The Police Dog Meme

Posted on September 3, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, works as a teaching assistant for Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and Emma works leasing swanky apartments in Frisco. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Just a couple of light thoughts today.

Police Dog

Ok, so I kept seeing this meme pop up, and I liked it but did not save it, so when I tried to go back and find it, I couldn’t. Darn! So……….. I just made my own. For someone who’s not too computer savy (and sadly had a husband who kept telling me I didn’t need to know how to do things because he would always be there to help me), I’m pretty pleased with myself for mastering the meme generator! I like this one better than the one I saw earlier.

Anyway, if you know the history of Emma, one of her better lies, er stories, was the one about being searched by a drug dog in high school. Emma claimed that a boy, JB, who lived in our neighborhood and rode the school bus with Emma, had a grudge against Emma’s “friend” C. (later Emma called her an “acquaintance” rather than a friend), so he turned the group of them in, claiming they had drugs on the bus……………… Emma went on to say that she got called out of class to be searched by a drug dog, and told the officer how she volunteered with a rescue………… It was a GREAT story, and Emma put so much detail into it, that it’s a shame it wasn’t true. (But her dad doesn’t think she has a lying problem.) To tell such a great story, I’m wondering did Emma rehearse it, or to good liars just work on the fly?

The other thing I wanted to share with Emma was a gift for Tyler, the Good Architect. I saw these and thought they were so cute for the Leggo enthusiast! (or appropriate for a Bob the Builder like Tyler!) So, Emma, there’s a Christmas idea for you, or you can get Tyler one and tell him it’s from me!

Leggo Mug

Love,

Maze

I LOVE This Mom!

Posted on August 28, 2018 by losingemma

I LOVE this Mom!

I’m a little late to the party, but if you haven’t seen it, check out Nicole Walter’s video of paying a visit to her daughter’s college:

https://www.westernjournal.com/l/slarson/mom-shows-daughters-college-doesnt-respond-text-calls-3-days/

I’m not sure which one of my FB friends posted it first, but by the time I found it, she already had something like 7 million views, and it is hilarious! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with embarrassing your kids, especially in such a humorous way, to get them to straighten up, and there is also a follow-up video where the daughter admits her parents were right.

Of course, Nicole probably has what I would consider a “normal” daughter, and I have Emma. If you are a frequent reader, you know as Emma’s mom, I think Emma has a personality disorder such as narcissism, sociopath/psychopathy, borderline, or perhaps bits of several personality disorders (PDs). In Emma’s case, I don’t know that showing up at Emma’s college after she ghosted her parents for 3 days would have had the desired effect.

I remember Phill and I watching the Roseanne show, and I think it was before Emma was born, but there was an episode where Roseanne wore overalls and acted like a goober and went to her kids’ school to embarrass one of them, I think it was Darlene, and Phill saying that was the kind of parent he wanted to be. If our kid(s) acted up, he thought embarrassing them would be great, not that he ever followed through with that threat.

I will admit, that when Emma was attending Piedmont College in Demorost, Ga., I did consider going up there and handing out flyers with the web address. I guess that’s still an idea. Anyone want to take a road trip to Frisco, Texas? We could visit Emma’s swanky apartment complex and hand out flyers. Maybe one day.

I don’t write the blog to embarrass Emma, and I have offered to take it down, but as long as my daughter goes around telling people that she was molested by a priest, and abused by her mother, I will tell her story. (Someone needs to write a country song about Poor Emma’s sad little life! She has a dog (two) but as far as I know, Emma and Tyler don’t have a pick-up.)

As a mother, and talking to my friends who are mothers, the past couple of weeks have been pretty gut wrenching. There was the story of Mollie Tibbetts body being found, and there was the story about pregnant mom Shannan Watts and her two little girls Bella and Celeste, all murdered by her husband, the children’s father. How does someone murder their own children? Crimes of passion I can almost understand, but when you see pictures of little innocent babies, I will never understand it.

There was also a young lady from Alabama, on a camping trip with her family here in Georgia, a recent college graduate with her whole life in front of her, who was battling her own demons and committed suicide, by weighing herself down and drowning while on a family camping trip. My coworkers and I were talking about these stories, and there was almost an overwhelming sadness in the air. It just seemed like a week with one sad story after another. In at least two of these stories, there is some sort of mental illness or PD. Is Chris Watts a sociopath to kill his family and then try to say his wife killed the girls because he was going to leave her? How could he expect that anyone would believe that? He thinks that much of himself that he can spout this garbage and think people will fall for it? That is some kind of ego!

In the suicide case, there must have been some sort of depression for the young lady to feel her life was so hopeless and it is heartbreaking to think this girl didn’t realize that she had a bright future in front of her.

Is Mollie Tibbetts killer another sociopath, someone with no regard for someone else’s life. Random murders, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, are particularly frightening because there is no rhyme of reason to them.

I’m still reading and learning about PDs even though it is not one of my favorite subjects. God bless the people who work with the mentally ill, because it is not a job for most folks. When I was a student, I didn’t enjoy my rotation working with the mentally ill at a psych facility. I lucked out and got an pretty easy rotation working with teens, but I had decided that psych mostly consisted of substance abuse and some pretty heavy mental illness. I learned early on that I don’t have a lot of patience for substance abuse and what someone chooses to do to themselves. And, for the people who are truly crazy, there’s not a lot that can really help them anyway. The schizophrenics were really sad. Of course that’s a generalization, and some diagnoses can be helped. Bipolars, for example do pretty well if they stay on their medication, but sadly, many of them start a cycle of thinking they are fine and stop their meds and then everything falls apart and they repeat this pattern over and over again.

In Emma’s case, I feel like Phill and I missed some hallmark warning signs, but neither of us were well educated in mental illness, so we didn’t know what to be looking out for. Emma’s whole life, we never understood how punishment didn’t matter to Emma, and she didn’t get cause and effect, but it wasn’t until I got out of my home and started some research and realized Emma’s whole life was pretty much a lie. She lied about almost everyone she ever met. I felt so stupid! I had absolutely no idea just what a compulsive liar Emma was! Almost everything that came out of her mouth! Some of the lies were silly and harmless, but what’s with the lying? Which PDs are asscoiated with chronic lying? What is wrong with my daughter?

Most children outgrow lying, but Emma was still going at it fast and furious as the age of 17, so I would be willing to bet that she hasn’t slowed down and she is still a great teller of tall tales. Getting older and more education and more life experience, I’m sure Emma has gotten more skillful with her lying, even better than she did as a teen. I just hate to think of all the people she may have hurt along the way, and I’m sure Tyler, being busy with work and school and in love, probably hasn’t caught on yet. I worry about Emma hurting others. We didn’t raise her that way, but once your kids are grown, you have no control. Apparently, we didn’t have a lot of control anyway, but I tried.

A year or two after Phill had me thrown out of our home, a friend was talking to me and brought up that she didn’t trust Emma and worried that Emma might try to hurt me. She mentioned how she knew I liked to walk my dog at all hours, sometimes in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, and she worried that Emma might run me over. At first, I laughed. At this time, I was living in the middle of downtown in a small town, a poor area, and since the road my house was on didn’t have a sidewalk, and I would have to walk on the edge of the road just on that particular street. I have to admit that I got a little paranoid for a bit there. I would walk quickly on my little street because there wasn’t much of a shoulder to get out of the way of oncoming cars, and I was a little more nervous at night when I couldn’t see who or what was approaching me with it’s headlights one. Overall, at first I thought my friend was being silly, but what she said still gave me pause.

