Bread and Circuses

Posted on October 9, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, works as a teaching assistant for Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and Emma works leasing swanky apartments in Frisco. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Bread and Circuses

(So I started writing my thoughts just after the Ford Blasey/Kavanaugh hearing, and I re-wrote and edited after the whole thing was over. Of course, any time I hear about possible false allegations, I think of Emma, and the mistakes we made with her, so here’s what I wrote.)

Good grief! The past couple of weeks have been a circus if you’ve been watching the news. Our politicians should be ashamed of themselves for allowing this spectacle of a show. Do I know what or if anything happened between now supreme court judge Brett Kavanaugh and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford? No, I have no idea. I wasn’t there. Do I think accusers of sexual assault should be heard? Of course I do. What disgusts me is how our politicians used this story, and I think used Dr. Blasey Ford to further their agenda rather than handling the accusation appropriately. And of course, this story makes me rethink Emma’s accusing the priest of molestation, and about the mistakes we made in handling her accusation. I also have to wonder, since Emma was such a staunch conservative (or as her dad liked to say, “Emma is to the right of right.” if Emma came up with the priest who turned politician because of his being a democrat and running for office. Maybe Emma wanted to stop his political career. Did Emma even know he was running for office? It’s possible since she spent so much time on the computer, she might have looked him up. Or was he just a safe target since he was no longer at our church and Emma was pulling a name out of her sorting hat. Maybe one day Emma will tell us why she chose to falsely accuse the man, but right now, I have some thoughts on the whole Blasey Ford/Kavanaugh thing oh, and on Emma too.

The morning of the Christine Blasey Ford/Brett Kavanaugh hearing, I stopped to have coffee with my neighbors, and I remember, when they brought up the hearing, distinctly telling them that I was NOT going to watch the hearing, and would just wait to hear about it afterwards. LIE. Ok, not really a lie. I wasn’t going to watch it. It was something that I had no control over, and it just seemed pointless to devote my attention to it, so I planned on not watching it, but when it came down to it, it was my day off from work, and I was tired and I didn’t feel like doing much, and it happened to be on one of the three tv channels that I am able to pick up with my antenna, so I put it on the tube. I really didn’t intend on watching it, but I picked up a project I was working on and spent most of the day working on my project and listening, with the exception of a 45 minute bike ride in the middle of the day.

My first thought concerning the hearing was that no matter what happens, there are two sides and one side is never going to be happy with the outcome of whatever may happen. Ain’t that the truth!

Afterwards, I was glad I watched because it made me think, and it made me reflect on a lot of things that went on with Emma that Phill and I missed with her molestation story.

I’m not going to sit here and analyze the hearing. There are plenty of political pundits who can do a much better job than I can on that issue, but I think I have a unique perspective on the hearing seeing that I was a) a victim a sexual assault, b) the mother of a child who falsely accused a man of sexual assualt, and, c) I, myself, was falsely accused of abuse by my daughter.

Having been a victim myself, and having known many women who were also victims, when I hear someone make an accusation of sexual abuse, my first thought is that I want to hear what the victim has to say, and I want to believe them. After all, who would make that kind of thing up besides my daughter. Turns out lots of women do.

In the case of Christine Blasey Ford, first off, there was her little girl voice, her frightened demeanor and disheveled appearance. I found that to be odd. As to the voice, I have known probably 2 people of the course of my life who had that high pitched child-like voice, and I figured if she was faking her voice, that would come out sooner or later because enough people would know if she really talked like that or not, so I was willing to believe it was her real voice, but being a professional woman, I was having a hard time with the scared little girl act. If the woman is a PhD that would mean she would have had to “defend” a dissertation, and from what I’ve heard, “defend” is a good description of the process, and not something that you enter into meekly. I would think Dr. Blasey Ford, having been a professional for many years, would have been able to speak to a group of senators a bit more professionally than she did.

I was also disturbed by the whole “airplane” story, and it seems like Dr. Blasey Ford told a whopper of a lie when she said she was afraid of confined spaces. She has no trouble flying for vacations to exotic locations, so I’m not buying that one at all.

Later on, I found out that Leland Keyser, who Dr. BF stated could validate her story, not only couldn’t validate her story, but also had no idea what was coming until she woke up one morning to find her name all over the news. If you were going to be testifying and bringing up the name of a witness, wouldn’t you at least have the courtesy to tell that person that you were including them in your testimony? Especially if it was a “lifelong friend?” Hmmm. Odd.

I listened to the questioning, and I had only more questions, and I sat there wondering, “Why didn’t they ask this, this, and this….” and I was shocked and disappointed in the hearing. I thought the treatment should have been more professional than it was. I say senators telling Ms. Blasey Ford how amazing her education creditials were and how credible she sounded, but I was thinking to myself, “Why didn’t you ask her da,da,da…………..!” I had a lot of questions.

When Brett Kavanaugh was in the hot seat, I saw him asked over and over again about blacking out and not remembering what he might have done, but when Christine Blasey Ford was answering questions and couldn’t answer the simplest questions about the night of the assault, they didn’t pound her about if she could have blacked out. Too many of the questioning senators did not seem interested in getting to the facts, and I had to wonder if they were just trying to get in a sound bite for their next campaign.

Did I find Dr. Blasey Ford belivable? Yes, she certainly could have been a victim of something. I know several people who are all, “I believe Christine Blasey Ford” no matter what, and think the accusation should have been enough to keep judge Kavanaugh off the supreme court. So now, we just convict people without proof? For me, with all the inconsistencies and changing her story, I just can’t buy it. Is Dr. Blasey Ford an attention seeker? Is she mentally ill? Is she misremembering perhaps some other incident where she was molested? Is she a die hard leftist who just wanted to disrupt the process? I have no idea. I just think something is not right and that unless there is some kind of proof that Judge Kavanaugh did any of the horrible things he was accused of, he was entitled to be voted on. Something I also wondered about was when people were coming out of the woodwork to vouch for Judge Kavanaugh, people who’d known him in college, in high school, through work, etc., I didn’t see the same with Dr. Blasey Ford. I saw lots of protesters and hollywood types who’d never met either Dr. Blasey Ford or Judge Kavanaugh, claim they believed Dr. Blasey Ford, but I didn’t see her coworkers, old classmates, or even family coming forward to vouch for her. Now, I work full time, have a home to take care of, and volunteer in my spare time, so I don’t live and breathe the news, and I guess it’s possible I missed it.

I have heard people talk about how Brett Kavanaugh acted during his interview, how he cried and got angry and defensive and showed all this emotion unbecoming to a supreme court judge, but on that, I do have something to say. I understand completely, Judge Kavanaugh! I understand, completely.

metoo

I keep jokingly saying to myself, “Emma Blasey Ford.” I was pretty open minded before the hearing, but I have to say I’ve heard too many discrepancies, and I honestly do not believe Dr. Blasey Ford at all. My mind could be changed with more evidence, but an accusation is not enough to destroy a man’s career.

With several years under my belt, I am calm and I will be happy to answer any question you may have about Emma and her accusation of abuse. Fire away. Ask me anything. When my life went to hell in Emma’s hand basket, I had gone from a quiet/boring routine family life to Emmaland Crazy. (Phill had, since Emma was about age of 9 or 10 called Emma our little Drama Queen—-oh how prophetic he turned out to be!) Phill and I had always joked about how we liked our quiet boring life. Anytime we heard about someone going though some kind of crazy drama, we always talked about how we like our quiet boring life.

I feel like I can understand how Judge Kavanaugh must have felt, because it sounds like he was a family guy who worked and did all the routine family things, and all of a sudden his life, like mine, was turned upside down and he was accused of sexual assault, and then it gotten even crazier with Julie Swetnik accusing him of organizing gang rapes… Not only was he attacked, but his wife and children were attacked. I felt the same way. I was attacked, and my family was destroyed. At the time, I was upset, hurt, scared, emotional, angry, defensive…. If someone had interviewed me after Emma’s crazy accusations, it would probably not have been pretty. Now, I don’t mind talking about it, and I can even joke about it. The other day at work, I was on a rolling computer which was plugged in, and my coworker thought I didn’t notice it was plugged in, and said, “Wait………..you’re attached!” and I laughed and said, “No, I’m not silly, I’m divorced.” It may have taken me several years to get to this point, but I can joke about it now. (I grew up in a family that didn’t believe in divorce, and I always thought Phill and I had a strong marriage.) Going though it was hell, but being on the other side now, I can even laugh about some of the craziness.

