Happy Birthday Tyler Buchheim (and The World is Changing)

Posted on August 21, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, works as a teaching assistant for Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and Emma works leasing swanky apartments in Frisco. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Happy 27^th Birthday to Tyler Buchheim! (And The World Is Changing)

I just wanted to wish my son-in-law, Tyler Buchheim a very happy 27^th birthday! Tyler has a degree in architecture, went to the Flat Iron School to be a Full Stack Developer, and don’t ask me what that is other than it sounds like a Jack-of-all-Trades in computers. In other words, someone who knows a little about many different areas, but not necessarily an expert in any of them. Sounds like a good plan to me. If you have a little knowledge about many different areas, you know where to go to find what you need, and you can always work on learning more about a particular area should the need arise.

Tyler is now a teaching assistant at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and I guess working on his Master’s Degree. Happy Birthday, Tyler! Hope you have a wonderful day!

The World is Changing

So, this morning I saw an article about careers that are disappearing, and I took a glance at it. Some of the jobs listed were:

Travel Agent

Mortgage Broker

Postal Worker

Architect

Middle Managers

As I was reading, I remembered having a conversation with Phill maybe 8-10 years ago, sometime before Emma’s poop storm hit the fan, where he’d seen a similar article and he was telling me about it. It’s been so long, I don’t remember what was listed in the article he was reading except for two of them: a fashion designer and an architect.

Then my daughter goes and marries her an architect…..

TylerND

My wonderful son-in-law, a Notre Dame Graduate! (Go DAWGS!) You can check out some of Tyler’s work on Github: https://github.com/buchheimt

No, just kidding. I’m glad to see Tyler changing and adapting to the world and not stuck in one little box. If you work in any field with any kind of technology in it, things are going to changes. Jobs are lost to automation, so people have to adjust too. Jobs 20 years ago may not exist anymore, so you have to keep expanding your skills and keep yourself relevant. A job you have now, may not exist 20 years from now, so you’d better keep your eyes open as to what’s going on around you.

I once had a copy of an essay written by a great aunt, I believe she wrote it in the 1970’s and it was called something like, “From Oxen to Jet Plane.” (Hopefully Phill saved it because I didn’t find it in my personal possessions that he dumped in that storage unit, but I’m sure I can get a copy from one of my cousins.) My great aunt had written about how the family had traveled from Texas to Oklahoma by oxen and wagon and all the changes she’d seen over her lifetime. Now they seem minuscule compared to the changes I’ve seen over my lifetime.

Recently, a friend and I were discussing how cell phones have changed things. I don’t wear a watch, or have a camera (although I would like a digital SLR and to take some photoshop classes, but that’s another story). I don’t use an alarm clock, but use my cell phone instead. Most of my friends use their cell phone for their calendar, but I still have to have my old fashioned pocket calendar, I’m afraid. I also use my cell phone for it’s GPS and it’s calculator. I know several people who don’t even have a computer, but use their cell phone for e-mail, facebook, etc. I wonder how much cell phones and e-mail have affected not just the post office, but the greeting card industry.

When Phill and I were first married, we lived near the big Kodak facility in Chamblee, GA., and young people today would have no idea what Kodak and the yellow boxes were. These kids probably can’t imagine the possibilities those little yellow boxes held for us, hoping we got that great photo we wanted, and they of the instant gratification generation can’t even imagine having to wait a week to pick up their photos after they were developed and made into prints!

One time, Phill and I drove Emma and the church youth kids on an outing, and somehow we got on the topic of microwaves, and the kids just could not fathom that Phill and I had grown up without a microwave in our homes. I was telling the kids how expensive they were when they first came out, and how a friend’s family had gotten one, and we would go over and make ham and cheese sandwiches because we thought it was the coolest thing in the world to be able to stick it in the microwave and have a hot sandwich with the cheese all melted and gooey in just 30 seconds or a minute.

One of the things I hate about change is how everything becomes the same. We had a friend who’s dad ran an office supply store, and just after opening his 3^rd store, Office Max and Staples moved in, and he ended up going out of business. I always thought that was so sad. I hate visiting another city, or even another country, and seeing it look like home with the same fast food chains, Bed Bath and Beyond, Home Depot, etc. Thank goodness, the south has all it’s individual BBQ places and the northeast has it’s individual pizza places!

So, Tyler, I’m proud of you for continuing to learn and adapt, and can’t wait to see where life takes you. It is an interesting world for sure! And just know, I’ll be rooting against you at the GA vs. Notre Dame Game!

And thank you to my readers for waiting to patiently on another entry. No, I’m not nearly finished on writing about Emma. I’ve just have a lot of real life going on like everybody else!

Parental Unit Days

Posted on May 24, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works showing and leasing swanky apartments in Frisco. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Parental Unit Days

Goodness, I had wanted to share my thoughts for Mother’s day, but have been so busy, I didn’t get to it, and now it’s almost Father’s Day!

I can now share from the perspective of surviving my 8^th Mother’s Day without my daughter. This was the first time in 8 years that I could actually say, “Happy Mother’s Day” and mean it. I didn’t want to hide from or ignore the day. Of course, I still miss my Emma, and I’m still hoping she’ll grow up, but she is what she is, and I didn’t fall into the pits of despair just because it was Mother’s Day. I wasn’t expecting a card, a call or an e-mail, so Emma didn’t disappoint me, but actually, I had a pretty nice day. I did have to work, but then came home and went to a cook out with some friends, and had some good food and good company on a beautiful, albeit warm, day, and I even got a couple of Mother’s Day cards from my very thoughtful sister and brother-in-law (and my dog) who were thinking of me.

When you’re a mother, everyday is Mother’s Day, but it is nice to have one day to be acknowledged for all you do for your child/children. The cooking, cleaning, diapers, runny noses, vomit, tears, boo boos, sickness, homework, school projects, chauffeuring and then sitting around, bored, while your child gets to do whatever fun activity they are involved in like swimming, kayaking, softball, karate, soccer, art class, choir, youth group, brownies, piano lessons, drama, therapy….. For mom, so much of that stuff is pure boredom and a lot of waiting around, but then when you get to see some of those moments, like when your child catches the fly ball, or breaks a board in karate, or just has a fun, silly time at play group, it is pure joy. To see them grow and learn and accomplish a task or grasp a concept, those are the moments we moms love, just watching our babies thrive in life.

As a child, Emma got to do so many more activities than Phill and I ever got to do as children, but as her mom, I just wanted to open her eyes to new experiences. I wasn’t expecting her to become a great black belt in karate, or a classical pianist, but I wanted Emma to get to try different things, and to be able to appreciate the effort that goes into them. Maybe Emma would never be a black belt, but by taking karate for a while, hopefully if she met someone who was, she would understand how much work went into earning that black belt. If she took a pottery class, maybe she would see a beautiful piece of pottery one day and understand and appreciate what goes into the making, the glazing, the firing of the piece.

Like most kids, I don’t think Emma appreciated how lucky she was that any extracurricular she was interested in, Phill and I would try to work out her being able to do. And, like a lot of kids, Emma never found anything she really loved. She never stuck with anything too long, but that’s ok. I always hoped she would find something she loved and could put some time and energy into, but Emma seemed to get bored with a lot of things, so we’d finish that activity and try something else. Or, if Emma didn’t excel at something right away, she wanted to quit whatever activity it was. (Smart child problems.) She didn’t seem to grasp that you didn’t become the best at something the first time you tried it. For a while, I was a glass bead maker, until Phill threw me out of our home and kept all my supplies. I took a beadmaking class (working on a torch) on a whim because a friend wanted to do it, and I was the absolute worst one in the class. I’m not very coordinated anyway, and I dropped things, and spilled things and really didn’t do great at all, but I loved it and it just made me want to try harder to “get it.” I practiced and took more classes and later began selling my work. I found that through hard work and maybe some natural talent, I was actually pretty good, better than a lot of people who’d been doing torch work longer than I had. I don’t do it anymore, and as I said, Phill has or had all my supplies (I would guess that he probably sold all my stuff.) Just before Emma got Phill to throw me out of our home, Emma had asked me to teach her to work on the torch, so we were planning on, that summer, when she was out of school and had some time, me teaching her my craft. In any event, I hope Emma enjoyed all the things she got to do.

Emma with Johnathan and Derek McCravy, helping with the church camp at Sunrise Baptist Church, Lawrenceville, Ga.

