Bread and Circuses

Posted on October 9, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, works as a teaching assistant for Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and Emma works leasing swanky apartments in Frisco. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Bread and Circuses

(So I started writing my thoughts just after the Ford Blasey/Kavanaugh hearing, and I re-wrote and edited after the whole thing was over. Of course, any time I hear about possible false allegations, I think of Emma, and the mistakes we made with her, so here’s what I wrote.)

Good grief! The past couple of weeks have been a circus if you’ve been watching the news. Our politicians should be ashamed of themselves for allowing this spectacle of a show. Do I know what or if anything happened between now supreme court judge Brett Kavanaugh and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford? No, I have no idea. I wasn’t there. Do I think accusers of sexual assault should be heard? Of course I do. What disgusts me is how our politicians used this story, and I think used Dr. Blasey Ford to further their agenda rather than handling the accusation appropriately. And of course, this story makes me rethink Emma’s accusing the priest of molestation, and about the mistakes we made in handling her accusation. I also have to wonder, since Emma was such a staunch conservative (or as her dad liked to say, “Emma is to the right of right.” if Emma came up with the priest who turned politician because of his being a democrat and running for office. Maybe Emma wanted to stop his political career. Did Emma even know he was running for office? It’s possible since she spent so much time on the computer, she might have looked him up. Or was he just a safe target since he was no longer at our church and Emma was pulling a name out of her sorting hat. Maybe one day Emma will tell us why she chose to falsely accuse the man, but right now, I have some thoughts on the whole Blasey Ford/Kavanaugh thing oh, and on Emma too.

The morning of the Christine Blasey Ford/Brett Kavanaugh hearing, I stopped to have coffee with my neighbors, and I remember, when they brought up the hearing, distinctly telling them that I was NOT going to watch the hearing, and would just wait to hear about it afterwards. LIE. Ok, not really a lie. I wasn’t going to watch it. It was something that I had no control over, and it just seemed pointless to devote my attention to it, so I planned on not watching it, but when it came down to it, it was my day off from work, and I was tired and I didn’t feel like doing much, and it happened to be on one of the three tv channels that I am able to pick up with my antenna, so I put it on the tube. I really didn’t intend on watching it, but I picked up a project I was working on and spent most of the day working on my project and listening, with the exception of a 45 minute bike ride in the middle of the day.

My first thought concerning the hearing was that no matter what happens, there are two sides and one side is never going to be happy with the outcome of whatever may happen. Ain’t that the truth!

Afterwards, I was glad I watched because it made me think, and it made me reflect on a lot of things that went on with Emma that Phill and I missed with her molestation story.

I’m not going to sit here and analyze the hearing. There are plenty of political pundits who can do a much better job than I can on that issue, but I think I have a unique perspective on the hearing seeing that I was a) a victim a sexual assault, b) the mother of a child who falsely accused a man of sexual assualt, and, c) I, myself, was falsely accused of abuse by my daughter.

Having been a victim myself, and having known many women who were also victims, when I hear someone make an accusation of sexual abuse, my first thought is that I want to hear what the victim has to say, and I want to believe them. After all, who would make that kind of thing up besides my daughter. Turns out lots of women do.

In the case of Christine Blasey Ford, first off, there was her little girl voice, her frightened demeanor and disheveled appearance. I found that to be odd. As to the voice, I have known probably 2 people of the course of my life who had that high pitched child-like voice, and I figured if she was faking her voice, that would come out sooner or later because enough people would know if she really talked like that or not, so I was willing to believe it was her real voice, but being a professional woman, I was having a hard time with the scared little girl act. If the woman is a PhD that would mean she would have had to “defend” a dissertation, and from what I’ve heard, “defend” is a good description of the process, and not something that you enter into meekly. I would think Dr. Blasey Ford, having been a professional for many years, would have been able to speak to a group of senators a bit more professionally than she did.

I was also disturbed by the whole “airplane” story, and it seems like Dr. Blasey Ford told a whopper of a lie when she said she was afraid of confined spaces. She has no trouble flying for vacations to exotic locations, so I’m not buying that one at all.

Later on, I found out that Leland Keyser, who Dr. BF stated could validate her story, not only couldn’t validate her story, but also had no idea what was coming until she woke up one morning to find her name all over the news. If you were going to be testifying and bringing up the name of a witness, wouldn’t you at least have the courtesy to tell that person that you were including them in your testimony? Especially if it was a “lifelong friend?” Hmmm. Odd.