So, as far as Judge Kavanaugh’s opening statement, and some people think it was too emotional, too angry, or whatever. I completely understand how Judge Kavanaugh must have felt. If he is innocent, he went from mudane and routine to a madhouse over a couple of weeks, and I don’t think most of use would handle it well. You attack the man and his family, and he’s going to be upset. I also heard something I found interesting, and that was the difference between Brett Kavanaugh and Judge Kavanaugh. Brett Kavanaugh was protecting and defending his family. Judge Kavanaugh will be the contitutionalist who, although it’s been a million years since 12^th grade Government class and college Political Science, will be making decisions for our country based on the constitution.

So, listening to some of the questioning, and how the senators were NOT questioning Dr. Blasey Ford, got me to thinking about how that was a mistake that Phill and I made. My poor baby Emma was so traumatized by accusing a priest of molestation and by having to talk to the police and the church, and DFACS, etc. that I did not push her to talk about it, and I should have. I wanted to get Emma into therapy where she could talk to someone who could better deal with her issues. I didn’t feel qualified. I should have been questioning Emma and pushing for dates. Even if Emma couldn’t remember dates, she should have been able to tell give me some idea of the times she was assaulted (if you have not read all of the blog, Emma claimed the priest stuck his fingers into her vagina on several different occasions). It could have been something as simple as the day we took the youth group bowling, or the day after the camp-out at church, or the Sunday after Jordan’s birthday party………… you get the idea. Since, at the time, I believed Emma, I should have gotten details to better prove her case, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to stress her out by making her talk about the whole ordeal. Dumb sap that I am, I just wanted to protect my baby and didn’t want to make things any more stressful for her.

Something else I’ve been thinking about since the whole Blasey Ford/Kavanaugh thing is the “what ifs.” What is a psychopath got another psychopath to go along with her, say, to accuse a priest of molestation. It’s probably a good think Emma’s only friends were on line. Or a psychopath who hated her algebra teacher got another nut job to go along with her, and they rehearsed and got their stories together to send an innocent man to jail. What if a couple of young women had a vendetta against a boy they knew in highschool and they remembered being at the same event with him and decided to make up a story to ruin his life. Or, a couple of psychopaths who went to school with a boy many years ago who was running for office and they were rooting for his opponent. It is a scary world.

Do I know what or if anything happened between Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh. No. Like everyone else, I’ve formed my own opinions after watching the hearing and I have not heard enough to make me think Dr. Blasey Ford’s accusations could be true, and in this county, we don’t punish someone one for a crime when there is no evidence.

One think I miss is talking current events with Emma. As a teen, Emma had all the answers, but she is almost 25 now, and with a little more education and life experience under her belt, I would love to hear her thoughts on this now finished business. As both a conservative, and a (ahem… cough, cough.) “vicitm,” I’m sure Emma had a lot to say.

Oh, and just a note to Emma: I’m sorry to you and Tyler that I missed your anniversary. I was on vacation during Florence, and came home to no internet for a week, but know I was thinking of you both that Sept. 19^th. Three years! So, with Tyler working on his Master’s, are you back in school, too? Miss you, Emma, the girl who would be me!

I LOVE This Mom!

Posted on August 28, 2018 by losingemma

I LOVE this Mom!

I’m a little late to the party, but if you haven’t seen it, check out Nicole Walter’s video of paying a visit to her daughter’s college:

https://www.westernjournal.com/l/slarson/mom-shows-daughters-college-doesnt-respond-text-calls-3-days/

I’m not sure which one of my FB friends posted it first, but by the time I found it, she already had something like 7 million views, and it is hilarious! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with embarrassing your kids, especially in such a humorous way, to get them to straighten up, and there is also a follow-up video where the daughter admits her parents were right.

Of course, Nicole probably has what I would consider a “normal” daughter, and I have Emma. If you are a frequent reader, you know as Emma’s mom, I think Emma has a personality disorder such as narcissism, sociopath/psychopathy, borderline, or perhaps bits of several personality disorders (PDs). In Emma’s case, I don’t know that showing up at Emma’s college after she ghosted her parents for 3 days would have had the desired effect.

I remember Phill and I watching the Roseanne show, and I think it was before Emma was born, but there was an episode where Roseanne wore overalls and acted like a goober and went to her kids’ school to embarrass one of them, I think it was Darlene, and Phill saying that was the kind of parent he wanted to be. If our kid(s) acted up, he thought embarrassing them would be great, not that he ever followed through with that threat.

I will admit, that when Emma was attending Piedmont College in Demorost, Ga., I did consider going up there and handing out flyers with the web address. I guess that’s still an idea. Anyone want to take a road trip to Frisco, Texas? We could visit Emma’s swanky apartment complex and hand out flyers. Maybe one day.

I don’t write the blog to embarrass Emma, and I have offered to take it down, but as long as my daughter goes around telling people that she was molested by a priest, and abused by her mother, I will tell her story. (Someone needs to write a country song about Poor Emma’s sad little life! She has a dog (two) but as far as I know, Emma and Tyler don’t have a pick-up.)

As a mother, and talking to my friends who are mothers, the past couple of weeks have been pretty gut wrenching. There was the story of Mollie Tibbetts body being found, and there was the story about pregnant mom Shannan Watts and her two little girls Bella and Celeste, all murdered by her husband, the children’s father. How does someone murder their own children? Crimes of passion I can almost understand, but when you see pictures of little innocent babies, I will never understand it.

There was also a young lady from Alabama, on a camping trip with her family here in Georgia, a recent college graduate with her whole life in front of her, who was battling her own demons and committed suicide, by weighing herself down and drowning while on a family camping trip. My coworkers and I were talking about these stories, and there was almost an overwhelming sadness in the air. It just seemed like a week with one sad story after another. In at least two of these stories, there is some sort of mental illness or PD. Is Chris Watts a sociopath to kill his family and then try to say his wife killed the girls because he was going to leave her? How could he expect that anyone would believe that? He thinks that much of himself that he can spout this garbage and think people will fall for it? That is some kind of ego!

In the suicide case, there must have been some sort of depression for the young lady to feel her life was so hopeless and it is heartbreaking to think this girl didn’t realize that she had a bright future in front of her.

Is Mollie Tibbetts killer another sociopath, someone with no regard for someone else’s life. Random murders, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, are particularly frightening because there is no rhyme of reason to them.

I’m still reading and learning about PDs even though it is not one of my favorite subjects. God bless the people who work with the mentally ill, because it is not a job for most folks. When I was a student, I didn’t enjoy my rotation working with the mentally ill at a psych facility. I lucked out and got an pretty easy rotation working with teens, but I had decided that psych mostly consisted of substance abuse and some pretty heavy mental illness. I learned early on that I don’t have a lot of patience for substance abuse and what someone chooses to do to themselves. And, for the people who are truly crazy, there’s not a lot that can really help them anyway. The schizophrenics were really sad. Of course that’s a generalization, and some diagnoses can be helped. Bipolars, for example do pretty well if they stay on their medication, but sadly, many of them start a cycle of thinking they are fine and stop their meds and then everything falls apart and they repeat this pattern over and over again.

In Emma’s case, I feel like Phill and I missed some hallmark warning signs, but neither of us were well educated in mental illness, so we didn’t know what to be looking out for. Emma’s whole life, we never understood how punishment didn’t matter to Emma, and she didn’t get cause and effect, but it wasn’t until I got out of my home and started some research and realized Emma’s whole life was pretty much a lie. She lied about almost everyone she ever met. I felt so stupid! I had absolutely no idea just what a compulsive liar Emma was! Almost everything that came out of her mouth! Some of the lies were silly and harmless, but what’s with the lying? Which PDs are asscoiated with chronic lying? What is wrong with my daughter?

Most children outgrow lying, but Emma was still going at it fast and furious as the age of 17, so I would be willing to bet that she hasn’t slowed down and she is still a great teller of tall tales. Getting older and more education and more life experience, I’m sure Emma has gotten more skillful with her lying, even better than she did as a teen. I just hate to think of all the people she may have hurt along the way, and I’m sure Tyler, being busy with work and school and in love, probably hasn’t caught on yet. I worry about Emma hurting others. We didn’t raise her that way, but once your kids are grown, you have no control. Apparently, we didn’t have a lot of control anyway, but I tried.