I have a friend, who when I joke about being the world’s worst mom, or being a child abuser, this friend jumps in and says, “You were an awesome mom!” and then she reminds me of how I was saying all the time, “Oh Emma would enjoy that, I should take her to do that….” and how I was always thinking of Emma and if an opportunity came up, I would drop everything for Emma to have the opportunity to do something. Thank goodness for friends!

Before Mother’s day, I kept seeing articles about when Mother’s day is a disappointment. One article was about women wanting to be mothers, struggling with infertility. Another article was about “when you didn’t get the mother you deserved” and I figure that one had to be written by a millennial, maybe even Emma! I started thinking of all the people I know who’ve had some pretty horrible mother’s days. I know people who have lost a child to death, divorce, drugs, and mental illness. I know other parents who are estranged from their children for one reason or another, and some of them don’t even know why they are estranged. I think my own situation is so horrible, but all I have to do is look around, and I can find someone worse off than me.

Those of us that have survived something so horrible as mothers can tell you the one thing we have that no one can take is our memories. My dear, sweet husband wouldn’t let me have any of my things other than clothes and books, and a couple of odds and ends, and what hurt the most was that Phill wouldn’t let me have any of Emma’s baby photos (99% of which were taken by me). I’ve wondered what Phill did will all the little things around the house that were gifts to me from my sisters or from friends. The cross stitch switch plate cover that a friend made me, the little tree on the mantle and the fake asparagus plant in the kitchen that my sister gave me, the glass vase hanging on the wall in our bedroom that a friend gave me one birthday, the dream catcher that hung from the ceiling fan in our bedroom along with some other dangles that Emma had made for me, and the fan pulls in the living room that I traded some glass work that I did for. I had asked Phill for the full bed in the spare room, figuring he and his girlfriend would need our queen bed, and he never gave it to me. Many of you know I was living in a furnished house, so when I bought my home, I brought my mattress and box springs, and I am proud to say after living her a year, with a mattress on the floor, I finally bought a bed. Lol. There are so many things I need, a bed just wasn’t at the top of the list.

Anyway, sometimes I’ll think of things and wonder what Phill did with my ________ (fill in the blank), but having survived Emma, I can honestly say things aren’t that important to me. I don’t even think much about all the wonderful baby photos anymore. I learned a lot more about my husband than I ever wanted to know and found out he wasn’t quite the good man he took pride in believing he was. Emma liked to joke that Phill was weak and pathetic, controlled by us girls (and then controlled just by Emma) and a dumb truck driver…. Phill couldn’t stand up for me or to me, and I had to be the disciplinarian and be the bad guy, but I still always thought we were a team, and I confused my husbands work ethic with his morals. I knew he was a hard worker, and thought he would work just as hard at his family, but I was wrong. Early on, in the middle of all the drama, I was seeing a therapist and said something about being 50 and having to start my life over, and she reminded me that I would be 70 and starting my life over, so there is that. At 50+ I’ve done a lot of things I probably should have learned to do before I got married, so I wouldn’t have been so dependent on my husband, and I’m still learning. It does make me wish Emma had grown up before she got married, because she will probably end up in the same boat, but I’m her mom and there’s not much I can do about that.

I was fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mom, and when I did work, it was just a little part time job. In a lot of ways, that will hurt me financially in the long run, but I have something that no one can take away, and that’s all the memories of raising Emma. From Emma’s poopy face when she’d turn all red and you’d ask, “Emma are you pooping?” (in her diaper) and she would deny, deny, deny, which we thought was hilarious, to all the conversations about life in general, and how up until a couple of months before Phill had me thrown out of our home, Emma would come in my bedroom every night before she went to bed and want to snuggle and have “girl talk” with me before she went to bed, no matter how bad it got, I was blessed to be a mom. The hours and hours of magical reading time, to playing in the inflatable pool, or blowing bubbles out on the driveway, there are so many moments that are such treasures. Yes, the later years were horrible, and Emma turned into a pretty crummy human being, but she was a wonderful baby, toddler, and child for a while, and I got to be her mom and see it all. Kids are a crap shoot, but even with all the horrible things Emma’s done, if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t know what being a mom was like.

I love you, Emma.

P.S. Is Tyler done with the Flat Iron School yet?

You Look Bad, I look Good

Posted on January 26, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

You Look Bad, I look Good

(Kind of like I’m OK, You’re OK, only different.)

I hope to read more and learn more about sociopathy, and as most of you know, I think Emma has some kind of personality disorder, perhaps she is a sociopath, and/or a narcissist, borderline, etc. Since Phill and I weren’t trained in the soft sciences, and since we were the proud parents, who could never believe ill off our daughter, I think we missed a lot of signs that Emma exhibited that showed had some sort of psychological problem. If I were to list the signs we missed, here is a good start:

charm-superficial

high IQ

constantly lying

especially to deceive or exploit others

lack of empathy

gas-lighting

manipulation

grandiose self-image

narcissism

paranoia

lack of conscience

disregard for the safety of others

arrogance

opinionated

few actual friends

disregard for right or wrong

failure to consider or learn from negative consequences

need for stimulation and drama

One day, I would like to address each of these signs or symptoms (and more) as they apply to Emma, but I have to admit that when I read “disregard for the safety of others” it took me a while to get that one. Emma wasn’t some reckless kid drinking and driving, or doing drugs. That one just didn’t make sense to me. It took me a while to see that Oh………………….for example, accusing the priest of sexually molesting Emma was a perfect example. She didn’t stop to think of what kind of pain her actions would cause this man, it was just about Emma getting the attention she needed. Ok, I get it now.

Once I understood Emma’s disregard for the safety of others, I understood a little more about her lies. Emma liked to play the victim, and in playing the victim, she needed someone to be the bad guy, hence, a lot of her stories made someone else look bad or stupid to make herself look better.

If you’ve read the blog, you know I’ve listed plenty of lies Emma told about others, and I want to go back and re-write and edit, because there are more I need to add. For example, Emma made the friends look bad who took her to the Cirque Du Soliel by claiming that they were talking all through the performance, and everyone around them was staring and poor Emma was so embarrassed to be sitting with them. Now, this kind of like didn’t really hurt anyone. It gave Emma a great story to tell and made her look good, but it wasn’t true. This is just one characteristic I saw so often in Emma. Emma lied about others in order to make herself look good.

I don’t know why recently, but another one of Emma’s lies that I hadn’t written about popped into my head recently. It had to do with the grandmother of one kids from Emma’s youth group, Rob Simmons. Emma sometimes had a crush on Rob, and I think he may have had a crush on her at times. Rob was a nice kid and Phill and I got to know him helping with some of the youth events, carpooling, and having him over at our house.

I don’t remember what the need was, but Kathryn, Rob’s grandmother asked Emma about the two of us helping with some volunteer something or other, but it was on a Saturday, and Emma told Kathryn that we volunteered with pet adoptions on Saturdays, so we could not help. Then, when Emma told me about the conversation, she told me that Kathryn made a comment about how could could use to volunteer with things around the church a little more, and the whole thing makes me laugh now. Emma got the response from me that she wanted. I don’t remember what I said, but I was a little annoyed that Kathryn dare criticize where and when I spend my time volunteering. For whatever reason, Emma wanted to portray Kathryn in a bad light, or to make me not like her, I suppose.

Now, it just seems funny because if you met Kathyrn, she was such a classy lady, I could not have ever pictured her saying anything like this. Kathryn was well educated, worked in education, and even in her 70’s was still working as a consultant. She was always well dressed and seemed to have endless energy, even with arthritis and some of the difficulties of old age, and was always busy and involved in church activities. And, Kathryn was polite and kind, and I never heard her utter negative word about anyone.

For whatever reason, just like Emma saying all the kids at school were having sex or doing drugs, except Emma, who was saving herself for marriage, Emma had to make those around her look bad in order to make herself look better. Emma, who claimed to have Google in her head, alternated between a superiority complex and playing the victim.

Emma’s friend, Kayla Benifield Weaver, was a sweet girl, but according to Emma, Kayla’s mom and step-dad were frequently drunk, and Kayla’s paternal grandparents, who’d graciously invited Emma to visit them (as Kayla lived with them and not with either of her bio-parents) were described by Emma as “racists” who used the N-word frequently and had all kinds of white supremacist propaganda in their home. Of course these stories did improve if you compare to when Emma was younger and tried to convince me that Kayla’s mom was engaged to Dan Rather. All that practice paid off. Emma became an accomplished liar. She did slip up a little when she started telling people that her mother poisoned her with DDT though. That one was pretty bad and nobody fell for it that I know of, even with her claim of having a toxicology report.