I listened to the questioning, and I had only more questions, and I sat there wondering, “Why didn’t they ask this, this, and this….” and I was shocked and disappointed in the hearing. I thought the treatment should have been more professional than it was. I say senators telling Ms. Blasey Ford how amazing her education creditials were and how credible she sounded, but I was thinking to myself, “Why didn’t you ask her da,da,da…………..!” I had a lot of questions.

When Brett Kavanaugh was in the hot seat, I saw him asked over and over again about blacking out and not remembering what he might have done, but when Christine Blasey Ford was answering questions and couldn’t answer the simplest questions about the night of the assault, they didn’t pound her about if she could have blacked out. Too many of the questioning senators did not seem interested in getting to the facts, and I had to wonder if they were just trying to get in a sound bite for their next campaign.

Did I find Dr. Blasey Ford belivable? Yes, she certainly could have been a victim of something. I know several people who are all, “I believe Christine Blasey Ford” no matter what, and think the accusation should have been enough to keep judge Kavanaugh off the supreme court. So now, we just convict people without proof? For me, with all the inconsistencies and changing her story, I just can’t buy it. Is Dr. Blasey Ford an attention seeker? Is she mentally ill? Is she misremembering perhaps some other incident where she was molested? Is she a die hard leftist who just wanted to disrupt the process? I have no idea. I just think something is not right and that unless there is some kind of proof that Judge Kavanaugh did any of the horrible things he was accused of, he was entitled to be voted on. Something I also wondered about was when people were coming out of the woodwork to vouch for Judge Kavanaugh, people who’d known him in college, in high school, through work, etc., I didn’t see the same with Dr. Blasey Ford. I saw lots of protesters and hollywood types who’d never met either Dr. Blasey Ford or Judge Kavanaugh, claim they believed Dr. Blasey Ford, but I didn’t see her coworkers, old classmates, or even family coming forward to vouch for her. Now, I work full time, have a home to take care of, and volunteer in my spare time, so I don’t live and breathe the news, and I guess it’s possible I missed it.

I have heard people talk about how Brett Kavanaugh acted during his interview, how he cried and got angry and defensive and showed all this emotion unbecoming to a supreme court judge, but on that, I do have something to say. I understand completely, Judge Kavanaugh! I understand, completely.

metoo

I keep jokingly saying to myself, “Emma Blasey Ford.” I was pretty open minded before the hearing, but I have to say I’ve heard too many discrepancies, and I honestly do not believe Dr. Blasey Ford at all. My mind could be changed with more evidence, but an accusation is not enough to destroy a man’s career.

With several years under my belt, I am calm and I will be happy to answer any question you may have about Emma and her accusation of abuse. Fire away. Ask me anything. When my life went to hell in Emma’s hand basket, I had gone from a quiet/boring routine family life to Emmaland Crazy. (Phill had, since Emma was about age of 9 or 10 called Emma our little Drama Queen—-oh how prophetic he turned out to be!) Phill and I had always joked about how we liked our quiet boring life. Anytime we heard about someone going though some kind of crazy drama, we always talked about how we like our quiet boring life.

I feel like I can understand how Judge Kavanaugh must have felt, because it sounds like he was a family guy who worked and did all the routine family things, and all of a sudden his life, like mine, was turned upside down and he was accused of sexual assault, and then it gotten even crazier with Julie Swetnik accusing him of organizing gang rapes… Not only was he attacked, but his wife and children were attacked. I felt the same way. I was attacked, and my family was destroyed. At the time, I was upset, hurt, scared, emotional, angry, defensive…. If someone had interviewed me after Emma’s crazy accusations, it would probably not have been pretty. Now, I don’t mind talking about it, and I can even joke about it. The other day at work, I was on a rolling computer which was plugged in, and my coworker thought I didn’t notice it was plugged in, and said, “Wait………..you’re attached!” and I laughed and said, “No, I’m not silly, I’m divorced.” It may have taken me several years to get to this point, but I can joke about it now. (I grew up in a family that didn’t believe in divorce, and I always thought Phill and I had a strong marriage.) Going though it was hell, but being on the other side now, I can even laugh about some of the craziness.

So, as far as Judge Kavanaugh’s opening statement, and some people think it was too emotional, too angry, or whatever. I completely understand how Judge Kavanaugh must have felt. If he is innocent, he went from mudane and routine to a madhouse over a couple of weeks, and I don’t think most of use would handle it well. You attack the man and his family, and he’s going to be upset. I also heard something I found interesting, and that was the difference between Brett Kavanaugh and Judge Kavanaugh. Brett Kavanaugh was protecting and defending his family. Judge Kavanaugh will be the contitutionalist who, although it’s been a million years since 12^th grade Government class and college Political Science, will be making decisions for our country based on the constitution.