A year or two after Phill had me thrown out of our home, a friend was talking to me and brought up that she didn’t trust Emma and worried that Emma might try to hurt me. She mentioned how she knew I liked to walk my dog at all hours, sometimes in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, and she worried that Emma might run me over. At first, I laughed. At this time, I was living in the middle of downtown in a small town, a poor area, and since the road my house was on didn’t have a sidewalk, and I would have to walk on the edge of the road just on that particular street. I have to admit that I got a little paranoid for a bit there. I would walk quickly on my little street because there wasn’t much of a shoulder to get out of the way of oncoming cars, and I was a little more nervous at night when I couldn’t see who or what was approaching me with it’s headlights one. Overall, at first I thought my friend was being silly, but what she said still gave me pause.

Last week, I was having dinner with a friend whom I’d met probably right around the time Phill threw me out of our home, and she knows the whole story, but never had the honor of meeting Emma. Having known her share of crazy people though, she gets that Emma is my daughter, and I still love her even after all she’s done, but as we were talking, I said, “You know, this is the first time I’ve ever said this out loud, but I actually think I’m better off without her in my life. I’m safer, anyway.” and I told her about what my friend had said a few years before about how she was worried that Emma might try to hurt me. It’s sad, yes, and it’s strange to think about my daughter and be grateful she’s in Texas and not anywhere close by.

Hug your children and keep them safe.

That being said, if you’ve got an Emma story for me, I’ll buy you a pizza and a starbucks card! Lol.

HalloweenPublix2000

Happy Fall, Emma!

Happy Birthday Tyler Buchheim (and The World is Changing)

Posted on August 21, 2018 by losingemma

Happy 27^th Birthday to Tyler Buchheim! (And The World Is Changing)

I just wanted to wish my son-in-law, Tyler Buchheim a very happy 27^th birthday! Tyler has a degree in architecture, went to the Flat Iron School to be a Full Stack Developer, and don’t ask me what that is other than it sounds like a Jack-of-all-Trades in computers. In other words, someone who knows a little about many different areas, but not necessarily an expert in any of them. Sounds like a good plan to me. If you have a little knowledge about many different areas, you know where to go to find what you need, and you can always work on learning more about a particular area should the need arise.

Tyler is now a teaching assistant at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and I guess working on his Master’s Degree. Happy Birthday, Tyler! Hope you have a wonderful day!

The World is Changing

So, this morning I saw an article about careers that are disappearing, and I took a glance at it. Some of the jobs listed were:

Travel Agent

Mortgage Broker

Postal Worker

Architect

Middle Managers

As I was reading, I remembered having a conversation with Phill maybe 8-10 years ago, sometime before Emma’s poop storm hit the fan, where he’d seen a similar article and he was telling me about it. It’s been so long, I don’t remember what was listed in the article he was reading except for two of them: a fashion designer and an architect.

Then my daughter goes and marries her an architect…..

TylerND

My wonderful son-in-law, a Notre Dame Graduate! (Go DAWGS!) You can check out some of Tyler’s work on Github: https://github.com/buchheimt

No, just kidding. I’m glad to see Tyler changing and adapting to the world and not stuck in one little box. If you work in any field with any kind of technology in it, things are going to changes. Jobs are lost to automation, so people have to adjust too. Jobs 20 years ago may not exist anymore, so you have to keep expanding your skills and keep yourself relevant. A job you have now, may not exist 20 years from now, so you’d better keep your eyes open as to what’s going on around you.

I once had a copy of an essay written by a great aunt, I believe she wrote it in the 1970’s and it was called something like, “From Oxen to Jet Plane.” (Hopefully Phill saved it because I didn’t find it in my personal possessions that he dumped in that storage unit, but I’m sure I can get a copy from one of my cousins.) My great aunt had written about how the family had traveled from Texas to Oklahoma by oxen and wagon and all the changes she’d seen over her lifetime. Now they seem minuscule compared to the changes I’ve seen over my lifetime.

Recently, a friend and I were discussing how cell phones have changed things. I don’t wear a watch, or have a camera (although I would like a digital SLR and to take some photoshop classes, but that’s another story). I don’t use an alarm clock, but use my cell phone instead. Most of my friends use their cell phone for their calendar, but I still have to have my old fashioned pocket calendar, I’m afraid. I also use my cell phone for it’s GPS and it’s calculator. I know several people who don’t even have a computer, but use their cell phone for e-mail, facebook, etc. I wonder how much cell phones and e-mail have affected not just the post office, but the greeting card industry.

When Phill and I were first married, we lived near the big Kodak facility in Chamblee, GA., and young people today would have no idea what Kodak and the yellow boxes were. These kids probably can’t imagine the possibilities those little yellow boxes held for us, hoping we got that great photo we wanted, and they of the instant gratification generation can’t even imagine having to wait a week to pick up their photos after they were developed and made into prints!

One time, Phill and I drove Emma and the church youth kids on an outing, and somehow we got on the topic of microwaves, and the kids just could not fathom that Phill and I had grown up without a microwave in our homes. I was telling the kids how expensive they were when they first came out, and how a friend’s family had gotten one, and we would go over and make ham and cheese sandwiches because we thought it was the coolest thing in the world to be able to stick it in the microwave and have a hot sandwich with the cheese all melted and gooey in just 30 seconds or a minute.

One of the things I hate about change is how everything becomes the same. We had a friend who’s dad ran an office supply store, and just after opening his 3^rd store, Office Max and Staples moved in, and he ended up going out of business. I always thought that was so sad. I hate visiting another city, or even another country, and seeing it look like home with the same fast food chains, Bed Bath and Beyond, Home Depot, etc. Thank goodness, the south has all it’s individual BBQ places and the northeast has it’s individual pizza places!

So, Tyler, I’m proud of you for continuing to learn and adapt, and can’t wait to see where life takes you. It is an interesting world for sure! And just know, I’ll be rooting against you at the GA vs. Notre Dame Game!

And thank you to my readers for waiting to patiently on another entry. No, I’m not nearly finished on writing about Emma. I’ve just have a lot of real life going on like everybody else!

Emma’s Moral COMPASS

Posted on June 26, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, works for Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and Emma works leasing swanky apartments in Frisco. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Emma’s Moral COMPASS (Ok, so the title is a little play on words there.)

I recently, I had one of those Facebook “You Memories” come up from 2010, and here it is:

Emma compas

During this time, we were trying to figure out what we were doing with Emma and her education. She’d become a most uncooperative homeschooler. She hated Jackson County Comprehensive High School which she had started in 9^th grade and then halfway through the year was vomiting and missing so much school that she had to finish 9^th grade on line and then did 10^th grade on line, and that seemed to make her even more isolated. It was during 10^th grade that Emma made up the story about being molested by the priest. I think she was mostly on line chatting rather than doing school work, but in any event, on line school did not seem the right choice for a young lady who was already seemed to spend too much time alone. Emma was interested in going to college at Pensacola Christian College. She liked the idea of the strictness of it and how it promoted modesty and purity. Girls were not permitted to wear slacks, but had to wear dresses and stockings, and I think there was a rule about how boys and girls couldn’t walk together unless they were in a group. During this time, Emma was very paranoid about her “molester” seeking revenge or retribution on her, so she really liked the idea of a closed campus and felt she would be safe there. PCC sounded great on some levels, but I was concerned because it wasn’t an accredited school, so I was trying to talk to people and read about how this could affect Emma should we choose to send her there. I had a friend who’s daughter graduated there as a teacher, but could only teach in private schools, not public, and I didn’t like the idea of Emma being limited in her career should she go there. We also had some neighbors whose daughter went to PCC and found it too strict and confining.

I don’t remember how we started looking into Gwinnett Tech, but I think someone had suggested it. I did some research, and looked at their programs. At the time, Emma was interested in nursing, and she could have gone there and gotten a 2 year degree, although it probably would have taken 3 years, taken state boards, and earned her RN. Emma and I had a lot of conversations about this, and I remember us talking about travel nursing. I had told her it would be a way to see the country and being young and single, if that was what she thought she wanted, it would be a good time in her life to do that. She could use her dad and I as her home base and take assignments wherever she wanted to go. For a while, Emma was pretty interested in that idea. We decided, or I guess I decided, to let Emma take the COMPASS, the college placement test.

Of course, if you know the impulsive nature of teenagers, Emma was jumping on this idea of starting college at 16 and planning her future, while I was telling her to slow down and it was something we were looking into, but nothing was definite. Emma didn’t seem to hear me at all and was full steam ahead with her plans for college. I, on the other hand, was researching the pros and cons of starting college without ever obtaining a high school diploma. Should Emma get a GED? How do we make that jump from high school to college without a diploma. Would it hurt her in the future to not have graduated high school?

Another thing I was concerned about was throwing a 16 year old in with a bunch of 18 and older college students. This was all during the time that we believed Emma had been molested, before I started researching and discovering what a liar my daughter was about pretty much everything and everybody. We were still dealing with the make believe trauma of Emma’s supposed molestation, and I felt we needed to get through that before we threw her into the college setting.