I’ve got to go back and re-read and highlight, but I remember reading in the book, The Sociopath Next-Door, by Martha Stout Ph.d, I think she mentioned something about how to recognize a sociopath was how they were a victim or wanted people to feel sorry for them. Like I said, I need to go back and re-read that book, and use a highlighter, but I remember reading that and thinking (ding, ding, ding, ding), “Yep, that’s Emma, always the victim.”

If you work with the public, or talk to people who work with the public, a lot of people will tell you that there’s a whole lot of undiagnosed mental illness out there. In other words, there are lots of crazy folks. For those of us who follow the rules, we are at a disadvantage. Someone like Emma with her “disregard for the safety of others” has the advantage. That’s how the unsuspecting commuter, waiting for a subway, gets pushed off the platform into the path of the oncoming train. Those of us that follow the rules feel we should be safe, standing, waiting for the subway. It’s the ol’ “do unto others” all over again. We certainly wouldn’t push someone in front of an oncoming train, so we should be able to stand there, perfectly safe, but there are people who don’t live by the same rules. We don’t recognize them, but THEY recognize US. That sweet baby who grew in my belly knows she’s safe. He mother isn’t going to harm her, but those rules only apply to some people, and the sociopath, can push her mother off the subway platform and not feel a thing, except maybe a little excitement. Causing chaos and pain can be fun to watch if you enjoy that sort of thing, and a lot of crazy folks have that need for drama.

I think Emma is what is called a high-functioning sociopath. I’ll let my readers google that one, and just say that that is why so many sociopaths are NOT in jail, where you think they would be. They are smart and know just how to push, manipulate, and control the situation enough and they know just how far they can go before they cross the line into illegal activity, so while they might lie, steal, frame a coworker, etc., they’re going to stop before they go too far.

Until next time, and thanks for reading!

Happy 24th Birthday, Emma Buchheim

Posted on December 19, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Happy Birthday Emma—— #24!

Wow! I was writing last week in anticipation of Emma’s birthday, and then it almost slipped by me! December 19^th used to be the most special day of the year to me, the birth of my baby girl (December 19, 1993). You look at your child growing year by year, and can’t imagine your life without her, and her birthday is kind of like Christmas, a day to remind you of this very special gift you were given. I remember, as I got older thinking how it is such a short time that we have our children. You give birth and raise them, and they are so all consuming that they take up your entire life, and then, if you raise them right, they spread their wings and go out on their own, and then when you think about it, we really only have our children for maybe 1/5^th of our life, and then they have their own life. Then, the time we have with them seems so short. In an ideal world, that’s how it is supposed to be, and even though Emma has done some horrible things, she’s still my little girl, and I’ll always love her. Here’s the post I wrote last week:

I’ve been thinking about Emma’s upcoming birthday and her turning 24 years old. Not too long ago, I was shopping for a birthday card for a friend and saw one that made me think of Emma, and that reminded me of a card I had wanted to purchase for Emma a few years before.

On Emma’s 18^th birthday, I wasn’t going to contact her lest she take out a restraining order, and, per my attorney, she’d asked Phill’s attorney, Seith Eisenberg over and over again about getting a restraining order against her mother. Then, when Emma knew I would be at a ladies’ bible study group, down the street from our Buck Trail, Hoschton home, Emma called the police and claimed a car that looked like her mother’s pulled up in the driveway! (It was dark when she made the claim, and from the house you would only be able to see headlights, so she wouldn’t have been able to tell what kind of car it was if indeed someone pulled up in our driveway, but since people frequently did turn around in our driveway, it’s possible that it did happen. Fortunately, I suspected Emma might pull something like this and had friends follow me into the neighborhood and follow me out so that I would have witnesses if Emma tried to claim something even worse happened.) Oh, noooooo, I sure wasn’t going to send my daughter a birthday card, but I happened to be card shopping one day in December of 2011 and saw the card I wanted to send Emma. It was pink and had a Chihuahua on it, right up Emma’s alley. (Although, oddly enough, I took our little Chihuahua with me when Phill had me thrown out of our home, and Emma never asked about him, up until his death, and one of the reasons we adopted the little guy was because Emma wanted a small dog so badly. Odd that she cared nothing of him once hie was gone, but Emma now owns tow chi/mixes, Arya and Sansa.)

Emma Roey, Emma Kate Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Buchheim, Emma Katherine Buchheim, Emma Kate Buchheim

That card I wanted to buy Emma, the old Emma, the Emma I thought I knew, was pink, with a chihuahua on it, and on the front it said, “I smile because you’re my daughter.” and when you opened it up, it read, “I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.” Ok, if you’re on any kind of social media, you’ve probably seen this meme with the word “daughter” interchangeable for sister, mother, etc. I’ve seen it many times since then, but this was the first time I’d seen it and I thought it was sweet and funny, and of course since Emma loved Chihuahuas, it seemed perfect, but I didn’t get it. A birthday card from her mother might be too traumatic for 18 year old Emma.

It never fails, around the holidays, I find something I would like to get for Emma, and I remember back in 2011buying some earrings I wanted to give to her, and I’d read the book, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson Ph.D. and thought Emma could use that book, sort of like a book of devotionals, just something you pick up once a day or so to remind you what’s important in life. I also found a purse that I thought Emma would love. It was quirky and cute and just reminded me of Emma in one of her silly moods.

Now, several years later, I have no idea what Emma likes. Is green still her favorite color? Did she ever learn to eat anything at the Chinese restaurant other than egg drop soup and sesame chicken? Did she ever try anything at the Mexican restaurant besides a cheese quesadilla? Did she ever learn to like any vegetables besides green beans and corn? Living next-door to a vegetarian for several years, I learned a lot about cooking vegetables, and I would love to tell Emma to learn how to roast her vegetables, and maybe this year I would get her a hot air fryer as I got myself one and I love cooking vegetables with it. I wanted to tell Emma that Brussel sprouts are now my favorite after hating them for 50 years. Emma and I used to make a lot of noise when we’d come home and Phill would have microwaved these nasty noodle-type pot stickers that were gross and smelled so bad. Even now, I’m not sure I would like those nasty things Phill used to make (they were meant to be fried, but there were all soggy and just kind of gross) but I do love brussel sprouts.

Sometimes, I’ll read a book or see a movie and think how Emma would have loved it. I miss our discussions over books, movies, current events. Lately, I’ve been watching A&E’s Scientology and the Aftermath, and it made me more curious about Scientology and cults, and I’ve wondered how people get sucked in to these things that sound so crazy to me, so I’ve watched a few other programs, read some things on line, and am waiting on Tony Ortega’s book The Unbreakable Miss Lovely, which I put a hold on at the library. (Wow, talk about being falsely accused! I’m thankful Emma hadn’t read this book! It would have just given her more ideas on how to frame her mother!) I thought how much I would have enjoyed watching these programs and discussing them with Emma. I remember a conversation we had about cults and religion when Emma was about 15 or 16. I wonder what else Emma watches besides Game of Thrones. I know Tyler is a big Notre Dame fan, so did Emma ever get into watching football? Since Tyler wrote some kind of golf links program, I’m assuming he plays golf, and I wonder if Emma likes golf too? Emma always hated exercise, so I wonder if she ever found anything she likes to do.

Does Emma like her job? Is insurance something she wants to do long term? I would love to know how Emma got into being an underwriter. I would love to have one of those relationships, like my friends have with their adult kids, where I would get a daily text, “Hi mom….” but that is something not meant to be at this time in my life, and I’m really ok with it. Emma is not the person she pretends to be, and she and I both know it, so they only way she can keep up the pretense is to cut out those in her life who know the truth about her.

I’ve also been thinking about how supposedly the brain is mature around age 25, so Emma has one more year to go. As I understand it, the part of the brain that handles rational thought is not fully developed until then, and that sure makes a lot of sense with Emma! I guess in another year, she will be what she will be, so it will be interesting to see how she is then. Looking at all the things Emma’s done, it’s a little scary that she was considered an adult at 18, and yet I know a great group of college kids, and while they are young, I see a maturity in them then I don’t think Emma ever had. Emma knew how to “act” mature, but that’s not the same thing. Was Emma’s “storytelling” just part of her growing up and every story was like a rehearsal for her, a practice of her craft, so to speak? Was Emma’s harmless lying just practice for her version of a “shaggy dog” story?

