasn’t worried.  Then  two nights later you got Dr. Genie Burnett (Manna Treatment and Counseling, Lawrenceville, Ga) to call the police because she was so worried that you were in danger from your evil mother!  The police came, and when they spoke you you alone, you told them how your mother had abused you and you showed them your “broken toes” which were all pink from the cherry popsicle sticks you used to secure your toes.  (We always had a house full of Popsicles due to you frequent vomiting.)

I won’t retell the whole story here because I’ve already done that, but I saw these in Walmart and they did give me a chuckle, thinking about that incident.  I was thinking that when you want to accuse Tyler of abuse, here you go!  A product for securing your toes when your husband breaks them.  Oh, and by the way, you might want to use grape popsicle sticks instead of the cherry ones.  Having broken my toe a couple of years ago, it should look more like this:

Emmabrokentoe

and not be pink from the popsicle sticks.  Details, darling.  You want to get it right!

In all seriousness though, I would love it if when I publish the column about your vomiting issues, if you wanted to contribute.  I would love to have your side of the story as to what you think made you throw up all those years. (I know you claimed I poisoned you with DDT, but we all know that’s not true.  That was one of your lies that you didn’t really think through.)  If you are still studying to be a counselor, you may have some good insight as to what was going on in your head.

Also, I’m hoping one day you’ll be able to explain to us, why all the drama?  Daddy and I used to joke about how boring we were.  We loved you and we loved each other.  You had a pretty carefree childhood and got, within reason, pretty much whatever you wanted.  Why was that not enough?  Was it just too boring to be happy?  Why the need for all the drama?  Why all the need to be the victim?  (Volunteer, actually.)

Bradley D. Moody, Attorney at Law, Lee Sexton and Associates

BradMoody1a

(Sorry Folks, had to move this post to insert some other things I was working on when I was so rudely interrupted by Mr. Moody’s Letter.)

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

20130430_21

Phillip Thomas Roey, before he got all cool, made new friend and stuff and dumped his old wife.

A Letter From My Husband (AKA Moving the girlfriend/new wife in.)

Well, I guess it’s not really a letter from Phill, but a letter from his attorney. Well……..I guess it’s not really his attorney. Let me point out some interesting things about the letter.
First off, the return address:

Bradley D. Moody
Attorney at Law
320 Corporate Center Court
Stockbridge, Georgia 302981

Hmmm, no mention of the law firm Mr. Bradley Moody works for. And why the extra number in the zip code?

Actually, Mr.Bradley Moody, Attorney at Law (I’m surprised he didn’t use “Esq.” after his name.) works for Lee Sexton and Associates and the address should read:
Bradley D. Moody
Lee Sexton and Associates P.C.
320 Corporate Center Court
Stockbridge, Georgia 30281

Since Lee Sexton and Associates P.C. is a criminal defense attorney, I wonder why Mr. Bradley Moody is taking on a lowly family court action? Doesn’t that seem a little beneath them?

Now, let’s go on to the letter, shall we? If you look at the address at the top, Mr. Moody’s legal secretary did not capitalize my street name (3 places) nor did she capitalize the town I live in.

With all the typos, I would question the abilities of the legal secretary at Lee Sexton and Associates, but hey, I make a few typos myself. (By the way Brad, if you are looking to hire a new secretary, I might be interested in a career change. Give me a call.)

Before I get to the heart of the letter, look at the signature. Well, the signature isn’t that impressive, but look below the signature:
Georgia Bar No. 655693

Ok, I’m a simple person and not very sophisticated, basically a WalMart kind of girl. I have a little bit of smarts (and a great sense of humor), but am no genius, and I certainly don’t have the years of schooling that an attorney would have. I don’t even really understand what a hashtag is for.  I also didn’t have a lot of experience with attorneys until my husband falsely accused me of child abuse and filed for divorce. I had no choice but to hire an attorney.  Up until then, other than for things like signing papers when buying a house and a few John Grisham and Lisa Scottoline novels, that’s pretty much the extent of my experience with attorneys. (I am currently listeing to John Grisham’s, The Litagators, and Brad, you remind me of some of the characters.)

I’ve shown this letter around, and no one that I know has ever seen an attorney sign a letter with their Georgia Bar number. I’m not sure why Mister Moody threw that in there. Just to look impressive I guess, or maybe to look authoritative? “ME! Important Attorney. YOU! Little housewife.”

Ok, now, let’s get to the meat of the letter. Mr. Roey has retained “our firm.” Hmmm. Again, if Phill had retained the firm of Lee Sexton and Associates, wouldn’t Mr. Moody have used their letterhead? And wouldn’t the return address on the envelope have read “Lee Sexton and Associates” in the very first line?

Onward.  It says Mr. Roey has retained the firm of Lee Sexton and Associates to declare the property awarded to me in the divorce ABANDONED.  It also says I could also be liable for storage fees to Mr. Roey.

Don’t you love lawyers? Gotta get that threat in there. I could be “liable for storage fees to Mr. Roey.”

Let me just mention something about the divorce. I know many of my readers have been through it, so I’m sure some of you know a lot more about it than I do.
There’s a radio commercial for men going through divorce that tells guys not to leave their home because that gives the wife the advantage. BUT, if you throw your wife out of the house, YOU have the advantage.

