My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California where Emma sells insurance.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Emma Kate Buchheim

Transformed Part 2

My Thoughts on Emma’s Marriage

This post is going to come across as a little harsh on Emma, but rest assured, I still love my daughter, I just call ’em like I see ’em. I would like to put on rose colored glasses and write something completely different, but this is how I feel.

Several people have asked me about what I think about Emma’s marriage to Tyler Buchheim with her behavioral problems, personality disorder, mental illness, or whatever you want to call it. Do I think Emma loves Tyler, or was he a means to an end? Can Emma have a successful marriage?

Ok, well you all know I have never met my son-in-law, Tyler Albert Buchheim. I did get one email from him, claiming to have broken up with Emma, and I have exchanged a few emails with Tyler’s mother, Sherry Knopp Buchheim, but basically everything I know about Tyler, I’ve heard from others.

Tyler sounds like a lovely young man, from what I’ve heard. Obviously he’s very intelligent and a graduate of the University of Notre Dame with a degree in architecture. He did an internship with, I think it was, Thayer Hopkins Architects in Petaluma, CA and Emma went out there to be with him, and now they live and work full time out there, with Tyler working in Architecture and Emma selling insurance in Santa Rosa(subject to change, I’m sure.) My daughter is a Cali girl, but I’m sure she loves playing the southern belle in a Cali world!

From Tyler’s description, he’s obviously a very bright, hard working young man, and hopefully not lacking in the common sense department, like Emma’s dad, who bragged on being eligible for MENSA but always lacked a little common sense. (Not trying to dig into Phill’s faults because we all have them, but just mentioning how he was. Smart as he was, he often lacked common sense, but I loved him just the way he was. Those little goofs just made him Phill.)

If Emma wants to, she can be absolutely charming, loving, generous, and make you feel like the center of the world. If she is not interested in you, you are pretty much dead to her and can barely get a hello out of her. She will ignore you to the point of being blatantly rude. I can’t count the number of times Emma thought someone slighted her and wouldn’t have anything to do with them, and then we would run into the person, and Emma would embarrass me with her rudeness. I tried to instill in her that she didn’t have to like everyone, but she did have to be polite to people. I failed miserably at that lesson. If we ran into someone Emma didn’t like, she would clam up to the point of being rude, or simply walk away,  and I would try to compensate by conversing and taking the focus off my rude daughter, or keeping it short and making a quick getaway. That was just how she was. I hoped she would out grow it, but she didn’t. She may be a better actress now, just out of necessity, and she may be able to hide her feelings a little better.

Do I think Emma was in a rush to marry Tyler? Yes, I think she probably was. Emma was so anxious to prove she was an adult. As a 16 year old, she was researching becoming an emancipated minor, but to go down that road would have been too much work. She would have had to get a job and support herself, and she wasn’t ready to do that. What better way than getting married to prove she’s a grown up. Then there’s the whole sex thing too, but I don’t really want to get into that other than to say Emma was very proud of her purity and claimed she would not have sex before marriage, so if she abstained, that would have pushed her to rush into getting married at rather a young age as well (21).

So, yes, I do think Emma was anxious to get married. Was it because she loved Tyler? I don’t really know. I tend to think Emma’s reasoning was because she had something to prove and not because she of love. As much as I hate to say it, I’m not sure Emma has it in her to love anyone. She can make you feel loved, but that is very different. If Emma has a goal, and wants to manipulate you, she can throw on the charm and make you feel so special and important to her. I wish I could say that Emma knows what love feels like, but as the one who knew her best for 17 years, I’m just not sure. For Emma, love may just be another means to an end.

When I’ve heard people like Bill Clinton discussed as a rapist and Ted Bundy as a murderer, and have heard these men described as so charming, persuasive, educated, intelligent, etc., and then they committed (allegedly or otherwise) these horrible acts, I can see Emma in a similar way. No, I don’t think Emma’s going to go out and become a serial killer, but I do believe nothing will stop Emma from getting what she wants. Some time back, I had a conversation with a young man who told me he suspected he was a lot like Emma and offered to speak to me to give me some insight into what might be going on in Emma’s mind. One of the things I asked him was if he would break the law to get what he wanted, and he felt surely that he would if the laws were in the way of him getting what he wanted and laws were the same as rules in the home, which just meant, “don’t get caught.” As I’ve mentioned before, this is a perfect description of Emma. Rules did not apply to Emma and she didn’t care what the punishment was if she got what she wanted. According to Emma, she was punished because we hated her, not because she broke the rules.

Do I think Emma can have a successful marriage? No, not really. I wish I could say that I thought Emma and Tyler would have a long and happy marriage, but in all honesty, I don’t think so. Emma can charm, lie, manipulate for only so long, and I think sooner or later, Tyler will catch on. Now maybe the boy could be dense as a box of rocks in the common sense department, and let Emma run the show, and also, Emma described her father-in-law as a “wimp” and claimed that both Bob and Tyler Buchheim were under Sherry’s thumb (Bob’s wife, Tyler’s mother.) and that Tyler didn’t do anything with out the ok from his mom, so if that’s the case, maybe Tyler needed another “mommy” and Emma is stepping in to that role. In that case, they could have a long, happy, co-dependent relationship, but from what I’ve heard, that was Emma putting her dramatic spin on things, and neither Tyler nor Bob Buchheim are the “wimps” that Emma claimed them to be.

I can’t say I’m optimistic about Emma’s marriage. I would like to think there’s a glimmer of hope that she will grow up and drop the teen angst and quit blaming everyone for any perceived slight or any problem she may have, but I’m afraid there’s a lot of heartache in store for anyone who lets Emma into their heart. We shall see. In any event, it will be an interesting journey.