Last week, I was having dinner with a friend whom I’d met probably right around the time Phill threw me out of our home, and she knows the whole story, but never had the honor of meeting Emma. Having known her share of crazy people though, she gets that Emma is my daughter, and I still love her even after all she’s done, but as we were talking, I said, “You know, this is the first time I’ve ever said this out loud, but I actually think I’m better off without her in my life. I’m safer, anyway.” and I told her about what my friend had said a few years before about how she was worried that Emma might try to hurt me. It’s sad, yes, and it’s strange to think about my daughter and be grateful she’s in Texas and not anywhere close by.

Hug your children and keep them safe.

That being said, if you’ve got an Emma story for me, I’ll buy you a pizza and a starbucks card! Lol.

HalloweenPublix2000

Happy Fall, Emma!

Happy Birthday Tyler Buchheim (and The World is Changing)

Posted on August 21, 2018 by losingemma

Happy 27^th Birthday to Tyler Buchheim! (And The World Is Changing)

I just wanted to wish my son-in-law, Tyler Buchheim a very happy 27^th birthday! Tyler has a degree in architecture, went to the Flat Iron School to be a Full Stack Developer, and don’t ask me what that is other than it sounds like a Jack-of-all-Trades in computers. In other words, someone who knows a little about many different areas, but not necessarily an expert in any of them. Sounds like a good plan to me. If you have a little knowledge about many different areas, you know where to go to find what you need, and you can always work on learning more about a particular area should the need arise.

Tyler is now a teaching assistant at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and I guess working on his Master’s Degree. Happy Birthday, Tyler! Hope you have a wonderful day!

The World is Changing

So, this morning I saw an article about careers that are disappearing, and I took a glance at it. Some of the jobs listed were:

Travel Agent

Mortgage Broker

Postal Worker

Architect

Middle Managers

As I was reading, I remembered having a conversation with Phill maybe 8-10 years ago, sometime before Emma’s poop storm hit the fan, where he’d seen a similar article and he was telling me about it. It’s been so long, I don’t remember what was listed in the article he was reading except for two of them: a fashion designer and an architect.

Then my daughter goes and marries her an architect…..

TylerND

My wonderful son-in-law, a Notre Dame Graduate! (Go DAWGS!) You can check out some of Tyler’s work on Github: https://github.com/buchheimt

No, just kidding. I’m glad to see Tyler changing and adapting to the world and not stuck in one little box. If you work in any field with any kind of technology in it, things are going to changes. Jobs are lost to automation, so people have to adjust too. Jobs 20 years ago may not exist anymore, so you have to keep expanding your skills and keep yourself relevant. A job you have now, may not exist 20 years from now, so you’d better keep your eyes open as to what’s going on around you.

I once had a copy of an essay written by a great aunt, I believe she wrote it in the 1970’s and it was called something like, “From Oxen to Jet Plane.” (Hopefully Phill saved it because I didn’t find it in my personal possessions that he dumped in that storage unit, but I’m sure I can get a copy from one of my cousins.) My great aunt had written about how the family had traveled from Texas to Oklahoma by oxen and wagon and all the changes she’d seen over her lifetime. Now they seem minuscule compared to the changes I’ve seen over my lifetime.

Recently, a friend and I were discussing how cell phones have changed things. I don’t wear a watch, or have a camera (although I would like a digital SLR and to take some photoshop classes, but that’s another story). I don’t use an alarm clock, but use my cell phone instead. Most of my friends use their cell phone for their calendar, but I still have to have my old fashioned pocket calendar, I’m afraid. I also use my cell phone for it’s GPS and it’s calculator. I know several people who don’t even have a computer, but use their cell phone for e-mail, facebook, etc. I wonder how much cell phones and e-mail have affected not just the post office, but the greeting card industry.

When Phill and I were first married, we lived near the big Kodak facility in Chamblee, GA., and young people today would have no idea what Kodak and the yellow boxes were. These kids probably can’t imagine the possibilities those little yellow boxes held for us, hoping we got that great photo we wanted, and they of the instant gratification generation can’t even imagine having to wait a week to pick up their photos after they were developed and made into prints!

One time, Phill and I drove Emma and the church youth kids on an outing, and somehow we got on the topic of microwaves, and the kids just could not fathom that Phill and I had grown up without a microwave in our homes. I was telling the kids how expensive they were when they first came out, and how a friend’s family had gotten one, and we would go over and make ham and cheese sandwiches because we thought it was the coolest thing in the world to be able to stick it in the microwave and have a hot sandwich with the cheese all melted and gooey in just 30 seconds or a minute.

One of the things I hate about change is how everything becomes the same. We had a friend who’s dad ran an office supply store, and just after opening his 3^rd store, Office Max and Staples moved in, and he ended up going out of business. I always thought that was so sad. I hate visiting another city, or even another country, and seeing it look like home with the same fast food chains, Bed Bath and Beyond, Home Depot, etc. Thank goodness, the south has all it’s individual BBQ places and the northeast has it’s individual pizza places!

So, Tyler, I’m proud of you for continuing to learn and adapt, and can’t wait to see where life takes you. It is an interesting world for sure! And just know, I’ll be rooting against you at the GA vs. Notre Dame Game!

And thank you to my readers for waiting to patiently on another entry. No, I’m not nearly finished on writing about Emma. I’ve just have a lot of real life going on like everybody else!

Emma’s Moral COMPASS

Posted on June 26, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, works for Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and Emma works leasing swanky apartments in Frisco. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Emma’s Moral COMPASS (Ok, so the title is a little play on words there.)

I recently, I had one of those Facebook “You Memories” come up from 2010, and here it is:

Emma compas

During this time, we were trying to figure out what we were doing with Emma and her education. She’d become a most uncooperative homeschooler. She hated Jackson County Comprehensive High School which she had started in 9^th grade and then halfway through the year was vomiting and missing so much school that she had to finish 9^th grade on line and then did 10^th grade on line, and that seemed to make her even more isolated. It was during 10^th grade that Emma made up the story about being molested by the priest. I think she was mostly on line chatting rather than doing school work, but in any event, on line school did not seem the right choice for a young lady who was already seemed to spend too much time alone. Emma was interested in going to college at Pensacola Christian College. She liked the idea of the strictness of it and how it promoted modesty and purity. Girls were not permitted to wear slacks, but had to wear dresses and stockings, and I think there was a rule about how boys and girls couldn’t walk together unless they were in a group. During this time, Emma was very paranoid about her “molester” seeking revenge or retribution on her, so she really liked the idea of a closed campus and felt she would be safe there. PCC sounded great on some levels, but I was concerned because it wasn’t an accredited school, so I was trying to talk to people and read about how this could affect Emma should we choose to send her there. I had a friend who’s daughter graduated there as a teacher, but could only teach in private schools, not public, and I didn’t like the idea of Emma being limited in her career should she go there. We also had some neighbors whose daughter went to PCC and found it too strict and confining.

I don’t remember how we started looking into Gwinnett Tech, but I think someone had suggested it. I did some research, and looked at their programs. At the time, Emma was interested in nursing, and she could have gone there and gotten a 2 year degree, although it probably would have taken 3 years, taken state boards, and earned her RN. Emma and I had a lot of conversations about this, and I remember us talking about travel nursing. I had told her it would be a way to see the country and being young and single, if that was what she thought she wanted, it would be a good time in her life to do that. She could use her dad and I as her home base and take assignments wherever she wanted to go. For a while, Emma was pretty interested in that idea. We decided, or I guess I decided, to let Emma take the COMPASS, the college placement test.

Of course, if you know the impulsive nature of teenagers, Emma was jumping on this idea of starting college at 16 and planning her future, while I was telling her to slow down and it was something we were looking into, but nothing was definite. Emma didn’t seem to hear me at all and was full steam ahead with her plans for college. I, on the other hand, was researching the pros and cons of starting college without ever obtaining a high school diploma. Should Emma get a GED? How do we make that jump from high school to college without a diploma. Would it hurt her in the future to not have graduated high school?

