Moving Madness and Why I Gave Phill Our Home

Posted on June 3, 2017 by losingemma

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California where Emma sells insurance. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Moving Madness and Why I Gave Phill Our Home

Once again, I was thinking of some of the things I don’t have. The other day, I was talking to some friends about trying a recipe, now that I have a decent kitchen. (My rental house had a very small counter, and not a lot of kitchen space, and I’ve worked two jobs for the past 5 years, so I didn’t cook much. And besides, Phill has all my kitchen dishes, pots, pans, tools, etc.)

So I was talking to friends, and said, “Oh, wait. I can’t make this yet. I need a rolling pin and a baking sheet before I try it.” Darn that Phill. He got all my stuff, and thinking about trying a recipe just means more work because not only do I have to shop for the groceries, but the cookware as well.

I’m still settling in. That will take a while. I don’t have much furniture, so I don’t have places to put things. Phill has all our old dressers, armories, entertainment center, book cases, night stands, chests, china cabinet, my desk, my office chair, etc., etc., etc. He did let me have one dresser and a $10 cheap book case he got at Office Depot or Office Max and had stuck in the garage to get rid of.

I bought a smallish antique chifferobe from a friend just because I liked it and could use it, and they were moving and getting rid of some things. Well, wouldn’t you know, we locked the door on the chifferobe when I moved away from crazy neighbor, and then when I went to open it, the key broke with a piece falling inside the lock! I could really use to have that space to put a few things, and I can’t get to it! Just my luck!

I found a site where I could order a bunch of antique keys and I think one of them will work, and then found out they are out of stock and won’t have more keys for about a month. Fortunately, other than to get my rain jacket, which is locked in the chifferobe, there’s nothing in there that I’m desperate for.

So the boxes sit.

I had a beautiful home with Phill. If you want to google it, it was 284 Buck Trail, Hoschton, Ga. 30548. Even more than our home, I loved the almost 2, mostly wooded acres we had. I spent many hours out in the yard, clearing growth and cutting some of the wild stuff down so we could walk through it. I have always been a dog person, and I loved having a big, fenced-in backyard for the dogs. Later on, Phill built me some agility equipment, and I even though I never wanted to compete in agility, I enjoyed having the dogs run through some exercises on the equipment. I had taken our dog, Little C to agility classes for about a year. It was so much fun, and he loved it, too. Later on, Emma and I took, Benny, one of our foster dogs, to agility too.

Now I have an overgrown back yard that needs a lot of work, and I guess sooner or later I will get to it. I’m not really in a hurry, but I would like to do something with it to get the Georgia clay under control. I either need to terrace the yard, and maybe put down some gravel, or plant some ground cover to cover up all this clay. I don’t want my current little buddy dragging it into the house.

Phillgarden

I thought after Emma was grown, Phill and I would get to a lot of the things we’d talked about doing around the house and yard. Neither of us were real gardeners, but we’d talked about taking a Master Gardener course and as limited as our knowledge was, we had things we thought about doing to fix up the yard. Phill wanted to put in a pond, and I understand he put in an outdoor tv area or some such thing after he dumped me. Someone told me about it, but I don’t remember what it was. Me, personally, I go outside to get away from that stuff, so I probably wouldn’t have cared much for it, but you know men and their TVs. They like to have them everywhere. I always thought it was kind of funny because Phill wanted TVs everywhere or wanted whatever was new out on the tv scene, and I would say, “Why?” We didn’t watch much television, so I never understood his fascination with wanting the latest and greatest or all his ideas for having TVs everywhere. One thing he wanted to do was have a tv at the end of our bed that recessed into the floor. I will say that when Phill went out and bought a flat screen tv, even though he’d just bought a HUGE tv a couple of years before that he just had to have and got up to go stand in line at a Black Friday sale, I did notice how sharp the picture was. One of the night time talk shows was on, and I think it was Jay Leno talking to Reese Whitherspoon, and I said, “Wow. I can read what’s on the coffee mug.” and Phill beamed, the proud hunter who brought home the prized, elusive, tv. (I think this TV was another Black Friday deal too, if I remember right.) I also remember the gorgeous Reese Whitherspoon had some “back fat” in the beautiful black, strapless gown she wore and thinking, if someone that beautiful has back fat, there is no hope for the rest of us Plain Janes.

I was never much of a decorator, and I had just discovered pinterest right before Phill had me thrown out of our home, so I think, had Phill not thrown away our marriage, I might have gotten ideas for decorating and making our home prettier. I was never good at that sort of thing and needed (still need!) some help. I have a few things I’m good at, but decorating is not one of them.

Phillsuit

Phill Roey, my sweet, geeky, introverted (until he became an RC air plane nut) husband. Phillip Thomas Roey, Phill Roey

We bought our Hoschton home in 1995, and I thought we would live there until we were brought out of the home feet first. I never wanted to go through the whole moving ordeal ever again! Every once in a while, Phill would talk about retiring in the N. Ga. Mountains, or some place like that, but I didn’t think he was too serious about it.

I know some of my readers have been through a divorce, or some other horrible life circumstances, and people have asked me why I let Phill have the house. Well, I will tell you and it’s pretty simple. Even after throwing me out of our home and taking off, traveling around the country flying RC planes, acting like a responsibility-free teenager while his family was falling apart, I always thought Phill would do the right thing. I still believed in my husband.

I knew Phill would not be able to deny Emma’s lies forever. Emma and I might have argued a lot, and maybe I yelled too much (he always joked about how she loved to push my buttons), but he knew I didn’t not abuse my daughter. Emma lied about being molested, about her friend who was NOT raped, and did NOT try to commit suicide, and Emma lied about so many other things and even lied about Phill. Emma lied about being poisoned with DDT and even lied about Tyler’s family. (But the poor boy still married her. I fear the future is not so bright for that marriage.) Sooner or later, the man that I loved, was going to have to come to his senses, face the truth, and stand up for his family.

I could have forced Phill to sell the home, but I didn’t. I couldn’t afford the home and didn’t even have a job yet. I’d been out of my field for 17 years and had to take a course to return to the job market, and even then, let me tell you, not too many people are interested in interviewing someone who hasn’t worked in their field in 17 years. I’d come from the pen and paper days and all of a sudden I was filling out application after application on line and wondering if anyone even read them. There was no way I could afford the mortgage or even the utilities to our Hoschton home. Besides looking in my field, I applied for jobs at places like Home Depot, Target, PetsMart, Doller General, and a couple of jobs as a veterinary assistant. No one at those jobs wanted to hire me because I was over qualified, but I couldn’t get an interview in my field because I’d been out of work for so long. It was a horrible position to be in. I thought I’d never get a job. One of the jobs I interviewed for told me they wouldn’t hire me because they knew I would leave for a better job as soon as I could. After having been a housewife for so long, I was scared. I cried buckets mostly over the loss of my marriage and family, but also because my future was looking pretty bleak. No one wanted me as an employee, and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.

Phill had to pay me a few years of alimony, and he got our home. What else could I do?

I believed in my husband, but I was wrong. I’ll write a little more about this when I finish up writing about the death of my marriage, but that pretty much sums it up. I thought my husband was a better man and he would do the right thing. I was wrong. I bet on the wrong horse. Instead, Phill traveled around the country, flying RC planes, acting like a teenager, drinking beer with his buddies, and got a girlfriend. The man that I had always believed in, who I believed would do whatever he had to to take care of his family, failed with flying colors. I guess if you’re going to do something, even if it’s something horrible, do it spectacularly, and go down in a blaze of glory.

Trifecta Part 1, A Midlife Crisis

Posted on May 21, 2016 by losingemma

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Trifecta

This post is really for Emma, so I am writing to her.

Emma, BTW, I heard again from someone in Santa Rosa, CA who was looking for you. You might want to let everyone know where you are. Oh, Emma, Emma, Emma how many times did I tell you, if you are hiding what you’re doing, then maybe it’s something you shouldn’t be doing.

I haven’t wanted to write about your dad or your dad’s family, but since we can’t talk, and even your dad can’t talk about what you did, I will write it here. Today, I will tell you about your dad’s midlife crisis.

I have to admit, I was really disappointed in your dad. I always had too much faith in your dad. I’d always thought he would do anything to take care of us. Well, I was half right. I thought when he realized your friend was never raped, never attempted suicide, her mother was never dying of breast cancer, you never babysat for the neighbors down the street although you made up some great stories. You never babysat for our former priest and never had to call 911 on his bipolar son, and you were never molested by another priest……………… I really thought your dad would apologize and want to get to the bottom of your problems. And later on, I found out you were telling people that Tyler’s mom, Sherry Knopp Buchheim was afraid I would show up in Liberty Township, Ohio and kill her whole family and that I poisoned you with DDT and you had the toxicology report to prove it, I e-mailed your dad, but he just couldn’t deal with it. He e-mailed back that he refused to discuss you with me. I was kind of shocked when he just ignored everything you did. I was hurt too. I always believed in your dad, and believed he would do what’s right, even if it took him a while to realize how wrong he was. He always called himself a “secular humanist” and he didn’t have any need for religion. He wasn’t quite an atheist, but more agnostic. He wasn’t quite convinced about the whole God thing, but he thought of himself as a good person, and he was. Well, he was until things got difficult. Part of it was that your dad was going through a midlife crisis and part of it was your dad’s upbringing, and I will tell you about both of these. Your dad just doesn’t like difficult stuff and just chooses not to handle things.

Emma, I don’t blame you for the divorce, or at least not all of it. You were just a part of it. So many people joked about my daughter being “the other woman” and you really were. I was the one who stuck up for your dad when you made fun of him when he wasn’t around. I was the one who reminded you how hard he worked so we could have a nice home and nice things and you could do all the activities you were involved in. You thought your dad was stupid because he didn’t finish college. You made fun of him for being a truck driver, but he made a good living working for UPS. Something you didn’t think I noticed was how jealous you were of the way Daddy treated me, like when he brought me my coffee in the mornings. I remember how when Daddy would see a book by my favorite author at Costco and bring it home, you almost couldn’t stand it. You looked at me like I was something evil, even though you read my books too! I never realized my own daughter was jealous of the relationship between my husband and myself. It was like you couldn’t stand for me to get the attention or the little gifts. Then, after I was thrown out of my home, you became the little woman, doing the shopping, loading the dishwasher, taking care of the pets. I saw your posts on facebook before you removed me. You took over as the woman of the house. I guess that was your practice marriage.

Emma, remember when we’d get the $10 JCPenney coupons in the mail. We always let you have them and took you to buy something with them, but the one time I said I was going to use one because I could use something decent to wear to my job at the homeschool arts program, you go furious with me. I don’t know what we did that you turned out to be so selfish and vicious, and I know it wasn’t just me. I wondered if part of the reason you talked so badly about the girls you rode the bus with was because you were jealous of them. Maybe you were too insecure at school, so you had to make others look bad. And remember when we had the baby shower for the unmarried daughter of one of our friends at Bible Study? You were so jealous of the gifts and attention she got for doing something you considered shameful. I tried to talk to you about how she was a lucky girl to have a family that supported her because she was traveling down a difficult road. You couldn’t see it that way at all. You just thought she didn’t deserve a shower for having a baby and not being married. Well, I digress. I really wanted to write about your dad’s midlife crisis, so let me get back to that. I just keep hoping you will get your life turned around Emma, but I know it’s not going to happen. Some people live their whole lives a lie, and I’m afraid that’s where you are headed.