And what about Emma’s habit of lying? Looking back, I realize Phill and I were way to trusting of everything Emma said, and almost everything Emma said about kids at school, kids a church, her youth group leaders, neighbors, etc. was a lie. Most of these were fairly harmless lies, and Emma could be so convincing, but with so many lies, I wonder if Emma is even capable of telling the truth.

When Emma, my sister, and I went up to the William Holland School in Young Harris, Ga. for a week, I think it was either 2009 or 2010, Emma was trying out her new found maturity. Emma kept putting on this fake voice and talking to people. As her mother, it was really weird to listen to my daughter who did not sound like herself at all stand there and have a conversation with someone. These people didn’t know her, so they didn’t know what she normally sounded like. I just wanted to say, “Cut it out. Do you not know how ridiculous you sound?” but I didn’t say a word. Later on, my sister and I were having a conversation about teens or something, and she mentioned like Emma and her fake voice, and how she was trying it out, finding herself or whatever. Thank goodness that phase was fairly short lived and Emma went back to sounding like her normal self again, but remembering Emma and her fakey voice made me wonder if her lying was just part of her growing up, too, sort of a way to try out things. A lot of Emma’s lies seemed more like attempts to tell a great story. Is that what she was doing or is she really a compulsive or a pathological liar? I guess time will tell.

And of course, there’s Emma’s ever elusive conscience. Does she have one? I’ve heard a couple of people with mental illness say that they wanted to study psychology to figure out what was wrong with themselves. That’s a scary thought. Emma’s therapist, Dr. Genie Burnett, who Emma thought was way cool and understood her so much better than her mother did, grew up with an eating disorder, so was that why she studied psychology? To understand her own issues better? It’s kind of scary to think of these people, who have their mental illnesses or personality disorders getting degrees so they can “help” others. I’ve talked to enough people who’ve told me about their own negative experiences with therapy, so I can’t help but wonder if a lot these “bad therapists” became therapists because they knew they were lacking something in themselves, so they had to study other people. I remember in college, in a psychology class, when our teacher was lecturing and started bawling, and I think it was one of our other teacher, after we told her about this strange encounter, who told us that anyone who works in psychology or therapy she would guarantee is in some kind of therapy themselves. We all thought that seemed to make sense because our crazy psych teacher sure seemed to need some kind of therapy.

Along with wanting to become a therapist herself after her time being influenced by Dr. Genie Burnett (Manna Treatment and Counseling), Emma may have partly been interested in drama so she could learn how to act normal. Someone said that to me once, that Emma doesn’t know how to feel, but she knows what she is supposed feel and she knows how she is supposed to act, and as Emma’s mom, that makes a lot sense. (But if you know Emma, you have to know how loves being the start of the show, so part of Emma’s love for drama is her love for the attention it brought her as well.)

The one thing I wish for Emma is peace. I’m afraid she is a very troubled soul, and I hope one day she gets help, if it turns out she can be helped. As Emma’s mother, I’m going to keep telling her story. If my daughter is going to accuse me of abuse and of poisoning her with DDT, I will continue to call her out on it. Emma knows I will happily take down the blog if she steps up and takes responsibility for what she’s done, but she’s not ready to do that yet. Emma knows as well that my door is always open to her. Well, I guess not literally. I don’t feel like I could safely let Emma into my home without a witness present. Lord only knows what she would accuse me of next. Maybe what I should say is that my phone is always open to Emma should she want to call. I don’t expect to hear from her anytime soon though. She still has some growing up to do.

When I was married, I was very sheltered, which probably wasn’t a good thing for an introvert. My world was Phill and Emma. As horrible as losing my family was, there are a lot of good things that have come out of it since. All those things you’ve heard, like “Life is a journey not a destination.” start to make sense, and I realize the power I have in my own life. I was one of Emma’s victims, but I’m not going to wallow in it. I’m a survivor and a lot tougher than I would have thought. Emma seemed to live in a victim role. The scenery may have changed, but Emma kept playing the same role. For me, going back to work has been and adventure and a learning experience. Working with the public has made me wonder many things. Sometimes I think there may be a lot more mental illness out there than people realize. Other times, I hear stories that would break your heart, and I wish Emma could realize how difficult some people have it, and that there was no need for her to make up all the drama in her life. If she lived the way some people have had to, I wonder if she would appreciate all that she truly had. Phill and I used to say how happy we were that our lives were so boring, while we didn’t necessarily mean “boring” but really just meant that we didn’t have a lot of drama. I hope one day Emma can appreciate a boring life.

So Emma, Happy Birthday, and here’s your card:

birthday2017b

Lot’s of Love,

Mom

P.S. Since I probably won’t have another chance to write before Christmas, I want to wish you and Tyler a very Merry Christmas as well! And be sure to tell Sherry, Bob, and Caitlin Merry Christmas from your mother as well.

Emma and the Roy Moore Effect Part 2 , Person of the Year (Update 12/12/17)

Posted on December 9, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Emma and the Roy Moore Effect

EmmaTimeMag

#metoo, Emma Katherine Roey Buchheim

Ok, when I heard about Time magazine’s Person of the year, The Silence Breakers, my first thought was, Emma made it to Time magazine’s person of the year! I have to admit, I wanted to remove one of the faces and paste Emma’s into it, but as we all know, my computer skills are very limited. I did find some Time templates, but when I tried to load Emma’s picture, the magazine didn’t show up, so some of you saw my earlier post, and now, thanks to a reader, I have what I wanted. (I love it!The matching coat is a great touch!) For those of you that missed it, this was the best I could do:

Time 2017 metoo

Emma Buchheim, Emma Katherine Buchheim, Emma Kate Buchheim

I’m sure if I search the internet or look at some youtube videos, I can learn how to use a template, and I’m thinking of taking some digital photography and digital darkroom classes in the future. But anyway, those were my humorous thoughts upon hearing about the magazine. At least it wasn’t Colin Kaepernik, who, along with a few other celebs like the K family, I am totally tired of! (And I only get about 3 tv channels. Can you imagine how tired of stuff I would be if I actually watched tv?)

As a woman who has faced my share of some man’s “sexual misconduct” along with almost every other woman I know, I used to be one of those people who thought “believe now and find out the facts later”, or in the case of children,”A child wouldn’t make that up!” I’ve known plenty of women who felt powerless to do something about the predator who crossed their path whether it was a family friend or relative, a teacher, a minister, a stepfather, a classmate in college, a boss or coworker, or whatever. I despise these people, and the prison sentence for the ones that actually do get prosecuted can never be long enough. Of the women I know who have been victims, this covers all ages from childhood to teens to college age, to adults. It is all horrible, but I am especially sickened by those who prey on children, the weakest among us. Personally, I also don’t believe there is rehab for pedophiles. When they get out, they will strike again. Period.

It’s about time sexual harassment is taken seriously. It’s been a well known secret in so many instances, for many years. As some of these high profile people were starting to fall, I was chatting with some coworkers and said, “I wonder how many of these men in high power positions are shaking in their boots right now.” The next day, we heard about Matt Lauer.

Then again, as the mother of a well established liar, for the record I will say that I do not believe my daughter was ever sexually molested by a priest, so what about the falsely accused? What about those people, usually men, who are the hated accused, but then turn out to actually be the victims? It’s like they belong to a secret club. I have known a few of these victims, and it’s not something they go around advertising. I remember talking to a man a few years ago who told me about his divorce, and how his daughter had accused him. Later it was all dropped and he was cleared when dear daughter admitted she’d made it all up, but she put her dad through months of hell and then was like, “Okay dad, forget it, but could you still pay my tuition?”

In Emma’s case, the priest she accused was retired, so it didn’t affect his livelihood, but for some people, it can be financially devastating. A few years ago, I witnessed another person who was falsely accused. This man wasn’t someone I worked with directly, and I’m not going to share the intimate details except to say that the company immediately fired him, and later a grand jury refused to indict him. Because several of my coworkers and I came in close contact with his accuser, we were all adamantly sure the allegations were false being as the accuser had a history of drug use, some psych issues, some mug shots along the way, and had pulled a similar stunt somewhere else where fortunately there were cameras to counter the accusations. And those were only a few of the things we knew of. Imagine what we didn’t know! I’m sure if someone investigated a little deeper, there was probably much, much more.