My daughter had made up lies about a friend being raped and attempting suicide and then claimed to have been molested by a priest. Then, when she was about to be caught in her lies, my daughter accused ME of abusing her. My husband turned into an idiot and threw me out of my home. Devastated is an understatement. The STUFF in my home was not on my priority list.

I did try to go over once and take inventory of stuff, but Phill was so offended that I brought a friend that he had to have Judy Hall, our neighbor come over as a witness for him. Phill, honey, I never accused you of anything. You are the one that accused me of abuse and went along with Emma’s lies. My attorney told me not to even drive by the house without a witness because Emma would make up something like accusing me of threatening her. (Like she made up the story of a car that looked like mine stopping in her driveway on the night she knew I would be going to Bible Study down the street.)

When my friend and I went to the house, I picked up a few things that were mine and put them in the car. When I picked up a picture that Emma had made( and I had framed) because I wanted it, Phill had a fit, told me to leave, and threatened to call the police.

Emma had made the picture in a printing class some years earlier and brought them to me one day because she was going to throw them away. She also gave me the press she had carved to make the picture. (I put it on the bookcase on the sunporch, Phill, sweetie, if you happen to see it.) She was cleaning up her room, and I had loved the prints and wanted to keep them and the press. I laid 3 of the prints together and figured out what size mat I would need, and when we went to IKEA, I got the frame with the mat to fit and came home and framed the three prints, overlapping, so they look like one picture.
Phill had all Emma’s photos and all Emma’s artwork, and he was going to deny me one piece that I had saved.  There were also other copies of the prints, so he could have framed his own.  He also had the press, so could have easily had Emma make more copies.

Anyway, as the divorce went on, and when we came to property, I started making a list of things I wanted from the house. In my emotional state, I couldn’t even think of things I wanted from the house. Of course, this was during the stress of the divorce and I was breaking out in hives every day, on medication for anxiety, etc……

I made a list of stuff and gave it to my attorney, and he sent it to Phill’s attorney. Phill’s attorney sent it back with items crossed out, and I made another list and gave it to my attorney who sent it to Phill’s attorney, and the list came back with more items crossed out. I thought the whole thing was ridiculous, and, as I said, I did not care about the stuff. I didn’t even look at the newest list of crossed out items, but instead told my attorney that Phill could have the stuff. I just didn’t care. After all, during the marriage the things we bought were “ours” but most men who are married to a lowly housewife/mother and who are going through a divorce change their view to “my money” bought those things.

The next paragraph tells me that I have 15 days from receipt of the letter to arrange to have a third party pick up my property. Phill had to get an attorney to do this? Well, yes he did. Phill can’t face me. He knows all about Emma’s lies. He knows she’s made up other things and gone around telling people I poisoned her with DDT, but if he doesn’t see me, he doesn’t have to deal with me. If he had to deal with me, he would have to deal with the truth, and if Phill dealt with the truth, he would then have to deal with all the friends and family who have supported him and Emma and turn around and tell them he made a terrible mistake accusing his wife of child abuse. Phill is not strong enough to do this. He wants people to like him and to admit he made such a colossal mistake would be more humiliating than he could bear.   Phill’s mantra is: “I don’t want you to hate me.” He couldn’t bring himself to email or text me, so he had to have an attorney write for him. He can’t handle me coming to my (former) home, so it has to be a third party that picks up the things. I have to admit, Phill is a coward.  The man who I thought would do whatever he had to to take care of his family failed miserably.  All Emma had to do was threaten to run away, and he had no interest in getting to the truth. He threw out his wife for his daughter and let her take over as woman of the house.

Being a simple girl, and not understanding “lawyerese” (I do understand Pig Latin though.), I had to look up the part about “filing a condemnation action.” Here is what I found:

condemnation action
n. a lawsuit brought by a public agency to acquire private property for public purposes (schools, highways, parks, hospitals, redevelopment, civic buildings, for example), and a determination of the value to be paid. While the government has the right to acquire the private property (eminent domain), the owner is entitled under the Constitution to receive just compensation to be determined by a court.
So, I guess Phill gets my things by eminent domain?  Mr. Bradley Moody, attorney at law, the next time you pick on someone, you might want to dumb down your letters for us little ol’ housewives who don’t understand the big words.

Also in this paragraph, there he goes again: Mr. Bradley Moody, attorney at law, has to threaten the little ol’ housewife again “to seek damages for storage for four years AND attorney’s fees.” Oh, my. Do you like being a bully, Mr. Moody? I bet the John Marshall School of Law would be quite proud of you. You flex your muscles and puff out your chest to intimidate a little ol’ housewife. That takes some real intestinal fortitude right there.

Now, let’s look at Mr. Bradley Moody, attorney at law’s closing. “Please reach out to my office…”  (For those of us old enough to remember, I will hum “Reach Out and Touch Someone” in the background.  You can use your imagination to hear it.) The interesting thing is that Mr. Moody never mentions the name of his office, and only types the address on an envelope without said name, AND Mr. Moody encloses no telephone number. I guess Mr. Bradley Moody is afraid to talk to me too, so he wants me to write to him.  Or maybe we are to communicate telepathically?   Nor did Mr. Bradley Moody enclose an email address.   Phill must have told him some pretty scary stuff.  Or maybe, just maybe, Mr. Bradley Moody, attorney at law, doesn’t want me calling the office of Lee Sexton and Associates.  Now, now,  Mr. Bradley Moody, I do know how to use Google.