So, listening to some of the questioning, and how the senators were NOT questioning Dr. Blasey Ford, got me to thinking about how that was a mistake that Phill and I made. My poor baby Emma was so traumatized by accusing a priest of molestation and by having to talk to the police and the church, and DFACS, etc. that I did not push her to talk about it, and I should have. I wanted to get Emma into therapy where she could talk to someone who could better deal with her issues. I didn’t feel qualified. I should have been questioning Emma and pushing for dates. Even if Emma couldn’t remember dates, she should have been able to tell give me some idea of the times she was assaulted (if you have not read all of the blog, Emma claimed the priest stuck his fingers into her vagina on several different occasions). It could have been something as simple as the day we took the youth group bowling, or the day after the camp-out at church, or the Sunday after Jordan’s birthday party………… you get the idea. Since, at the time, I believed Emma, I should have gotten details to better prove her case, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to stress her out by making her talk about the whole ordeal. Dumb sap that I am, I just wanted to protect my baby and didn’t want to make things any more stressful for her.

Something else I’ve been thinking about since the whole Blasey Ford/Kavanaugh thing is the “what ifs.” What is a psychopath got another psychopath to go along with her, say, to accuse a priest of molestation. It’s probably a good think Emma’s only friends were on line. Or a psychopath who hated her algebra teacher got another nut job to go along with her, and they rehearsed and got their stories together to send an innocent man to jail. What if a couple of young women had a vendetta against a boy they knew in highschool and they remembered being at the same event with him and decided to make up a story to ruin his life. Or, a couple of psychopaths who went to school with a boy many years ago who was running for office and they were rooting for his opponent. It is a scary world.

Do I know what or if anything happened between Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh. No. Like everyone else, I’ve formed my own opinions after watching the hearing and I have not heard enough to make me think Dr. Blasey Ford’s accusations could be true, and in this county, we don’t punish someone one for a crime when there is no evidence.

One think I miss is talking current events with Emma. As a teen, Emma had all the answers, but she is almost 25 now, and with a little more education and life experience under her belt, I would love to hear her thoughts on this now finished business. As both a conservative, and a (ahem… cough, cough.) “vicitm,” I’m sure Emma had a lot to say.

Oh, and just a note to Emma: I’m sorry to you and Tyler that I missed your anniversary. I was on vacation during Florence, and came home to no internet for a week, but know I was thinking of you both that Sept. 19^th. Three years! So, with Tyler working on his Master’s, are you back in school, too? Miss you, Emma, the girl who would be me!

The Police Dog Meme

Posted on September 3, 2018 by losingemma

Just a couple of light thoughts today.

Police Dog

Ok, so I kept seeing this meme pop up, and I liked it but did not save it, so when I tried to go back and find it, I couldn’t. Darn! So……….. I just made my own. For someone who’s not too computer savy (and sadly had a husband who kept telling me I didn’t need to know how to do things because he would always be there to help me), I’m pretty pleased with myself for mastering the meme generator! I like this one better than the one I saw earlier.

Anyway, if you know the history of Emma, one of her better lies, er stories, was the one about being searched by a drug dog in high school. Emma claimed that a boy, JB, who lived in our neighborhood and rode the school bus with Emma, had a grudge against Emma’s “friend” C. (later Emma called her an “acquaintance” rather than a friend), so he turned the group of them in, claiming they had drugs on the bus……………… Emma went on to say that she got called out of class to be searched by a drug dog, and told the officer how she volunteered with a rescue………… It was a GREAT story, and Emma put so much detail into it, that it’s a shame it wasn’t true. (But her dad doesn’t think she has a lying problem.) To tell such a great story, I’m wondering did Emma rehearse it, or to good liars just work on the fly?

The other thing I wanted to share with Emma was a gift for Tyler, the Good Architect. I saw these and thought they were so cute for the Leggo enthusiast! (or appropriate for a Bob the Builder like Tyler!) So, Emma, there’s a Christmas idea for you, or you can get Tyler one and tell him it’s from me!

Leggo Mug

Love,

Maze

I LOVE This Mom!

Posted on August 28, 2018 by losingemma

I LOVE this Mom!

I’m a little late to the party, but if you haven’t seen it, check out Nicole Walter’s video of paying a visit to her daughter’s college:

https://www.westernjournal.com/l/slarson/mom-shows-daughters-college-doesnt-respond-text-calls-3-days/

I’m not sure which one of my FB friends posted it first, but by the time I found it, she already had something like 7 million views, and it is hilarious! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with embarrassing your kids, especially in such a humorous way, to get them to straighten up, and there is also a follow-up video where the daughter admits her parents were right.