Your dad couldn’t face what you did and still can’t. It was easier to throw his wife out than to face the truth about his daughter. After all, blood is thicker than water. And also, your dad comes from a family with a high divorce rate. Even though he made a marriage vow, and he vowed to get counseling or help if we were every at the point of divorce, your dad just couldn’t do it. It was easier to walk away. When your uncle cheated on his first wife, your grandmother, who has been divorced twice, just wanted her son to be happy, while your grandfather told your uncle that he had an obligation to his family. At the time, I did wish your grandfather was still living because I don’t believe he would have fallen for all your drama and he would have talked some sense into your dad.

Your dad always joked about how lucky I was that his midlife crisis was RC planes. It’s kind of funny because your dad was always the one who talked about “self-fulfilling prophecies” too. Since I was a worrier, can’t help it, it’s just my nature, your dad would always tell me if you worry enough about something happening it probably will.

About a month before all the drama at Suzie McGravey’s office, where you wanted to go live in a group home, Daddy was working on a friend’s computer and talking about our plans for retirement, how he wanted to get a camper or an RV and we planned on doing some traveling, and of course because he was all into the RC planes, we would be going to a lot of RC shows. So yes, at this point in my life I thought your dad and I would be retired, or close to it, and you would be out of the house, and we’d be doing some traveling. You never know what life is going to throw at you, do you? Anyway, this friend, who yes, knew you, was so shocked that all of a sudden your dad wanted a divorce and that he was letting you manipulate him so. All of a sudden, according to your dad, there was “too much water under the bridge.” How do you go from talking about retiring with your wife one month, and then the next month wanting a divorce?

Daddy really had all the classic signs of a midlife crisis. Everything was RC planes, and I heard that a year or so later he bragged about taking almost 100 planes to SEFF, but when we were married, he had maybe a dozen planes. That is some major money he spent for planes and motors. That gets pretty expensive.

What was also a shock was that our family was going through a major crisis, and yet Daddy took off every chance he could to go to RC shows for days at a time: SEFF, Joe Nall, and I don’t remember where the one was he went to up north (Midwest) was. What kind of man goes traveling the country when his family is in crisis? Our poor, supposedly “sexually abused” daughter was left home alone or with the neighbors or dragged around the country to RC shows? What kind of man does that?

Another classic sign of a midlife crisis was the camper. A lot of men go out and buy a sports car, but your dad spent $23,000 on a camper as well as all the RC planes? Again, he sure wasn’t hurting for money. Maybe I should have hired a forensic accountant like one friend wanted to do. I don’t know where Daddy came up with all this money but then, I was just the dumb housewife who let my husband handle all the money. Let that be a lesson to you! Don’t let Tyler handle all the money. Remember how I was trying to get daddy to teach me how to do the on line banking and he was so reluctant to do so? I was more worried about if something happened to him that I wouldn’t know how to pay the bills. I didn’t even know how much money we had in the bank.

Daddy had always been an introvert, like me. We were always happy at homes, doing things together or near each other like when he would work on airplanes upstairs and I would work on my glass stuff. I had looked forward to more of these times when you left home, but that was not to be. BTW, what did you do with my glass studio?

Once Daddy discovered his RC friends, he really came out of his shell. He found a crowd he fit into. He became a big fish in a small pond. He became one of the “cool kids” and wanted to hang out with them and fly planes and sit around at night and drink beer. He no longer needed a homebody wife who fostered dogs and spent Saturdays at adoptions. That wasn’t going to fit into his new life. We never talked about it, but I figured I would quit fostering, or maybe foster a small dog that we could take with us in the future camper. I supposed a lot of this is my fault because I was the one who encouraged Daddy to get back into his childhood hobby of RC planes.

Daddy was always freaked out about the idea of menopause. Even when you were just a little thing, Daddy worried about it. He often brought up that you would be going starting your cycle around the same time I would hit menopause. I just made a joke about it, but he brought it up so often, I should have realized he was having a problem. Then, when I had the hysterectomy, Daddy freaked out that I was going to become a crazed mad woman. Actually, the hysterectomy had the opposite effect of what your dad was afraid of. My hormones were so messed up because of the fibroids and cysts, that I felt so much better afterwards and wished I done it 10 years earlier.

Funny how your dad called me your “sexless parental unit.” I’ve met several other women who went through divorces because their husbands were so freaked out about menopause. All of a sudden, these men realize they are getting old. Well, they don’t think they are, but they think their wives are, so they dump them. I’ve also heard stories from the adult children of parents who divorced because their dad’s freaked over menopause. It’s really not that uncommon.

Your Aunt Chatty Kathy used to talk about the “burnt cookies” divorce, which was really the same kind of thing. She described it as how one partner in the marriage freaked out and basically said, “You burned the cookies! Oh my God, I want a divorce!” All of a sudden everything that was ever wrong in your life is the fault of your spouse. You can ask her about it, but it was how your dad acted too. He couldn’t handle our family crisis, so OMG, let’s get a divorce.

I will never forget some of the things your dad said to me. When I was over at your “Aunt Janice’s” and he came over and brought me some things, we were arguing, I don’t remember about what. He was going to leave, and he put his arms around me and told me he loved me, but “I’ve put up with a lot.” Really? Isn’t that what married people do? Was your dad so perfect that I didn’t put up with anything? No, I put up with a lot, too, but I loved your dad and part of loving someone is putting up with their faults. Hopefully, you and Tyler have been married long enough now to realize that it’s not all puppies and rainbows. Tyler has his faults, and you have some of your own.

Well, Emma, I think I’ve pretty much covered your dad’s midlife crisis. At the time, I didn’t realize what it was, but after a little distance, it was easy to see Daddy had so many of the classic signs. Even through all of it, I thought your dad would eventually get himself together and do what’s right. He knows he messed up, but daddy cares too much about what people think of him to admit it. He’s just not strong enough to face his friends, family, and neighbors after all that he did and let you get away with. He’d rather go on living the lie.

And speaking of that, there is so much your dad owes me. (Oh dear, do I sound like you Emma? You had me, you owe me? You married me, you owe me?) No, your dad knows what he did wrong and what he took from me. He owes me a furnished home, a fenced yard, etc. Funny how we were updating the house with a new fridge, new dishwasher, the counters, the floor, and the new shelves on the sunporch. Daddy owes me a furnished house. All the little things like cookware and cutlery, linens, a bed, appliances, etc. I could use a couple of ceiling fans, so be a dear and ask Daddy to put them in for me. He’s got my number. Oh, and a funny story about that, when I asked Daddy for the stand-up fan, he brought me the industrial fan! I know you haven’t been in my house, but daddy has. It’s about 900 square feet and that fan was way too much for this house. I ended up giving it away. I used to joke about Daddy’s passive-aggressive streak, and there it was!

Here’s a photo of the sun porch that we’d just spent about $2500 on new shelves for:

Ikea1a

I’m sure by now Daddy got the flatscreen tv he wanted for that bare spot, even though he wouldn’t let me have the old giant monster tv that was sitting in the garage.

And here is the $10 bookshelf, leftover from homeschooling, that was out in the garage to get rid of that Daddy gave me when he had me thrown out of my home:

bookshelf

Your dad sure made out like a bandit from the divorce, didn’t he? Well, after what my attorney told me, there was no way I was going to go near the house, and Daddy was certainly not going to divide up the household fairly or bring me my things, although he did bring me a few things at first. I will write more about that part of the divorce later on.

So, Emma are you out of school for the summer? Are you working? And what about Tyler? Is he going to school for his Master’s or did he start working? I’ve always heard you need a master’s in architecture to really do anything, but I don’t know much about it.

In my next post, I’ll tell you about your dad’s family and his upbringing and you will understand a little better why your dad can’t handle a confrontation or face the hard stuff. You’ve heard all about my family, and by now you may have realized that every family has it’s on kind of dysfunction. Ours did too, but we had a lot of love and I always thought that would see us through. Wrong again. When I tell you a little about your dad’s family and his upbringing, you will be able to understand why your dad is the way he is.

So long for now, Emma. Love you.

Emma Getting Married—A Mother’s thoughts

Posted on August 15, 2015 by losingemma

Emma and fiance Tyler Albert Buchheim.

Since I won’t be attending Emma’s wedding, I couldn’t help making a few bridal pictures. Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey

For those of you attending Emma’s wedding, I hope everyone knows it is still Sept. 19, 2015, but the location has changed from Port Girardeau, MO to Santa Rosa, CA. Gee, I feel sorry for the people who go their plane tickets already  (wink wink) Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s an Ohio wedding?

In 2012, I heard Emma was engaged to Tyler Buchheim, an architecture student from West Chester Township, Ohio, who attended Notre Dame University and whom Emma had met on line. I had mixed feelings. She was 19, and too young and immature to be engaged, and Tyler was her first boyfriend, but I was also saddened, no, heartbroken, that I didn’t hear about Emma meeting Tyler, falling in love, etc. from Emma. I felt like in addition to all I’d missed with Emma starting college, I’d missed hearing about something else that was so special in Emma’s life. She’s my daughter, and even with all the horrible things she’s done, I do love her, and I want to see her happy and to have a normal life, even though now I don’t think that is possible. Emma will never have a “normal” life.

I was sad at the thought of missing all the wedding things with Emma like seeing her walk down the aisle to marry the man she loves, helping her with arrangements, going dress shopping, attending her shower, etc.

Since I won’t be attending Emma’s wedding, I couldn’t help making a few bridal pictures. Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey

Of course, later on, I was to find out that there was no engagement, according to Tyler’s mom, Sherry Buchheim, who e-mailed me several times and told me that Tyler was not ready to get in engaged, etc. Who knows, maybe Sherry was lying to cover up for Emma. I don’t know, and it doesn’t really matter. I still find it odd that a family from Ohio would let their son’s girlfriend move from Georgia to Ohio, to move in with the boyfriend’s grandparents, if the relationship was not fairly serious. They’d even taken Emma on vacation to Hilton Head and even had professional pictures made of Emma and Tyler.

I felt obligated to warn Tyler’s family about what they were getting into, and saw no point in e-mailing a young man who was in love. Who would he believe? His girlfriend? Or her mother whom he’d never met? Instead, I contacted Tyler’s mother, Sherry Buchheim, and told her briefly what Emma had done. I gave her my name, address, phone number and e-mail address and told her I would be happy to answer any questions she might have. (I’ve already written about this, so dear readers, you can go back and read about “Bud the Boyfriend” to get the full story about Emma and Tyler Buchheim.) I knew that Emma marrying anyone was going to be a disaster.

Since I won’t be attending Emma’s wedding, I couldn’t help making a few bridal pictures. Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey

Now, when I think about Emma getting married, it just makes me sad for her. What kind of marriage can she have? But then again, I am glad Emma’s getting married. She won’t be able to hide her crazy (with apologies to Miranda Lambert—I love that song!) forever, and once the newness and excitement wears off, and the young groom is close to Emma, living with her day in and day out, her husband is going to see that something’s not right. Eventually, the marriage will end in disaster, but of course, nothing will be Emma’s fault.

I was discussing this with a friend, who knew Emma a few years ago, and I guess after everything Phill and Emma put me through, I’ve come a long way. I was telling her that I don’t even feel like I’m missing anything by not attending Emma’s wedding because I feel like the whole thing is such a farce. Her marriage is just the countdown until the first divorce. Or, as my friend put it, it’s the countdown until the next train wreck.

Emma will have her wedding day, her pretty dress, her handsome groom, her wedding gifts, her honeymoon, and she will be the star of the show. But just wait until Act Two.

Special thanks to Face in Hole for the fun website! Emma and I used to do those Jib Jab things where you put the face in (or the dog’s face!) and when I saw this site, I thought this was the kind of thing we would have sat there and played with, laughing hysterically as we made funny pictures.