Don’t you like how Mr. Bradley Moody, attorney at law, threatens me not once, but twice in the letter and then closes with, “With kindest regards……??????” I get the warm fuzzies just thinking about it.

So, Mr. Bradley Moody, attorney at law’s firm of Lee Sexton and Associates is now representing my husband? Hmmmm, or are they? Actually, Mr. Lee Sexton has an impressive Bio as he’s appeared on shows like 48 Hours, Dateline, Court TV and Oprah. Brad, I hope you learn a lot at your job there, and have some great experiences, but it doesn’t look like Lee Sexton and Associates is representing my husband.

I also discovered that Mr. Bradley Moody, attorney at law, is the son-in-law of Phill’s friend, Matt Klos, of Peachtree City, Ga., and married to Jessie Klos Moody, Matt’s daughter and father to Matt Klos’ precious little granddaughter. Matt Klos took over Jeff Meyers’ job as events director at SEFF (Southeast Electric Flight Fetstival http://www.seffweek.com   Matt is also a Designated Airworthiness Representative and an ASI instructor)the big RC event that Phill attends every year, and the last I heard,  is a member of the Fayette Flyers http://www.fayetteflyers.com , along with many other RC buddies of Phill’s. ( Oh, and just a note to all the RC nerds, both the SEFF site and the Fayette Flyers site seem to have a problem. If you go to the site, it gives you a warning NOT to go to the site because these sites might download malicious software to your computer. You guys might want to fix that.  Your Welcome.)

Matt Klos has another daughter, Jenny Klos, a Pharmacy student at Mercer University, who worked at SEFF along with Emma, and if you remember, Emma complained bitterly about the other girls NOT working. I heard a lot about this after the events, I guess because since I hadn’t been there, Emma could embellish her stories to her heart’s content  and I would never know what was true and what wasn’t. The girls did nothing but drive golf carts around and dress like sluts. (Well, Emma, it was usually pretty hot down there, and not everyone has your strict moral dress code of 3 inches below the collar bone and 3 inches above the knee. In fact, from some photos I’ve seen of you, you don’t even live up to that code that you decided was for good Christian girls like yourself.

So, the big question is, did Phill hire Lee Sexton and Associates or did he hire Bradley Moody, attorney at law?  Not that Bradley Cooper, attorney at law can’t moonlight a little bit on the side.

And since we’re talking about my belongings, which is certainly not ½ of the household, but only those things which Phill allowed me to have, I will say that Phill and I have been through this before. Phill has our truck (if he still has it), so I don’t really have a vehicle to go pick up my things. Also, Phill threw his wife out of her home, so I feel like he is the one who needs to bring me my things. Phill knows the only things I want are some personal items. I live in a small house that is already furnished, and I don’t have room for my things. Phill knows what he owes me.

I told Phill a couple of times he could do what he wanted with my things, and at one point he threatened to haul everything down to the curb. I asked him not to do that, but to send the things to Goodwill or another charity instead. I have the e-mails telling Phill he could get rid of my things, so if Mr. Bradley Moody, attorney at law for Lee Sexton and Associates, wants to take me to court over storage (what storage? Phill put all my things in the garage.) and attorney’s fees. I have the proof that I relinquished Phill of any responsibility for my things quite some time ago, not to mention that the attorney’s fee’s I will owe Mr. Bradley Moody are probably the $50 or so that Phill paid him under the table and the $6.46 for the certified letter. I think I can swing that.

Now, Phill is ready to move on and I’m sure ready to move his girlfriend or wife-to-be, Kim Chassion into my home.  I hope you enjoy both my home and my husband, Kim.  A wife is so easily replaced, as is a soul mate. (Phill’s words, not mine. I was never comfortable with that phrase, just like Phill was the one who talked about renewing our vows after he listened to two audio books of Nicholas Sparks’ novels The Notebook and The Wedding.  I meant my vows the first time and always thought those vow renewal ceremonies were kind of silly.  But as I said, I’m not very sophisticated.) I wonder what Kim Chassion thinks of a man who lets his daughter go around telling people her mother poisoned her with DDT?

Or, I suppose Phill could be wanting to put the house on the market so he can move in with Kim Chassion.   Not too many women want to move into the house their hubby shared with his first wife.  Either way, no matter

I guess that’s it for now. Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far, and to Mr. Bradley Moody, attorney at law, if I ever need a criminal defense attorney, I will certainly give the office of Lee Sexton and Associates a call.  You might want to give your contact information to our lovely daughter, Emma.  Oh, and I looked up the office, and it looks like a pretty little house down there in Stockbridge, Ga.  And for all the free publicity, you’re welcome.

Until next time, with kindest regards………….

Trifecta

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Trifecta

So Emma, you can see how you were able to play a part in the destruction of your parents’ marriage.  By no means do I put most of the blame on you, but Daddy gets a lot of the credit.  I was the only one who was willing to fight for my family, and it was two against one, so I didn’t really have a chance.   You were a kid, and like I said to you many times, you will say or do anything to get what you want.  Of course, even when I said that, I had no idea how far you would go.  As your mom, I never wanted to see the worst in you, and it wasn’t until later that I learned some of the very ugly truths about my own daughter.