An award winning employee lost his job and was facing a long term prison sentence if convicted. Can you imagine doing your job and all of a sudden, out of the blue, the police show up to arrest you and accuse you of a sexual crime? It was absolutely horrifying. My coworkers and I discussed how we understood that a company would have to fire you to protect it’s customers because what if you’d done what you were accused of and were still allowed to work? It could happen again. Then again, we live in a country where you are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, but how does that work? This man lost his livelihood until the charges against him were dropped. Can you imagine the nightmare his life must have been until the truth came out about the (in my opinion) piece of trash who accused him? What about the expense of lawyers and everything else?

If you ask anyone about the incident now, it seems like the first thing people say is, “That man’s life was ruined.” I assume he could have gotten his job back, but would most people want to go to work and face everyone who knew what he had been accused of. Even though no one believed the accuser, it was still a horrible and embarrassing situation.

I haven’t kept up with this man, but because of what Emma put me through, I can understand a lot of what he went through, and I hope he has a great job and is doing something he loves now.

I’m sure in Emma’s case, she didn’t think about what she was doing by accusing a priest of sexually molesting her. She was a dumb teenager and was probably acting impulsively. I don’t think she thought through what she was doing, but like everyone else around her, I went into that “She wouldn’t make this up.” mode. When it’s a child, everything stops and everyone bows down to the child. For an attention seeker, this would be exactly what a child like Emma would want. All of a sudden she is the center of attention in a very serious drama. She was the star of the show! (There’s a reason Phill always called her a drama queen.) Emma got what she wanted, but whether it’s part of a sociopathic personality or just being a immature teen, Emma did not stop to think or care about the pain her actions would cause the man she accused. Is she going to repay his legal fees? Apologize for making up the molestation story? In this case, this man was a father and grandfather, so you can imagine the humiliation and embarrassment. Does Emma have any clue as to how much she hurt this man and his family? I am ashamed for the pain we caused this man and his family, and I am ashamed of Emma for lying about being a victim when she wasn’t. Because so many women and children are victims of these predators, I’m ashamed to be the mother of the little girl who cried wolf, and it bothers me that someone may be afraid to tell their story because they know there are liars like Emma who hurt the cause. Emma Tawana Brawley. (Emma’ that’s way before your time, but you can look it up.)

I do hope one day that Emma will explain to us the motives for her falsely accusing the priest of sexual molestation. She was bored and needed attention, so was that the reason for all the stories? Since the priest was running for office and happened to be a democrat, was that the reason Emma went after this man. Emma’s story has similarities to the Roy Moore story in that she made her accusation before an election. And, when I told my sister about Emma’s accusation, Emma was FURIOUS with me for telling my sister, but later when she spoke to my sister, one of the first things she said to my sister was that the priest was a democrat. What Emma trying to have an effect on a local election by her accusation? In Emma’s case, she accused a politician shortly before an election, just like in Roy Moore’s case, but with Emma, the priest dropped out temporarily and then got back into the race. As we’ve seen in the news lately, some politicians are resigning after admitting they acted wrongly, but in Roy Moore’s case, he denies the allegations and has not dropped out of his race. Personally, I think that is the proper course of action. After all, he is innocent until proven guilty, right? There’s already some fishy things going on with a tampered with signature in a yearbook and the fact that the accuser won’t turn over the yearbook for handwriting analysis.

So yes, I am glad to see victims speaking out and I’m curious as to why it has taken the media so long to address this issue. Some of us are old enough to remember the 90’s when accusers were being swept under the rug by the media, and some people say that the #metoo movement fits a political narrative now, so that’s why the media is finally all over this issue, but at least it is being addressed now. One day, I hope the media will address the falsely accused as well. I no longer believe every story of “sexual misconduct” I hear, nor do I believe every story of child abuse that I hear. I have learned that we need to stop and look at the situation first instead of everyone jumping to the whims of a so-called sympathetic victim because there a few of them, like my daughter, who made it up.

Emma’s Cards

Posted on November 7, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

The other day, in the news, I heard a very sad story about a little boy named Jacob who is dying and will not live to see Christmas this year, and since he loves Christmas so much, his family is having Christmas early for him. They requested that Christmas cards be sent to the young man, especially homemade cards, because he loves homemade cards, and it reminded me of Emma and her card making.

I don’t remember how old Emma was when I took her to an Iris Folding class at Michael’s, where Emma learned how to make iris folded greeting cards, but Emma really took to it, so of course, we ended up buying her all kinds of supplies and papers for her hobby. It was fun seeing her excited about making cards. The iris folded cards are quite pretty, and I think most people appreciate the effort that goes into making something handmade like that. I remember as a child, how we made our parents birthday cards, usually just some drawing and we’d try to write something funny in them, especially for our dad. Once when I was maybe 10, I remember our dad taking his birthday cards to the office for display and how he commented on one of his coworkers who mentioned that since his kids were older, he really missed the handmade cards they used to make him when they were younger.

iriscard1

I heard that Emma got a Cricut, and I don’t know much about them except that they do some fancy paper cutting, so I’d imagine that Emma’s handmade cards got even more interesting with her new gadget.

Another thing Emma and I did was to get involved in the Adopt a Platoon program, where you are given a soldier to write to and send gifts to while they are overseas. Coming from a military family, this was near and dear to my heart, and Emma really got into supporting our military and enjoyed writing letters and making cards for our adopted soldiers. We would go shopping and pick out treats and anything we heard our soldier might need such as soap, razors, deodorant, lip balm, sunscreen, socks, etc. Of course, Emma with her terrible sweet tooth, and being somewhat of a sneak, I remember packing a box for our soldier and not being able to find some of the candy we’d gotten to go in the box. Sure enough, Emma had stolen it and I found the empty package in her bedroom closet. She didn’t even try to hide the evidence. I was disappointed in Emma because we had bought these things specifically for our soldier, and it’s not like we didn’t have sweets in the house, but that was Emma. If she wanted something, she took it. I guess that’s part of the entitlement generation. I wanted to believe this was Emma just being a kid, but I think it is something in Emma that just is. Emma never cared about punishment or consequences, so she did what she wanted. I’m sure she still does.

Adopt a Platoon put out these coin/medallions, and I bought one and wire wrapped it for Emma so she could wear it as a necklace. I doubt she still has it because I’m sure Emma doesn’t want anything her dear, abusive mother gave to her. Even with Emma’s lying, sneaky behavior, I was proud of the effort she put into writing letters and making cards for our soldiers. I never read Emma’s letters to our soldiers, unless she handed me one and wanted me to see it. I wonder now if I should have. Looking back at all the BS Emma put in her letters to “Lacey” and finding all the lies Emma told about other people, like her BFF, Kayla Benifield Weaver, who’s grandparents Emma claimed to be white supremacists, and who’s mother and step-father Emma claimed to be drunks. I can only imagine what kind of things Emma put in those letters to our soldiers if she would tell such bold lies about her “friends.” Well, I can hope, whatever crazy things Emma might have said have long been forgotten by our military.

aap

If you remember, Emma and I spent an afternoon where she taught me how to do the iris folding, and I thought we had such a lovely afternoon, where she got to be the teacher and I the student, and then I found Emma’s letter to “Lacey” complaining about my crippling arthritis and how she had to do everything for me, and how slow I was, because of my arthritis and how Emma could do things 10x faster and how her poor crippled mother wasted so much of Emma’s materials because I invariably ruin my projects because I don’t do things they way Emma advises me to, and then call her a smartass for instructing me! Oh my! Would you, dear readers, believe that I have actually been able to hold down a job since my divorce. It’s amazing what I can do with this (wink, wink) horrible arthritis that Emma claimed I had. So glad I didn’t have to go on disability!

Emma is sure a great story teller. Of course, Emma hasn’t told me any of her stories in the past several years, but if you are a regular reader, you know there are some doozies. I can imagine what Tyler, my dear son-in-law must hear everyday!

So, anyway, I was thinking of Emma, in her sweeter moments, and her card making, and since Emma reads the blog, I wanted to suggest that she make a card for Jacob. If we had a normal mother/daughter relationship, I would call or text Emma and tell her about the story, or maybe send her a link, but since Emma’s done what she’s done, I’m not going to contact her other than through the blog, so Emma, here’s a link to the story about Jacob:

http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/03/health/cancer-patient-christmas-trnd/index.html

and if you want to send him a card, here is the address:

Jacob Thompson

c/o Maine Medical Center

22 Bramhall Street

Portland, ME 04102

The Good Architect

Posted on October 27, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

The Good Architect

So, Emma, this is for you, as I know Tyler doesn’t read the blog. I was looking at Tyler’s blog on line, tyler-buchheim.com but just skimmed it. I’ll go back and read it later. You know I’m not very high tech, so I’m sure I’m not going to get most of it. In fact, a friend just gave me a blue tooth because this computer Daddy got me when he threw me out of our home is not very loud, and I bought some ear buds, but I don’t like being tied to the computer. Well, I’m sure it will come as no surprise to you that I can’t figure out how to use the darn things. I did some updates and such and still no luck, but I did manage to get it working with my phone, and I just watched a couple of episodes of The Good Doctor on my phone over the past two days, after a client at work was telling me about the program. (More on that later.)