Since I won’t be attending Emma’s wedding, I couldn’t help making a few bridal pictures. This one reminds me of Hillary Clinton. Sorry, Emma, I know you would hate that comparison! Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey

Letters to “Lacey” – Post Script (Updated 8/8/15)–more to come……..

Posted on August 7, 2015 by losingemma

Emma at the William Holland School in 2010. This was a yearly trip we took with my sister for about 7 years. Emma Roey, Emma Kate Roey, Emma Katherine Roey

Emma at the William Holland School in 2009, giving me a dirty look for taking her photo. This was a yearly trip we took with my sister for about 7 years. Emma Roey, Emma Kate Roey, Emma Katherine Roey

Letter’s to Lacey – Post Script & Emma’s Purity Ring

I wanted to share Emma’s letters to “Lacey” to give my readers a better feel for what was going on in Emma’s head at that time. The letters are the writings of a teenage girl and written more like a diary. If you read through the letters, it would have been in Dec. of 2009 when Emma told her dad and I that “Lacey” had been raped and then tried to commit suicide. I won’t repeat the whole story here, but Phill and I had picked Emma up on her birthday, after her youth group. Emma was very upset and told us that “Lacey” had called her from the hospital and was hysterical………. You can go back and read the post where I already wrote about this.

I often wonder why Emma would do that to her “best friend” as she often called “Lacey.” Was it because she had never actually met “Lacey” so it would be easy to make up a story that no one would verify? I just don’t know enough about liars to understand why they do what they do. All kids lie. We all know that. A school counselor told me that lying becomes a problem when the lies hurt people. Then it goes beyond what is normal. Emma was lying and hurting people, most definitely. I don’t know when her lies started going too far, but as much as I love my daughter, I know she has a serious problem.

Lacey’s” parents also sent me some chat messages between Emma and “Lacey.” Most of them were pretty uneventful. In one chat message, after Phill had me thrown out of my home by the sheriff’s department, Emma told “Lacey” she and her dad were planning a rafting trip to TN, and since “Lacey” lived a couple of hours away, in NW Georgia, she asked about meeting up with her. Previously, Emma had tried several times to get “Lacey” to come visit. I had agreed if “Lacey’s” parents would allow her to visit that I’d be willing to drive halfway to meet up with her parents and pick “Lacey” up. Emma told me two Christmases in a row that “Lacey” was coming, and one spring break, and at least once over the summer, but these plans never materialized.

I find it odd that Emma still tried to meet up with “Lacey” when she and her dad were going white water rafting in TN. Emma told people that “Lacey” had been raped and attempted suicide, and she had the gall to ask her if she wanted “to meet up for coffee or something?” Did Emma not think that “Lacey” might not think there was something really wrong with this kid who told such horrible lies about her?

If you look up Narcissism on Wikipedia, you find: Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder in which a person is excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity, mentally unable to see the destructive damage they are causing to themselves and others. Signs and Symptoms: People with narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance. They have a sense of entitlement and demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behavior. They have a strong need for admiration, but lack feelings of empathy.[5]

Ding, ding, ding, ding!!

Emma is unable to see the destructive damage she causes to herself and to others! And, Emma is all about power (control).

Several people have told me they thought Emma was narcissistic, and I believe she is, but there’s more going on there than just that. I know Emma has some serious issues. Narcissism is only one of them. Emma accused me of having a Borderline personality, but I think Emma may have been diagnosing herself. Although, when Phill and I first read about Borderline Personality Disorder, Phill said this disorder described Sandra Brooks McCravy much more than it described me, the symptoms also describe Emma. Honestly, I think there’s a lot wrong with Emma. She may have parts of many other antisocial personality disorders, but we just didn’t have proper help to figure her out.

I know Emma has some serious issues, and I would guess some sort of antisocial personality disorder. From the signs we saw over the years, the lack of empathy, no remorse, no guilt, no shame, and nothing was ever Emma’s fault. Emma could be cold, calculating and manipulative, secretive, well organized, and egocentric. …Emma knew right from wrong, but rules didn’t apply to her. I think, having raised Emma and homeschooling her for 5 years, I knew her pretty well, but I had no idea what she was capable of. How do you admit you think your daughter could be a psychopath or a sociaopath? Psychopath was a term I heard all my life, but I never really knew the meaning. Phill used to call his mother’s live-in boyfriend, Kenny, a psychopath or a sociopath, but even then, I didn’t really know what those terms meant. After doing some research and talking to some professionals, I feel like I have a better understanding of psychopath vs. sociopath, and I truly believe Emma is a psychopath. As a mother, it breaks my heart to think my child is mentally ill, but what Emma has done goes beyond normal teenage rebellion
When Emma was growing up, she could be such a brat and so difficult about what she wanted, and it didn’t matter what was going on with the rest of the family, it just mattered that Emma got what she wanted. I used to think to myself sarcastically, “All that matters is that Emma gets what SHE wants!” or I might say to myself, “Well, Emma IS the center of the universe.”
I often wonder when that switch flipped for good. Emma could be my loving little girl who wanted to cuddle and talk things over with mom before bed, and she could be a cold, calculating, wicked being. At some point, the psychopath won out. Emma fed the wrong wolf. (From the Indian Proverb of the Two Wolves)
As a mother, what makes me sad is that if Emma is truly a psychopath, she doesn’t know what love is. She can pretend to love in order to get what she wants, but she will never know what it is to give your heart to another human being. It is hard to imagine someone being so self-centered that they can’t truly love those around them. I will write about my thoughts on Emma getting married in the next post, but it makes me sad for both her and her husband. Talk about a train wreck.

On Feb. 7, 2010, about a month and a half before Emma told us she’d been sexually molested by the priest, Emma sent “Lacey” a message about going to a bead show and buying herself a “promise ring.” Back in my day, a promise ring was like a pre-engagement ring that a high school boy might give a girl that he planned on marrying one day. I think Emma’s calling her ring a “promise ring” in the chat message might have been an error because she told me it was a “purity ring” and many times after that, I heard her refer to it as her purity ring. The ring was a little silver ring with a citrine stone. It was very pretty and looked nice on Emma.

Emma’s purity was very important to her. She wanted to remain a virgin until she married, and as a mother, you are glad to hear your 10th grader say that! With all the STDs to worry about, and all the unplanned pregnancies…………………….. I didn’t have a problem with her wanting to hold off on sex. Of course, but the age of 17, when Phill had me thrown out of my home, Emma had never even been on a date. Her thoughts about premarital sex might have changed once she had a boyfriend.

Emma’s own purity was one thing, but she held everyone else to her high standards. She spoke so terribly about everyone she knew at high school when she was in 9th grade at Jackson County Comprehensive High School. Emma made it sound like she was the only “good girl” in the whole place. Of course, Phill and I knew things had changed a lot from when we were in high school, so we just sort of assumed Emma knew what she was talking about. I think part of it may have been that Emma didn’t have any friends, so she made excuses by saying everyone else did drugs and was having sex so she didn’t want to be friends with any of these people anyway.

Someone told me that Emma seemed to have a superiority complex, and that I can believe. Emma and I attended a bible study down the street at a neighbor’s home with a group of women. There were a few members who had grandchildren that had been born to unwed parents. When the daughter of one of the women got pregnant and was not married, she started coming to our group. When we had a shower for this young woman, Emma was opposed to it. Emma felt like we were rewarding this young woman for her bad behavior. I thought this was a teaching moment, and I tried to discuss it with Emma. We talked about how lucky this girl was that she was living with her parents who were supportive and willing to help her. Also, Emma was very strongly Pro-Life, so I pointed out that this young woman could have chosen to have an abortion, but she didn’t. I thought we had some good conversations, but Emma was still very judgmental. Everyone was a sinner but Emma.

At one time, Phill had worried that Emma might be a lesbian. She didn’t show much interest in boys, but you have to admit that middle school boys can be kind of goofy. I wasn’t worried, just figuring she was not boy crazy. I think Emma was about 12 when we were at pet adoptions and walked across the street to Costco to get an iced coffee. We were walking back and chatting. I don’t remember exactly what we were chatting about, I think there had been a lesbian couple looking at a dog, but Emma commented on whatever we were talking about and then said , “Oh, I know I like boys!” I came home and told Phill he didn’t have to worry anymore.

One other thing that I think is funny about the purity ring and some of Emma’s letters was when she said she went somewhere. Maybe all teenagers do that, but Emma didn’t say, “My mom took me to a bead show.” She tried to make it sound like she was an adult and went by herself. I saw this in some of her other letters. I guess that was that teenager trying to be independent. Just over a year after Emma bought her purity ring, she got all the independence she wanted.

Coming up next: My thoughts on Emma’s upcoming marriage…….and for those of you that may have missed it, Emma’s wedding date is still Sept. 19, but the location has changed from Port Girardeau, MO to Santa Rosa, Ca. Gee, hope you all didn’t get your plane tickets already. Of course, Emma may be marrying Tyler Buchhein, an architecture student who lives in Ohio instead of Jackson Miller…………..just a little bug someone put in my ear………..but then, I haven’t received my invitation yet, but if you go to: http://registry.theknot.com/emma-roey-jackson-miller-september-2015/10942079 you can look at Emma’s wedding site, but you do need the pin number or password. (Sorry, I don’t have it, so let me know if you do!)

Letters to “Lacey” Part 18 *(Completed 7/17/15)****

Posted on July 14, 2015 by losingemma

Part 18
Oct. 5, 2009 (Emma starts another 7 page letter to “Lacey.”)

Emma tells “Lacey” she had a pretty good weekend. She was supposed to babysit T. on fri, but her mom was too tired to go to the church book club, so Emma went. The group was talking about “blips” in life when something goes wrong and changes your life such as bad marriages, bad parents, divorce, etc. Emma says she likes listening but pretty much kept quiet since she hadn’t read the book and didn’t have enough life experience to comment. We took a break to get food, and them Emma talks about Evan’s mom, Ms. M. saying to her, “Emma, I bet you’re sitting there thinking this is never going to happen to you, and she said it really sharply, but she’s like that to everybody, so Emma doesn’t take it personally. Emma says she was actually think that Annie D’s bracelet was pretty and she’d never seen her wear it to book club before, not that Emma would admit what she was thinking. Emma says she told Ms. M. how she’d been thinking how nice it was to be in a group of ladies and how we all seemed to have a bond even though some of us didn’t know each other that well. Emma says she feels like Ms. M. is attacking her, even though she thinks that is just how she is…

Emma goes on to say that o Saturday, they practiced at church all day long on their skit for the sock hop. Jordan is great at choreographing, so she told everyone what to do. They have a rough plan now, but need a few more rehearsals. Emma says she has a great costume—a cheerleading outfit from the fifties that Aunt Janice made—yes literally sewed every stitch herself—when she was in high school. It fits Emma perfectly. She wore it to church to make an announcement and to just generally draw attention to herself. Then she dragged everyone who was in church (Alex, Rob, Evan) up to the front during announcements to invite everyone to the dance. Evan and Rob were acolyting, so they were already up front….and when they went up for Communion, they were kneeling at the altar and Emma’s dad whispered, “Evan’s staring at you….Emma, look, why is he staring at you…” And Emma said “Daddy, its ok!! Be Quiet!!” As she later pointed out, who wouldn’t be staring at someone in a fifties cheerleading uniform anyway? Daddy’s not that observant, so he believed Emma. Evan always watches Emma, she says, but no one else usually notices, or at any rate, they don’t comment…..and if Daddy notices, he comments.

Ok, she sort of got sidetracked there. Emma says. The talks about finding 4 traffic cones and makes fun of Jordan for telling them to, “Make a circle with these!” and mentions pointing out to Jordan that they made a square, not a circle.
Emma talks about the Blessing of the Animals service and says she doesn’t understand people who aren’t used to animals. The youth group were supposed to be doing a dog wash for a fundraiser, and Emma claimed that Evan was supposed to dry the animals, but just draped a towel around a dog and asked “Is that right?”