Of course, Nicole probably has what I would consider a “normal” daughter, and I have Emma. If you are a frequent reader, you know as Emma’s mom, I think Emma has a personality disorder such as narcissism, sociopath/psychopathy, borderline, or perhaps bits of several personality disorders (PDs). In Emma’s case, I don’t know that showing up at Emma’s college after she ghosted her parents for 3 days would have had the desired effect.

I remember Phill and I watching the Roseanne show, and I think it was before Emma was born, but there was an episode where Roseanne wore overalls and acted like a goober and went to her kids’ school to embarrass one of them, I think it was Darlene, and Phill saying that was the kind of parent he wanted to be. If our kid(s) acted up, he thought embarrassing them would be great, not that he ever followed through with that threat.

I will admit, that when Emma was attending Piedmont College in Demorost, Ga., I did consider going up there and handing out flyers with the web address. I guess that’s still an idea. Anyone want to take a road trip to Frisco, Texas? We could visit Emma’s swanky apartment complex and hand out flyers. Maybe one day.

I don’t write the blog to embarrass Emma, and I have offered to take it down, but as long as my daughter goes around telling people that she was molested by a priest, and abused by her mother, I will tell her story. (Someone needs to write a country song about Poor Emma’s sad little life! She has a dog (two) but as far as I know, Emma and Tyler don’t have a pick-up.)

As a mother, and talking to my friends who are mothers, the past couple of weeks have been pretty gut wrenching. There was the story of Mollie Tibbetts body being found, and there was the story about pregnant mom Shannan Watts and her two little girls Bella and Celeste, all murdered by her husband, the children’s father. How does someone murder their own children? Crimes of passion I can almost understand, but when you see pictures of little innocent babies, I will never understand it.

There was also a young lady from Alabama, on a camping trip with her family here in Georgia, a recent college graduate with her whole life in front of her, who was battling her own demons and committed suicide, by weighing herself down and drowning while on a family camping trip. My coworkers and I were talking about these stories, and there was almost an overwhelming sadness in the air. It just seemed like a week with one sad story after another. In at least two of these stories, there is some sort of mental illness or PD. Is Chris Watts a sociopath to kill his family and then try to say his wife killed the girls because he was going to leave her? How could he expect that anyone would believe that? He thinks that much of himself that he can spout this garbage and think people will fall for it? That is some kind of ego!

In the suicide case, there must have been some sort of depression for the young lady to feel her life was so hopeless and it is heartbreaking to think this girl didn’t realize that she had a bright future in front of her.

Is Mollie Tibbetts killer another sociopath, someone with no regard for someone else’s life. Random murders, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, are particularly frightening because there is no rhyme of reason to them.

I’m still reading and learning about PDs even though it is not one of my favorite subjects. God bless the people who work with the mentally ill, because it is not a job for most folks. When I was a student, I didn’t enjoy my rotation working with the mentally ill at a psych facility. I lucked out and got an pretty easy rotation working with teens, but I had decided that psych mostly consisted of substance abuse and some pretty heavy mental illness. I learned early on that I don’t have a lot of patience for substance abuse and what someone chooses to do to themselves. And, for the people who are truly crazy, there’s not a lot that can really help them anyway. The schizophrenics were really sad. Of course that’s a generalization, and some diagnoses can be helped. Bipolars, for example do pretty well if they stay on their medication, but sadly, many of them start a cycle of thinking they are fine and stop their meds and then everything falls apart and they repeat this pattern over and over again.

In Emma’s case, I feel like Phill and I missed some hallmark warning signs, but neither of us were well educated in mental illness, so we didn’t know what to be looking out for. Emma’s whole life, we never understood how punishment didn’t matter to Emma, and she didn’t get cause and effect, but it wasn’t until I got out of my home and started some research and realized Emma’s whole life was pretty much a lie. She lied about almost everyone she ever met. I felt so stupid! I had absolutely no idea just what a compulsive liar Emma was! Almost everything that came out of her mouth! Some of the lies were silly and harmless, but what’s with the lying? Which PDs are asscoiated with chronic lying? What is wrong with my daughter?