From what I read, Tyler’s dreams of becoming an architect changed to dreams of becoming a software developer. I’m sure the two areas can have a lot of overlap, and maybe Tyler will be developing software for architects or something. You all are young, so I think that’s great. You all should try a lot of things before you get tied down with a mortgage and children. As you know after selling insurance, you spend a lot of time at work, so hopefully you find something you like doing.

I was thinking how Tyler must be Daddy’s dream son-in-law. Another geek in the family! (I mean that as a compliment.) Someone Daddy can talk all technical with, and Tyler probably understands all the geek-speak! Did you know at one time, Daddy wanted to be a computer programmer? I know you saw that game Daddy wrote for Atari magazine. It was called Cosmic Defender, and it wouldn’t be impressive now, but back then, that Daddy could create that and bring it to life was a pretty big deal.

In 1988, your daddy turned 30 years old. For his 30^th birthday he wanted to buy a computer and they were awfully expensive. What he wanted was $1500, a LOT of money for us at that time. It doesn’t sound like much to you because I know you’re used to buying iphones and such, but I was in school, so we were paying for college, and we had a mortgage, and we were pretty strapped all the time. With the rate of inflation, that would be like Tyler wanting to go out and spend $3,138.00 on his birthday today. Maybe you can relate to that figure a little better.

Daddy had decided his dream was to be a computer programmer, and he would buy these huge, thick, computer books on languages, and he subscribed to several computer magazines. Of course if that was Daddy’s dream, I wasn’t going to say no. I wanted to support him if that was what he wanted to do, so Daddy went out and bought a $1500 Atari computer, and I don’t have to tell you the ending to that. Daddy never left UPS and never became a programmer, and in fact, he never did any computer programming after he created Cosmic Defender, but that was ok. It was something he wanted to try. Investing in Atari might have been a mistake too because I don’t think they are even around anymore, but that was the computer Daddy wanted at the time.

Remember how jealous you were when Daddy wanted to buy me that craft cabinet for my birthday. You thought it was too expensive and I didn’t need it, but since I was turning 50, daddy wanted to get me something special that I really wanted, and later you saw how much I loved that cabinet and how I was able to organize my supplies so easily. Daddy was supporting my hobby and getting me something I really wanted, and hopefully you are supporting Tyler in his effort to be a full stack developer. And if Tyler doesn’t become a software developer and goes on to something else, then that’s ok too. You all have plenty of time.

Around the time you were born, Daddy got into woodworking and wanted to buy all these saws and such. That didn’t go very far either. He made a pull toy, and that wooden coat rack that hangs on the wall by the garage door, and he started on that rocking coyote that sat out in the fort in your swing set and never got finishes. Oh, well. At one time, I wanted to make teddy bears and bought a few books and made a few and quit. And when I went back to college, I was so afraid I couldn’t do it because I was never smart like you and Daddy. I like to say I worked hard for every B and C I ever got. I did get a few A’s too, but not like you, dear daughter. I was a very average student. Anyway, I was terrified about going back to college and thought, “What if I can’t do it and I quit?” and your dad said one of the best things he could have said. He told me that an education was never a waste, and if I took some classes and quit then it was ok because I still would have learned something.

So anyway, I hope Tyler is enjoying school, and it will be interesting to see where you all end up after this. I have no idea what you’re doing, Emma. Are you working for Amica in TX now or doing something completely different? I could picture you in sales. You have the outgoing personality for it. I think you would do well there, but you are smart enough to do well in whatever you choose. Recently, I met a young woman, I think a year younger than you, and she will be going to medical school next year. She has applied to 11 schools and has been accepted to 8 so far, so she must be an exceptional student. They weren’t little Podunk schools either, I know one of them was Harvard. Anyway, of course she made me think of you, and it was just fun seeing her, so young and excited about her future. She admitted it was a lot of hard work, but she thought it was worth it.

That brings me to the Good Doctor. I’d seen scenes for the show, and thought it looked good, but didn’t pay any attention to when it was on. When this man told me that it came on at 10, I told him I’m usually going to bed about then! I asked him if he liked it, and he really did, so thank goodness for internet and I can go back and watch it on line!

The main character is a high functioning autistic young man named Dr. Shaun Murphy. I don’t know anything about the actor who plays Shaun, and I don’t know too much about my son-in-law, Tyler Buchheim, but I got a kick out off noticing the resemblance between the two. Granted, I’ve never met Tyler, so I’m going only on photos I’ve seen, but I thought it was cute. And the show, by the way, is really good. I’ve only seen two episodes, but I like it!

The Good Architect VS. The Good Doctor

The Good Architect

and The Good Doctor

P.S. Emma, tell Tyler I’m sorry/not sorry about the Georgia/Notre Dame game. I was thinking of you all and wondering if you all were there or if maybe Sherry and Bob Buchheim went to the game. I actually was watching that game, even though it was past my bedtime. I have way too many friends and coworkers who are UGA fans, so even though I don’t have cable or dish, I’ve kept up with the Dawgs and have even seen some of the games! I’ve even met some of the players! I guess we are a house divided! Praying for you both everyday! Love, Mom

The Apology That Never Came, Part 3

Posted on October 24, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

The Apology that Never Came Part 3

I Thought My Husband Was a Better Man

All throughout the divorce process, I thought my husband would have to come to his senses. I was so wrong. I made a lot of mistakes during the divorce because I believed in my husband and just knew sooner or later he would do the right thing. I didn’t know what was going on in his head, and yes, I think part of it was a midlife crisis. All of a sudden, Phill was free and he had Emma at home to take care of things there, so he could spend as much of his free time as he wanted traveling the country going to RC airplane events and hanging out with his RC buddies, drinking beer, flying planes etc. Sooner or later, Phill would have to face the truth. Emma was a big fat liar. While Phill was off playing with toy airplanes and driving around the country, I was researching into a lot of Emma’s stories and finding out more and more lies. It seemed almost everything Emma had ever told us was a lie.

Once Emma called me from a church youth group meeting, making fun of Phill. She claimed she was so embarrassed by her dad trying to act all cool, saying dumb things and doing the fist bump thing with her friend and sometimes crush Rob Simmons. When Phill got home, I asked him what in the world he was doing and he said he only said hi to Rob and shook his hand. That is just an example of how easily Emma lied. She didn’t even have to plot and scheme to make up a story (although she did that at times, too). The lies just came out so easily.

Emma often lied about doing her chores and all the things I thought were regular kid stuff, but something that stuck in my head was how you could catch Emma red handed and she would still lie. Like a lot of good moms, I tried to limit Emma’s sweets, and we had to lock up any candy, chocolate chips, and even marshmallows or they would disappear. One day, when making a cup of tea, Emma turned up the Sugar container (the glass kind with the metal top, like you find in a diner) and dumped a heaping helping of sugar into her mouth, and I said, “Emma! Don’t eat sugar straight out of the container.” and Emma looked right at me and denied it. I was right there in the kitchen and saw her and she kept denying it. I never understood that part of Emma either.

I knew my husband was a good man, and he was going to have to come to his senses sooner or later. Emma had lied about so, so much. How could he still believe she was molested by the priest? When I emailed him other examples of Emma’s lying, Phill refused to discuss Emma with me. I kept researching and thinking that maybe the next example or the next would help Phill realize what a mistake he made in the way he treated his wife. Well, I’m still waiting for Phill to come to his senses.

During the divorce, I believed sooner or later Phill would face the truth, apologize, and we would get back together, that’s how stupid and naive I was. I always believed my husband was a good man who would take care of his family. I thought Phill believed in our marriage, and would realize it was worth saving. Wrong again.

Maybe coming from a divorced family had something to do with Phill’s handling of Emma’s problems. Phill came from a family who just walked away when things got tough. I’d heard his mother often say that life was too short to be unhappy, and Phill’d been brought up seeing his mother with two failed marriages and multiple boyfriends. I always thought I’d gotten the prize in that family, Phill, who didn’t want to be like the rest of his family and was committed to his marriage. We were a loving couple, and happy, and I thought we set a good example for Emma of what a good marriage was, and I hoped when she married, she would realize that having two loving parents, who loved each other was indeed a blessing. I never thought I’d be competing with my own daughter for my husband, but that’s what happened. Emma became Phill’s second wife until she married Tyler.