Oct. 12, 2009

Emma apologizes for not sending this letter last week and says she will finish it and send it tomorrow, she hopes. She talks about acolyte training, which they had the day before, and the new junior acolytes which she is excited about. The new ones are enthusiastic and clueless so they do whatever Emma tells them very cheerfully. She complains about Fr. T’s son being book bearer, and says she is never going through that again. She complains that Trevor (name changed) is bipolar…..severe bipolar…and she thinks he has a problem with women, particularly as authority figures. He does not and has never liked Emma or Jordan,, and threw a royal fit about getting robed………….So while Emma is dealing with an eighth grader throwing a hissy fit, she’s also trying to get two acolytes who have no clue what they are doing to light candles. And of course, it’s a Baptism, so there are a ton of extra candles, all of which have to be lit in the correct order. Emma doesn’t mind helping a couple of the acolytes who are new and trying their hardest but Trevor is a different story. Emma claims she told an adult that she is never serving with him again. If he won’t accept her as team captain, there is really no point in trying. She is too type-A assertive/aggressive to put up with that, and no one’s going to be happy.

Emma talks about the Peace, when, congregants greet each other and hug or shake hands, and how she was thankful her parents sat on an asile so she go see them without making her way through a row of people who all wanted to talk to her. She was saying goodbye and getting ready to run back up front when she heard her name and of course, she’d know his voice anywhere, even in a room full of talking people. She spun around and was in his arms, not that she minds, but remember this is right besider her parents, so of course they had a field day with that one. Mother was gleeful and daddy was sulky/pouty………… Emma says she is not sure what is going on! She has a list in her head why she thinks he loves her vs. why he doesn’t. the first list goes something like this: he says he loves her. He texts her to ask her questions he already knows the answers to. In church he somehow always ends up sitting where she can see him and he can see her even when that means not sitting with his mom. He watches her all the time and the only time he’s not standing or sitting by her is if her parents are around. She calls to ask him one question which everyone else has answered in 5 seconds and they end up talking for 20 minutes about random, inconsequential, irrelevant stuff. The second list: He hasn’t asked her out. Sometimes he won’t even look at her if her parents are around. She knows his brother hates her (he hates everyone at church, but still) and she has no idea what to make of his mom. And he has no reason to like her anyway!

Soooo, Emma doesn’t know what to think! Oh and after church we went to a brunch at Chateau Elan, which has really good and really expensive food, and listened to talk about stewardship and pledging. Emma claims Ms. M., Evan’s mom, was one table over and she swears that every time she looked up, Ms. M. was staring at her.
Emma goes on to talk about whom we were sitting with at Chateau Elan and how she served at the wedding of a couple there and how Jordan was in love with the son of the husband…………

(I wouldn’t say Emma’s dad was “sulky/pouty” over her and Evan, nor was I gleeful. It was nice to see Emma happy, and since she talked about Evan all the time, like I said earlier, it wasn’t exactly a secret. The whole church saw them together, but most of us were adult enough to know it was young love and didn’t necessarily mean we should expect wedding bells!)

Oct. 15, 2009
Emma talks about going to Wed. night Sunday school and says she thinks it’s cute how Evan starts out on the other side of the room from her, next to Rob, and within five minutes, he comes to get something off a shelf behind Emma and sits down right beside her for the rest of class. She doesn’t know if anyone else notices, but she does, and it makes her happy.

……..in class they were talking about the part of the Gospel where Jesus calls a certain group of people hypocrites, and Ms. Shanna added, “we can see a lot of hupocrites in history…” and knowing that she and Ms. Greeson (the other teacher) agree with Emma, she feels the need to add, “Or prominent political figures.” And that got everyone laughing…….Emma says everyone there, except maybe Molly, know Emma’s opinion of the President.

Emma mentions how she likes both her teachers. They are both young, with young children, and agree with her politically, and they are just really nice. They treat her with respect, and Ms. Shanna informed Trevor that Emma is one of the most mature people she knows and he will treat her as an adult while he is in her class. They have a lot of art materials in the classroom and they are supposed to be doing something while they are talking, but Emma never does, so she just sits. She will never be happy with anything she draws, paints, etc. There is always some detail that bothers her, so she just sits. She wonders what they think about that. Next week she may pick up a piece of paper and just sit there with it. Just to make it look like she is thinking about doing something. Even though she never actually would. She doesn’t want them to think she’s not participating or that she thinks she is too good for it. She actually not good enough to do art. Even stringing beads. Everyone’s made cross necklaces to wear while they’re in the room, but she knows she wouldn’t be happy with the one she made, so she doesn’t make one.

Emma complains, “It’s so hard, “Lacey!’” She is having problems with walls again. She loves him, but she is afraid to love him. It was fine to like him when she thought he didn’t like her, but now that she thinks he loves her, it’s scary. Emma thinks about him all the time and then she wonders if he’s thinking about her. And when he looks at her, her heart flies so fast that she feels like she is going to faint she didn’t used to do that because whether she loved him or not, she never thought anything would come of it. Now she always wonders what he’s thinking and she doesn’t know what to say when he talks to her. She always manages to say something semi-intelligent, but then she thinks of a million other things she should have said. She wishes he would tell her he loves her again. Emma has this irrational hope that maybe something will happen tonight (when setting up for the Sock Hop) or tomorrow at the dance. Her parents will be there tomorrow, but not tonight…although she doesn’t really expect anything to happen. She wishes “Lacey” were there. She wishes she could talk to him. Well, no that’s not true. She wishes he would talk to her, except that when he looks at her he blushes and she can’t meet his eyes for more than a second. She wonders if he notices. He notices more about her than she realizes, she does know that. On Monday he brought up something that she’d said like three years ago that she barely even remembers. Emma doesn’t know whether she’s in love with him or not, although she knows he loves her. And she can’t tell her mom that she’s in love and has been since forever because she’d think Emma was silly.

Emma doesn’t care how sweet Aaron is, he is not allowed to think evil things involving “Lacey!”
“The journey from your mind to your hands/is shorter than you’re thinking…” Slow Fade by Casting Crowns.
Ok, Emma says not to worry she is kidding. Sort of. She doesn’t really know Aaron so shee can’t judge him. If he’s good to “Lacey” then Emma likes him. If he breaks her heart, he’s evil and villainous and she hates him to pieces. “Lacey” will have to print a pic of the two of them together and send it to Emma.
(And No, Emma, I never thought you were silly when you were in love with Evan. It was sweet. Love is love whether you are 15 like you were at the time or whether you are an old 48, like I was and still in love with your dad. Love is love, and it was your first serious crush, and a really big deal for you.

And another Casting Crowns Song you used to like, Emma:

She is running

a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

She is trying, but the canyon’s ever widening

In the depths of her cold heart

So she sets out on another misadventure just to find

She’s another two years older

and she’s three more steps behind….

Does Anybody Hear Her by Casting Crowns)

Oct. 17 2009
Emma spends the next three pages talking about Evan and the sock hop. The kids put on the skit they’d been working on, and then Evan pulled Emma on to the dance floor and it was a slow dance and there were only two other couple dancing, so of course Emma feels her parents staring at her. Emma says they danced about the next 7 songs and then one of the little boys started hitting Evan with balloons and he said, “Stop. I’m with my girl.” Emma wonders if she is “his girl” then why hasn’t he asked her out………….

One of my favorite pictures from the Sock Hop was I took of Emma dancing with her dad. Emma Roey, Emma Kate Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Phill Roey, Phillip Roey

One of my favorite pictures from the Sock Hop was this one I took of Emma dancing with her dad. Emma Roey, Emma Kate Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Phill Roey, Phillip Roey

Oct. 19, 2009

Emma talks about the Corn Maze trip and of course lots and lots about Evan…………sitting next to Evan in the car……….usual teenage girl in love kind of stuff……….wishing she could go back to last Friday night. She was so happy then. It was like everything was different that night. Different isn’t the word. She doesn’t even know that there is a word…and normally Evan wouldn’t hold her hand or put his arm around her, but for some reason it was ok and now they are back in the real world and it’s not ok anymore and she wants it to be ok, but she doesn’t know what to do about it………..Her life revolves around when she will see him next. She wants to have a heart-to-heart with him but is afraid to. She thinks about it all the time. She doesn’t know how much longer she can take this. It is stressing her out and she doesn’t focus on school or anything else for long. She wishes she could talk to someone, but there is no one “here” she can trust.

Thanks for listening! Love ya!
Emma-Kate

(Emma was a little paranoid about her parents “staring” at her. It wasn’t a large group, and it wasn’t a large room, but Phill and I tried to give Emma some space. And besides, we really enjoyed watching the adults dance. Phill and i were to totally uncoordinated people, and the only dancing we did was slow dancing in the privacy of our kitchen!

Now, let me see if I can find that Sock Hop video………….)

Letters to “Lacey” Part 13: The Great Iris Folding Escapade!

Posted on April 15, 2015 by losingemma

Emma watches tv with one of our dogs and a foster dog. Emma Kate Roey, Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey

May 31, 2009 Four days after the last letter, Emma starts another. She tells “Lacey” that she didn’t have time to write yesterday. She volunteered at PetsMart and then went to church. She says she ran into C. (the neighbor girl Emma accused of drug use, being promiscuous, and of having an abortion and possibly a 2nd pregnancy) and C. really ticked Emma off. Emma knew they were having a party at K’s house (a couple of houses down from our home one Buck Trail in Hoschton) and there was no way Emma was going because she was sure that illegal things were going on, and she didn’t want to hear them and deal with the pressure and backstabbing. Emma says she knows she could resist temptation if she wanted to, but she hates, but is no supposed to because that’s not Christian. She does not like those girls at all, so it’s not worth bothering. C. wanted to know why Emma couldn’t come to the party, so Emma said she was going to do some things with our church to get ready for an event tomorrow, and C. said, “Oh, I’m sorry.” In a really snobby tone. Emma says she told C. off and that she is so tired of C. making fun of her religion and of “Jesus Freaks.” One of their favorite saying sis “I’m ok with Jesus, I just hate his fan club.” That totally gets Emma because her faith is a huge part of her life, and the girls are rubbing their disapproval in her face. That is totally inappropriate, Emma complains! Emma says this is just one of the many things that proves C. is not the person she thinks she is. Emma says that C. claims to be nonjudgmental. Emma says she honestly just wishes she’d never met C. in the first place and that for some weird reason, C. thinks she is Emma’s best friend. This is not true because Emma doesn’t trust her and never will!

Emma goes on to talk about going to the church to help set up for the Spaghetti Lunch, and then talks about church the next day and then the Spaghetti lunch that followed. Emma was annoyed because a lot of people did not attend the lunch and because they were shorthanded. Emma goes on to say she was talking to Evan (one of the members of the youth group) about pianos and how Evan told her his piano was from the 1880s and was a family heirloom. Emma said she then asked me( her mother) how old our piano was and said that I told her I bought it at a yard sale and complains that I keep saying that when she gets better we would get a new one—“ya, like when I’m in Florida in college….” She complains that there is no rich history to our piano and about the piano being a piece of junk.