Most children outgrow lying, but Emma was still going at it fast and furious as the age of 17, so I would be willing to bet that she hasn’t slowed down and she is still a great teller of tall tales. Getting older and more education and more life experience, I’m sure Emma has gotten more skillful with her lying, even better than she did as a teen. I just hate to think of all the people she may have hurt along the way, and I’m sure Tyler, being busy with work and school and in love, probably hasn’t caught on yet. I worry about Emma hurting others. We didn’t raise her that way, but once your kids are grown, you have no control. Apparently, we didn’t have a lot of control anyway, but I tried.

A year or two after Phill had me thrown out of our home, a friend was talking to me and brought up that she didn’t trust Emma and worried that Emma might try to hurt me. She mentioned how she knew I liked to walk my dog at all hours, sometimes in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, and she worried that Emma might run me over. At first, I laughed. At this time, I was living in the middle of downtown in a small town, a poor area, and since the road my house was on didn’t have a sidewalk, and I would have to walk on the edge of the road just on that particular street. I have to admit that I got a little paranoid for a bit there. I would walk quickly on my little street because there wasn’t much of a shoulder to get out of the way of oncoming cars, and I was a little more nervous at night when I couldn’t see who or what was approaching me with it’s headlights one. Overall, at first I thought my friend was being silly, but what she said still gave me pause.

Last week, I was having dinner with a friend whom I’d met probably right around the time Phill threw me out of our home, and she knows the whole story, but never had the honor of meeting Emma. Having known her share of crazy people though, she gets that Emma is my daughter, and I still love her even after all she’s done, but as we were talking, I said, “You know, this is the first time I’ve ever said this out loud, but I actually think I’m better off without her in my life. I’m safer, anyway.” and I told her about what my friend had said a few years before about how she was worried that Emma might try to hurt me. It’s sad, yes, and it’s strange to think about my daughter and be grateful she’s in Texas and not anywhere close by.

Hug your children and keep them safe.

That being said, if you’ve got an Emma story for me, I’ll buy you a pizza and a starbucks card! Lol.

HalloweenPublix2000

Happy Fall, Emma!

Happy Birthday Tyler Buchheim (and The World is Changing)

Posted on August 21, 2018 by losingemma

Happy 27^th Birthday to Tyler Buchheim! (And The World Is Changing)

I just wanted to wish my son-in-law, Tyler Buchheim a very happy 27^th birthday! Tyler has a degree in architecture, went to the Flat Iron School to be a Full Stack Developer, and don’t ask me what that is other than it sounds like a Jack-of-all-Trades in computers. In other words, someone who knows a little about many different areas, but not necessarily an expert in any of them. Sounds like a good plan to me. If you have a little knowledge about many different areas, you know where to go to find what you need, and you can always work on learning more about a particular area should the need arise.

Tyler is now a teaching assistant at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and I guess working on his Master’s Degree. Happy Birthday, Tyler! Hope you have a wonderful day!

The World is Changing

So, this morning I saw an article about careers that are disappearing, and I took a glance at it. Some of the jobs listed were:

Travel Agent

Mortgage Broker

Postal Worker

Architect

Middle Managers

As I was reading, I remembered having a conversation with Phill maybe 8-10 years ago, sometime before Emma’s poop storm hit the fan, where he’d seen a similar article and he was telling me about it. It’s been so long, I don’t remember what was listed in the article he was reading except for two of them: a fashion designer and an architect.

Then my daughter goes and marries her an architect…..

TylerND

My wonderful son-in-law, a Notre Dame Graduate! (Go DAWGS!) You can check out some of Tyler’s work on Github: https://github.com/buchheimt

No, just kidding. I’m glad to see Tyler changing and adapting to the world and not stuck in one little box. If you work in any field with any kind of technology in it, things are going to changes. Jobs are lost to automation, so people have to adjust too. Jobs 20 years ago may not exist anymore, so you have to keep expanding your skills and keep yourself relevant. A job you have now, may not exist 20 years from now, so you’d better keep your eyes open as to what’s going on around you.

I once had a copy of an essay written by a great aunt, I believe she wrote it in the 1970’s and it was called something like, “From Oxen to Jet Plane.” (Hopefully Phill saved it because I didn’t find it in my personal possessions that he dumped in that storage unit, but I’m sure I can get a copy from one of my cousins.) My great aunt had written about how the family had traveled from Texas to Oklahoma by oxen and wagon and all the changes she’d seen over her lifetime. Now they seem minuscule compared to the changes I’ve seen over my lifetime.