Another thing I was concerned about was throwing a 16 year old in with a bunch of 18 and older college students. This was all during the time that we believed Emma had been molested, before I started researching and discovering what a liar my daughter was about pretty much everything and everybody. We were still dealing with the make believe trauma of Emma’s supposed molestation, and I felt we needed to get through that before we threw her into the college setting.

Emma, who liked to say, “I have Google in my head.” was definitely a smart child, and I was so proud of her smarts. I knew, she could be whatever she wanted to be in life with that little brain of hers, but did she have the maturity needed for college? I’d known her dad when he was in college and he refused to put effort into classes that he thought were a waste of time, and thus he never finished college. What if Emma was the same way? How would Emma handle the drinking and partying crowd in college? I’d been hoping to see signs of maturity in Emma. I was hoping that she would show us that she could be responsible in other areas so that we could feel like she was responsible enough to get her driver’s license (although Phill still wanted her to wait until she was 18 to do that) and maybe get a part time job. Funny how Emma always made me out to be the mean (strict) mommy, but I was the one who wanted to see her get her driver’s license. I kept hoping she would show us she was mature enough to take on that privilege.

I talked to other home school moms, mother’s of college kids, teachers, and did a lot of reading on line. As usual, Phill said whatever I decided was fine. I talked to him about it, and tried to get his opinion, but he stayed out of it and was more interested in his RC groups and chatting on the computer and flying toy air planes. Finally, I just couldn’t seen Emma starting college at 16. It didn’t feel like the right decision. I felt like it would probably be better to get Emma back in public school and let her do joint or dual enrollment and take college classes while she finished high school. Emma was smart, but there’s a lot more to college than just smarts, and the two things that nagged at me were that fact that Emma would have no high school diploma, and I just wasn’t sure Emma was mature enough to start college full force.

Another reason I wanted Emma in high school was to give her more time around her peers before she started college. Yes, Emma was that Unsocialized homeschooler. Emma had had a pretty sheltered life, which can be good in some ways, and not so good in others. Homeschoolers typically are fairly good kids because mom and dad keep a pretty close eye on them and are usually involved in their kids lives. I worked for the arts program where Emma attended classes, and they kids were all pretty well behaved because if they weren’t, the program would ask them to leave. Public schools don’t have that option, and we’ve all heard the horrible stories of bullying, ostracizing, harassment and such that go on in public schools. As a mom who worked at the program, I was proud of the kids there. I saw a lot more tolerance and acceptance, and I thought it was because the kids were more individuals than the kids at public schools were. The kid who studied martial arts didn’t put down the kid who studied art. There were so many kids who were into so many different things.

The sheltered part of Emma’s upbringing that may have also been a negative was the fact that Emma wasn’t exposed to enough differences as far as race and religion. Phill and I were pretty much homebodies, and didn’t go out a lot, so Emma’s life consisted of her family, her homeschool groups, our church, and her various activities. In our homeschool groups, there were very few families of color, and the same for our church, although there were a few there as well. As a teen, Emma had all the answers and became rather prejudice and bigoted and Phill joked privately that Emma was “Right of right” and called her a mini-racist or a little racist (although he only said this to me, and not to Emma). I chalked it up to Emma’s limited worldliness, and figured she would outgrow her views. Emma had also decided that being gay was a choice and was wrong, and Emma was very judgmental on anyone who didn’t live up to her standards. Since Phill and I were pretty easy going about social issues, we talked openly with Emma about whatever she wanted to discuss, and we didn’t know where her strict black and white standards came from because we’d always been more “live and let live” kind of people. There was no grey with Emma. She had her opinions and beliefs and if we didn’t agree with her, we were wrong. You know how teenagers think mom and dad are stupid and they have all the answers? And then they grow up and realize they know a lot less than they thought they did and mom and dad actually had some wisdom (and life experience) and were a lot smarter than they thought. Well, that was what I was hoping to see in Emma one day. Still not there.

For the half year Emma attended public school she complained about the drugs, loose morals, all the pregnant girls, and the blacks and the Mexicans. According to Emma, the black kids got away with anything because the teachers were too afraid of being accused of racism to stand up to them, and every Mexican that Emma knew was poor and came from a family of 10 -14 kids. Emma complained about a Mexican kid that rode her school bus and lived in downtown Hoschton, in a dilapidated home with taped up windows. I asked her where the house was, and even drove around looking, but funny thing, I never found it.

When Emma complained about black kids at school, I tried to talk to her about cultural differences. Yes, inner city kids might be very different from Emma, but if she looked at the families at our church who were not white, they were just like us, living in middle class neighborhoods, going to school, playing sports, etc. If you remember from an earlier post, Emma claimed a black boy in her drama class had accused her of being a racist and of not liking black people. I doubt there was any truth to that story that this boy, out of the blue, accused Emma of not liking black people, and I’m sure it came out of Emma’s imagination, but Emma claimed to have told the boy that she preferred to judge people on the content of their character and not the color of their skin and then said that the boy didn’t even get that she was quoting Dr. Martin Luther King. (And as I said, I doubt there’s any truth to this story whatsoever, but it seems like the young man’s last name was Washington, so maybe we should look him up and see if he remembers.)

Emma didn’t like any of the girls on the drama crew because they were all lesbians, according to Emma.

While staying at a friend’s home who lived in a Mexican neighborhood, Emma claimed the Mexicans were shooting guns, in order to make it sound scary and to fulfill her role as victim, rather than tell the truth and admit they were shooting off fireworks on the holiday like we’d seen on so many other holidays when we’d been over at our friend’s house. What’s a teenager without a little drama?

Emma in the play Metamorphosis at Jackson County Comprehensive High School. DRAMA!

Emma and I attended a ladies’ bible study, and there were a couple of women who had daughters or their son’s girlfriends who got pregnant. I know in two cases that I remember, the young women didn’t attend the group, but we heard all bout what was going on from the grandmothers-to be. Then, there was the daughter of one of the women, a few years older than Emma, who started coming to our group, and was pregnant. Emma was very judgmental, and it didn’t help that the young lady’s baby daddy was Mexican and I think was married, but in any event already had two or three other children. When our group leader mentioned we could have a shower for this young lady, everyone jumped on the idea to celebrate this little baby, that is, everyone except Emma. Later, when Emma and I were alone, she complained about how we were rewarding this young lady for doing something wrong. I tried to talk to Emma about how this young lady was in for a difficult life as a single mom, and she needed our love and support. I told her how fortunate this mom-to-be was to have two loving parents who were there to help take care of her baby, and since Emma was so staunchly ProLife, we needed to support this girl who could have taken the easy way out and chosen to have an abortion. In Emma’s mind, this young woman did not live up to her high standards. Emma kind of missed the part in church about how as Christians, we are all sinners. Emma’s own sins weren’t near as bad as someone who had sex before marriage and had a mixed race baby. Sadly, I don’t think “humble” is in Emma’s vocabulary. I remember when all the craziness started, and an adult friend who knew Emma some, but not well, told me she always felt that Emma considered herself superior to everyone else. Well, as a mom, of course, it breaks your heart to have someone think that about your child, but believe it or not, I tried to teach Emma to be kind to other people.

I would like to say that Emma changed after that beautiful baby boy was born, and his mother and grandmother brought him to our bible study. Emma usually liked little kids, but she had no interest in him, which was fine because the rest of us wanted to hold him and pass him around. Once you earned a place on Emma’s naughty list, I don’t think it’s easy to get off it.

So, you can see from the above why I thought maybe Emma had been a little too sheltered. I had hoped going to public school and maybe attending college at the same time might be good for Emma. Having grown up in a military family, I had a hard time understanding Emma’s prejudice and bigotry. When my family was overseas, we were just glad to meet kids who spoke English. We didn’t care what color they were!

