My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler).  Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter.   Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa.  (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.)  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

You Look Bad, I look Good

(Kind of like I’m OK, You’re OK, only different.)

I hope to read more and learn more about sociopathy, and as most of you know, I think Emma has some kind of personality disorder, perhaps she is a sociopath, and/or a narcissist, borderline, etc. Since Phill and I weren’t trained in the soft sciences, and since we were the proud parents, who could never believe ill off our daughter, I think we missed a lot of signs that Emma exhibited that showed had some sort of psychological problem. If I were to list the signs we missed, here is a good start:

charm-superficial

high IQ

constantly lying

especially to deceive or exploit others

lack of empathy

gas-lighting

manipulation

grandiose self-image

narcissism

paranoia

lack of conscience

disregard for the safety of others

arrogance

opinionated

few actual friends

disregard for right or wrong

failure to consider or learn from negative consequences

need for stimulation and drama

One day, I would like to address each of these signs or symptoms (and more) as they apply to Emma, but I have to admit that when I read “disregard for the safety of others” it took me a while to get that one. Emma wasn’t some reckless kid drinking and driving, or doing drugs. That one just didn’t make sense to me. It took me a while to see that Oh………………….for example, accusing the priest of sexually molesting Emma was a perfect example. She didn’t stop to think of what kind of pain her actions would cause this man, it was just about Emma getting the attention she needed. Ok, I get it now.

Once I understood Emma’s disregard for the safety of others, I understood a little more about her lies. Emma liked to play the victim, and in playing the victim, she needed someone to be the bad guy, hence, a lot of her stories made someone else look bad or stupid to make herself look better.

If you’ve read the blog, you know I’ve listed plenty of lies Emma told about others, and I want to go back and re-write and edit, because there are more I need to add. For example, Emma made the friends look bad who took her to the Cirque Du Soliel by claiming that they were talking all through the performance, and everyone around them was staring and poor Emma was so embarrassed to be sitting with them. Now, this kind of like didn’t really hurt anyone. It gave Emma a great story to tell and made her look good, but it wasn’t true. This is just one characteristic I saw so often in Emma. Emma lied about others in order to make herself look good.

I don’t know why recently, but another one of Emma’s lies that I hadn’t written about popped into my head recently. It had to do with the grandmother of one kids from Emma’s youth group, Rob Simmons. Emma sometimes had a crush on Rob, and I think he may have had a crush on her at times. Rob was a nice kid and Phill and I got to know him helping with some of the youth events, carpooling, and having him over at our house.

I don’t remember what the need was, but Kathryn, Rob’s grandmother asked Emma about the two of us helping with some volunteer something or other, but it was on a Saturday, and Emma told Kathryn that we volunteered with pet adoptions on Saturdays, so we could not help. Then, when Emma told me about the conversation, she told me that Kathryn made a comment about how could could use to volunteer with things around the church a little more, and the whole thing makes me laugh now. Emma got the response from me that she wanted. I don’t remember what I said, but I was a little annoyed that Kathryn dare criticize where and when I spend my time volunteering. For whatever reason, Emma wanted to portray Kathryn in a bad light, or to make me not like her, I suppose.

Now, it just seems funny because if you met Kathyrn, she was such a classy lady, I could not have ever pictured her saying anything like this. Kathryn was well educated, worked in education, and even in her 70’s was still working as a consultant. She was always well dressed and seemed to have endless energy, even with arthritis and some of the difficulties of old age, and was always busy and involved in church activities. And, Kathryn was polite and kind, and I never heard her utter negative word about anyone.

For whatever reason, just like Emma saying all the kids at school were having sex or doing drugs, except Emma, who was saving herself for marriage, Emma had to make those around her look bad in order to make herself look better. Emma, who claimed to have Google in her head, alternated between a superiority complex and playing the victim.

Emma’s friend, Kayla Benifield Weaver, was a sweet girl, but according to Emma, Kayla’s mom and step-dad were frequently drunk, and Kayla’s paternal grandparents, who’d graciously invited Emma to visit them (as Kayla lived with them and not with either of her bio-parents) were described by Emma as “racists” who used the N-word frequently and had all kinds of white supremacist propaganda in their home. Of course these stories did improve if you compare to when Emma was younger and tried to convince me that Kayla’s mom was engaged to Dan Rather. All that practice paid off. Emma became an accomplished liar. She did slip up a little when she started telling people that her mother poisoned her with DDT though. That one was pretty bad and nobody fell for it that I know of, even with her claim of having a toxicology report.

I’ve got to go back and re-read and highlight, but I remember reading in the book, The Sociopath Next-Door, by Martha Stout Ph.d, I think she mentioned something about how to recognize a sociopath was how they were a victim or wanted people to feel sorry for them. Like I said, I need to go back and re-read that book, and use a highlighter, but I remember reading that and thinking (ding, ding, ding, ding), “Yep, that’s Emma, always the victim.”

If you work with the public, or talk to people who work with the public, a lot of people will tell you that there’s a whole lot of undiagnosed mental illness out there. In other words, there are lots of crazy folks. For those of us who follow the rules, we are at a disadvantage. Someone like Emma with her “disregard for the safety of others” has the advantage. That’s how the unsuspecting commuter, waiting for a subway, gets pushed off the platform into the path of the oncoming train. Those of us that follow the rules feel we should be safe, standing, waiting for the subway. It’s the ol’ “do unto others” all over again. We certainly wouldn’t push someone in front of an oncoming train, so we should be able to stand there, perfectly safe, but there are people who don’t live by the same rules. We don’t recognize them, but THEY recognize US. That sweet baby who grew in my belly knows she’s safe. He mother isn’t going to harm her, but those rules only apply to some people, and the sociopath, can push her mother off the subway platform and not feel a thing, except maybe a little excitement. Causing chaos and pain can be fun to watch if you enjoy that sort of thing, and a lot of crazy folks have that need for drama.

I think Emma is what is called a high-functioning sociopath. I’ll let my readers google that one, and just say that that is why so many sociopaths are NOT in jail, where you think they would be. They are smart and know just how to push, manipulate, and control the situation enough and they know just how far they can go before they cross the line into illegal activity, so while they might lie, steal, frame a coworker, etc., they’re going to stop before they go too far.

Until next time, and thanks for reading!