Emma, who liked to say, “I have Google in my head.” was definitely a smart child, and I was so proud of her smarts. I knew, she could be whatever she wanted to be in life with that little brain of hers, but did she have the maturity needed for college? I’d known her dad when he was in college and he refused to put effort into classes that he thought were a waste of time, and thus he never finished college. What if Emma was the same way? How would Emma handle the drinking and partying crowd in college? I’d been hoping to see signs of maturity in Emma. I was hoping that she would show us that she could be responsible in other areas so that we could feel like she was responsible enough to get her driver’s license (although Phill still wanted her to wait until she was 18 to do that) and maybe get a part time job. Funny how Emma always made me out to be the mean (strict) mommy, but I was the one who wanted to see her get her driver’s license. I kept hoping she would show us she was mature enough to take on that privilege.

I talked to other home school moms, mother’s of college kids, teachers, and did a lot of reading on line. As usual, Phill said whatever I decided was fine. I talked to him about it, and tried to get his opinion, but he stayed out of it and was more interested in his RC groups and chatting on the computer and flying toy air planes. Finally, I just couldn’t seen Emma starting college at 16. It didn’t feel like the right decision. I felt like it would probably be better to get Emma back in public school and let her do joint or dual enrollment and take college classes while she finished high school. Emma was smart, but there’s a lot more to college than just smarts, and the two things that nagged at me were that fact that Emma would have no high school diploma, and I just wasn’t sure Emma was mature enough to start college full force.

Another reason I wanted Emma in high school was to give her more time around her peers before she started college. Yes, Emma was that Unsocialized homeschooler. Emma had had a pretty sheltered life, which can be good in some ways, and not so good in others. Homeschoolers typically are fairly good kids because mom and dad keep a pretty close eye on them and are usually involved in their kids lives. I worked for the arts program where Emma attended classes, and they kids were all pretty well behaved because if they weren’t, the program would ask them to leave. Public schools don’t have that option, and we’ve all heard the horrible stories of bullying, ostracizing, harassment and such that go on in public schools. As a mom who worked at the program, I was proud of the kids there. I saw a lot more tolerance and acceptance, and I thought it was because the kids were more individuals than the kids at public schools were. The kid who studied martial arts didn’t put down the kid who studied art. There were so many kids who were into so many different things.

The sheltered part of Emma’s upbringing that may have also been a negative was the fact that Emma wasn’t exposed to enough differences as far as race and religion. Phill and I were pretty much homebodies, and didn’t go out a lot, so Emma’s life consisted of her family, her homeschool groups, our church, and her various activities. In our homeschool groups, there were very few families of color, and the same for our church, although there were a few there as well. As a teen, Emma had all the answers and became rather prejudice and bigoted and Phill joked privately that Emma was “Right of right” and called her a mini-racist or a little racist (although he only said this to me, and not to Emma). I chalked it up to Emma’s limited worldliness, and figured she would outgrow her views. Emma had also decided that being gay was a choice and was wrong, and Emma was very judgmental on anyone who didn’t live up to her standards. Since Phill and I were pretty easy going about social issues, we talked openly with Emma about whatever she wanted to discuss, and we didn’t know where her strict black and white standards came from because we’d always been more “live and let live” kind of people. There was no grey with Emma. She had her opinions and beliefs and if we didn’t agree with her, we were wrong. You know how teenagers think mom and dad are stupid and they have all the answers? And then they grow up and realize they know a lot less than they thought they did and mom and dad actually had some wisdom (and life experience) and were a lot smarter than they thought. Well, that was what I was hoping to see in Emma one day. Still not there.

For the half year Emma attended public school she complained about the drugs, loose morals, all the pregnant girls, and the blacks and the Mexicans. According to Emma, the black kids got away with anything because the teachers were too afraid of being accused of racism to stand up to them, and every Mexican that Emma knew was poor and came from a family of 10 -14 kids. Emma complained about a Mexican kid that rode her school bus and lived in downtown Hoschton, in a dilapidated home with taped up windows. I asked her where the house was, and even drove around looking, but funny thing, I never found it.

When Emma complained about black kids at school, I tried to talk to her about cultural differences. Yes, inner city kids might be very different from Emma, but if she looked at the families at our church who were not white, they were just like us, living in middle class neighborhoods, going to school, playing sports, etc. If you remember from an earlier post, Emma claimed a black boy in her drama class had accused her of being a racist and of not liking black people. I doubt there was any truth to that story that this boy, out of the blue, accused Emma of not liking black people, and I’m sure it came out of Emma’s imagination, but Emma claimed to have told the boy that she preferred to judge people on the content of their character and not the color of their skin and then said that the boy didn’t even get that she was quoting Dr. Martin Luther King. (And as I said, I doubt there’s any truth to this story whatsoever, but it seems like the young man’s last name was Washington, so maybe we should look him up and see if he remembers.)

Emma didn’t like any of the girls on the drama crew because they were all lesbians, according to Emma.

While staying at a friend’s home who lived in a Mexican neighborhood, Emma claimed the Mexicans were shooting guns, in order to make it sound scary and to fulfill her role as victim, rather than tell the truth and admit they were shooting off fireworks on the holiday like we’d seen on so many other holidays when we’d been over at our friend’s house. What’s a teenager without a little drama?

Emma in the play Metamorphosis at Jackson County Comprehensive High School. DRAMA!

Emma and I attended a ladies’ bible study, and there were a couple of women who had daughters or their son’s girlfriends who got pregnant. I know in two cases that I remember, the young women didn’t attend the group, but we heard all bout what was going on from the grandmothers-to be. Then, there was the daughter of one of the women, a few years older than Emma, who started coming to our group, and was pregnant. Emma was very judgmental, and it didn’t help that the young lady’s baby daddy was Mexican and I think was married, but in any event already had two or three other children. When our group leader mentioned we could have a shower for this young lady, everyone jumped on the idea to celebrate this little baby, that is, everyone except Emma. Later, when Emma and I were alone, she complained about how we were rewarding this young lady for doing something wrong. I tried to talk to Emma about how this young lady was in for a difficult life as a single mom, and she needed our love and support. I told her how fortunate this mom-to-be was to have two loving parents who were there to help take care of her baby, and since Emma was so staunchly ProLife, we needed to support this girl who could have taken the easy way out and chosen to have an abortion. In Emma’s mind, this young woman did not live up to her high standards. Emma kind of missed the part in church about how as Christians, we are all sinners. Emma’s own sins weren’t near as bad as someone who had sex before marriage and had a mixed race baby. Sadly, I don’t think “humble” is in Emma’s vocabulary. I remember when all the craziness started, and an adult friend who knew Emma some, but not well, told me she always felt that Emma considered herself superior to everyone else. Well, as a mom, of course, it breaks your heart to have someone think that about your child, but believe it or not, I tried to teach Emma to be kind to other people.

I would like to say that Emma changed after that beautiful baby boy was born, and his mother and grandmother brought him to our bible study. Emma usually liked little kids, but she had no interest in him, which was fine because the rest of us wanted to hold him and pass him around. Once you earned a place on Emma’s naughty list, I don’t think it’s easy to get off it.

So, you can see from the above why I thought maybe Emma had been a little too sheltered. I had hoped going to public school and maybe attending college at the same time might be good for Emma. Having grown up in a military family, I had a hard time understanding Emma’s prejudice and bigotry. When my family was overseas, we were just glad to meet kids who spoke English. We didn’t care what color they were!

Did I think Emma was ready for college? Academically, I think she might have been fine, but I thought Emma needed to grow up a little more before she started college. I just didn’t think she was mature enough. Well, you can imagine how this situation went over—————like a ton of bricks. Once again, I was the evil mommy who hated her, didn’t want her to be happy. The only reason she wasn’t starting college at 16 was because her mommy was MEAN! Story of my life. Emma had no idea how agonizing this decision was for me and how much time I put in to making it. Had Emma done things like her chores without having to be told over and over again, or picking up her room without being told, had she been a little more responsible, I might have felt differently.

I have often wondered if Emma’s views on social issues (blacks, gays, lesbians, Mexicans…..) have changed. Did going to college (all 4 of them), living in Ohio with in-laws who are political opposites to Emma and living in California, and Texas change Emma’s feelings about people that are different from her? Hopefully, she had some exposure to other cultures and her world got a little bigger She was a know it all teen, but I’m hoping at 24 ½ years now, and with a little more life experience, that she’s realizing people are people and cute babies are cute babies, and we don’t care what color they are or if their mom’s were married when they had them.