Did I think Emma was ready for college? Academically, I think she might have been fine, but I thought Emma needed to grow up a little more before she started college. I just didn’t think she was mature enough. Well, you can imagine how this situation went over—————like a ton of bricks. Once again, I was the evil mommy who hated her, didn’t want her to be happy. The only reason she wasn’t starting college at 16 was because her mommy was MEAN! Story of my life. Emma had no idea how agonizing this decision was for me and how much time I put in to making it. Had Emma done things like her chores without having to be told over and over again, or picking up her room without being told, had she been a little more responsible, I might have felt differently.

I have often wondered if Emma’s views on social issues (blacks, gays, lesbians, Mexicans…..) have changed. Did going to college (all 4 of them), living in Ohio with in-laws who are political opposites to Emma and living in California, and Texas change Emma’s feelings about people that are different from her? Hopefully, she had some exposure to other cultures and her world got a little bigger She was a know it all teen, but I’m hoping at 24 ½ years now, and with a little more life experience, that she’s realizing people are people and cute babies are cute babies, and we don’t care what color they are or if their mom’s were married when they had them.

The Car, the Card, and the Kitten Part 3

Posted on May 1, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works leasing apartments. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Part 3, The Kitten

So, in the middle of this pretty crazy week of spring break, working overtime and short staffed, dealing with trying to get my car repaired and getting the runaround by the LD (local dealer), I’m out walking my dog early one chilly morning, and what do we stumble upon, but a kitten. This poor little calico was crying and crying, walking towards me and then running away, wanting me to save her, but scared at the same time, and I couldn’t just leave her. She was wet and shivering, so finally she got close enough that I scooped her up and tucked her inside my coat.

Weighing just over a pound, I brought the kitty home and sat down with her, and she immediately fell asleep in my arms. Could she be any more pitiful? My neighbor and I tried to figure out was she dumped? Or could she have been part of a little that was living in the woods and maybe a coyote or loose dogs got the rest of them?

Kitten2018

Now I’m trying to deal with the stupid car dealer about getting my car repaired, and I have this orphan kitten! I tried to get an appointment to take her to my vet on my one day off out of 9, but they have no appointments that day. I talk to a fellow rescue volunteer who agreed to meet me to give me some wormer for the kitten, and since she was healthy, it shouldn’t hurt to wait until the following week to take her to the vet. My neighbor gave me some dry cat food, and I go out to Dollar General for some canned cat food, a litter pan, and some litter. Of course, I forgot about a scoop, so later that day I go back out for a litter scoop.

Let me just mention that I am not really a cat person. I like cats ok, but I like other people’s cats. I don’t mind cats. I do kind of like them, but at this point in my life, I don’t really want one right now. I used to joke with Phill that we were a mixed marriage because he was a cat person and I was a dog person. I also said that cats were pets for lazy people because a dog is a lot more work, which is true. I do like them both, but I am more of a dog person. To be honest, a cat would actually be a better fit in my working lifestyle, but I would rather have a dog and pay a dog sitter to come while I’m at work, than to have a cat, so I’ve found what works for me. I wouldn’t mind a cat, and now, after this experience, I think my dog would LOVE for me to adopt a kitten, but I would have to get my yard cat proofed so the cat would be able to go outside some and not escape. Having had a couple of cats in past, unless you have a really big house (which I don’t), I don’t think they are happy just being inside cats, but then I don’t want a cat who can be wandering off who knows where, either, so maybe one day I will get my fence cat proofed, and then I will make my dog happy by getting him his very own kitten.

So back to my story………..at this point, I don’t really have a plan, but figure I will get the kitten vetted out and try to find her a home. I have no idea how my dog will react to this kitten if I am not there to supervise, so that night when I go to bed, I put food, water, litter pan, blankets, and kitty in the bathroom on the opposite side of the house from my bedroom. I hear her meow and complain, but since I have to go to work the next day, I just put the pillow over my head. After a few minutes, I think, “Gosh, that kitten is getting louder and louder.” and I take the pillow off of my head. Surprise! Kitten was so small that she was able to crawl under the door of the bathroom and she was standing in my bedroom!

At this point, I just want to go to bed. I have a 12 hour day the following day, so I say, “Ok, kitty, you can get in the bed.” and kitty settled down and went to sleep until about 3am when she announced that she was hungry. Being so tiny, I figured she couldn’t make it though the night without eating, so I get up and fix her some canned food.

The next morning, when I go to work, I stuff a mat under the bathroom door so kitty won’t be able to escape, and then me, my dog, and the kitty get in to a routine, but I still really don’t want to keep the kitty. I think my dog, however, would have loved to keep the kitty, and I think kitty loved my dog. In fact, they were adorable together, but,as I mentioned the busy road behind my house, and my fence is not cat proofed, this is just not the time.

After a few days, I hear from my vet about a client who lost her 14 year old cat and the family’s dog was grieving and missing the cat, and the whole family wants another cat, so the vet gives her my number, and she texts and we chat and I send her photos of the cat and I invite her over the following day to meet the kitten. (I had heard from a couple of people who were interested, but were looking for an outside cat, and I would have kept the kitten before I let that happen!)

As it turned out, this family was PERFECT. The had three sweet kids, ages 12 (twins) and 16, and wanted an inside cat, and they came over to meet the kitty, and of course fell in love. (How could you not?) Later on, I heard the dog was in love with her too, so I could not have asked for anything more! They’ve sent me pictures and a video, and the little kitty is doing great. As cute as she was, I will miss her, and dealing with her in addition to all the other things I had going on was an inconvenience, but it all worked out for the best! Have a great life little kitty!

And for those of you who haven’t seen the cute video of the dog who wants a kitten, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI4yoXyb1_M

That is my dog now!

The Car, the Card, and the Kitten

Posted on April 15, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Part One, The Card (So, I went out of order. Sue me.)

(There’s some alliteration for you, Emma. Remember learning that when we homeschooled?”)

Ok, so this post isn’t really about Emma, it’s just about life. Since a lot of you are estranged parents, divorced, struggling, and so on, you will get this. It’s just the daily things. The adventures in singledom. I once had a husband who took care of a lot of things and didn’t want me to handle the banking, the bills, the investments, the retirement, etc., and to be honest, I didn’t like dealing with car stuff or workmen on my own. I preferred Phill to be home if someone were coming to the house.

EmmaPhill

Emma and Phill at SEFF. Southeast Electric Flight Festival

The cars were always in Phill’s name, and he always took care of the registration during his birthday month (March 21, 1958—my husband just turned 60!), except for a couple of times when he didn’t. One time, I was driving Emma to private school—-about 24 miles one way—the price we pay for trying to do what’s best for our children (sigh), and I got pulled over and got a ticket because Phill had forgotten to renew the registration. I was embarrassed and thought it had to be a mistake, but it wasn’t. Phill just forgot. Later, I asked him how much the ticket was, and he said, “You don’t want to know.” and I never did ask again. I looked it up these days, and it’s about $125-135. I don’t know why Phill said I didn’t want to know. I had assumed it was a lot more than that. Emma, I think, was in kindergarten. She was still in a childseat, and I remember the officer handing me the ticket and telling me that he appreciated that I had my child buckled in safely. I guess it’s always good to give someone a compliment when you’re about to ruin their day.

Later on, Emma had made her big announcement of being sexually molested by the priest on Phill’s birthday, March 21, 2010, Phill was so distracted by everything that was going on, dealing with the church, the police, and poor Emma who was traumatized by her “repressed memories,” Phill forgot again and I got stopped again. I was driving down Hwy 124, near Mill Creek High School, when the police pulled over everyone. There were a bunch of police cars there. Spike, my lab/mix was in the back seat, hanging his head out the window, and I think the only reason I didn’t get a ticket was because Spike was a big, friendly goof and the police officer seemed to like him. For whatever reason, he let me go without a ticket that time.