(Ok, I have not checked into the story of Evan’s “heirloom” piano. What is it with Emma and “heirlooms?” I sort of doubt this story is true from what I know of Evan’s family, BUT our piano did not come from yard sale. It was an old piano given to me by a friend who no longer wanted it. Yes, it was a piece of junk, and yes it was just fine for Emma to learn on. Emma started piano in kindergarten, but after a few years of lessons, it was such a battle to get her to practice, so we quit. I think it was the summer before she started high school that she started again. Emma was never very serious about piano. She enjoyed the attention she got when she could play church hymms, songs from Phamtom of the Opera and Les Miserables, but she was never a serious music student. It was never my desire to turn her into a musician, but just to maybe give her a little appreciation for music. Had she been serious about it, Phill and I would have definitely encouraged her, but she really liked to play around and have fun, and that was fine too. I’ve been around enough to know that you can’t push kids in to music. I’d seen what Sandra Brooks McCravy went through with her boys. Her parents were very generous to pay for expensive piano lessons, and Derek was very serious about piano, but Johnathan wasn’t. Johnathan played because he was forced to, and eventually he quit and took guitar lessons. Derek played beautiful classical piano and even won a couple hundred dollars in a small scholarship competition. )

Emma complains about cleaning up after the spaghetti lunch that she and one of the younger girls were taking down decorations while some of the other kids (Rob, Nick, Jordan Ari) sat around talking and how she had to go over and tell them that they needed to help. Emma said it’s like she doesn’t want to be seen as controlling…..but the least they can do is help, and how her feet were killing her too, but she did what needed to be done anyway! Emma tells “Lacey” that she was also depressed that Jordan had a party and Ari and Rob were there, but she was not invited, and her mom immediately says, “Did you feel left out?” Emma says it made her realize that in all the times they’ve been friends, “upwards of a decade”, Jordan has never once invited Emma anywhere with her. Emma has had her over and done things with her, but she has never reciprocated. Emma considers Jordan a friend, but does not think Jordan thinks the same about her. In fact, she doesn’t. Emma knows and has known this for a wile, but this was just a blatant slap in the face to tell her this is the way things are and she needs to accept them. So that is her depression in a nutshell.

(Well, I don’t remember what I said, but I know I would have not said, “Do you feel left out?” upon finding my daughter was not invited to a party. I don’t practice that feely-mealy kind of speech. I probably said, “I’m sorry.” I really don’t remember at this point, although I do remember Emma telling me that Jordan had a party and she was not invited. Also, at that point, I think we’d known Jordan’s family for about 5 or so years, not upwards of a decade. I don’t remember exactly, but I think we joined the church when Emma was in 2nd grade. Jordan and her family came some time after we did and then left the church for a couple of years and then returned.)

June 2, 2009

Emma talks about us going to see the movie up with some passes our neighbors gave us for Christmas, and says it is a big deal for us because we only go to a movie maybe once a year, and the only reason we were going was because the were going to expire.

(I don’t recall if the passes were going to expire or not. I’ve received several movie passes as gifts, and I’ve never had any that had expiration dates on them, so this could be a fabrication, but it’s true that we didn’t go to movies very often. We preferred to wait until movies came out on video and we watched them at home.)

Emma tells “Lacey” about delivering flyer in the neighborhood for her pet sitting service.

(Emma had a homeschool assignment to make a flyer, so I suggested pet sitting since that was something she could do to earn some money. She did a great job and earned over $300 just before she went on the mission trip with Eternal Hope of Haiti.)

Emma says that the song, “After the World” by Disciple is stuck in her head right now…

You break the glass

Try to hide your face Recorded lines

That just will not erase

And buried in Your loss of innocence

You wonder if You’ll find it again

Emma says she doen’t even have a particular meaning or connection to this one, it just keeps playing through her head with no signs of impending relief. Oh well, it’s not nearly as bad as some of the stuff Jordan’s had stuck in her head….it’s like a reflex, comparing herself to Jordan. She can’t help it. So many memories….ok, trying not to get depressed…totally not working….*sigh*. Emma says she doesn’t know where she would be without “Lacey”. Jordan is gone and kayla is in Toccoa or France (and totally inaccessible regardless). Facebook is normally an encouragement, but she’s looking at her profile and “Emma has 42 friends”, oh ya right. Emma talks about receiving a friend request from a boy she knew when she attended George Walton Academy in Monroe, Ga. She remembers how in kindergarten, he was that boy Ms. McPheeters could never wake up from rest time. Emma talks about her fish Zorro and says she worries that her parents might let him starve while she is gone. She says everyone would think she was crazy or she’d beg to bring him on the mission trip with the youth group, but she doubts the youth group leader would go for that. Poor Fishie.

(Phill and I always took pretty good care of our pets, so I think this “Poor Fishie” is just idle chatter. Emma needed something to say. I can’t imagine Emma actually believed we would not take care of her fish while she was gone. As any parent knows, when a child has a pet, it’s the parents who are the ones to care for it.) ############################################################################################################################################################ Now for one of my favorite parts:

The iris folding card Emma and I made. Apparently, I did pretty good for a crippled old arthritic mother! Emma Roey, Emma Kate Roey, Emma Katherine Roey

The iris folding cards Emma and I made. Apparently, I did pretty good for a crippled old arthritic mother! Emma Roey, Emma Kate Roey, Emma Katherine Roey

Emma talks about teaching her mom iris folding like she used on the card she’d recently sent to “Lacey”. Emma says she loves her mom, but it is sooooo hard to teach her because she has arthritis in her hands and is sooo slow. It’s like she could do this ten times faster and not waste half the material she does, but it’s really important for her to do it herself. And on top of that, she gets angry when Emma tries to keep her from making mistakes. She wants to do it her way, but she will get really frustrated when hers don’t turn out as nicely as Emma’s do because she refuses to take Emma’s advice , which she gives in a very respectful tone that still get labeled “smart-a**”). It gets Emma so frustrated because it’s not even fun for her anymore, and what’s worse is when her mother wants to help with Emma’s projects, but she invariabley ruins them!! So Emma tries to work on things when she’s not home.

(I have to admit, when I first read this story about the iris folding, I was very hurt. Here it is a few years down the road and it’s no longer painful, but it’s funny in a pathetic sort of way. An imaginary twist of events from a sick mind. A few years before, I’d taken Emma to Michael’s on a Saturday for one of their $2 kid’s projects. They were doing Iris folding cards, and Emma made one. I think it was a Thanksgiving turkey if I remember correctly. She really enjoyed it, so later on we got her supplies and she started making these cards. She really enjoyed it and we bought more and more supplies for her. She had a ton of card making supplies. For those of you who may not know what Iris Folding is, it is simply folding strips of paper and laying them down, overlapping. It is quite simple to do. I always enjoyed seeing what Emma made, and said one day I’d like to try it with her. Emma was anxious to teach me, so when my niece was expecting her 2nd baby, and we found out it was a boy, we decided to sit down and make some cards. Emma wanted to make a baby boy card, and I just wanted to give it a try. I’d taught Emma so many things over the years, especially with my beadwork, she seemed to really enjoy teaching me her hobby. We had a lovely afternoon sitting, chatting, and working on our cards. It is still a sweet memory of some mother-daughter time. Funny how my memories of that day differ so widely from Emma’s, but then I’m the one Emma accuses of “blocking things out.” Uh, ok. I also find it pathetic that Emma that Emma claims I wanted to help her with her projects. Of course, since we homeschooled, I had to be in charge of school, but once we were done with that, Emma was on her own with her little arts and crafts. If she asked me for help, I certainly would, but as a homeschooling mom who spent at least 40 hours a week on school and then add to that cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, yardwork, church activities, my part time job, taking care of the dogs, volunteering with the rescue…… I certainly wasn’t interested in taking over Emma’s little projects. It sure makes a good story though, doesn’t it. St. Emma has the patience of Job taking the time to teach her poor crippled mother how to fold paper! Oh, and did I mention I do not have arthritis in my hands? Funny how Emma doesn’t let the little details get in the way of her stories. In full disclosure, I do have osteoarthritis in on shoulder due to a repetitive motion injury, but other than that, no arthritis anywhere.) ##################################################################################################################################################################################################################### ################################################################################################################################################################################################################################### Emma tells “Lacey” about getting her HepA shot for going to Haiti, and then complains about seeing a little boy down the street who noticed her bandaid and asked what color lollipop she got for her shot. Emma says she feels so ripped off for getting painful foreign toxins injected into her body and she doesn’t even get a piece of candy! Sooo not fair! Emma signs off saying this letter is kind of short.

And just a personal note for Emma: I hope you and Daddy have a wonderful time at SEFF! Looks like the rain should clear up enough for the event! In telling the story about the iris folding, I got to thinking ab out when we were homeschooling and how I would keep some beadwork on the porch to work on because I couldn’t leave you alone to do your schoolwork. You sat out there and read books if I left the room. Remember when you cut the little purple amulet bag I was making? You denied and denied it, but I knew you did it. It was a perfect little scissor cut, and you and I were the only ones home. You were mad a me over something so you destroyed my project. Funny how you accused ME of taking over YOUR projects! Also, I was thinking about the time our friends who were down at the Holland School came by to visit, and one of them bought A $30 bead from me and I tucked the money under my desk blotter like it always did with money, checks, or important papers. Then the money disappeared, and you denied taking it. I know you did it Emma. I just didn’t know what to do when you denied, denied, denied, so I let it go. Love you sweetie, have a good time in Americus!

Letters to “Lacey” Part 12

Posted on April 5, 2015 by losingemma

While Phill did 95% of the work, Emma did choose the colors she wanted for her room

After Emma’s room was painted, Phill put together the bed/desk that Emma had chosen from Ikea. Emma Roey . Emma Katherine Roey. Emma Kate Roey.

This picture of Rob, one of the kids from Emma’s youth group, shows the curtains Emma chose for her room. Emma Roey, Emma Kate Roey, Emma Katherine Roey

May 20, 2009

(Three days later Emma starts another letter. The first paragraph is about how she finished The Secret Lives of Bees and she repeats a discussion we had at book club.)

Emma states that “Lacey” implied that she was bored without school to keep her occupied, so Emma made a list of suggestions with the one that trumps the rest, according to Emma, is that she could babysit, T., the little girl Emma babysat for. Emma says to just say the word, and Emma will send her there for the summer. Her mom would be THRILLED for “Lacey” to babysit as long as she could survive and Emma promises that she would never be bored.

Emma goes on to say she compiled a list of more viable suggestions: “Lacey” can volunteer to cook every meal for her family. She can teach herself how to knit and then make Emma a sweater. She can memorize the Bible. (The whole thing, not just parts of it.) She can illustrate her favorite verses. She can try to communicate telepathically with an animal, family member, or inanimate object. She can take lots of pictures. She can write letters, poems, and stories. She can cut up paper into little pieces. (Emma says this can amuse some of her little friends for hours.) She can ask Emma to forward Jordan’s texts to her and see if she can translate them into English. (They are even more challenging than those monster Sudoku puzzles that Emma tried and gave up after 5 minutes.) There’s another one, “Lacey” can try Sodoku. She can take things apart and try to put them back together. (Starting with the computer is not recommended because her “rents” will not be happy if she fails at the putting-it-back-together part.) Try to draw something. (Emma states she does not have the attention span and totally lacks skill for art.) “Lacey” can call Emma’s friend Erika, and let her talk to “Lacey.” She can take one shoe (not a pair) out of someone’s closet once a day every day and see how long it takes them to figure out something’s going on. She can put food colors in leftovers (green works well). She can change the background on the family computer. She can sew sequins around the neckline of a plain shirt which Emma says she does have the patience for, and besides it looks pretty! Go to any store and get a shopping cart full of stuff and try to unload it into other people’s carts without them noticing. Color code a family member’s closet. Get a bendy pencil. Label everything “Lacey” can think of including food, furniture, and people. Let little kids color her feet and hands in washable markers……………

(And yes, Emma definitely knows about the food coloring! Once, after I cooked some squash, Emma put green food coloring in the leftovers so that I would think it went bad and she wouldn’t have to eat it again! Even though I knew I’d made the squash the day or two before, I didn’t feel comfortable eating it. I kept asking Emma if she put food coloring in it and she denied, denied, denied, so she won that one, and I threw it away. It was some time later that Emma did admit she put food coloring in the squash.)