Stepping Back

Posted on March 23, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Stepping Back

So, I was thinking about how, as parents, we have to let go, and let our children fly on their own. Ok, well, Emma’s leaving the nest wasn’t quite how I pictured. I assumed she would grow up and fly the coop, not boot out her mother and take over the nest, but hey, I always knew she was a strong-willed child…. (Emma should have been featured in Dr. Dobson’s The Strong Willed Child! And, yes, I read it.) and I was thinking about writing a Blog post entitled “Letting Go” but then I smiled and what came to mind was more having to do with stepping back, and in Emma’s case, it’s more about stepping back before Emma pushes you in front of the oncoming train.

In the past few weeks, I’ve heard from several people who’ve discovered the blog, and wanted to comment or ask me questions. I want to thank you all for your love and support. I also hope, for those of you going through your own difficulties, that you find comfort in knowing you are not alone.

I also ran into a friend, more of acquaintance, and heard some very disturbing news about her daughter, a young teen, who is probably mentally ill, under care, but not yet diagnosed. From the signs and symptoms my friend was telling me, it sounded pretty scary, with many symptoms that reminded me of Emma, but some were worse, and I feel like my friend is just at the beginning of her nightmare with this child. Having been down that road with my own daughter, I feel like could easily predict the future for this family, and it breaks my heart knowing what is to come for them.

A few years ago, I was at work, when a friend’s daughter came into the office. This young lady, who I think was right about to graduate from high school at the time, worked at a coffee shop, and stopped by with her mom’s favorite hot chocolate. We chatted, and this big high school girl sat in in mom’s lap for a few minutes, with her arms around her mom’s neck. I couldn’t help being a little jealous and wishing I had that daughter that would stop by for a hug or lunch or whatever, but it was not to be, and I’m really ok with that now. With all my flaws, I always tried to do what was best for Emma, but kids are a crap shoot. You just don’t know how they will turn out. (But whatever happens, it’s your fault! 😉 Emma went to college and has a good job, so apparently we did some things right, but I’m really not sure what type of person she is. Is my sweet girl somewhere deep inside there? Is Emma going to spend her whole life hiding from her mom, pretending to be this poor abused child, because her mom was the one who came closest to the truth about Emma?

There have been times when my coworkers were texting their kids, that I wish I had that daughter I could text and ask how her day was, what she was up to, etc., but I’m sure Emma would try to get a restraining order, so I’m not going to do that, and I’m really ok with it now. Or, I guess I am ok as I will ever be considering everything I lost. I accept my life as it is now. Recently, a friend was in the hospital and now she has several months of recovery to look forward to. As a friend, I’m hoping to be of help in the next few months while she’s going through this, going over on my days off to help out, drive her to appointments, etc., but it’s things like that that remind you how much worse things could be. No matter how bad things are, you can always look around and find someone who has it worse.

I guess about 9 out of 10 people I hear from are supportive, but every once in a while I get one of those emails, “if you want a relationship with your daughter, you shouldn’t write about her publicly…” and that gets me thinking, well, for one thing, I have given Emma the opportunity to discuss this between Emma, her dad, and myself, but also I wonder, would I want a relationship with Emma? Right now, I consider myself lucky that Emma’s favorite show wasn’t “Dateline” or I might not be here to write! (Someone pointed that out to me a while back, and I thought it was quite humorous.)

EmmaSteppingBack

Emma Roey Buchheim

If Emma weren’t my daughter, would I want a relationship with her? Ummmmmm, I can’t imagine I would. Well, superficially, Emma is lovely and charming and can be absolutely delightful, but as her mother, I knew her best, and even I didn’t believe how bad her dark side was. I thought she was the typical obnoxious, know-it-all teenager, but I kept telling myself she would outgrow that behavior and if we could just keep her on a good path, if she would get her education, she would be fine. She just had some growing up to do.

I remember years ago, before Emma was born, reading an article about an actress who was talking about teenagers. If I remember right, I think it was Jill Eikenberry, from LA Law, which Phill and I didn’t miss for a while there. (Yes, it was that long ago!) She said, humorously, something about how when your kids are teens, aliens come and take them away and replace them with these monsters…..

Knowing what I know about her now, would I want Emma in my life? I don’t think I can answer that. I love my daughter, but my daughter falsely accused a priest of sexually abusing her. Emma had no problem ruining this man’s reputation, and we all know that if a man is accused of child sexual abuse, it doesn’t matter what he’s done or does for the rest of his life, the one thing people remember is that he was accused. It’s horrifying to me that Emma would have no remorse for nearly ruining someone’s life—first the priest, and then her mom, and then once I started looking into things, I discovered Emma’s whole life was pretty much a lie. She lied about almost everyone. (A few thoughts on that coming in another post.)

Would I want someone like that in my life? If she weren’t my daughter, the answer would be a definite “NO!” but she’s still my child. I will always love that precious baby that I carried, and that little girl who was such a mommy’s girl for 17 years, the little girl I had to coax into being nice to her dad so many times, but I think I’m a lot safer loving her from a distance.

stay in your heart

Protecting the Ones We Love

Posted on March 13, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Ok, so I changed the title of this post, but I’m not changing the post, so if you’ve already read it, don’t bother. Initially, I was thinking how it’s a mother’s instinct to protect her child, and so I named the post, “A Mother’s Instinct,” but then I started comparing my situation with Emma to the local story of this murdered woman. I was thinking about how this dying woman did not want to believe her husband shot her on purpose (allegedly). I heard someone talking about she may have said, “It was an accident.” because she wanted to protect her husband, and I got to thinking about how I still wanted to protect Emma, even though she accused me of child abuse, and even though I was just beginning to uncover her lying habit. (At the time she accused me though, I had no idea how much lying Emma was doing. She pretty much lied about everything.)

Well, after a wonderful, relaxing vacation visiting friends in Fla., and then stopping on my way home to Kayak from Amelia Island to Cumberland Island, I got home, back to the grind, had a rather traumatic welcome home surprise at work on my first day back from vacation, and then got hit by a cold. One of those colds that just wears you out, but you keep going, keep working, etc, until you have a day off to crash in the bed all day. Thank goodness I have (knock wood) managed to avoid the flu, so I can’t complain too loudly about being sick, but gosh, darn, I almost made it through the whole sick season without getting sick!

I had the radio on while running around today, and I was listening to a local talk show (Eric Von Haessler—if you haven’t heard of him, I guess you would say he’s a libertarian who talks about current events and he and his crew are very funny.) Eric was talking about a local story that I’d heard about, but really hadn’t paid much attention to– A wealthy, high powered attorney who shot and killed his wife in 2016. Murder or Accident? The trial was starting today.

I was sort of half listening, as I really wasn’t that interested in the Tex McIver case, and there was a legal analyst (Ron Carlson, I think) on, and now I’m going to have to learn how to listen to a Podcast because I want to go back and hear it again, but anyway, they were talking about all the contradictions in the case. Listening to it got me a little curious, so I did some reading about it, and here are some of the things I found out about the death of Diane McIver and her husband Tex:

Tex McIver

Wife much wealthier than he was

owed wife $350,000, hence possible new will, leaving their ranch to her Godson

Offered bribe to make case go away

tried to convince witness to say she wasn’t there

sold off wife’s things shortly after her death

broke bond condition of not possessing any guns when investigators discovered a glock in his sock drawer while executing a search warrant

did not call 911 after wife shot

instead of taking wife to closest hospital, took her to a hospital further away that did not have a trauma center

Prior to his marriage to Diane, was involved in a shooting where he opened fire on three young men in a car

acrimonious divorce from his first wife who accused him of a long-time affair

Diane McIver

while dying, stated to Emory Dr. that it was an “accident”

when Dr. asked wife if she wanted to see husband, she said, “no”

Ok, so that’s for starters, and I have to admit, I’ve gotten more curious, so I’m going to have to do some more reading about the case.

What caught my attention was when the two gentlemen on the radio were discussing why Diane McIver would say her husband shooting her was an “accident.” Was Diane trying to protect her husband and she didn’t want to admit that her husband might have shot her on purpose? Maybe she just didn’t want to believe her husband could do what he’d done.

Like I said, I want to go back and listen to the segment again, but I could really relate to protecting those we love, especially as a mother.

When Emma’s attorney was about to file a law suit, and Emma and I talked about how the attorneys would need to talk to her on-line friend, “Lacey” who Emma claimed was raped and attempted suicide, Emma understood that this would be necessary for her case, to show how “Lacey’s” rape brought up Emma’s repressed memories of being molested by the priest when she was 12. Emma was fine with it and said she understood and would talk to “Lacey” and tell her that the attorneys would need to talk to her.