But no, I can’t blame you Emma.  You were a 17 year old kid, backed into a corner, about to be caught in some vicious lies, and you piled more bad decisions on top of the ones you’d already made.  You tried to ruin a man by falsely accusing him of sexually molesting you.  When that was falling apart, you turned on your mother.   You were a kid who did what you had to do to get out of it, so no, I don’t blame you as much as I blame Daddy.  After all, he was one of the grownups in this situation.

The trifecta that destroyed our family was made up of:

  1. Your problems.
  2. Daddy’s midlife crisis.
  3. Daddy’s upbringing and his need to just “get along” with everyone rather than face the problem.

I have to admit, Emma, that I thought when Daddy found out about all the lies you told, he would want to investigate further and knowing what a liar you were, and what horrible things you’d done, he would not continue to allow his wife to be victimized by a lying teenager.  I thought surely, Daddy would be a man and do what he had to do to right the situation and save our family.

I can’t tell you how disappointed I was in Daddy.  He married me for better or worse, only he only couldn’t handle the “worse” part.  When things got difficult, Daddy checked out.  He just couldn’t stomach it, if you’ll pardon the pun.  I don’t have to tell you that I loved your dad.  You knew that, and he knew that.  I just made a mistake in judgement.  I always thought Daddy “had my back” and would be there for me.  I always thought Daddy would do whatever necessary to take care of his family.  I was wrong.

Early in our marriage, I knew a woman at work who had to make a very painful decision about her husband with Parkinson’s Disease.  He suffered with some mental illness that goes along with Parkinson’s and it was becoming very clear that this lady could not manage the care for her husband alone.  She was struggling with a very painful decision.  If she divorced her husband, he would have more resources available for his care, making less of a hardship on her, but he was her husband and she didn’t want to divorce him.  It was such a sad situation, and I remember telling Daddy about it, and his response really surprised me.  Daddy said he would want a divorce because he “didn’t sign on for that.” I that was the first time that I thought Daddy was not committed to marriage like I thought he was.  For him, it wasn’t a difficult decision.  He thought she should just divorce him.  What’s difficult about that?  Daddy’s reaction bothered me for a long time, and coming from a divorced family, the odds were higher that Daddy and I would end up divorced anyway, but I thought Daddy was different from the rest of his family, and not a quitter.

Daddy is one of the smartest people I know, but he never had a lot of common sense.  He knows what a liar you are, but he can’t face it, so he just goes along with it.  He is a lot like his daddy in that respect————whatever keeps the peace.

Another thing I know about your dad, after being married to him for almost 27 years, is that he can justify anything to himself.  He’s not a stupid man, and there’s no way he doesn’t know what a liar you are.  How could he not?  He will justify your behavior to himself and he will justify his own behavior.  He will just say to himself that what he does is ok, because……………………… (fill in the blank)  You can make up any number of reasons.  You and I argued a lot, so Daddy can justify what he did and say, “Well, Emma and her mom argued a lot, so it’s ok that I destroyed my marriage.”  Daddy’s mother and I didn’t get along, and he put up with a lot in almost 27 years of marriage, so what he does is ok.   Daddy will make excuses for you, and for himself, and tell himself  that it’s ok that you lied about being molested.  You had your reasons.  Daddy knows the real victims in our situation are the priest and your mother, but it’s easier to put those things aside and pretend that Emma is the victim.  That way, Daddy doesn’t have to deal with the hard stuff.

So, Emma, as you got older, your mom became the competition.  You had to beat me.  You wanted to be independent and prove you didn’t need a micro-managing, control freak of a mother.  I was too much of a hindrance to you.  Congratulations, Emma.  I concede that you won.  Of course, we were playing two different games, and you don’t play by the rules, so you definitely had the advantage, but you did win.  I was trying to raise you to be a decent human being and didn’t know that I was in a competition against you.  I didn’t know your dad would fall apart when things got too difficult.  I knew you had your stubborn streaks, and you could be very difficult.  I tried to tell myself when you would be so difficult that as much as I hated arguing with you, it would serve you well and you would be able to stand up for yourself and stand up against peer pressure because you were so stubborn.

I knew you lied a lot, but I thought you just lied like most kids do about normal things.  I had no idea how far you had already taken things.   I wanted to see the best in you, and thought this was just a part of growing up, the lying, and you would outgrow it.    I remember reading James Dobson’s The Strong Willed Child, and hoping it would help me understand you and how to deal with you, but I’m not sure even James Dobson himself would have been a match for you.

The other day, Emma, I spent several hours over at your grandmother’s, whom as you know has dementia.  The last few weeks, she has been great, very sharp and we have had some good conversations.  Well, I don’t know what happened, but Grandma was very confused and easily upset the other night and I knew I could not win an argument with her.  Fortunately, because of my work, I’ve dealt with some people like this and I am much better equipped to handle this kind of behavior than I used to be.  Grandma wanted to argue and when I tried to reason with her and explain things to her, she got mad.  I knew it was time to shut up, so I just said, “Ok” to whatever she said and wasn’t going to argue, and then she got mad because I said ok and I WOULDN’T argue.  Talk about damned if you do and damned if you don’t!   If I were someone else, it would be funny, but when you’re in the middle of it, it’s not so fun.  I almost said to her, “This is like arguing with a teenager!” but I didn’t.  There were several times though, that I thought, “This is like talking to Emma!”