Recently, a friend and I were discussing how cell phones have changed things. I don’t wear a watch, or have a camera (although I would like a digital SLR and to take some photoshop classes, but that’s another story). I don’t use an alarm clock, but use my cell phone instead. Most of my friends use their cell phone for their calendar, but I still have to have my old fashioned pocket calendar, I’m afraid. I also use my cell phone for it’s GPS and it’s calculator. I know several people who don’t even have a computer, but use their cell phone for e-mail, facebook, etc. I wonder how much cell phones and e-mail have affected not just the post office, but the greeting card industry.

When Phill and I were first married, we lived near the big Kodak facility in Chamblee, GA., and young people today would have no idea what Kodak and the yellow boxes were. These kids probably can’t imagine the possibilities those little yellow boxes held for us, hoping we got that great photo we wanted, and they of the instant gratification generation can’t even imagine having to wait a week to pick up their photos after they were developed and made into prints!

One time, Phill and I drove Emma and the church youth kids on an outing, and somehow we got on the topic of microwaves, and the kids just could not fathom that Phill and I had grown up without a microwave in our homes. I was telling the kids how expensive they were when they first came out, and how a friend’s family had gotten one, and we would go over and make ham and cheese sandwiches because we thought it was the coolest thing in the world to be able to stick it in the microwave and have a hot sandwich with the cheese all melted and gooey in just 30 seconds or a minute.

One of the things I hate about change is how everything becomes the same. We had a friend who’s dad ran an office supply store, and just after opening his 3^rd store, Office Max and Staples moved in, and he ended up going out of business. I always thought that was so sad. I hate visiting another city, or even another country, and seeing it look like home with the same fast food chains, Bed Bath and Beyond, Home Depot, etc. Thank goodness, the south has all it’s individual BBQ places and the northeast has it’s individual pizza places!

So, Tyler, I’m proud of you for continuing to learn and adapt, and can’t wait to see where life takes you. It is an interesting world for sure! And just know, I’ll be rooting against you at the GA vs. Notre Dame Game!

And thank you to my readers for waiting to patiently on another entry. No, I’m not nearly finished on writing about Emma. I’ve just have a lot of real life going on like everybody else!

Emma’s Moral COMPASS

Posted on June 26, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, works for Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and Emma works leasing swanky apartments in Frisco. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Emma’s Moral COMPASS (Ok, so the title is a little play on words there.)

I recently, I had one of those Facebook “You Memories” come up from 2010, and here it is:

Emma compas

During this time, we were trying to figure out what we were doing with Emma and her education. She’d become a most uncooperative homeschooler. She hated Jackson County Comprehensive High School which she had started in 9^th grade and then halfway through the year was vomiting and missing so much school that she had to finish 9^th grade on line and then did 10^th grade on line, and that seemed to make her even more isolated. It was during 10^th grade that Emma made up the story about being molested by the priest. I think she was mostly on line chatting rather than doing school work, but in any event, on line school did not seem the right choice for a young lady who was already seemed to spend too much time alone. Emma was interested in going to college at Pensacola Christian College. She liked the idea of the strictness of it and how it promoted modesty and purity. Girls were not permitted to wear slacks, but had to wear dresses and stockings, and I think there was a rule about how boys and girls couldn’t walk together unless they were in a group. During this time, Emma was very paranoid about her “molester” seeking revenge or retribution on her, so she really liked the idea of a closed campus and felt she would be safe there. PCC sounded great on some levels, but I was concerned because it wasn’t an accredited school, so I was trying to talk to people and read about how this could affect Emma should we choose to send her there. I had a friend who’s daughter graduated there as a teacher, but could only teach in private schools, not public, and I didn’t like the idea of Emma being limited in her career should she go there. We also had some neighbors whose daughter went to PCC and found it too strict and confining.

I don’t remember how we started looking into Gwinnett Tech, but I think someone had suggested it. I did some research, and looked at their programs. At the time, Emma was interested in nursing, and she could have gone there and gotten a 2 year degree, although it probably would have taken 3 years, taken state boards, and earned her RN. Emma and I had a lot of conversations about this, and I remember us talking about travel nursing. I had told her it would be a way to see the country and being young and single, if that was what she thought she wanted, it would be a good time in her life to do that. She could use her dad and I as her home base and take assignments wherever she wanted to go. For a while, Emma was pretty interested in that idea. We decided, or I guess I decided, to let Emma take the COMPASS, the college placement test.

Of course, if you know the impulsive nature of teenagers, Emma was jumping on this idea of starting college at 16 and planning her future, while I was telling her to slow down and it was something we were looking into, but nothing was definite. Emma didn’t seem to hear me at all and was full steam ahead with her plans for college. I, on the other hand, was researching the pros and cons of starting college without ever obtaining a high school diploma. Should Emma get a GED? How do we make that jump from high school to college without a diploma. Would it hurt her in the future to not have graduated high school?