Of course we know how this story ends, I get the email from the attorney that he is ready to file the suit, and WHAM, all of a sudden my daughter accuses me of physically abusing her to stop the law suit before she is caught in a big fat lie. (This was a brief synopsis for those of you who may be new readers.)

When the legal analyst was talking about how Diane McIver may have been wanting to protect her husband by claiming he shot her by accident (He was in the backseat of the vehicle, how would she know?”) I thought of Emma and how I wanted to protect her.

Shortly before Christmas of 2010, my daughter accused me of abuse and we had the whole DFACS involvement, Emma went to the mental hospital, etc., and after we got her home, I just wanted to get my family back to normal. I’d begun to suspect that Emma really hadn’t been sexually abused, or maybe I’d had some doubts from the beginning, but what parent wants to believe their child made up a lie about being sexually abused?

After Emma accused me of abuse, my mind was made up that the whole thing was a lie, but I didn’t pursue it. We wanted Emma home, we were in family therapy with Suzie McGarvey, (now with North Gwinnett Counseling Associates) and had Emma in therapy, and Phill and I even went without Emma to talk to her therapist. (Big mistake because when Emma found out, she was paranoid about it and thought we were just going to “talk bad” about her, even when I told her we were trying to work on making things better as a family.) With all this going on, I still couldn’t tell anyone that I thought Emma made up the whole, “I was sexually abused by a priest” thing. I didn’t even say anything to Phill, my best friend, husband, and love of close to 30 years. I still wanted to protect her and didn’t want people thinking badly of her, even though I felt it was a lie.

Of course, hindsight is 20-20 and now I feel like Phill and I should have either sat down with Emma or sat down with Emma and a counselor and we should have gotten to the bottom of things. Maybe if we’d pushed Emma to answer some hard questions, we would have gotten to the truth a lot sooner, and my family would have been destroyed by Emma’s power struggle. Even now, I have an tiny unrealistic hope that Emma will grow up and one day tell us why she did what she did, but I guess 99% of me feels like this won’t happen. In 17 years of being Emma’s mom, I saw too much that makes me think she could be a sociopath, a narcissist, and may have some other personality disorders thrown in, so I don’t really expect Emma to change, except maybe to get better at what she does.

So, yes Diane, if you were trying to protect your husband, I completely understand. I tried to protect my daughter from being thought badly of, from her own lies, from herself, even to my own detriment. My first instinct, even with all the horrible things my daughter did, was to protect her.

hurt

You Look Bad, I look Good

Posted on January 26, 2018 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her current husband, Tyler Buchheim live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

You Look Bad, I look Good

(Kind of like I’m OK, You’re OK, only different.)

I hope to read more and learn more about sociopathy, and as most of you know, I think Emma has some kind of personality disorder, perhaps she is a sociopath, and/or a narcissist, borderline, etc. Since Phill and I weren’t trained in the soft sciences, and since we were the proud parents, who could never believe ill off our daughter, I think we missed a lot of signs that Emma exhibited that showed had some sort of psychological problem. If I were to list the signs we missed, here is a good start:

charm-superficial

high IQ

constantly lying

especially to deceive or exploit others

lack of empathy

gas-lighting

manipulation

grandiose self-image

narcissism

paranoia

lack of conscience

disregard for the safety of others

arrogance

opinionated

few actual friends

disregard for right or wrong

failure to consider or learn from negative consequences

need for stimulation and drama

One day, I would like to address each of these signs or symptoms (and more) as they apply to Emma, but I have to admit that when I read “disregard for the safety of others” it took me a while to get that one. Emma wasn’t some reckless kid drinking and driving, or doing drugs. That one just didn’t make sense to me. It took me a while to see that Oh………………….for example, accusing the priest of sexually molesting Emma was a perfect example. She didn’t stop to think of what kind of pain her actions would cause this man, it was just about Emma getting the attention she needed. Ok, I get it now.

Once I understood Emma’s disregard for the safety of others, I understood a little more about her lies. Emma liked to play the victim, and in playing the victim, she needed someone to be the bad guy, hence, a lot of her stories made someone else look bad or stupid to make herself look better.

If you’ve read the blog, you know I’ve listed plenty of lies Emma told about others, and I want to go back and re-write and edit, because there are more I need to add. For example, Emma made the friends look bad who took her to the Cirque Du Soliel by claiming that they were talking all through the performance, and everyone around them was staring and poor Emma was so embarrassed to be sitting with them. Now, this kind of like didn’t really hurt anyone. It gave Emma a great story to tell and made her look good, but it wasn’t true. This is just one characteristic I saw so often in Emma. Emma lied about others in order to make herself look good.

I don’t know why recently, but another one of Emma’s lies that I hadn’t written about popped into my head recently. It had to do with the grandmother of one kids from Emma’s youth group, Rob Simmons. Emma sometimes had a crush on Rob, and I think he may have had a crush on her at times. Rob was a nice kid and Phill and I got to know him helping with some of the youth events, carpooling, and having him over at our house.

I don’t remember what the need was, but Kathryn, Rob’s grandmother asked Emma about the two of us helping with some volunteer something or other, but it was on a Saturday, and Emma told Kathryn that we volunteered with pet adoptions on Saturdays, so we could not help. Then, when Emma told me about the conversation, she told me that Kathryn made a comment about how could could use to volunteer with things around the church a little more, and the whole thing makes me laugh now. Emma got the response from me that she wanted. I don’t remember what I said, but I was a little annoyed that Kathryn dare criticize where and when I spend my time volunteering. For whatever reason, Emma wanted to portray Kathryn in a bad light, or to make me not like her, I suppose.

Now, it just seems funny because if you met Kathyrn, she was such a classy lady, I could not have ever pictured her saying anything like this. Kathryn was well educated, worked in education, and even in her 70’s was still working as a consultant. She was always well dressed and seemed to have endless energy, even with arthritis and some of the difficulties of old age, and was always busy and involved in church activities. And, Kathryn was polite and kind, and I never heard her utter negative word about anyone.

For whatever reason, just like Emma saying all the kids at school were having sex or doing drugs, except Emma, who was saving herself for marriage, Emma had to make those around her look bad in order to make herself look better. Emma, who claimed to have Google in her head, alternated between a superiority complex and playing the victim.

Emma’s friend, Kayla Benifield Weaver, was a sweet girl, but according to Emma, Kayla’s mom and step-dad were frequently drunk, and Kayla’s paternal grandparents, who’d graciously invited Emma to visit them (as Kayla lived with them and not with either of her bio-parents) were described by Emma as “racists” who used the N-word frequently and had all kinds of white supremacist propaganda in their home. Of course these stories did improve if you compare to when Emma was younger and tried to convince me that Kayla’s mom was engaged to Dan Rather. All that practice paid off. Emma became an accomplished liar. She did slip up a little when she started telling people that her mother poisoned her with DDT though. That one was pretty bad and nobody fell for it that I know of, even with her claim of having a toxicology report.

I’ve got to go back and re-read and highlight, but I remember reading in the book, The Sociopath Next-Door, by Martha Stout Ph.d, I think she mentioned something about how to recognize a sociopath was how they were a victim or wanted people to feel sorry for them. Like I said, I need to go back and re-read that book, and use a highlighter, but I remember reading that and thinking (ding, ding, ding, ding), “Yep, that’s Emma, always the victim.”

If you work with the public, or talk to people who work with the public, a lot of people will tell you that there’s a whole lot of undiagnosed mental illness out there. In other words, there are lots of crazy folks. For those of us who follow the rules, we are at a disadvantage. Someone like Emma with her “disregard for the safety of others” has the advantage. That’s how the unsuspecting commuter, waiting for a subway, gets pushed off the platform into the path of the oncoming train. Those of us that follow the rules feel we should be safe, standing, waiting for the subway. It’s the ol’ “do unto others” all over again. We certainly wouldn’t push someone in front of an oncoming train, so we should be able to stand there, perfectly safe, but there are people who don’t live by the same rules. We don’t recognize them, but THEY recognize US. That sweet baby who grew in my belly knows she’s safe. He mother isn’t going to harm her, but those rules only apply to some people, and the sociopath, can push her mother off the subway platform and not feel a thing, except maybe a little excitement. Causing chaos and pain can be fun to watch if you enjoy that sort of thing, and a lot of crazy folks have that need for drama.