Love you always,

Mom

For Emma: Your Grandma Harriett

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Grandma Harriett
Emma, this will be one of the more difficult sections for me to write because I have to take a lot of the blame here, but I think it’s fairly equally divided between the three of us: me, your Grandma Harriett, and Daddy.  Like some of my other posts, I’d have preferred to keep this between you and me, but since we can’t communicate, I will share it here.  Maybe you can learn from my mistakes.

Your Grandma grew up down south, in N.C.,  and at some point the family moved to New Jersey.  When Grandma was about 18 she married your Grandpa Danny who was about 18 or so years older.  The marriage lasted long enough to produce two babies, and that was it.

Grandma waitressed and Grandpa worked in a bar up until he bought the diner.  Grandma went to work for Grandpa, and eventually took over running the restaurant. Both your grandparents were hard workers, and Daddy grew up working in the diner for them.  By the time I came into the family, Grandma really did everything, and Grandpa just sort of showed up and waited on customers for part of the day.  It was more like a social thing for him.  He worked right up until he died.  Grandma Harriett ordered him around both at work and away from work.    I got the feeling, when he was younger, he wasn’t quite the pushover, but when he was older, he was very agreeable and just went with the flow.

I’ve told you about how your daddy was raised.  He was the older brother, and the peacemaker.  Daddy’s little brother, your Uncle A, would hold his breath until he passed out if he didn’t get what he wanted, so Daddy was always expected to give in to his little brother.  After the divorce, your grandmother had some difficult relationships, and your dad claimed there was a lot of fighting going on at home between your grandmother and various boyfriends and then with her 2nd husband, John.  Daddy always claimed that any kind of argument made his stomach hurt.  He did not like to argue, and just wanted peace.  Some years later, he enjoyed arguing with your uncle in Ct. about politics, and the arguing between your dad and your uncle seemed more like fighting to me, and it made me uncomfortable.  I asked Daddy to stop, but he loved egging on your uncle.  Daddy is conservative or libertarian and your uncle is a democrat.  They were never going to agree on anything, and you know your dad was always pretty passive, and wouldn’t speak up to his mother or borther, but he could go at it with your uncle.   I just wanted to enjoy my family, but this was the one thing your dad wasn’t his easy going self about.

Your grandmother was married to her 2nd husband, John, for about 7 years.  From what your dad said, it was not a happy marriage from the beginning.  John bought your grandmother a big diamond engagement ring that she had to take over the payments for.   When your dad and I were up visiting one time, your grandmother showed me the ring and told me it would be mine one day.  Although it was a sweet thought,  since I’d never had an engagement ring, I wasn’t crazy about THAT ring because it seemed like bad luck to take a ring from a broken marriage.  I didn’t want to tell her that I didn’t really want the ring.

If I remember right, John drove a bread truck.  I don’t remember all the problems they had, but your dad said that marriage was doomed from the start.  They were divorced after a while, and later on, John came to work for your grandparents at the diner, so in addition to traveling with her ex-husband and her live-in-boyfriend, Kenny, your grandmother worked with her 2nd ex-husband as well as working with her 1st ex-husband.  It sounded odd, but when we were up there visiting, everyone seemed to get along ok.   And then there was Pat, who carried a torch for your grandma, who came by the restaurant every afternoon to help Grandma close.

In addition to a tumultuous household, Daddy described his childhood as one with a mother who always had to have a boyfriend, if she didn’t have a husband.  These men could be married or not, it didn’t matter, but Grandma always had some kind of boyfriend.   I just figured that grandma was raised in that southern tradition of “You are nothing without a man” and always had to have someone, just like her own mother, Stella, who was married several times.

The first time I met your Grandma Harriett and your Grandpa Dan, things were great.  Harriett lived with her boyfriend, Kenny, and Dan wasn’t too far away in his own house.   We got along fine and had a lot of fun.  Harriett was an animal lover as well, so we had that in common.  The only bad side of this was that your grandma would call me up and say, “I know you love animals, so I have to tell you……………..”  and then proceed to tell me about some horrible animal abuse situation that she heard about up there in New Jersey, and no matter how many times I stopped her and said, “Don’t tell me.  I don’t want to know.” she would do it anyway.  Having worked with a dog and cat rescue for many years, Emma, I think you know how many horrible stories we hear and see constantly.  When someone brings up something they heard in the news, I ask them not to tell me, and most people oblige.  If I hear a story starting on the news about some horrible animal abuse story, I turn off the radio.  I know what goes on, and I know there is nothing I can do about it.  I really don’t need to hear it.

As for your grandpa, Danny was very easy going.  He let Harriett call the shots and just went along with whatever was going on.  He was likeable and pleasant to be with.  Danny was also very generous and sweet.  One time when we were visiting he showed me some camera ads.  He knew I was into photography and offered to buy me a good camera.  I thought it was such a sweet gesture, but I couldn’t accept something like that.  At that time, good cameras were very expensive.

On the funnier side, once after Daddy and I were married, he was on the phone with your grandmother.  I walked into the kitchen and Daddy yelled into the phone, “Well, F__K you too!” and I was so shocked.  I got on to Daddy for talking that way to his mother, and he said, “Well, she said it first!”  I don’t know if she still talks that way, but your grandma could swear like a sailor.