Emma says mentioning the washable markers reminds her of something she hasn’t told “Lacey” about. She was helping with VBS and Jordan’s mom told her to help her with the tie-dye project, and it did not occur to Emma to wear gloves, so her hands were bright red, blue, and yellow for weeks before they even began to fade. It had to be a full three months before the stains were completely gone.

(This is another example of a little exaggeration, or maybe a lot. Emma came home with a little dye on her hands, just splotches. It washed out after some hand washing and a few showers, so her hands were NOT brightly colored for weeks.)

Emma tells Lacey about her grandmother (Harriett Roey, Phill’s mom) sending her a newspaper clipping about people dying trying to escape from Haiti, and mentions how her grandmother thought she would support Emma’s endeavor of going on a mission trip by sending her depressing news stories.
Emma has just gotten her passport and travel itinerary and tells Lacey she will be leaving with Eternal Hope of Haiti at 3am on Wed. June 17th, fly to Ft. Lauderdale, and then on to Port-au-Prince where the group will take a puddle-jumper to the mission site. Emma says it is really hitting home that she is going to a third world country with 6 people, 5 of whom she has never met, traveling internationally and by herself for the first time. She needs some serious prayers!

(Odd that Emma claims to only know 5 of 6 people, as both the Nurse Practitioners, and the husband of the director of Eternal Hope went on the trip. One of these ladies was the neighbor that Emma later claimed was drunk when she went over to get instructions on pet sitting for her.)

Emma talks about doing some closet cleaning, and then about getting her new swim suit that she loves, stating that it is modest as far as swimsuits go. (See picture in earlier post.)

Emma asks “Lacey” what she is doing about school the next year. She knew “Lacey” wasn’t returning to Georgia Virtual School (GAVS), and she thought she might be going to public school, and if she is, how does she feel about it? Emma says he prays that it won’t be the H*** for “Lacey” that it was for Emma, if she must endure it at all. Emma tells “Lacey” not to ride the bus if at all possible and to let her know if she is going because she has a lot more survival tips she can give “Lacey.” (No joke. Emma thinks there should be a transition course.)

Emma says she may be staying in GAVS the next year, but we aren’t sure. She is not sure how she feels. Math online is difficult, but she will get through it. She sort of would like to try a hybrid school like Heritage Academy, and she applied there last year, but we were turned down because the branch where we lived was very Baptist. She says she understands they are not all like that, but this one was, and she was pretty upset at the time.
(Our friend Sandi’s sons, Derek McCravy and Johnathan McCravy both went to a Heritage Academy.)

May 21, 2009

Emma starts out complaining, “Ugh…” that the youth group is doing a Spaghetti Lunch on Pentecost Sunday, May 31st to raise money for their mission trip. It is so much work to coordinate that she just feels drained. She was at it all day with e-mail updates, making phone calls, answering questions, etc. The junior youth group was supposedly in charge of planning, but it is really Emma, the deacon, and Ms. Karen (youth group leader) who were doing the important stuff. Emma was finding acolyte subs and coordinating music. Finding acolyte subs entails calling the L. family (remember them?) since their daughter is the only non-youth group acolyte. Emma didn’t get them, but left a message and really hopes they just don’t call back so she can just pull and adult for the senior acolyte and that will be that.

(So, now who’s the control freak? Emma along with the deacon and the youth group leaders are the only ones working on the trip? And what is this about coordinating music? Nooooooo, that was not something Emma did. Emma played the piano for services when the organist was out. She played what she was told to, and had nothing to do with coordinating music.)

Emma says she called Evan and Nick because they are the only other musically inclined members. Nick was unsure about contributing, and if he won’t play, that is more work for the rest of them, but Evan’s mom is an orchestra conductor, so he wants to get a grou together to play jazz. So far, it looks like three of them will play; Emma, Evan, and Evan’s friend whose name she can’t remember. Evan plays violat and his friend plays the violin, and “Lacey” knows that Emma plays piano. Emma is a bit nervous because she has never played in a group before. Being homeschooled, and an only child, Emma says she has not had much in the way of opportunity. There are a few homeschool marching bands, bt for some reason, they don’t want a pianist. Emma wonders why. Anyway, after Nick’s response, Emma felt encouraged to see some enthusiasm.

Emma says she is worried about the deacon fussing at her for doing too much at her own discretion. The junior youth group (as she said) should be in charge of all aspects of planning, but they simply aren’t getting it done. Despite the fact that it would teach them a lesson, Emma didn’t think it was right to keep discussing things like they were final while keeping everyone else out of the loop. Emma knows from doing the fashion show how hard it is to work up a score on short notice, so even though it is not her job, she went ahead and started coordinating the music. It’s like, she doesn’t want to and she shouldn’t have to, but with things the way they are with no immediate sign of possible change, she thought it was better to ask forgiveness than permission. If you’ve volunteered someone for something, it’s only common courtesy to let them know. Not that Emma would ever remind the deacon of that, but it’s true.

(Ok, I’m understanding why, when my attorney read these letters he said Emma was all about control. And what is this about “work up a score?” Excuse me? Emma played the only songs she knew well and that was songs from Les Miserables and from Phantom of the Opera. “Work up a Score?” That’s pretty funny? It sounds like she was writing a musical. It was a little embarrassing that Emma played the same songs for both the Mother’s Day brunch and the Spaghetti Lunch because it looked like Emma didn’t know anything else, but no one seemed to mind hearing the same music over again.)

Next, Emma starts talking about how we are going to IKEA the following day to get some bookshelves and a desk for her room. Apparently they were having a really good sale, so sayeth her dad. (Phill was a BIG IKEA fan.) Emma says she desperately needs storage space, so she is excited about going to IKEA, and she will try to send “Lacey” a picture when her shelves are up.

Next Emma talks about Twilla (Of Eternal Hope of Haiti) and her daughter Hope stopping by because Hope wanted Emma to take care of their dog. Twilla had more information about Emma’s trip and Emma will be rooming with Leah, a Korean medical student from Emory. Emma also says that she will need about $70 in ones on her at all times.

May 27, 2009

Emma complains that she hasn’t had much time to write due to home renovations. She states we were working a bit on her room. She figures by the time she moves out, she’ll have it the way she wants and says “no pessimism there or anything.” Emma talks about going to IKEA and how huge lines and misdirection made the trip a couple of hours longer than it should have been.
(Ummmmmmmm, not exactly. We re-did Emma’s room and she had complete control over what she wanted from paint down to furniture. We spent a lot of time looking at IKEA while Emma decided on a bed, and we at lunch at the restaurant. There was one time there were lines at the cashiers, but they moved quickly, so the whole “huge lines and misdirection” was a gross exaggeration.)

Emma talks about church and about going to a cookout for Memorial Day at the home of one of Emma’s “Aunts” from the rescue.

Emma talks about the youth group and about calling, Ari, a youth group member. Emma states that she and Ari were both bored so they talked for almost an hours. Emma claims Ari has never been hostile, but they just have differences about politics, morals, and many other things. Emma says they avoided conflict though, and even though Emma thinks Ari is a closet psycho Marist, she likes her on a personal level. BTW, says emma, if you haven’t done much study of Marxism, the basic philosophy is “From each according to their ability, to each according to their need.” Emma says extreme political philosophies are an area of interest to her, and complains that most people use the terms Communism, Socialism, Marxism, and Fascism interchangeably and that is one of her pet peeves. She tells “Lacey” the next time she hears someone use one of those terms to ask them what it means and 90% of the time, they won’t be able to tell you.

Emma asks “Lacey” if she has heard So Long Self by Mercy Me. Emma says it is a breakup sont with yourself:

So long, self
Well it’s been fun but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There’s just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don’t take this wrong but you were wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, goodbye, don’t cry
So long, self

Emma says she thought the song was kind of silly when she first heard it, but the more she thinks about it, the deeper it seems.
Emma talks about going to book club the night before and how a couple of people were asking advice on family problems. Emma says she’s glad she’s not the only one with a majorly dysfunctional family.

Emma talks about the Deacon, at book club, speaking about the Drama triangle and the three parts of villain, victim, and rescuer. She says to get out of the triangle, you have to refuse to play any of those rolls, and admittedly, the toughest part to get out of is the victim.
(Kind of ironic, isn’t it? Emma has a hard time not playing the victim? Truer words have not been spoken!)

Emma goes on to talk about someone else mentioning being a victim vs. being a volunteer. Basically being a volunteer is making a martyr of yourself. (Hmmmmmmm. Funny, how the woman who mentioned’ victim vs volunteer” at book club later told me that that Emma had made herself into a volunteer.)
Emma tells “Lacey” that her Beta fish, Zorro, says hi and that she will give “Lacey” a detailed account of the Spaghetti Lunch soon.

Letters to “Lacey” Part 11 <<<<<>>>>>>>

Posted on March 21, 2015 by losingemma

Emma Roey, Emma Kate Roey, Emma Katherine Roey

Part 11

(The following day, Emma starts yet another 5 page letter to “Lacey.”)

May 12, 2009

…….Emma mentions that our friend Ski passed away and that she is going to volunteer to get a team together to serve at the funeral…..
(Emma NEVER put the acolyte teams together. There was an adult in charge of doing that, but it does make Emma sound important and in-charge, doesn’t it? As a matter of fact, I was the one to call the priest and let him know that Emma wanted to serve at the funeral because she was fond of Ski.)

May 13, 2009

Emma talks about going going to church book club (with me) and tells “Lacey” that we are reading The Secret Life of Bees. ( by Sue Monk Kidd) and goes on to talk about keeping her phone off at church and youth group because if her friend Rob sees her with her phone, he will text her, “What’ch doin’?” or something similar, even though he is sitting six inches away from her and it’s like “What do you think I’m doing?” Usually, she just rolls her eyes, but occasional will text something back like, “Listening to deacon. Like u SHOULD be.” But it’s just easier to keep her phone off and avoid the problem.

May 14, 2009

Emma complains of a busy day and having to go to the orthodontist and how they were a half hour late for her appointment, and then she had to sit another thirty minutes while the ONLY doctor on duty worked on the patient next to her and then finally got to her, told the assistant what she needed, and left. She says if he knew it was going to take five seconds, why didn’t he do her first? And of course they chose to be jerks on the day she had somewhere else to go. Emma says we barely made it to the viewing for Ski because of the “insert profanity here” orthodontist and that if “Lacey” hasn’t picked up on it, she is in a MOOD.

(Emma’s orthodontists were Dr. Parson’s and Dr. Gilbert in Dacula, Ga. I think now they are called Smiles Forever. They were always very prompt, and I don’t ever remember any of her visits taking an hour. We were usually in and out pretty quickly. When we first started going, I thought it a little odd that it was like an assembly line, with the chairs lined up with patient after patient, but I guess for convenience, this arrangement kept things moving smoothly. For safety’s sake, it would also make it difficult for a patient to accuse a doctor of molestation or anything else, as there are so many people around, and now I think this kind of arrangement is a very good idea. After your child has falsely accused someone of molestation, you look at these things a little differently.
Emma HATED braces and did not appreciate the fact that she would have nice teeth in the long run. I never understood this because I also had braces as a child, and I remember being so proud of my “tinsel teeth.” Ok, I did hate the funky headgear, when I had to wear that, and yes there was some pain involved, but I was happy about my braces. As an adult, I really appreciate that my mother and I had to take a bus and then a subway to go downtown every time we went to the orthodontist. It was a lot of bother. (Thanks mom and dad!) Emma was completely miserable on the days we went to the orthodontist, and seemed to try to make me as miserable is she was with her constant complaining. Her teeth were not that bad, and I often wished we just hadn’t bothered with the braces. It just didn’t seem worth it, but when they came off, she did have a lovely smile. Frequently, after the orthodontist, we would stop at Starbucks for a frozen Frappuccino, which we both loved, but even this didn’t stop the complaining, and Emma would spend the rest of the day whining about how miserable and uncomfortable she was. I still remember the pain of getting the braces tightened. I would go home and take some Tylenol, have soup for dinner, and start feeling better the next day, but with Emma, every trip was pure agony.)