Fast forward to April of 2018. I am having some car trouble, and my car is stuck in 2^nd Gear (which will be Part 2 of the story, The Car.) so I can’t drive it on the highway, and I’m driving back roads to work and being jerked around by the car dealer on when my car parts will be in. This was actually sort of a blessing in disguise because it is spring, flowers and trees are blooming, and I live in a rural area with a lot of horse farms. It was such a pretty drive, that I didn’t miss going down the highway, even though it took a little longer, With the car problems, even on back roads, I was usually going about 30mph, and I know people were pulling up behind me wondering what the heck was wrong with this old lady who’s driving so slow. I wanted to dye my hair blue. I thought about putting a sign on the car that said, “Stuck in 2^nd Gear” or “Go Around” and then I thought both “2^nd Gear” and “Go Around” would make good names for a rock band.

On this little country road, I take for most of the 13 mile trip to my job, there is 3-way stop. One morning, I was going in to work late, about 1030am, when I noticed the police conducting a traffic stop at the 3-way stop. I thought this a little odd at this time of day because there wasn’t much traffic on this little road. It just didn’t seem like a busy enough road to have a traffic stop on, but what do I know?

As I pull up and stop on this beautiful spring morning, I roll down the window, and a young officer comes up and tells me they are just checking licenses and insurance. “Oh, ok. Sure.” I pull out my license and hand it to him. The officer takes my license and walks behind my car like he’s looking at the plate, with my license. I really wondered what he was doing, but wasn’t going to ask. He comes back and hands me my license and asks for my insurance card. Figuring that that was what he was going to ask, I had already opened my glove box and pulled out a stack of papers.

As I said, Phill always took care of the car stuff, so since Phil had me thrown out of our Buck Trail, Hoschton home in April of 2011, I had always just stuck whatever car stuff there was in the glove box. Every-time I got a new insurance card, I put it in the glove box, and the same with my registration, the owners’s manual, or anything else that had to do with the car.

I pull out a wad of paper and grab one on top and hand it to the officer. “Here’s my insurance card.”

“Ma’am, this card is from 2015.” (I love southern officers. They are so polite.)

“Oops. Ok, wait a minute.”

I flip through the paper and see on that has the correct year on it and hand it to him. “Here it is.”

“Ma’am, this is your registration.”

He hands it back to me, and I look at it. Yep, he’s right. I start flipping through all these papers. “I know it’s here. I remember putting it in the car. Apparently I don’t throw anything away.”

The officer says, “That might be a good thing.”

(Pause……………………………………………………)

“Ma’am, I’m just going to take your word for it.”

I was dressed professionally and wearing my name badge, so it’s not like I looked like some bum, but I really wanted to find that card.

“No, wait a minute. I know it’s here. Here’s 2016. Here’s 2017. Wait. I’m getting closer.”

“Ma’am it’s ok. You can go.”

“But I know it’s here.”

“Really ma’am, you can go. Just make sure you have it in the car when you get home tonight.”

I always thought the police could check your insurance with either your license plate or your driver’s license, but I don’t know and thought it was probably best not to ask, so I drove on it to work, and when I got there, I flipped though all those papers and found it! Sure enough, I did have it! I almost wanted to turn around and drive back to show it to him.

To be continued……………..Part Two will be, The Car—- and dealing with car dealers, or being a woman in a man’s world, or……… In the end, there was a great service manager who knew I’d been treated poorly and he took over and made things right, but boy was it two weeks worth of aggravation!

Stepping Back

Posted on March 23, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Stepping Back

So, I was thinking about how, as parents, we have to let go, and let our children fly on their own. Ok, well, Emma’s leaving the nest wasn’t quite how I pictured. I assumed she would grow up and fly the coop, not boot out her mother and take over the nest, but hey, I always knew she was a strong-willed child…. (Emma should have been featured in Dr. Dobson’s The Strong Willed Child! And, yes, I read it.) and I was thinking about writing a Blog post entitled “Letting Go” but then I smiled and what came to mind was more having to do with stepping back, and in Emma’s case, it’s more about stepping back before Emma pushes you in front of the oncoming train.

In the past few weeks, I’ve heard from several people who’ve discovered the blog, and wanted to comment or ask me questions. I want to thank you all for your love and support. I also hope, for those of you going through your own difficulties, that you find comfort in knowing you are not alone.

I also ran into a friend, more of acquaintance, and heard some very disturbing news about her daughter, a young teen, who is probably mentally ill, under care, but not yet diagnosed. From the signs and symptoms my friend was telling me, it sounded pretty scary, with many symptoms that reminded me of Emma, but some were worse, and I feel like my friend is just at the beginning of her nightmare with this child. Having been down that road with my own daughter, I feel like could easily predict the future for this family, and it breaks my heart knowing what is to come for them.

A few years ago, I was at work, when a friend’s daughter came into the office. This young lady, who I think was right about to graduate from high school at the time, worked at a coffee shop, and stopped by with her mom’s favorite hot chocolate. We chatted, and this big high school girl sat in in mom’s lap for a few minutes, with her arms around her mom’s neck. I couldn’t help being a little jealous and wishing I had that daughter that would stop by for a hug or lunch or whatever, but it was not to be, and I’m really ok with that now. With all my flaws, I always tried to do what was best for Emma, but kids are a crap shoot. You just don’t know how they will turn out. (But whatever happens, it’s your fault! 😉 Emma went to college and has a good job, so apparently we did some things right, but I’m really not sure what type of person she is. Is my sweet girl somewhere deep inside there? Is Emma going to spend her whole life hiding from her mom, pretending to be this poor abused child, because her mom was the one who came closest to the truth about Emma?

There have been times when my coworkers were texting their kids, that I wish I had that daughter I could text and ask how her day was, what she was up to, etc., but I’m sure Emma would try to get a restraining order, so I’m not going to do that, and I’m really ok with it now. Or, I guess I am ok as I will ever be considering everything I lost. I accept my life as it is now. Recently, a friend was in the hospital and now she has several months of recovery to look forward to. As a friend, I’m hoping to be of help in the next few months while she’s going through this, going over on my days off to help out, drive her to appointments, etc., but it’s things like that that remind you how much worse things could be. No matter how bad things are, you can always look around and find someone who has it worse.

I guess about 9 out of 10 people I hear from are supportive, but every once in a while I get one of those emails, “if you want a relationship with your daughter, you shouldn’t write about her publicly…” and that gets me thinking, well, for one thing, I have given Emma the opportunity to discuss this between Emma, her dad, and myself, but also I wonder, would I want a relationship with Emma? Right now, I consider myself lucky that Emma’s favorite show wasn’t “Dateline” or I might not be here to write! (Someone pointed that out to me a while back, and I thought it was quite humorous.)

EmmaSteppingBack

Emma Roey Buchheim

If Emma weren’t my daughter, would I want a relationship with her? Ummmmmm, I can’t imagine I would. Well, superficially, Emma is lovely and charming and can be absolutely delightful, but as her mother, I knew her best, and even I didn’t believe how bad her dark side was. I thought she was the typical obnoxious, know-it-all teenager, but I kept telling myself she would outgrow that behavior and if we could just keep her on a good path, if she would get her education, she would be fine. She just had some growing up to do.

I remember years ago, before Emma was born, reading an article about an actress who was talking about teenagers. If I remember right, I think it was Jill Eikenberry, from LA Law, which Phill and I didn’t miss for a while there. (Yes, it was that long ago!) She said, humorously, something about how when your kids are teens, aliens come and take them away and replace them with these monsters…..