I think it was the second time I saw your grandparents that I found out how things could be.  Harriett and Danny came down some time shortly before your Uncle A got married in March of 1984.  They were going to spend a few days at A’s and then a few days with us.  Your uncle lived quite a ways from us, so it was a good long drive.  We drove over to pick them up and the next day, we were all going to have dinner.  Your uncle thought we should drive back to his place to go to a Mexican restaurant near his house, and Daddy didn’t want to and suggested meeting somewhere in-between.  That was the first time I saw Grandma Harriett get mad, and how mean she could be.  I stupidly spoke up and said I agreed with Daddy, and Daddy and I got the cold shoulder for the rest of her trip.

Uncle A won out by refusing to go anywhere else, and Daddy and I gave in, and we drove all the way back over there to eat where he wanted to go.

During that time we had a friend named Steve, who was temporarily homeless because he’d quit his job, living with us, and your dad, Harriett, Danny, and I were going to go up to Amicalola, so of course we invited Steve to go with us.

The whole trip, Grandma Harriett only talked to Daddy and me if she absolutely had to.  She flirted and fawned over Steve the whole trip, and pretty much ignored us.  It was ridiculous to see a 45+ year old woman hanging all over a 20-something year old man, and of course it hurt my feelings that Grandma wouldn’t talk me.  I think your dad was used to this kind of behavior from Grandma, so it didn’t bother him as much.

The cold shoulder went on for months, but eventually it passed, and I think things were back to normal by Christmas. (BTW, Emma, if you and Daddy didn’t throw away all our old photo albums, there is a great picture of your grandpa that I took at Amicalola.  We were at the top, and he was wearing his camera around his neck.)

Usually, when your grandparents came down, all three of them came: Grandma Harriett, Kenny, and Danny.  Considering one was the ex-husband, and one was the boyfriend, they all got along fairly well, with Grandma Harriett always in charge.  Kenny was a retired policeman who liked to work on cars.  He was still married, being catholic he wouldn’t divorce, but had left his wife and moved in with Grandma Harriett.

Kenny was known for having a temper, and I remember your Daddy telling me a story about the two of them having a huge fight and accusing each other of cheating, and one of them going after the other with a shotgun or something, but whenever I saw them, they got along well.

Kenny often went to the diner at the end of the day to help your grandma close up, but for a while he wasn’t allowed in there.  Daddy told me he got very jealous of some of the men who came into the diner to see your grandma and could get very angry.

As far as visiting, your Grandma always favored Uncle A, but I understood that we were 2nd class citizens because we had no grandchildren for many years.  Grandma would make secret visits down to your uncle’s and call us on the weekend, pretending she was at home, so we wouldn’t know she was down here.  She even did it once with us after you were born.  She came down to visit us and called your uncle, pretending to be in New Jersey.  The first time I figured that out that your grandma did this was when she called, pretending to be in New Jersey one Christmas, and after talking to her, we hung up and I remembered something else I wanted to tell her.  I had hung up the phone, but still had it in my hand and immediately called her back, but the phone rang and rang and rang.  Later, when we asked her about it, she claimed that she and Kenny had gone to his sister’s,  but she wouldn’t have even had time to put on her coat by the time I called back.  I knew Grandma was lying, but Daddy wasn’t about to question things, so I let it go.  Of course there were other times when we visited and Grandma let stories slip about being down at your uncle’s.  This didn’t really bother me.  I knew how she was and like I said, we had no grandchildren for her.  I’d seen enough childless friends get cast aside by their parents in favor of spending time with the children who provided grandchildren.  That’s just how people are.

One 4th of July weekend, maybe the first or second year we were married, Grandma Harriett and Kenny came down for a short 4 days or so, and they were supposed to stay with us for a couple of days and then go to your uncle’s for a couple of days.  They got to our house late one evening after a long drive from New Jersey and then had to get up at 4:30 the next morning to go to your uncle’s house because he conveniently did not have a babysitter while they were visiting.  That one did bother me, but I got over it.

Whenever we went to visit, the only time we could do something with your grandma was on a Sunday, and only for part of the day because she still wanted to go in to work to get the diner ready for Monday.  If we went out on an evening during the week, to a movie or out to dinner, Grandma would always fall asleep in the car or at the theater.

I don’t have to tell you how generous Grandma Harriet was.  She always wanted to take me shopping to buy some new clothes, and one visit, she arranged for a limo to take Daddy and I to a Brodaway show and have dinner in New York at Mama Leoni’s.  It was a wonderful night.  When Daddy and I bought our house in Doraville, Grandma Harriett and Danny gave us some money to help make the downpayment.

After we had you, I thought things would change.  Your grandma was so excited that we were having a baby.  She, Kenny, and Danny came down for 4 days after you were born.  Grandma could never leave the restaurant or close the restaurant, and she told me that it was a short visit because she was going to come down 4 or 5 times , but those 4 or 5 visits turned in to ONE visit 9 months later on Labor Day weekend, when your grandma, Kenny, and Danny flew down after they closed the restaurant on Saturday and then had to fly back Monday afternoon, so those 4-5 visits turned into one visit for about 72 hours.  That Sunday, your grandma called Uncle A, and we all had to be quiet so she could pretend to be in New Jersey.