Emma talks about going to her piano lesson that afternoon, and how a large rat snake slithered out from under our car and went into the bushes at her teacher’s home. Emma claimed her teacher freaked out and was shaking so badly that Emma thought she was going to have a seizure!

(Ummmm, no! Emma and I were leaving her paino teacher’s house, and the teacher walked out on the porch like she always did, when we were leaving. I noticed the snake under the car, and the teacher told us she was afraid of snakes. I told her it was a rat snake and that they are harmless. She joked about how she wouldn’t come off the porch to see it, and as we got closer, the snake took off into the bushes. There was no severe shaking, as Emma described. Omigoodness, the drama!)

May 16, 2009

Emma talks about Ski’s funeral and how she couldn’t get a team together to serve because everyone else was in school. She says she did the reading (from Revelations) and everyone was very complimentary.
(See my earlier note of how Emma was NOT in charge of getting a team to serve at the funeral.)

May 17, 2009

Emma says she is really going to sit down and write more than two paragraphs tonight!
Emma talks about Sunday school and how there were blended classes that day, and how the younger kids love having an “awesome teenager” in attendance. She talks about how one of the girls is her “adopted” little sister” and then complains about some of the little girls trying to play matchmaker or asking her why she doesn’t have a boyfriend, and how she will suffer in silence and just complain to “Lacey.”

Emma tells “Lacey” cute stories about little girls fighting over her and two of them sitting with her in church, and having to take them to the bathroom. She says that not having siblings, she forgets about the urgency of pottly, and the dire seriousness of “now” makes her realize her mistake in discussing the subject and wasting precious time, (Asking, “Can you wait until the sermon is over?”) and then complains about having to walk down the aisle all the way to the back of the church an then troop back to the front row. She says she feels like everyone is watching her, and after church many people told her what a good mother she would be. Emma tells “Lacey” that she hates the pressure she feels from these people, like if her highest aspiration isn’t to be a mommy, there’s something wrong with her, but honestly, she doesn’t want children! She can sit with the for a few hours, even a couple of days, and then she is ready for them to go back to where they came from. She doesn’t want the responsibility 24/7. She doesn’t feel like she can say that to people. It’s like with all this gender equality junk, women are STILL expected to be the homemakers and care for children, and if they don’t there is something wrong with them.

(If I said something about having grandchildren one day, Emma would frequently tell me that she wasn’t going to have children. I usually said something like, “Good. You shouldn’t want children at your age. You have too many other things to do.” Or that she needed to finish growing up first, or something along those lines. Emma would frequently get angry and try to convince me that no, she NEVER wanted children, and try to get me to argue with her. Let’s face it, as a mother, when your 15-16 year old is talking about not having children, you don’t take it too seriously. I remember feeling the same way. There is a time and a place, and frankly, contrary to what is happening in a lot of society, I thought it was a good thing that Emma didn’t want children at that point. It wasn’t something I was going to argue over, but Emma would go on and on trying to convince me that she was never having children. I think she got mad that I didn’t argue with her about it. Later on, when Phill decided he wanted a divorce, he told me that Emma never wanted children because she was afraid she would be a mother like me.)

In the next part of the letter, Emma talks about the youth group end of school party, and complains that one of the kids brought a Wii and how she wished they would at least communicate with others some of the time instead of playing video games. Before the party, Emma went home with her friend Jordan, and Jordan and her little brother were trying to teach Emma to play tennis on the Wii. Emma states that she has never played a video game in her life! She says she did pretty badly, but it is not important to her as she thinks her hobbies are a bit more worthwhile. “It’s a lot harder to get into the video industry than the music industry. Ya know?”

(Another lie, er, I mean, exaggeration about having NEVER played video games in her life. Ummm, not true. Emma played lots of video games when she was younger, and was really hooked on Bejeweled when Phill put it on the computer. Overall, yes, she wasn’t really that into video games, but if she found something that interested her, she would play.)

Emma comments on her youth group leader having a Mill Creek yearbook, and says she pretend to be sad about not having a yearbook, and how she and another child who were homeschooled would have a yearbook of one. Then, this young girl went off into a corner and made Emma a homeschool yearbook with a napkin and a sharpie, and everyone signed it, even Ms. Karen, the youth group leader. Emma says she values that napkin more than the $80-500 page year book she got from Jackson County Comprehensive High School.

Emma tells a few stories about the youth group party and then mentions talking to Evan, whom she would develop a crush on over the summer, about music. She says she envies him because he plays two instruments and she only plays one. Emma says she tried harmonica for a while only to discover that it was not her calling. Evan told Emma that playing the recorder was mandatory in middle school, but since Emma was homeschooled, she wasn’t aware of this. Then she mentions playing recorder when she was in a homeschool program, and as if it’s not bad enough to hate the instrument and be utterly unable to play it everybody else got their recorders through the schools and gets white ones, but Emma had a clear blue one brought from home because her mom won’t buy her a normal one. That makes her inadequacy even more obvious. What’s so funny is that Evan said, “You got it for your birthday with the little book, right? I was the same way.”

Emma says being hopeless on the recorder and bringing one from home that always caught the teacher’s attention made her call out every mistake Emma made, so it made her feel better to know there was another person on the face of the earth who had to go through music class with a blue recorder. Emma says she doesn’t know why, but she found that comforting.

(Omigoodness, poor Emma! Scarred for life by a transparent blue recorder!! Goodness! Is this another form of abuse? Why didn’t she call DFACS back then? Things wouldn’t have escalated to iris folding, expensive drama classes, and all the other horrible things Emma’s mother forced upon her! Ok, in all seriousness. Emma greatly exaggerates her ineptness at the harmonica and the recorder. She could play both of them, but she was not interested. Since she already played the piano, she had no difficulty learning the fingering and playing the recorder.
And as for that horrible blue recorder, I don’t remember when I got it. A friend of ours sold scholastic books, and I would let Emma pick some out, and I would pick some out that I thought might be good for school. I got the recorder, yes with the music book, thinking she would enjoy it, and we gave it to her either for her birthday or Christmas. Had I known it would lead to such a traumatic experience, I certainly wouldn’t have bothered. Emma started figuring it out and playing some of the simple songs the very first day she had it.
Emma took a recorder class as one of her electives in the homeschool program we attended. The teacher told the kids they could pick up a recorder at the dollar store and that would be just fine. Since Emma already had a recorder, I didn’t worry about getting another. Silly me, I should have spent the extra buck.
Ok, in all honesty, I’m just assuming that Emma didn’t have enough teen angst to complain to “Lacey” about, so she had to turn the recorder story into something it wasn’t. Funny how she never complained about the blue recorder when she was taking the class. )

Emma tells “Lacey” about playing Apples to Apples at the party and explains how the game is played, and then how her parents picked her, Rob, Molly, Jordan, and Alex up and gave everyone a ride home while the kids played the sentence game where each person in the car adds a word to a sentence. Emma says she typed a sentence into her phone so she would remember to tell “Lacey” and it was, “How many monkeys can t ink when there is a demented psychopathic anteater chasing them around?” and says there was another sentence they made about purple ants juggling yellow humans, Lol.

Emma signs off saying that that is about it for the sonderful adventures of her life thus far and to write soon!

Blessings and Love, Emma-Kate

Letters to “Lacey” Part 10

Posted on March 15, 2015 by losingemma

Phill and Emma when we were on a sightseeing trip in NYC. Phill Roey, Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey

Part 10
May 9, 2009
(Emma starts another 5 page letter to “Lacey.”)

Another, “Hey Laura!” and Emma tells “Lacey” that it is 1:10 am and she can’t sleep because she took her migraine meds. Emma talks about her mom teaching part time at a local Christian homeschool arts program and that the parent showcase was the previous night. Emma says that it is a collection of skits by all the classes strung together on a basic story line about happiness, truth, freedom, etc., and says that she went to the performance because A) she had nothing better to do, and B) a lot of people there found her on facebook, so she thought it would be fun to see them again. She didn’t remember until she was actually there, but everyone was so nice. No one told her how she could dress better, but ten people must have told her how pretty she looked. She was amazed how those people cared about her even though they hadn’t seen her in over a year. Coming from public school, it was hard to believe that two communities could coexist……. She states that she hopes to go back there next year now that she really appreciates it. (Funny thing is, we let Emma do online school the following year and she refused to go back to the homeschool arts program which was held on Fridays for ½ day.)

Emma goes on to say that a few people were interested in what public school was like and she was so torn at answering that question. In some ways she would say you have to see firsthand what a public school is like so you can really appreciate that you aren’t there, but in some ways you would be sooo much happier if you never had to go through that. For instance, forgive Emma for putting it bluntly, but when y ou barely recognize the existence of the f-word, you aren’t going to be grateful that people don’t shout it at each other sixty times daily, ya know?

By the way, Emma says, if some of this letter is incoherent, just don’t worry about it. Keep in mind that she is extremely sleep deprived and burning up. Did she mention that the a/c was broken? So whatever temperature it is outside is the temperature inside, and we have a wonderful A/C guy, but the problem is getting him to show up. He can never manage that. He was supposed to be there yesterday. (Ok, the part about the a/c guy is true. Jeff was wonderful and reasonable, but he rarely showed up when he said he would, and he rarely called to tell you he wasn’t coming.)

Later on in the day, Emma continues the letter around 8pm:

Emma says the song “What If” by Nicole Nordeman has been running through her head:

They say the cross will only make a fool of you.
And what if it’s true?
What if He takes His place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taughter us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?
But what if you’re wrong?
What if there’s more?
What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump
And just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, cathc you by surprise….

Emma says she loves the chorus to the song. It makes her wonder about all the world religions, our religion atheism, and reminds her of a couple o her favorite pieces of wisdom she’s picked up over the years:
If Christians die to find out atheists were right all along, what do they lose? Nothing. But if atheists die to find out Christians were right, what do they lose? Everything.

Also, she got this from a guy who spoke at a graduation: At college you will be met with logic that makes sense and sounds good, and also totally contradicts Christ. Yes, there will be proof that Christianity is a lie. To Adam and Eve, there was proof that nothing bad would happen if they ate the forbidden fruit. (Emma says in parentheses that she was listening to this going “wow”…) From the beginning, Satan has used sound logic to trick us. It totally puts terms like “fact, reality, logic” into a new perspective, huh? (I’m thinking Emma fell for Satan’s trick. What about you?)

May 10, 2009

Emma talks about the church’s Mother’s Day Luncheon and Fashion Show and complains that she always ends up in the fashion show. She never volunteers for it, but her name magically appears in the bulleting as a model anyway. Oh, well. Don’t let Emma make too much of a martyr of herself, she goes on, as it wasn’t that bad. There were a couple of new twists in her part this year. They called her Friday night and asked her to play some dinner music at the lunch while people were coming in. Oh, ya, a day and a half of notice, let’s see what she can come up with?