I think Emma is what is called a high-functioning sociopath. I’ll let my readers google that one, and just say that that is why so many sociopaths are NOT in jail, where you think they would be. They are smart and know just how to push, manipulate, and control the situation enough and they know just how far they can go before they cross the line into illegal activity, so while they might lie, steal, frame a coworker, etc., they’re going to stop before they go too far.

Until next time, and thanks for reading!

Happy 24th Birthday, Emma Buchheim

Posted on December 19, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Happy Birthday Emma—— #24!

Wow! I was writing last week in anticipation of Emma’s birthday, and then it almost slipped by me! December 19^th used to be the most special day of the year to me, the birth of my baby girl (December 19, 1993). You look at your child growing year by year, and can’t imagine your life without her, and her birthday is kind of like Christmas, a day to remind you of this very special gift you were given. I remember, as I got older thinking how it is such a short time that we have our children. You give birth and raise them, and they are so all consuming that they take up your entire life, and then, if you raise them right, they spread their wings and go out on their own, and then when you think about it, we really only have our children for maybe 1/5^th of our life, and then they have their own life. Then, the time we have with them seems so short. In an ideal world, that’s how it is supposed to be, and even though Emma has done some horrible things, she’s still my little girl, and I’ll always love her. Here’s the post I wrote last week:

I’ve been thinking about Emma’s upcoming birthday and her turning 24 years old. Not too long ago, I was shopping for a birthday card for a friend and saw one that made me think of Emma, and that reminded me of a card I had wanted to purchase for Emma a few years before.

On Emma’s 18^th birthday, I wasn’t going to contact her lest she take out a restraining order, and, per my attorney, she’d asked Phill’s attorney, Seith Eisenberg over and over again about getting a restraining order against her mother. Then, when Emma knew I would be at a ladies’ bible study group, down the street from our Buck Trail, Hoschton home, Emma called the police and claimed a car that looked like her mother’s pulled up in the driveway! (It was dark when she made the claim, and from the house you would only be able to see headlights, so she wouldn’t have been able to tell what kind of car it was if indeed someone pulled up in our driveway, but since people frequently did turn around in our driveway, it’s possible that it did happen. Fortunately, I suspected Emma might pull something like this and had friends follow me into the neighborhood and follow me out so that I would have witnesses if Emma tried to claim something even worse happened.) Oh, noooooo, I sure wasn’t going to send my daughter a birthday card, but I happened to be card shopping one day in December of 2011 and saw the card I wanted to send Emma. It was pink and had a Chihuahua on it, right up Emma’s alley. (Although, oddly enough, I took our little Chihuahua with me when Phill had me thrown out of our home, and Emma never asked about him, up until his death, and one of the reasons we adopted the little guy was because Emma wanted a small dog so badly. Odd that she cared nothing of him once hie was gone, but Emma now owns tow chi/mixes, Arya and Sansa.)

Emma Roey, Emma Kate Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Buchheim, Emma Katherine Buchheim, Emma Kate Buchheim

That card I wanted to buy Emma, the old Emma, the Emma I thought I knew, was pink, with a chihuahua on it, and on the front it said, “I smile because you’re my daughter.” and when you opened it up, it read, “I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.” Ok, if you’re on any kind of social media, you’ve probably seen this meme with the word “daughter” interchangeable for sister, mother, etc. I’ve seen it many times since then, but this was the first time I’d seen it and I thought it was sweet and funny, and of course since Emma loved Chihuahuas, it seemed perfect, but I didn’t get it. A birthday card from her mother might be too traumatic for 18 year old Emma.

It never fails, around the holidays, I find something I would like to get for Emma, and I remember back in 2011buying some earrings I wanted to give to her, and I’d read the book, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson Ph.D. and thought Emma could use that book, sort of like a book of devotionals, just something you pick up once a day or so to remind you what’s important in life. I also found a purse that I thought Emma would love. It was quirky and cute and just reminded me of Emma in one of her silly moods.

Now, several years later, I have no idea what Emma likes. Is green still her favorite color? Did she ever learn to eat anything at the Chinese restaurant other than egg drop soup and sesame chicken? Did she ever try anything at the Mexican restaurant besides a cheese quesadilla? Did she ever learn to like any vegetables besides green beans and corn? Living next-door to a vegetarian for several years, I learned a lot about cooking vegetables, and I would love to tell Emma to learn how to roast her vegetables, and maybe this year I would get her a hot air fryer as I got myself one and I love cooking vegetables with it. I wanted to tell Emma that Brussel sprouts are now my favorite after hating them for 50 years. Emma and I used to make a lot of noise when we’d come home and Phill would have microwaved these nasty noodle-type pot stickers that were gross and smelled so bad. Even now, I’m not sure I would like those nasty things Phill used to make (they were meant to be fried, but there were all soggy and just kind of gross) but I do love brussel sprouts.

Sometimes, I’ll read a book or see a movie and think how Emma would have loved it. I miss our discussions over books, movies, current events. Lately, I’ve been watching A&E’s Scientology and the Aftermath, and it made me more curious about Scientology and cults, and I’ve wondered how people get sucked in to these things that sound so crazy to me, so I’ve watched a few other programs, read some things on line, and am waiting on Tony Ortega’s book The Unbreakable Miss Lovely, which I put a hold on at the library. (Wow, talk about being falsely accused! I’m thankful Emma hadn’t read this book! It would have just given her more ideas on how to frame her mother!) I thought how much I would have enjoyed watching these programs and discussing them with Emma. I remember a conversation we had about cults and religion when Emma was about 15 or 16. I wonder what else Emma watches besides Game of Thrones. I know Tyler is a big Notre Dame fan, so did Emma ever get into watching football? Since Tyler wrote some kind of golf links program, I’m assuming he plays golf, and I wonder if Emma likes golf too? Emma always hated exercise, so I wonder if she ever found anything she likes to do.

Does Emma like her job? Is insurance something she wants to do long term? I would love to know how Emma got into being an underwriter. I would love to have one of those relationships, like my friends have with their adult kids, where I would get a daily text, “Hi mom….” but that is something not meant to be at this time in my life, and I’m really ok with it. Emma is not the person she pretends to be, and she and I both know it, so they only way she can keep up the pretense is to cut out those in her life who know the truth about her.

I’ve also been thinking about how supposedly the brain is mature around age 25, so Emma has one more year to go. As I understand it, the part of the brain that handles rational thought is not fully developed until then, and that sure makes a lot of sense with Emma! I guess in another year, she will be what she will be, so it will be interesting to see how she is then. Looking at all the things Emma’s done, it’s a little scary that she was considered an adult at 18, and yet I know a great group of college kids, and while they are young, I see a maturity in them then I don’t think Emma ever had. Emma knew how to “act” mature, but that’s not the same thing. Was Emma’s “storytelling” just part of her growing up and every story was like a rehearsal for her, a practice of her craft, so to speak? Was Emma’s harmless lying just practice for her version of a “shaggy dog” story?

And what about Emma’s habit of lying? Looking back, I realize Phill and I were way to trusting of everything Emma said, and almost everything Emma said about kids at school, kids a church, her youth group leaders, neighbors, etc. was a lie. Most of these were fairly harmless lies, and Emma could be so convincing, but with so many lies, I wonder if Emma is even capable of telling the truth.

When Emma, my sister, and I went up to the William Holland School in Young Harris, Ga. for a week, I think it was either 2009 or 2010, Emma was trying out her new found maturity. Emma kept putting on this fake voice and talking to people. As her mother, it was really weird to listen to my daughter who did not sound like herself at all stand there and have a conversation with someone. These people didn’t know her, so they didn’t know what she normally sounded like. I just wanted to say, “Cut it out. Do you not know how ridiculous you sound?” but I didn’t say a word. Later on, my sister and I were having a conversation about teens or something, and she mentioned like Emma and her fake voice, and how she was trying it out, finding herself or whatever. Thank goodness that phase was fairly short lived and Emma went back to sounding like her normal self again, but remembering Emma and her fakey voice made me wonder if her lying was just part of her growing up, too, sort of a way to try out things. A lot of Emma’s lies seemed more like attempts to tell a great story. Is that what she was doing or is she really a compulsive or a pathological liar? I guess time will tell.