Knowing what I know about her now, would I want Emma in my life? I don’t think I can answer that. I love my daughter, but my daughter falsely accused a priest of sexually abusing her. Emma had no problem ruining this man’s reputation, and we all know that if a man is accused of child sexual abuse, it doesn’t matter what he’s done or does for the rest of his life, the one thing people remember is that he was accused. It’s horrifying to me that Emma would have no remorse for nearly ruining someone’s life—first the priest, and then her mom, and then once I started looking into things, I discovered Emma’s whole life was pretty much a lie. She lied about almost everyone. (A few thoughts on that coming in another post.)

Would I want someone like that in my life? If she weren’t my daughter, the answer would be a definite “NO!” but she’s still my child. I will always love that precious baby that I carried, and that little girl who was such a mommy’s girl for 17 years, the little girl I had to coax into being nice to her dad so many times, but I think I’m a lot safer loving her from a distance.

stay in your heart

Protecting the Ones We Love

Posted on March 13, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Ok, so I changed the title of this post, but I’m not changing the post, so if you’ve already read it, don’t bother. Initially, I was thinking how it’s a mother’s instinct to protect her child, and so I named the post, “A Mother’s Instinct,” but then I started comparing my situation with Emma to the local story of this murdered woman. I was thinking about how this dying woman did not want to believe her husband shot her on purpose (allegedly). I heard someone talking about she may have said, “It was an accident.” because she wanted to protect her husband, and I got to thinking about how I still wanted to protect Emma, even though she accused me of child abuse, and even though I was just beginning to uncover her lying habit. (At the time she accused me though, I had no idea how much lying Emma was doing. She pretty much lied about everything.)

Well, after a wonderful, relaxing vacation visiting friends in Fla., and then stopping on my way home to Kayak from Amelia Island to Cumberland Island, I got home, back to the grind, had a rather traumatic welcome home surprise at work on my first day back from vacation, and then got hit by a cold. One of those colds that just wears you out, but you keep going, keep working, etc, until you have a day off to crash in the bed all day. Thank goodness I have (knock wood) managed to avoid the flu, so I can’t complain too loudly about being sick, but gosh, darn, I almost made it through the whole sick season without getting sick!

I had the radio on while running around today, and I was listening to a local talk show (Eric Von Haessler—if you haven’t heard of him, I guess you would say he’s a libertarian who talks about current events and he and his crew are very funny.) Eric was talking about a local story that I’d heard about, but really hadn’t paid much attention to– A wealthy, high powered attorney who shot and killed his wife in 2016. Murder or Accident? The trial was starting today.

I was sort of half listening, as I really wasn’t that interested in the Tex McIver case, and there was a legal analyst (Ron Carlson, I think) on, and now I’m going to have to learn how to listen to a Podcast because I want to go back and hear it again, but anyway, they were talking about all the contradictions in the case. Listening to it got me a little curious, so I did some reading about it, and here are some of the things I found out about the death of Diane McIver and her husband Tex:

Tex McIver

Wife much wealthier than he was

owed wife $350,000, hence possible new will, leaving their ranch to her Godson

Offered bribe to make case go away

tried to convince witness to say she wasn’t there

sold off wife’s things shortly after her death

broke bond condition of not possessing any guns when investigators discovered a glock in his sock drawer while executing a search warrant

did not call 911 after wife shot

instead of taking wife to closest hospital, took her to a hospital further away that did not have a trauma center

Prior to his marriage to Diane, was involved in a shooting where he opened fire on three young men in a car

acrimonious divorce from his first wife who accused him of a long-time affair

Diane McIver

while dying, stated to Emory Dr. that it was an “accident”

when Dr. asked wife if she wanted to see husband, she said, “no”

Ok, so that’s for starters, and I have to admit, I’ve gotten more curious, so I’m going to have to do some more reading about the case.

What caught my attention was when the two gentlemen on the radio were discussing why Diane McIver would say her husband shooting her was an “accident.” Was Diane trying to protect her husband and she didn’t want to admit that her husband might have shot her on purpose? Maybe she just didn’t want to believe her husband could do what he’d done.

Like I said, I want to go back and listen to the segment again, but I could really relate to protecting those we love, especially as a mother.

When Emma’s attorney was about to file a law suit, and Emma and I talked about how the attorneys would need to talk to her on-line friend, “Lacey” who Emma claimed was raped and attempted suicide, Emma understood that this would be necessary for her case, to show how “Lacey’s” rape brought up Emma’s repressed memories of being molested by the priest when she was 12. Emma was fine with it and said she understood and would talk to “Lacey” and tell her that the attorneys would need to talk to her.

Of course we know how this story ends, I get the email from the attorney that he is ready to file the suit, and WHAM, all of a sudden my daughter accuses me of physically abusing her to stop the law suit before she is caught in a big fat lie. (This was a brief synopsis for those of you who may be new readers.)

When the legal analyst was talking about how Diane McIver may have been wanting to protect her husband by claiming he shot her by accident (He was in the backseat of the vehicle, how would she know?”) I thought of Emma and how I wanted to protect her.

Shortly before Christmas of 2010, my daughter accused me of abuse and we had the whole DFACS involvement, Emma went to the mental hospital, etc., and after we got her home, I just wanted to get my family back to normal. I’d begun to suspect that Emma really hadn’t been sexually abused, or maybe I’d had some doubts from the beginning, but what parent wants to believe their child made up a lie about being sexually abused?

After Emma accused me of abuse, my mind was made up that the whole thing was a lie, but I didn’t pursue it. We wanted Emma home, we were in family therapy with Suzie McGarvey, (now with North Gwinnett Counseling Associates) and had Emma in therapy, and Phill and I even went without Emma to talk to her therapist. (Big mistake because when Emma found out, she was paranoid about it and thought we were just going to “talk bad” about her, even when I told her we were trying to work on making things better as a family.) With all this going on, I still couldn’t tell anyone that I thought Emma made up the whole, “I was sexually abused by a priest” thing. I didn’t even say anything to Phill, my best friend, husband, and love of close to 30 years. I still wanted to protect her and didn’t want people thinking badly of her, even though I felt it was a lie.

Of course, hindsight is 20-20 and now I feel like Phill and I should have either sat down with Emma or sat down with Emma and a counselor and we should have gotten to the bottom of things. Maybe if we’d pushed Emma to answer some hard questions, we would have gotten to the truth a lot sooner, and my family would have been destroyed by Emma’s power struggle. Even now, I have an tiny unrealistic hope that Emma will grow up and one day tell us why she did what she did, but I guess 99% of me feels like this won’t happen. In 17 years of being Emma’s mom, I saw too much that makes me think she could be a sociopath, a narcissist, and may have some other personality disorders thrown in, so I don’t really expect Emma to change, except maybe to get better at what she does.

So, yes Diane, if you were trying to protect your husband, I completely understand. I tried to protect my daughter from being thought badly of, from her own lies, from herself, even to my own detriment. My first instinct, even with all the horrible things my daughter did, was to protect her.

hurt

Emma and the Roy Moore Effect

Posted on November 12, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Capture

My daughter, Emma Katherine Buchheim, conservative Christian, who falsely accused a priest of sexually molesting her.

Emma and the Roy Moore Effect

I have to admit, up until the latest accusation, I didn’t even know who Judge Roy Moore was. I am busy working, keeping up with my bills, paying taxes, and volunteering in what little free time I do have. I try to keep up with the news some, but that means mostly listening to the radio in the car, and a few minutes on the computer here and there reading the news. I have a television with an outside antenna, and on a good day, I get 7 channels, but if it’s raining or windy, I usually get three. Only two of them are the “big” networks (CBS and ABC) and the rest are junk. I am not that well informed. I’m hoping later to get a better antenna and get a few more stations, or at least get the stations I do get a little more reliably.

Lately, there’s been a lot of news about people, mostly women, accusing men of sexual abuse. Usually these men are in positions of power or positions of authority. There’s Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Louie, CK… Some of these men have admitted to what they did, and some haven’t.