Monologue1a

Emma studying her monologue when when she was taking Drama under Bonnie Roberts and Jackson County Comprehensive High School. All those drama classes paid off! Emma, did you ever return that book to Ms. Roberts?

Interestingly enough, on the side of the statistics, I have two sisters who have both been married about 35 and 42 years (if my math is right). Both couples have faced some of life’s difficulties, and yet they have stayed married. Also, both my brother-in-laws came from intact homes. Phill fit right into the profile of a child of divorce. Sadly, I saw my sisters and their husbands face challenges and I always thought I was so lucky I was married to Phill because we would be able to get through whatever difficulties came our way. I believed in my husband that much. Yep, wrong again.

One of the mistakes I made during the divorce was to let Phill have the house. Of course, at the time, I thought Phill would wake up and we would get back together, so I wasn’t going to destroy our home. I should have forced Phill to sell the house, or to live in it until the market appreciated and then sell it.

By throwing me out of our home, Phill the advantage and kept EVERYTHING. I think of some of the gifts he got me for my birthday, Christmas, etc., and hope he and Kim Chassion are enjoying my things. The only things Phill put in the storage locker for met to have were personal items such as books, clothes, and old records, and not even all of my records. You would think that Kimberly Chassion, having her own home, in I think it was Auburn, Ga, would not want her new man’s ex-wife’s things. That just seems odd. Or maybe Phill is just mean enough that he wanted to get rid of my things to make room for Kimberly, but didn’t want me to have them. It doesn’t really matter. I recently bought a home and am slowly acquiring things. When you lose your husband and your daughter in such a nightmare like I did, things are not that important. (but Phill darling, I could use some tools, so could I borrow a drill, our chainsaw, the hedge trimmers………….Oh probably not.)

That is pretty much it in a nutshell. I always thought my husband was a better man. I knew that sooner or later, he would face the facts and right the wrongs that he had done. Of course, knowing Phill, I also know how hard it is for him to admit his mistakes, but I always believed in my husband and believed he’d stand up and do what was right. I was wrong. After nearly 27 years of marriage, I guess I didn’t know my husband well at all.

It’s kind of funny. I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me about my divorce and if my husband left me for a younger woman. A friend of mine once piped up, “Yes, his own daughter!” I’ve heard plenty of jokes about Phill and Phill thinking with his “little Phill” and I’ve even jokingly called Phill “Flatworld Phill.” I loved my husband and always believed he’d do the right thing, and always believed that he loved me and would honor his marriage vows. I thought Phill would do whatever he had to to take care of his family. I guess there are worse things in life than to think that someone is a better person that they actually are. I am not the first wife to be betrayed by her husband, and I won’t be the last.

I feel kind of sad when I think of Emma and Tyler because their whole marriage is based on Emma’s lies. I’ve joked about Tyler Buchheim, my “future ex-son-in-law,” but it makes me sad to feel like Emma and Tyler’s marriage is doomed. With the divorce rate as high as it is for healthy relationsips, I can’t help but feel that Emma’s marriage is a sinking ship. Maybe she’s straighten herself out before her marriage fails, but I doubt it. Emma is in too deep to save face now. I’ve wondered if Emma will get pregnant when her marriage starts to fail in an effort to hold on to Tyler. Whatever happens, it will be an interesting ride for poor Tyler.

The Apology that Never Came, Part 2

Posted on October 8, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Phill, Emma, and our dog, Spike when Emma and I went to watch Phill fly his toy RC airplanes one afternoon.

The Apology That Never Came

Part 2

I saw a headline recently to an article, that was something like, “Men Don’t Get Over It, They Just Move On” I’m sure that’s not quite right, but that was the gist of the title, and I thought, “Yep, that’s my husband.”

I think I confused Phill’s work ethic with his character. Phill has one of the strongest work ethics I know. Maybe it’s because his parents divorced when he was just a toddler, and he watched his mother struggle to take care of him and his brother, frequently counting on her mother to babysit while she worked. Maybe it was because when he was older, Phill’s dad bought a diner, and his mother went to work there, and later both Phill and his brother, Andy worked there after school as well.

When Phill worked for UPS, he started out loading the trucks, then driving the big brown trucks, and later driving the tractor trailer trucks. When he told me he had to “pre-trip” the truck everyday, which is checking everything out on the truck before you go anywhere, I always knew Phill would not cut any corners and would do what he was supposed to do each and every day. That was just Phill. He could be very thorough if he needed to be.

When Phill and I met, we were both students working part time in a huge liquor store. I was sent into the big beer cooler to stock on my first day, and Phill, a scruffy looking Grizzly Adams kind of guy, was back there and showed me what to do. Phill was often treated like a manager (although not paid like one) because he’d been there a while and proved to be very responsible. Phill used to joke that it was, “Love in the Beer Cooler” when someone asked how we met, and I often joked that we met, “in a liquor store” letting people think I let Phill pick me up buying booze, just to see their reactions.

Once, when Phill decided to wallpaper our bedroom and bathroom, he researched it, learned how to do everything, and made sure he did it right. I didn’t know how much there was to wallpapering until he showed me. That was Phill. Phill was the same about painting, and did all the time-consuming prep work, and did the job right. Because he was also a procrasintor, sometimes he didn’t finish, but that’s another story.

When I took our little dog to agility classes (just for fun, I wasn’t really interested in competing) Phill looked up all the specifications and made me some jumps, a dog walk, and an A-frame and even painted them to meet the specifications as if I were competing in competitions. That was just Phill.

When I graduated from college, Phill and I talked about I could work to support us if he wanted to go back to school. (He had gone to Georgia Tech, majoring in Electrical Engineering, and flunked out, not because of his grades, but becaues he quit going to class.) Phill would work like a dog if he was getting paid, but when we talked about him going back to school he said he knew he wouldn’t do the “busy work” the he saw me struggle through. He could do it if it interested him and it pertained to what he wanted to do, but he didn’t like wasting time on classes or assignments he thought were unnecessary, and he knew he just wouldn’t do it, so there was no point in going back to school.

I had a hard time understanding this. I’d seen my husband work so hard at some minimum wage paying job if he were getting paid, but he couldn’t think ahead enough to understand if he got through some of the BS that school entails, it would be worth it in the long run. So, that was why Phill stayed a UPS driver.

I can’t remember exactly, but when Phill went to work driving the tractor trailers, he had to train on the weekends, so he drove the brown package cars 5 days a week and then spent two weekends training with the tractor trailers, so that was, I think, about 19 days in a row with no days off, and we aren’t talking 8 hour days, either. But, it was for the job, and he was getting paid, so even though he was worn out after it was over, it was what he wanted, and so he did it. A few years ago, between my two jobs, I worked 17 days in a row and could barely get off the couch on that 18^th day, and my jobs aren’t/weren’t near is physical as Phill’s job working for UPS was.

When UPS went on strike in the 90’s, Phill went to do some construction work for one of his coworkers, Kevin O’Gorman. Kevin always had side jobs going on and was known for buying a home, living in it and fixing it up, and then selling it and moving to the next fixer-upper. UPS being on strike was a little frightening, but I knew with Phill’s work ethic, he would do whatever he had to to take care of his family.

Another thing I admired about Phill was that he could do, build, or fix almost anything. Even before computers, he would do the research to accomplish whatever task he was contemplating. I never understood how he was so handy with tools when he grew up with a divorced mom who was rarely home except to sleep, so where did he learn how to be so handy?

These are just some of the examples of Phill’s work ethic. Emma loved to say her dad “just sits on his butt in a truck all day” and I really hope now that she’s been in the working world a little bit, maybe she appreciates her dad’s hard work a little more than that snotty teenager she was being at the time (but honestly, I doubt it.)

I guess because I thought Phill had such a good work ethic, he would be as hard working in the rest of his life. Phill was always easy going, but I never saw that as a flaw, until I realized he could be pretty passive and I joked with him that he was sometimes passive aggressive. If he really didn’t want to do something, he might not do the best job. It was ok. When it comes to flaws, I have plenty of my own, and probably a few more than my easy-going husband.