Emma played some of the score to Phantom of the Opera, which she knew fairly well. Emma was pleased and embarrassed that Evan stood beside her and listened from beginning to end……
Emma says she also volunteered to help serve people their food, and this was just as well because it took away from the fact that she wasn’t eating. She tells “Lacey” not to worry because she’s not anorexic, but she doesn’t like the food. Emma tells how she was serving one side of the room and Evan was serving the other.
After everybody finished lunch, Emm ran upstairs to dress for the fashion show, and one of the younger girls told her they heard her playing the piano and how good she was, but that she thought the church would get a “professional” and the girl’s older sister said, “Shhh! She is a professional!” (True? I would guess this was a cute fabrication.)

By the way, Emma tells “Lacey”, whenever she goes to church, she sees to effortlessly accumulate a posse, so it’s not surprising that she ended up on the catwalk with two little girls….

May 11, 2009

Emma says this letter may be a bit short, but she’s going to get it in the mail the following day. She is looking forward to the end of school party the youth grou is having the following Sunday.

Emma talks about getting “Lacey’s” e-mail and about “Lacey’s” mom’s breast cancer. Emma says this must have been really trying, but it makes “Lacey” a huge part of who she is and it is amazing that she can share her experiences so openly because it can be such a blessing for those who are hurting.
(If you’ve read the blog, you already know that Emma lied about “Lacey’s” mom’s breast cancer. There were at least 2 or 3 times Emma claimed “Lacey’s” mother was hospitalized and on death’s door. They didn’t know if she would pull through! Oh the drama! My attorney spoke to “Lacey’s” parents, and I spoke to “Lacey’s” mother myself. She did have breast cancer, but was treated as an outpatient and was NEVER hospitalized, and was close to dying.)
Emma tells “Lacey” that she loves her poems because they express what Emma herself would say if she had the courage to write it down. Going back to not sharing emotions/trusting people. Emma feels like if she doesn’t put it on paper or saved it on a computer, it’s just that much less likely that other people will find out how she really feels. It’s so much easier to talk to “Lacey” because she doesn’t have any expectations Emma has to uphold. Emma doesn’t have to worry about something she may say wrong and shattering “Lacey’s fragile impression of her. Emma says she builds a façade and cultivates it, continually adding detail and chrisma and charm until it doesn’t even occur to people that there might be something deeper. She feels like it is too late to stop. It’s different with “Lacey” though because “Lacey” doesn’t see the face, ya know? Emma says she guesses “Lacey” does the same thing.

Also, about the poem, about looking into your eyes and seeing the real you, (not the façade)….It’s funny, Emma doesn’t even worry about people seeing past it anymore. She realizes now that people only see what they want to see. Emma wonders what they’d think if they knew who she really was, but she also knows that they don’t want to know. They see a sweet, well-spoken, gentle young lady and they like what they see, so they don’t want to look any further. That is both relieving and disconcerting at the same time, you know what she means? It is just nice to know that someone else (Lacey) is going through what Emma is going through. Emma says she looks at Jordan, Evan, Rob… do they ever feel this way? She doesn’t know and she never asks because that would be admitting she feels this way, which Emma could never do. Then she looks at the little girl she babysits who’s life’s ambition is to be a teenager. Will she feel like this, or will it be as great for her as she th inks it is for Emma. It is so hard to think about all this…
Emma says these thoughts remind her of the chorus form a song by Jars of Clay, Two Hands:
I use on hand to pull you closer,
The other to push you away…
I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar that thirsts for the truth..

Emma says the song is about being divided and how we could do much more if we were united.
(I am refraining from commenting here. Too much teen angst, which I know is just part of growing up.)

Emma says she just said this, but she is so comforted to know someone else is going through the same thing she is. It is also nice to have someone to talk to that she feels like she can actually trust. She thinks she can trust “Lacey” because she doesn’t have the expectations that everyone else has. No one tells her what to think of Emma. Does that make sense? She hopes so. It doesn’t make sense to Emma how she can be so h appy sometimes and so utterly depressed other times. Does “Lacey” feel the same way? Emma just looked at this letter and saw that she was all over the place on the emotional side of things.

Emma talks about an older couple that we were friends with at church. The husband passed away the year before, and the wife was now going on hospice.

Then Emma bounces back to see if she can end on a lighthearted note and tells a funny story about Jordan calling her after she sent out the e-mail about the youth group party.
“What day is the party? It doesn’t say.” Jordan asks, and Emma tells her to read Emma the subject line which has “Sunday” in it, and Jordan asks, “Oh, it’s Sunday?”
Emma sas that Jordan will be the first of many who will call or e-mail her with that question, and then mentions she is babysitting the following night, so she can watch Aquamarine again…………
Blessings and Love, Emma-Kate

Letters to “Lacey” Part 9

Posted on March 10, 2015 by losingemma

Emma on a youth group church trip where they went scuba diving in a pool. Emma Roey. Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey.

Part 9

May 7, 2009
The very next day Emma starts another letter to “Lacey.” This one is 3 pages, single spaced. She starts out saying how she resolves to write more light-hearted thoughts about nothing in particular (to compensate for the depressing letter she mailed out this morning). She says this is the last day she is locked in the back room of the counseling office at Jackson County Comprehensive High School. She says she finished her last final and is bored out of her mind. That along wigh feeling bad for not writing “Lacey” last week (because she went to SEFF) is why she is writing so much this week, so she will share all her random thoughts, stories and other stuff she feels compelled to share with “Lacey.”

Hmmmm. Where should she start? Emma says her mom keeps texting her since shes at the school, and of course she has her phone on vibrate, so she jumps when she is not expecting to get a text. It happened during lunch and everyone was laughing at Emma (not with her) when in the middle of a sentence she went, “Ahhh!” She is lucky the administrators didn’t see her look at her phone. Students aren’t supposed to have them on campus. Emma says she is not technically a student, but they treat her like one because they don’t know any different. She is not sure if these qualify as happy thoughts, but she is trying….

(And no, I did not make it a habit of texting Emma while she was at school. If I were to text her, it usually would have been in response to a text Emma sent me. I did not feel like I should text Emma while she was at school. Also, there was no rule about the kids not having cell phones. They ALL had cell phones. They were not supposed to have them out during class, but there was no rule that they could not have them at school. A slight exaggeration there.)

Emma tells “Lacey” just so she knows, Emma deleted the last letter after she printed it yesterday. That way no one can ever find it and trace it back to Emma. She says she will do the same with this letter. It never hurts to be safe.

(Hmmm. I wonder why Emma felt the need to delete her letters? What did she have to hide? I guess she didn’t expect “Lacey” to turn them over to my attorney.)

Emma’s next paragraph starts off saying that Oh, she can think of something that is not depressing! She got an e-mail that Rob tagged her in a note on Facebook. So, she opened up the note, figuring it would be something worth reading, but it was chain mail. Emma says she loves her friends, but does not understand them.

Emma says she just texted Jordan and asked what was a funny youth group story, trying to think of something to tell “Lacey” and Jordan texted back “idk…….monopolyzng? :P” Emma says to remember that Jordan can’t or won’t spell… and anything that she says includes “idk” whether she really knows or not). Emma says she THINKS she knows what Jordan means by that, and it’s a story she doesn’t think she’s told “Lacey.” The kids were at youth grou one night, talking about “norms” which basically meant Ms. F. was talking about how to run the group and a few of them were half paying attention while the rest were off in na-na land (teenagers do not listen well at 7:30 on a Sunday night). Ms. F. was talking about how everyone needs to feel comfortable sharing their ideas, and this won’t happen if one person keeps talking. To back up her point, she told us about an instance in the book club where one adult participant (whom she did not name) was monopolizing the conversation and because of that, other people were too intimidated to contribute. Then she asked the kids to share their experiences with this problem and Evan, who was still processing the book club example raised his and and said, “But Father T. is the priest…..isn’t he supposed to monopolize the converstation?” Everybody, Even Ms. F. started laughing.
Emma goes on to say that most of them knew that adult she was referring to was Mrs. L, who’s family Emma wrote about earlier, and everyone knew it was not Father T.
(Ok, the only problem here is that Ms. L. never attended bookclub. I attended book club, and Emma often went with me, but never went without me. Mrs. L. never participated in the book club Just an opportunity for Emma to speak ill of someone she didn’t like. It did not matter if it were true or not.)

Emma goes on to say that Jordan is sort of upset with her bacuse she asked Emma what she would say if she were to speak at Jordan’s funeral. Emma gets more verbose telling the story, but basically says she would want to tell a story that people would remember Jordan by, so she would tell about when they were at camp and Jordan was performaning her color guard routine with the mop.
“What?? That’s what you want people to remember me by?? Why?? That’s mean!!”
Emma says that the problem was that Jordan knew exactly what she wanted Emma to say before they started talking, but unfortunately, Emma didn’t, so now Jordan is mad at her for saying the wrong thing at her imaginary funeral. And how does Emma end up with friends she can’t understand?

Emma’s next paragraph starts out with, “Guess what?” Emma says she still has an hour and fifty-seven minutes to talk to “Lacey” and isn’t “Lacey” thrilled. She also changed to a smaller font so she won’t have to print out as many pages. Let her see, what life changing venture can Emma tell “Lacey” about now? Oooo, she got a camera. It’s a Kodak and it’s dark purple. It stores almost 2000 pictures. Now she can take pictures of her friends and be assured she is not in them. Of course, she will have to be careful not to let it out of her hands… She is sure her friends would be absolutely delighted to torture her with her own camera. They have enough fun pulling out cameras or phones and pointing them at her. Oh, and there’s a really funny video Jordan has of Confirmation last summer. When you hit play, everything is blurry and then it focuses on the group and they all make funny faces. Then you her Jordan say, “I’m taking a video…” and everyone drops their poses and grumbles. Lol.

Then Emma says oh wow, Jordan just texted her. All it says is, “c pretty butum.” And Emma actually does not see the pretty button because apparently Jordan forgot the picture she ment to attach. Or knowing Jordan, she may have even forgotten to attach the pretty button video she thought to take for Emma’s viewing pleasure.

What other useless material does Emma feel like sharing. She may tell Jordan about the time the pool collapsed….then Jordan texts again with a video attachment that is labeled “pretty butun” and the video is 23 seconds long, but it’s very dark, so it is hard to tell if it is a button on Jordan’s knee under her desk. Emma says she can hear Jordan’s Geometry teacher in the background saying, “And with the second prep, I want you to do for homework…I will take this up” and the video cuts off.
Next Emma goes on to tell the pool story about how she and Kayla Benifield Weaver collapsed our inflatable pool, but they were fine and came out miraculously unscathed except for Kayla hitting her head on a tree.
(Another Brian Wiilliams/Emma Roey moment here, as I was there when the pool collapsed, and no, Kayla did not hit her head on a tree. I wonder if Emma had to duck from sniper fire as well?)

Emma writes a little more fluff, killing time about looking out the window and all the things she sees in the parking lot, how she has an hour and 15 minutes left, complains about the 2 hours she spends on the school bus, talks about an upcoming church youth group trip… Emma complains about needing a bathing suit, but the only thing she can find in her size is a bikini, and she would like to order a tankini, but they are so expensive.…. and then signs off with the usual:
Blessings and Love, Emma-Kate

(One last note about the bikini. I don’t know why Emma felt the need to say the only thing she could find in her size was a bikini. At that point, we were busy finishing up with school and did not go shopping for a bathing suit until probably sometime in June. In fact, I had ordered Emma a tankini from Land’s End, but after she got it, she decided she didn’t like it and refused to wear it. If only she’d told me that before she wore it so I could have returned it. I don’t understand this need to say the only thing she could find was a bikini. Emma never would wear a bikini, and we did find a lovely black and white suite at Kohls’s that met with her approval. See Pic……….. )

Losing Emma

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