And then there’s Facebook, and all the “#Me too” posts. I had to wonder if Emma rushed to post her “Me too” to show how brave she is, or to feel included, or whatever her point would be. I don’t even know what name Emma uses on Facebook now or if she is even on there anymore. She changed her name a few times from Emma Roey, I think to Emma Kate Roey, to Sophie Buchheim (or was that Pinterest?) to Katie Smith… I’ve really lost track of all the names Emma has gone by, but like I always told Emma, if you have to hide, it probably means you are doing something you ought not be doing.

All this got me thinking about Emma and her accusation against the priest she accused of sexual molestation. What was going on in that 16 year old brain of hers? I’m hoping one day Emma will enlighten us, but I also accept that I may never know exactly what is going on with Emma. I can only speculate and make my guesses with what I knew as Emma’s mom for 17 years.

I know there was something going on with Emma a couple of months before the big accusation. She went for a few months of accusing her dad of calling her names like “bitch” and “slut” everyday, and complained about the way he touched her. She didn’t out and out say that Phill molested her, but complained about him putting his hand on her thigh, etc. She told me that she had told her friends Kayla Benifield Weaver and “Lacey” about how her dad called her bad names on a daily basis. She said she did not like her dad and told him she didn’t love him. Poor Phill, this broke his heart.

When it came to me, I stopped Emma in her tracks. I told her to knock it off because she knew what she was saying was not true. There may have been a time or two Phill said Emma was “acting like a bitch,” but he never called her those names directly. I always shut her down and refused to listen to her talking badly about her dad. Emma liked to play the “Daddy is an idiot” game, and I didn’t mind a little joking around, acting like Phill just didn’t get us girls at times, but when Emma got mean about her dad, making fun of him for not finishing college and for being a dumb truck driver, etc., I would shut her down and tell her not to talk that way. I would remind her of our nice home and all the nice things she had and all the activities she got to partake in because of her dad being a dumb truck driver. I refused to listen to Emma when she got ugly about her dad. A little joking around was fine, but she could be downright mean, and I would cut her off when she crossed that line.

Emma loved to play the “girls against the dumb boy” game, and act like she was mommy’s girl, and dumb ol’ Daddy needed to keep out. This didn’t worry me. I thought it was kind of normal, albeit childish behavior, and then there was one day, at age 17, when Emma was sick with a virus and while sitting on the toilet with diarrhea, she vomited all over herself at the same time. The poor girl was sick at both ends didn’t make it to the bathroom in time and called out for help! I was busy in another part of the house, and didn’t hear her call out, but Phill, the dutiful dad went in to help clean up the diarrhea and the vomit of his nearly 17 year old daughter. I came downstairs and Phill told me that poor Emma was sick and had bodily fluids coming out of both ends. Her clothes were soiled and she was nasty between all the bodily fluids, but, good dad that he was, he’d gone in there to help get her cleaned up. That’s what a good dad does, this poor man that Emma accused of calling her “bitch” and “slut” and saying horrible things about her, this poor man who Emma loved to say she didn’t love, got down and dirty taking care of his daughter because she wouldn’t do it herself. Emma was so grossed out by the vomit and diarrhea, that she didn’t want to touch anything!

So………………..my theory is that Emma was thinking about accusing her dad of abuse. I’m not sure what was going through her head, but she was trying to create a divide between her dad and her mom. Unfortunately for me, I refused to listen to Emma talk bad about her dad, so she had to create a new plan.

I was wondering how Emma chose the priest to accuse of molestation. She had already accused a fellow student, Johnny Boddie, of trying to kiss her. Emma had told me this crazy story about Johnny and how he (in 11^th grade) was engaged….. The story was so strange, and didn’t make sense, and when I questioned Emma, she just changed the story, so I let it go, just assuming Emma didn’t get her facts straight. Whenever I questioned Emma about some of her stories, she just kept talking, I guess trying to talk her way out of it or to distract me by going on to another topic.

How did Emma decide to choose the priest of molestation? This man had been the interim priest at our church for about a year when Emma was about 12 years old. I remember, when Emma did a reading, during the service, and after she sat down, the priest complimented her on a job well done in front of the whole church, and then began his sermon. (Emma had a great voice and projects well.)

At the time that Emma made up the story about being molested, the priest that she accused was running for public office. And, he was running as, HORRORS, a democrat! Is that why Emma choose the priest? I have no idea what was going through her little brain, but I have to wonder. Emma needed attention, so she made up being sexually molested. Then, she needed to come up with a bad guy to play opposite of her role of being a victim, At first, she was turning on her daddy, but her mom wouldn’t allow that, so she needed a new victim, so who did she turn to (or on) but a former priest at our church who was now entering the world of politics.

When Emma spoke to my sister, after I’d told my sister about Emma’s claim of sexual abuse, the first thing she said to my sister was that the priest was (shudder) a Democrat. Now, we all know that Emma is a staunch conservative, or maybe even Alt-right. Phill liked to say, “Emma’s even far right of right.” I have to wonder, if you’d been sexually molested, would your first thought be about the violator’s political persuasion? Is that what is important to you? Phill labeled himself a Libertarian and liked to say he was fiscally conservative and socially liberal. I couldn’t agree totally with any party, but considered myself fairly conservative. We tried to teach Emma to think for herself and not blindly follow any party, but Emma wanted to be a conservative Republican. She loved making fun of liberals including one of my sisters and her husband, and she could be kind of mean, but I chalked this up to that teenage know-it-all attitude. Emma was right and all liberals were stupid.

Once, when a friend called and I wasn’t home, Emma had a nice chat with her “Aunt M.” (Emma called close friends of the family “aunt.”) This friend happens to be a democrat, but was still pretty close to Emma and was always good to her on her birthday and Christmas. Well, when Emma relayed the conversation to me, she told me the craziest story about how Aunt M told her that the Nazis were going to come back and she needed to keep some hair dye on hand so she could adapt to that Aryan look. It might save her life! Wait? What? This was another story that was so crazy, I questioned Emma, but she swore it was true. It just didn’t make any sense, and it did not sound like my friend, so I dropped it, and as far as I know, Emma didn’t go blonde.

In reading about the Judge Roy Moore accusation, I had to wonder about the timing. I know, that a lot of women have kept their own stories about abuse to themselves until they saw others coming forward, and then they got the courage to come forward themselves. From what I read, the (or one of the) woman who accused Judge Moore, had worked for Hillary Clinton’s campaign. Why did she wait until right before the election to accuse Judge Moore? Why, right now? Why not earlier? And why did Emma accuse the priest when she did? Did she discover that he was running for office, so that was why she chose to accuse him? I don’t know a think about the accusations against Judge Moore because I haven’t heard much of the news in the past few days. I do believe in the order of law, and it may take time, but if the stories are true, it will come out. I sort of think there’s a double standard with the media. The same media who mocked Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones who accused Bill Clinton of sexual abuse, now whole heartily believes the accusers. That being said, I also remember when John Kerry was running for president and there was supposedly an “intern story” that would come out that never did. Also, when our home-state favorite, Herman Cain, ran for president, there were a couple of women who accused him of sexual misconduct, but those stories never went any further either.

Up until I lived through Emma’s false accusations, I was probably quick to believe the accuser in sexual abuse stories too. After all, who would make it up? Now, I need to hear a lot more facts before I pick a side. I withhold my judgment until I hear the facts, not that my judgment matters to anyone. And let me tell you, it was painful to side with the accusers of one of my childhood heroes, Bill Cosby. I was one of those kids in the sixties, lying on the floor around the stereo, listening to our Dad’s Bill Cosby albums. Early in our marriage, Phill and I never missed an episode of The Cosby Show until the last couple of years, when we kind of lost interest. Who didn’t love “everybody’s dad?”