It wasn’t until our marriage was ending that I realized how passive Phill was. I always thought we were a team. We discussed decisions, usually at my insistence, and Phill would do things like research a mortgage and decide who we were going to go with, but any difficult family decisions were left to me. Phill didn’t want children, I was the one who wanted a baby. (Although he was thrilled when the time came.) I had to be the disciplinarian, decide Emma’s medical issues, choose Emma’s schools, camps, extracurricular activities, decide on homeschooling, public school, etc. If Emma wanted to attend an activity, or go on an expensive trip, it was up to me to say yay or nay. I could talk to Phill about anything, but he always left the decisions up to me. When Emma claimed to be molested, I was the one that thought she needed to talk to someone other than me, so I was the one who had to interview therapists. I always did my best in making these choices, but Phill left it all to me.

My husband, who was such a hard worker, let a 17 year old take over and run his life. His marriage vows meant nothing. There was a new sheriff in town, and her name was Emma.

After I found out that Emma had lied about “Lacey” being raped, and “Lacey” never attempted suicide, never called Emma from the ER up in Dalton, Ga., so there was no catalyst for Emma’s repressed memories of being seually molested when she was 12, I began investigating other stories. You can read back through the blog about many of the lies. Emma claimed to be babysitting and had to call 911 on a bipolar child, Emma has the toxicology report to prove her mother poisoned her with DDT, Emma’s one-act play competitions was ruined by another school tampering with their sound equipment………. Big lies and little lies. Emma’s whole life was full of them. Emma would say something about someone, and I would talk to the person and bring up what Emma had told me and find out Emma had just made up story after story. Many of her lies were harmless, and some were hilarious. Some lies Emma took from something she read, like the Reader’s Digest, and others came from something she saw on the internet. Being a loving mom, I just excused Emma’s stories thinking she misunderstood something someone said, thinking she just got the story wrong, or maybe I was confused and got the story wrong, but then when I would check with Emma, she would re-confirm what she had said, and, well, no……………..I wasn’t crazy. She could sure make me feel like I was though.

We had a friend, Emma’s “Aunt Janice” who swore like a sailor at times, but then cracked us up when she said things like she was letting her dogs out to go “pee-pee-doodle,” so one day Emma told me about Aunt Janice swearing “Jimminy Crap-Shit” at pet adoptions. I thought that was pretty funny, and when later I said something to Janice about it, she said, “I never said that.” It sure sounded good though, didn’t it? Emma has a great sense of humor with her stories.

Emma claimed that at her youth group one day, her crush, Evan and his mom were there, and Evan’s mom was talking about how she made the boys (a high schooler and a middle schooler) use sippy cups in the living room so they didn’t spill on the carpet. Emma claimed Evan got so angry at his mom that he stormed out of the church and Emma looked out the window a few minutes later and then said, “Ummm, Miss Megan, your van is driving away.” and then Evan’s mom went running out of the church to catch up to Evan. Great story, right?

Until I started digging, I had no idea how much of a problem Emma had with lying. I know kids lie, but when is lying a problem? Looking back, in Emma’s case, she lied more than she told the truth. I had absolutely no idea that there was something wrong with Emma, and it wasn’t that she was sexually molested. There was something much more going on. I wonder now, has Tyler Buchheim started to catch on? I know he’s busy with school and all, but living with Emma, you would think he would start to notice that something is not quite right with his wife. Does Emma gaslight Tyler the way she did me? Hiding things and then acting like I was the crazy one who but the math book in the bathroom cabinet or the cordless phone in the refridgerator? Is it possible Emma will outgrow her lying habit or is is just something that is part of her personality forever and ever, amen? It will be interesting to see just where Emma is in a few years and what else is going on with her.

I remember when Bill Clinton was president and was sometimes referred to as the “liar-in-cheif.” On second thought, maybe Emma should get into politics. She might have quite a career there.

I’ve gotten a little off track in writing about Phill and the apology that never came. I have a little more to say on that and will continue in the next post.

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to contact me with any questions or comments.

Love to you all.

The Apology that Never Came

Posted on September 26, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

The Apology that Never Came and Other Broken Promises

How do you go from being a man who tells his wife, “I love you.” a dozen times a day to “OmiGod, you are a child abuser! I’ve been married to you for almost 27 years, but I just figured it out and I want a divorce!”

And when I say Phill told me he loved me a dozen times a day, I mean literally. Well, ok, except when he was on the road and then he might only tell me two or three or four times in a phone call. Phill frequently reminded me how happy he was being married to me, how proud he was of our marriage, how we still laughed and had fun, and how great it would be when he was retired and we had more time to spend together. I looked forward to us having more time together as a couple someday when Emma would be grown and living her own life. After a night out with her husband, my neighbor Cora, who was also a busy mom of two boys, joked one day and said something like, “Now I know why I married Randall! We used to have fun!”

Besides being Emma’s mom, I also homeschooled for 5 years, and since Emma didn’t seem to make or keep or maybe just didn’t want friends, it seemed like I was her best friend. Add to that Emma’s “illness” of frequent vomiting, and my life was all Emma all the time. It was exhausting, tedious, repetitive, sometimes boring, but also fun, happy, and loving. I just knew once we got Emma to college, she would come into her own and be ready to take on the world. I thought Phill and I could do a good job and raise a decent human being. Maybe she would be that pediatrician she spoke of being for several years, or maybe she’d go into politics, or to nursing school, or be the next Ann Coulter (Emma was a huge fan and was so interested conservative in politics. Since she liked to write, I once suggested maybe she would be a political commentator one day.) Emma claimed to be the girl “with Google in my brain” and I knew we’d given her a good beginning education, and I thought we’d set a good example and instilled good values in our girl.

As I’ve written earlier, when Phill had me thrown out of our Hoschton, Ga. home, I was a total wreck both physically and emotionally. After almost 27 years of marriage, I was ripped away from the two people I loved most.

My sister wanted me to come up to Connecticut to stay with her for the summer, and although I wasn’t sure I wanted to go for that long, I did, and we left about the first week in June and came back, I think the first week of August.

During this time, I was frequently in touch with my attorney who kept me abreast with what was going on. Phill had filed for divorce, refused to seek counseling, etc.

My attorney was doing some investigating into Emma’s story after I had told him that I didn’t believe Emma was sexually molested by the priest. He wanted to talk to “Lacey’s” parents to see if the stories Emma had told about “Lacey” were true. Had she been raped? Had she attempted suicide? Could “Lacey’s” events and her relaying them to Emma be the catalyst for Emma’s repressed memories of her own molestation by the priest? Was any of this true?

I proved to be a better investigator that the attorney’s own investigator and went on line to find out information about “Lacey’s” parents such as names, addresses, phone numbers, work phone numbers, etc. I turned all this information over to my attorney, and he was still reluctant to have someone call “Lacey’s” parents. It would be awkward to have a conversation with Lacey’s parents if poor “Lacey” had been the victim of rape and had attempted suicide like Emma claimed.

Well, as we all know. It was all lies. Emma had made it all up. Lacey wasn’t raped! Lacey had never attempted suicide. Lacey’s mother, who actually did battle breast cancer, had sailed through her treatment with flying colors and never even spent a night in the hospital, much less was she lying in a hospital, knocking on death’s door like Emma claimed.

So surely, Phill would have to see that Emma was not molested either! Right? Well, we are talking about Phill here, so no………………….. sadly, not right at all. Sherry Buchheim, Emma’s momster-in-law, once e-mailed me that Emma had told them that I didn’t believe she was molested. Well, Sherry, you got that right! So, why did Phill continue to go along with Emma’s lies?

Liar

I have to admit that when we found out the truth about “Lacey” I sort of expected an apology from my husband, or, since he and Emma went up to his mother’s home in Brick, N.J. while I was in Ct., I was half expecting him to drive a couple of hours to my sister’s home and show up and apologize. How do you apologize for putting your wife through absolute hell? How to you apologize for all the sleepless night and the years of tears? Well, if you are Phillip Thomas Roey, you don’t. You pretend that you are right, and you just keep going. My dear, sweet, loving, wonderful husband could not face the truth. Like a lot of men, Phill was never any good at admitting when he was wrong, so why start now?

To be continued…………………….

Losing Emma

Tag Archives: Flatiron School

Happy Birthday Tyler Buchheim (and The World is Changing)

Parental Unit Days

Happy 24th Birthday, Emma Buchheim

Emma and the Roy Moore Effect Part 2 , Person of the Year (Update 12/12/17)

Emma’s Cards

The Good Architect

The Apology That Never Came, Part 3

The Apology that Never Came, Part 2

The Apology that Never Came