That year, we couldn’t go up to visit because your dad had used up all his vacation to stay home with us when you were born.

When we did go up to visit after you were born, Grandma still would never close the restaurant and take a day off, so we would drive 17 hours up and spend a week, to have part of a Sunday to spend with your Grandma, although I heard lots of stories about how when Uncle A and his family went up, she would close the restaurant and rent them a house on the beach, paying for everything.  Grandma frequently complained about your Aunt K and how she could not “do enough or spend enough” to make Aunt K happy.  She complained about how your aunt had her girls in those little girl beauty pageants and was always asking Grandma to buy the dresses she needed for competitions.  She complained that Aunt K abused prescription drugs.  (I never saw anything to indicate this, and from what I saw of your aunt, she was a very good mother.  To be fair to your aunt K, your grandma complained about your uncle’s first wife until he married his 2nd wife, and then she only had good things to say about the first wife.  I have no doubt that Grandma had plenty to say about me to your aunt.  I always suspected that grandma kind of liked the tension between your dad and his brother. )

Daddy and I never cared about renting a house at the beach or anything else, we just wanted your grandma to spend some time with us, and especially with you.  We always went up and stayed in her tiny pre-fab home, and it was fine with us.  Later on, I did worry about taking you up there because your grandma fed dozens of feral cats, and the backyard was like a big litterbox.  I really didn’t want you playing out in that yard.  The inside wasn’t as bad.  Grandma had four inside cats in her and someone was always throwing up somewhere or missing the litterbox.  You know I am an animal person, but it did bother me a little bit in the house as well, once we had you, but I tried to ignore it and never said anything about it.

Another time, early in our marriage, your Grandma was going to come down and spend Christmas with us one year, but at the last minute decided to go to a Slot Machine Tournament in Las Vegas instead.  I was pretty hurt by that as we’d been planning on it, and she didn’t let us know until almost the last minute.   Grandma sent us some of the promotional gifts she received for attending the tournament.  You know the lamp that was on the old sewing machine in the living room?  That came from there along with the candle holders that were in the china cabinet.

In April of 1995, Kenny Died.  He was out in the yard working on one of his cars and had a heart attack.  I can’t remember who found him, maybe the neighbors, but your grandma was at the restaurant working when it happened.  Of course it was horrible.  There was lots of drama when the EMTs were called and Kenny’s two grown daughters came over.  Later on, your grandma noticed that a big gold necklace with a boat propeller charm she had given Kenny was missing.  Of course no one knew what happened, but it was suspected that Kenny’s daughters took it.  There were some things inside that turned up missing as well, such as a Kenny’s checkbook.  I can’t remember what happened, but I think your grandmother said the girls emptied our Kenny’s checking account.

Your grandma was understandably very upset.  Daddy and I were about to move to Hoschton, and we thought it was a good idea for me to go up with you to see Grandma.  We stayed with her, and sat with her through all the tears and while arrangements were made.  I think your grandma appreciated me being there with her, and I know you were a wonderful distraction for her.  You were such a sweet baby, just having you around made grandma smile.

Kenny was cremated and the funeral was rather awkward.   Daddy and your uncle A came up.  On one side of the funeral home was Kenny’s wife, daughters, and other family and friends, and on the other side was your grandma, your uncle, Daddy and me, and a few friends.

Kenny was cremated, and since he loved the water, your grandma rented a boat for everyone to go out on to release the ashes.  That was a little awkward too.  The ashes were divided between Kenny’s wife and your grandma.  Like the funeral, the boat was divided with Kenny’s wife and family on one side and Kenny’s mistress and family on the other side.  Before we left, the captain of the boat stopped your dad and I and gave your Dad $200.  He said that Grandma had overpaid and over tipped and that she gave them too much money already and he wanted to return this extra tip she had given him.  Your daddy quietly put the money in your Grandma’s purse and didn’t say anything about it to her about it.  Grandma’s purse was always stuffed with cash, so she wouldn’t have even noticed an extra $200 in it.

You were 2 ½ years old when we stopped toing up to visit your grandma.  We drove a long 17 hours up (since Daddy always wanted to drive straight through and not stop to spend the night), and it was pretty miserable for you.  It was the trip we often talked about how you had learned the song, “You Are My Sunshine” and we were singing it in the car, and you pounded your little fists on the car seat and sang very loudly, “You are NOT my sunshine…..You make me NOT happy….”’   You also pounded your fists and chanted, “Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out…..”

We had a pretty good visit, and took you to Storybook Land ( http://storybookland.com ) on Sunday afternoon, which was so much fun.  That was the only day we could really do something because, as usual, Grandma wouldn’t take a day off. You loved it.  You should be able to find the photos I took of that trip in the boxes of photos in that breakfast nook drawer where I always kept them.

I don’t even remember what your grandma got mad over, but we got the cold shoulder once again at the end of the trip, and by the time we left, I was so ready to go home.  I think it was the day before we left when we went out to eat. (Grandma never cooked, but working like she did, who could blame her?)  Grandma Harriett had a fairly new waitress working for them, named Maureen, and all through dinner Grandma talked about Maureen and how she loved Maureen and people thought Maureen was her daughter, and how she wanted to take Maureen here, and wanted to go there with Maureen, and Maureen said this, blah, blah, blah………..  I knew this was directed at me because usually when we visited, and we’d go to the restaurant, Grandma loved to tell people I was her daughter-in-law like she almost forgot that was her son that was with me.  I always enjoyed how she seemed to be so proud of me.