After Emma’s accusation, she got what she wanted, temporarily. The priest that Emma accused dropped out of the race, but after the police investigated, and couldn’t find any reason to charge him, the priest got back into the election. From what I understand, he didn’t have much of a chance anyway, as he was a democrat running in a highly conservative district, so although what Emma did was an absolutely horrible thing to do to another human being, it probably did not have much of an effect on the outcome of the election.

When I told my good friend, Sandra Brooks McCravy about Emma’s claim of sexual abuse, she wanted me to go to one of the priest/politician’s political speeches and to stand up and ask him about sexually abusing my daughter. I wasn’t brave enough to do something like that, but now I wish I had. I’ll be if I told Emma I was going to do that, she would have found a reason to stop me.

Emma was always interested in politics, and even toyed with the idea of going into politics one day. After her brief stay at Charter Peachford Behavioral Health, Emma came home and said that she guessed she couldn’t go into politics now that she’d had a stay at the mental hospital in her record. (I don’t know Emma, quite a few politicians have been to rehab, and with the number of politicians who lie, that might have been the career for you!) Was blaming the priest for her made-up “molestation” Emma’s first foray into politics? Was the whole reason she accused the priest because of his politics? I hope one day Emma will explain to us the thinking behind her actions.

Unfortunately, I think there will always be women who will be sexually harassed by some man somewhere. Almost every woman I know has faced this type of harassment at least once in her life. With all the mental illness out there, there will always be men who see nothing wrong with their actions, or men who abuse their authority. I’m just sorry that there will always be women out there who will lie about such as serious issue and hurt the cause for the real victims, and I’m sorry that my daughter is one of them.

The Good Architect

Posted on October 27, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

The Good Architect

So, Emma, this is for you, as I know Tyler doesn’t read the blog. I was looking at Tyler’s blog on line, tyler-buchheim.com but just skimmed it. I’ll go back and read it later. You know I’m not very high tech, so I’m sure I’m not going to get most of it. In fact, a friend just gave me a blue tooth because this computer Daddy got me when he threw me out of our home is not very loud, and I bought some ear buds, but I don’t like being tied to the computer. Well, I’m sure it will come as no surprise to you that I can’t figure out how to use the darn things. I did some updates and such and still no luck, but I did manage to get it working with my phone, and I just watched a couple of episodes of The Good Doctor on my phone over the past two days, after a client at work was telling me about the program. (More on that later.)

From what I read, Tyler’s dreams of becoming an architect changed to dreams of becoming a software developer. I’m sure the two areas can have a lot of overlap, and maybe Tyler will be developing software for architects or something. You all are young, so I think that’s great. You all should try a lot of things before you get tied down with a mortgage and children. As you know after selling insurance, you spend a lot of time at work, so hopefully you find something you like doing.

I was thinking how Tyler must be Daddy’s dream son-in-law. Another geek in the family! (I mean that as a compliment.) Someone Daddy can talk all technical with, and Tyler probably understands all the geek-speak! Did you know at one time, Daddy wanted to be a computer programmer? I know you saw that game Daddy wrote for Atari magazine. It was called Cosmic Defender, and it wouldn’t be impressive now, but back then, that Daddy could create that and bring it to life was a pretty big deal.

In 1988, your daddy turned 30 years old. For his 30^th birthday he wanted to buy a computer and they were awfully expensive. What he wanted was $1500, a LOT of money for us at that time. It doesn’t sound like much to you because I know you’re used to buying iphones and such, but I was in school, so we were paying for college, and we had a mortgage, and we were pretty strapped all the time. With the rate of inflation, that would be like Tyler wanting to go out and spend $3,138.00 on his birthday today. Maybe you can relate to that figure a little better.

Daddy had decided his dream was to be a computer programmer, and he would buy these huge, thick, computer books on languages, and he subscribed to several computer magazines. Of course if that was Daddy’s dream, I wasn’t going to say no. I wanted to support him if that was what he wanted to do, so Daddy went out and bought a $1500 Atari computer, and I don’t have to tell you the ending to that. Daddy never left UPS and never became a programmer, and in fact, he never did any computer programming after he created Cosmic Defender, but that was ok. It was something he wanted to try. Investing in Atari might have been a mistake too because I don’t think they are even around anymore, but that was the computer Daddy wanted at the time.

Remember how jealous you were when Daddy wanted to buy me that craft cabinet for my birthday. You thought it was too expensive and I didn’t need it, but since I was turning 50, daddy wanted to get me something special that I really wanted, and later you saw how much I loved that cabinet and how I was able to organize my supplies so easily. Daddy was supporting my hobby and getting me something I really wanted, and hopefully you are supporting Tyler in his effort to be a full stack developer. And if Tyler doesn’t become a software developer and goes on to something else, then that’s ok too. You all have plenty of time.

Around the time you were born, Daddy got into woodworking and wanted to buy all these saws and such. That didn’t go very far either. He made a pull toy, and that wooden coat rack that hangs on the wall by the garage door, and he started on that rocking coyote that sat out in the fort in your swing set and never got finishes. Oh, well. At one time, I wanted to make teddy bears and bought a few books and made a few and quit. And when I went back to college, I was so afraid I couldn’t do it because I was never smart like you and Daddy. I like to say I worked hard for every B and C I ever got. I did get a few A’s too, but not like you, dear daughter. I was a very average student. Anyway, I was terrified about going back to college and thought, “What if I can’t do it and I quit?” and your dad said one of the best things he could have said. He told me that an education was never a waste, and if I took some classes and quit then it was ok because I still would have learned something.

So anyway, I hope Tyler is enjoying school, and it will be interesting to see where you all end up after this. I have no idea what you’re doing, Emma. Are you working for Amica in TX now or doing something completely different? I could picture you in sales. You have the outgoing personality for it. I think you would do well there, but you are smart enough to do well in whatever you choose. Recently, I met a young woman, I think a year younger than you, and she will be going to medical school next year. She has applied to 11 schools and has been accepted to 8 so far, so she must be an exceptional student. They weren’t little Podunk schools either, I know one of them was Harvard. Anyway, of course she made me think of you, and it was just fun seeing her, so young and excited about her future. She admitted it was a lot of hard work, but she thought it was worth it.

That brings me to the Good Doctor. I’d seen scenes for the show, and thought it looked good, but didn’t pay any attention to when it was on. When this man told me that it came on at 10, I told him I’m usually going to bed about then! I asked him if he liked it, and he really did, so thank goodness for internet and I can go back and watch it on line!

The main character is a high functioning autistic young man named Dr. Shaun Murphy. I don’t know anything about the actor who plays Shaun, and I don’t know too much about my son-in-law, Tyler Buchheim, but I got a kick out off noticing the resemblance between the two. Granted, I’ve never met Tyler, so I’m going only on photos I’ve seen, but I thought it was cute. And the show, by the way, is really good. I’ve only seen two episodes, but I like it!

The Good Architect VS. The Good Doctor

The Good Architect

and The Good Doctor

P.S. Emma, tell Tyler I’m sorry/not sorry about the Georgia/Notre Dame game. I was thinking of you all and wondering if you all were there or if maybe Sherry and Bob Buchheim went to the game. I actually was watching that game, even though it was past my bedtime. I have way too many friends and coworkers who are UGA fans, so even though I don’t have cable or dish, I’ve kept up with the Dawgs and have even seen some of the games! I’ve even met some of the players! I guess we are a house divided! Praying for you both everyday! Love, Mom

Losing Emma

Tag Archives: Tyler Albert Buccheim

The Police Dog Meme

I LOVE This Mom!

Happy Birthday Tyler Buchheim (and The World is Changing)

Emma’s Moral COMPASS

The Car, the Card, and the Kitten Part 3

The Car, the Card, and the Kitten

Stepping Back

Protecting the Ones We Love

Emma and the Roy Moore Effect

The Good Architect