Another thing I was concerned about was throwing a 16 year old in with a bunch of 18 and older college students. This was all during the time that we believed Emma had been molested, before I started researching and discovering what a liar my daughter was about pretty much everything and everybody. We were still dealing with the make believe trauma of Emma’s supposed molestation, and I felt we needed to get through that before we threw her into the college setting.

Emma, who liked to say, “I have Google in my head.” was definitely a smart child, and I was so proud of her smarts. I knew, she could be whatever she wanted to be in life with that little brain of hers, but did she have the maturity needed for college? I’d known her dad when he was in college and he refused to put effort into classes that he thought were a waste of time, and thus he never finished college. What if Emma was the same way? How would Emma handle the drinking and partying crowd in college? I’d been hoping to see signs of maturity in Emma. I was hoping that she would show us that she could be responsible in other areas so that we could feel like she was responsible enough to get her driver’s license (although Phill still wanted her to wait until she was 18 to do that) and maybe get a part time job. Funny how Emma always made me out to be the mean (strict) mommy, but I was the one who wanted to see her get her driver’s license. I kept hoping she would show us she was mature enough to take on that privilege.

I talked to other home school moms, mother’s of college kids, teachers, and did a lot of reading on line. As usual, Phill said whatever I decided was fine. I talked to him about it, and tried to get his opinion, but he stayed out of it and was more interested in his RC groups and chatting on the computer and flying toy air planes. Finally, I just couldn’t seen Emma starting college at 16. It didn’t feel like the right decision. I felt like it would probably be better to get Emma back in public school and let her do joint or dual enrollment and take college classes while she finished high school. Emma was smart, but there’s a lot more to college than just smarts, and the two things that nagged at me were that fact that Emma would have no high school diploma, and I just wasn’t sure Emma was mature enough to start college full force.

Another reason I wanted Emma in high school was to give her more time around her peers before she started college. Yes, Emma was that Unsocialized homeschooler. Emma had had a pretty sheltered life, which can be good in some ways, and not so good in others. Homeschoolers typically are fairly good kids because mom and dad keep a pretty close eye on them and are usually involved in their kids lives. I worked for the arts program where Emma attended classes, and they kids were all pretty well behaved because if they weren’t, the program would ask them to leave. Public schools don’t have that option, and we’ve all heard the horrible stories of bullying, ostracizing, harassment and such that go on in public schools. As a mom who worked at the program, I was proud of the kids there. I saw a lot more tolerance and acceptance, and I thought it was because the kids were more individuals than the kids at public schools were. The kid who studied martial arts didn’t put down the kid who studied art. There were so many kids who were into so many different things.

The sheltered part of Emma’s upbringing that may have also been a negative was the fact that Emma wasn’t exposed to enough differences as far as race and religion. Phill and I were pretty much homebodies, and didn’t go out a lot, so Emma’s life consisted of her family, her homeschool groups, our church, and her various activities. In our homeschool groups, there were very few families of color, and the same for our church, although there were a few there as well. As a teen, Emma had all the answers and became rather prejudice and bigoted and Phill joked privately that Emma was “Right of right” and called her a mini-racist or a little racist (although he only said this to me, and not to Emma). I chalked it up to Emma’s limited worldliness, and figured she would outgrow her views. Emma had also decided that being gay was a choice and was wrong, and Emma was very judgmental on anyone who didn’t live up to her standards. Since Phill and I were pretty easy going about social issues, we talked openly with Emma about whatever she wanted to discuss, and we didn’t know where her strict black and white standards came from because we’d always been more “live and let live” kind of people. There was no grey with Emma. She had her opinions and beliefs and if we didn’t agree with her, we were wrong. You know how teenagers think mom and dad are stupid and they have all the answers? And then they grow up and realize they know a lot less than they thought they did and mom and dad actually had some wisdom (and life experience) and were a lot smarter than they thought. Well, that was what I was hoping to see in Emma one day. Still not there.

For the half year Emma attended public school she complained about the drugs, loose morals, all the pregnant girls, and the blacks and the Mexicans. According to Emma, the black kids got away with anything because the teachers were too afraid of being accused of racism to stand up to them, and every Mexican that Emma knew was poor and came from a family of 10 -14 kids. Emma complained about a Mexican kid that rode her school bus and lived in downtown Hoschton, in a dilapidated home with taped up windows. I asked her where the house was, and even drove around looking, but funny thing, I never found it.