Of course, I was hurt after this trip, and Grandma wasn’t speaking to us again.  I was so tired of having a fair-weather- friend.  When your grandma was nice, she was like one of my best friends and she would call to talk to me, barely saying hello to Daddy.  I would also call her, like one of my girlfriends, over any little thing I wanted to tell her.  But when Grandma was mad, you (or we) got the cold shoulder for months.

I’m trying to remember what year that was, I think 1996, and Daddy and I had been married for 12 years, and during those 12 years the only time your grandma took a day off when we visited was when Kenny died.   Her visits down south to see us were usually about 2 days.

After that visit, I told Daddy I wasn’t going up there anymore.  I wasn’t fair to drag you all the way up there for what usually ended up being pretty much one day of time spent with your grandma.  I was also tired of the love –hate way that grandma treated us.  I told Daddy that your grandma was welcome at our home anytime, but I wasn’t going back up there.  Daddy didn’t argue and never said a word about it.  He never spoke with his mother and asked her to take time off when we visited like she did for your Uncle and his family.  Eventually, I figured Daddy would want to go back up, but he never said anything about it.  He couldn’t stand up for his family and tell his mother she needed to spend time with us when we came all that way to visit.

The next time we saw your grandma was about a year later when she was traveling back from Disney World with her new boyfriend, Rex.  Your Grandma and Rex stopped and spent the night at your Uncle’s and then drove on to see us and stayed for about 3 hours because they were in a hurry to get home.  (Grandma had promised to go to Disney with us one day, but I knew that would never happen.  She would never close the restaurant to do that for us, but she would for a boyfriend.  Later on, you told me that you remembered Grandma saying she’d go to Disney with us, but you were pretty young, so I thought you must have made it up.)

Rex was a little more demanding of Grandma’s time and she went on a trip to Iceland with him, closing the restaurant for that trip.  Sadly, the relationship didn’t last, but they were together for a year or so.

A  year or so later, we were going to Tybee, and out of the blue, I got some mail from your grandmother.  There wasn’t anything personal in it, just some Xeroxed copies of silly sayings, quotes, cartoons,  etc.  I thought this was ridiculous, since Grandma didn’t even talk to us, but I sent your Grandma a letter, inviting her to go with us to Tybee.  I told her the dates we were going and that we had a condo with plenty of room and all she had to do was fly down and we would pick her up and do the rest.  She never responded to my letter.

I gave up on inviting your grandma to anything else.  She finally retired and sold the diner, and I thought Daddy would want to go up to visit since she was no longer working.  I guess I should have brought it up, but after being hurt so many times by your grandma, I was hesitant and let it slide and Daddy never mentioned going up to New Jersey, although he did see your grandma sometimes when he drove up that way for UPS and she would come meet him for dinner.

I think I told you that with your grandma, I always thought of her as someone who loved drama.  I used to say, “there are no molehills” with your grandma, only mountains.  I’m sure when you and Daddy went to visit after your  “sexually and physically abused” stories, Grandma was all over it.

When Grandma found out your uncle was cheating on his wife, she was fine with it.  She just wanted him to be happy.  She told me about meeting the mistress and how your uncle left his wife and moved in with the mistress and then went back to his wife.  She complained about the mistress (Wife #2) calling her, sobbing and carrying on because your uncle went back to his wife.  Later on, your uncle left his wife a 2nd time and moved in with his mistress.  It was your Grandpa Danny that told Uncle A that he had an obligation to his wife and family, and so your uncle moved back in with his wife again.  At this point, I thought your Aunt K was kind of stupid because she’d been through this once already, so why let a married man move in with you a second time while he was still married?  Grandma again talked about how the poor mistress was so hurt that your uncle had left her to return to his wife a 2nd time.

You know the rest of this story, how your Aunt L (first wife)  gave up and threw your uncle out, but by then the mistress had had a baby by someone else, and then married the man, later left him, and  eventually, your uncle and your Aunt K got back together.  They have been married a long time now, so maybe that was meant to be.

Anyway, Emma, what I wanted to say was to be very careful of how you treat your mother-in-law and your sister-in-law.  I heard some lies you were telling about Sherry Buchheim and about Caitlin Buchheim, and you know that it is wrong.  From what Sherry told me, you spent very little time with Caitlin, so why the need to lie about your her?  I think you can’t help lying, but that is for another post, and I will get to that later.  You are what you are.

In my case, there is enough blame to go around.  I should not have cut off your grandmother like I did.   You know that I come from my own dysfunctional family, so I never really learned how to handle difficult people.  I guess I was a lot like your dad in that I wanted your grandma to like me, and I didn’t know how to deal with someone who loved me one minute and wasn’t speaking to me the next.  I was a young wife and mother and had my own insecurities, and it was very hurtful to me the way your grandma acted.  I should have handled things differently.  Your dad should have stuck up for his family, which he just couldn’t do, and your grandma should have treated us a little better.  We all had fault here.  I hope you will learn from my mistakes and from the mistakes you have already made and do a little better with your in-laws.

Love,

Mom