When Emma complained about black kids at school, I tried to talk to her about cultural differences. Yes, inner city kids might be very different from Emma, but if she looked at the families at our church who were not white, they were just like us, living in middle class neighborhoods, going to school, playing sports, etc. If you remember from an earlier post, Emma claimed a black boy in her drama class had accused her of being a racist and of not liking black people. I doubt there was any truth to that story that this boy, out of the blue, accused Emma of not liking black people, and I’m sure it came out of Emma’s imagination, but Emma claimed to have told the boy that she preferred to judge people on the content of their character and not the color of their skin and then said that the boy didn’t even get that she was quoting Dr. Martin Luther King. (And as I said, I doubt there’s any truth to this story whatsoever, but it seems like the young man’s last name was Washington, so maybe we should look him up and see if he remembers.)

Emma didn’t like any of the girls on the drama crew because they were all lesbians, according to Emma.

While staying at a friend’s home who lived in a Mexican neighborhood, Emma claimed the Mexicans were shooting guns, in order to make it sound scary and to fulfill her role as victim, rather than tell the truth and admit they were shooting off fireworks on the holiday like we’d seen on so many other holidays when we’d been over at our friend’s house. What’s a teenager without a little drama?

Emma in the play Metamorphosis at Jackson County Comprehensive High School. DRAMA!

Emma and I attended a ladies’ bible study, and there were a couple of women who had daughters or their son’s girlfriends who got pregnant. I know in two cases that I remember, the young women didn’t attend the group, but we heard all bout what was going on from the grandmothers-to be. Then, there was the daughter of one of the women, a few years older than Emma, who started coming to our group, and was pregnant. Emma was very judgmental, and it didn’t help that the young lady’s baby daddy was Mexican and I think was married, but in any event already had two or three other children. When our group leader mentioned we could have a shower for this young lady, everyone jumped on the idea to celebrate this little baby, that is, everyone except Emma. Later, when Emma and I were alone, she complained about how we were rewarding this young lady for doing something wrong. I tried to talk to Emma about how this young lady was in for a difficult life as a single mom, and she needed our love and support. I told her how fortunate this mom-to-be was to have two loving parents who were there to help take care of her baby, and since Emma was so staunchly ProLife, we needed to support this girl who could have taken the easy way out and chosen to have an abortion. In Emma’s mind, this young woman did not live up to her high standards. Emma kind of missed the part in church about how as Christians, we are all sinners. Emma’s own sins weren’t near as bad as someone who had sex before marriage and had a mixed race baby. Sadly, I don’t think “humble” is in Emma’s vocabulary. I remember when all the craziness started, and an adult friend who knew Emma some, but not well, told me she always felt that Emma considered herself superior to everyone else. Well, as a mom, of course, it breaks your heart to have someone think that about your child, but believe it or not, I tried to teach Emma to be kind to other people.

I would like to say that Emma changed after that beautiful baby boy was born, and his mother and grandmother brought him to our bible study. Emma usually liked little kids, but she had no interest in him, which was fine because the rest of us wanted to hold him and pass him around. Once you earned a place on Emma’s naughty list, I don’t think it’s easy to get off it.

So, you can see from the above why I thought maybe Emma had been a little too sheltered. I had hoped going to public school and maybe attending college at the same time might be good for Emma. Having grown up in a military family, I had a hard time understanding Emma’s prejudice and bigotry. When my family was overseas, we were just glad to meet kids who spoke English. We didn’t care what color they were!

Did I think Emma was ready for college? Academically, I think she might have been fine, but I thought Emma needed to grow up a little more before she started college. I just didn’t think she was mature enough. Well, you can imagine how this situation went over—————like a ton of bricks. Once again, I was the evil mommy who hated her, didn’t want her to be happy. The only reason she wasn’t starting college at 16 was because her mommy was MEAN! Story of my life. Emma had no idea how agonizing this decision was for me and how much time I put in to making it. Had Emma done things like her chores without having to be told over and over again, or picking up her room without being told, had she been a little more responsible, I might have felt differently.

I have often wondered if Emma’s views on social issues (blacks, gays, lesbians, Mexicans…..) have changed. Did going to college (all 4 of them), living in Ohio with in-laws who are political opposites to Emma and living in California, and Texas change Emma’s feelings about people that are different from her? Hopefully, she had some exposure to other cultures and her world got a little bigger She was a know it all teen, but I’m hoping at 24 ½ years now, and with a little more life experience, that she’s realizing people are people and cute babies are cute babies, and we don’t care what color they are or if their mom’s were married when they had them.

Losing Emma

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