And of course, there’s Emma’s ever elusive conscience. Does she have one? I’ve heard a couple of people with mental illness say that they wanted to study psychology to figure out what was wrong with themselves. That’s a scary thought. Emma’s therapist, Dr. Genie Burnett, who Emma thought was way cool and understood her so much better than her mother did, grew up with an eating disorder, so was that why she studied psychology? To understand her own issues better? It’s kind of scary to think of these people, who have their mental illnesses or personality disorders getting degrees so they can “help” others. I’ve talked to enough people who’ve told me about their own negative experiences with therapy, so I can’t help but wonder if a lot these “bad therapists” became therapists because they knew they were lacking something in themselves, so they had to study other people. I remember in college, in a psychology class, when our teacher was lecturing and started bawling, and I think it was one of our other teacher, after we told her about this strange encounter, who told us that anyone who works in psychology or therapy she would guarantee is in some kind of therapy themselves. We all thought that seemed to make sense because our crazy psych teacher sure seemed to need some kind of therapy.

Along with wanting to become a therapist herself after her time being influenced by Dr. Genie Burnett (Manna Treatment and Counseling), Emma may have partly been interested in drama so she could learn how to act normal. Someone said that to me once, that Emma doesn’t know how to feel, but she knows what she is supposed feel and she knows how she is supposed to act, and as Emma’s mom, that makes a lot sense. (But if you know Emma, you have to know how loves being the start of the show, so part of Emma’s love for drama is her love for the attention it brought her as well.)

The one thing I wish for Emma is peace. I’m afraid she is a very troubled soul, and I hope one day she gets help, if it turns out she can be helped. As Emma’s mother, I’m going to keep telling her story. If my daughter is going to accuse me of abuse and of poisoning her with DDT, I will continue to call her out on it. Emma knows I will happily take down the blog if she steps up and takes responsibility for what she’s done, but she’s not ready to do that yet. Emma knows as well that my door is always open to her. Well, I guess not literally. I don’t feel like I could safely let Emma into my home without a witness present. Lord only knows what she would accuse me of next. Maybe what I should say is that my phone is always open to Emma should she want to call. I don’t expect to hear from her anytime soon though. She still has some growing up to do.

When I was married, I was very sheltered, which probably wasn’t a good thing for an introvert. My world was Phill and Emma. As horrible as losing my family was, there are a lot of good things that have come out of it since. All those things you’ve heard, like “Life is a journey not a destination.” start to make sense, and I realize the power I have in my own life. I was one of Emma’s victims, but I’m not going to wallow in it. I’m a survivor and a lot tougher than I would have thought. Emma seemed to live in a victim role. The scenery may have changed, but Emma kept playing the same role. For me, going back to work has been and adventure and a learning experience. Working with the public has made me wonder many things. Sometimes I think there may be a lot more mental illness out there than people realize. Other times, I hear stories that would break your heart, and I wish Emma could realize how difficult some people have it, and that there was no need for her to make up all the drama in her life. If she lived the way some people have had to, I wonder if she would appreciate all that she truly had. Phill and I used to say how happy we were that our lives were so boring, while we didn’t necessarily mean “boring” but really just meant that we didn’t have a lot of drama. I hope one day Emma can appreciate a boring life.

So Emma, Happy Birthday, and here’s your card:

birthday2017b

Lot’s of Love,

Mom

P.S. Since I probably won’t have another chance to write before Christmas, I want to wish you and Tyler a very Merry Christmas as well! And be sure to tell Sherry, Bob, and Caitlin Merry Christmas from your mother as well.

Emma and the Roy Moore Effect Part 2 , Person of the Year (Update 12/12/17)

Posted on December 9, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter. Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa. (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.) Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Emma and the Roy Moore Effect

EmmaTimeMag

#metoo, Emma Katherine Roey Buchheim

Ok, when I heard about Time magazine’s Person of the year, The Silence Breakers, my first thought was, Emma made it to Time magazine’s person of the year! I have to admit, I wanted to remove one of the faces and paste Emma’s into it, but as we all know, my computer skills are very limited. I did find some Time templates, but when I tried to load Emma’s picture, the magazine didn’t show up, so some of you saw my earlier post, and now, thanks to a reader, I have what I wanted. (I love it!The matching coat is a great touch!) For those of you that missed it, this was the best I could do:

Time 2017 metoo

Emma Buchheim, Emma Katherine Buchheim, Emma Kate Buchheim

I’m sure if I search the internet or look at some youtube videos, I can learn how to use a template, and I’m thinking of taking some digital photography and digital darkroom classes in the future. But anyway, those were my humorous thoughts upon hearing about the magazine. At least it wasn’t Colin Kaepernik, who, along with a few other celebs like the K family, I am totally tired of! (And I only get about 3 tv channels. Can you imagine how tired of stuff I would be if I actually watched tv?)

As a woman who has faced my share of some man’s “sexual misconduct” along with almost every other woman I know, I used to be one of those people who thought “believe now and find out the facts later”, or in the case of children,”A child wouldn’t make that up!” I’ve known plenty of women who felt powerless to do something about the predator who crossed their path whether it was a family friend or relative, a teacher, a minister, a stepfather, a classmate in college, a boss or coworker, or whatever. I despise these people, and the prison sentence for the ones that actually do get prosecuted can never be long enough. Of the women I know who have been victims, this covers all ages from childhood to teens to college age, to adults. It is all horrible, but I am especially sickened by those who prey on children, the weakest among us. Personally, I also don’t believe there is rehab for pedophiles. When they get out, they will strike again. Period.

It’s about time sexual harassment is taken seriously. It’s been a well known secret in so many instances, for many years. As some of these high profile people were starting to fall, I was chatting with some coworkers and said, “I wonder how many of these men in high power positions are shaking in their boots right now.” The next day, we heard about Matt Lauer.

Then again, as the mother of a well established liar, for the record I will say that I do not believe my daughter was ever sexually molested by a priest, so what about the falsely accused? What about those people, usually men, who are the hated accused, but then turn out to actually be the victims? It’s like they belong to a secret club. I have known a few of these victims, and it’s not something they go around advertising. I remember talking to a man a few years ago who told me about his divorce, and how his daughter had accused him. Later it was all dropped and he was cleared when dear daughter admitted she’d made it all up, but she put her dad through months of hell and then was like, “Okay dad, forget it, but could you still pay my tuition?”

In Emma’s case, the priest she accused was retired, so it didn’t affect his livelihood, but for some people, it can be financially devastating. A few years ago, I witnessed another person who was falsely accused. This man wasn’t someone I worked with directly, and I’m not going to share the intimate details except to say that the company immediately fired him, and later a grand jury refused to indict him. Because several of my coworkers and I came in close contact with his accuser, we were all adamantly sure the allegations were false being as the accuser had a history of drug use, some psych issues, some mug shots along the way, and had pulled a similar stunt somewhere else where fortunately there were cameras to counter the accusations. And those were only a few of the things we knew of. Imagine what we didn’t know! I’m sure if someone investigated a little deeper, there was probably much, much more.

An award winning employee lost his job and was facing a long term prison sentence if convicted. Can you imagine doing your job and all of a sudden, out of the blue, the police show up to arrest you and accuse you of a sexual crime? It was absolutely horrifying. My coworkers and I discussed how we understood that a company would have to fire you to protect it’s customers because what if you’d done what you were accused of and were still allowed to work? It could happen again. Then again, we live in a country where you are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, but how does that work? This man lost his livelihood until the charges against him were dropped. Can you imagine the nightmare his life must have been until the truth came out about the (in my opinion) piece of trash who accused him? What about the expense of lawyers and everything else?

If you ask anyone about the incident now, it seems like the first thing people say is, “That man’s life was ruined.” I assume he could have gotten his job back, but would most people want to go to work and face everyone who knew what he had been accused of. Even though no one believed the accuser, it was still a horrible and embarrassing situation.

I haven’t kept up with this man, but because of what Emma put me through, I can understand a lot of what he went through, and I hope he has a great job and is doing something he loves now.

I’m sure in Emma’s case, she didn’t think about what she was doing by accusing a priest of sexually molesting her. She was a dumb teenager and was probably acting impulsively. I don’t think she thought through what she was doing, but like everyone else around her, I went into that “She wouldn’t make this up.” mode. When it’s a child, everything stops and everyone bows down to the child. For an attention seeker, this would be exactly what a child like Emma would want. All of a sudden she is the center of attention in a very serious drama. She was the star of the show! (There’s a reason Phill always called her a drama queen.) Emma got what she wanted, but whether it’s part of a sociopathic personality or just being a immature teen, Emma did not stop to think or care about the pain her actions would cause the man she accused. Is she going to repay his legal fees? Apologize for making up the molestation story? In this case, this man was a father and grandfather, so you can imagine the humiliation and embarrassment. Does Emma have any clue as to how much she hurt this man and his family? I am ashamed for the pain we caused this man and his family, and I am ashamed of Emma for lying about being a victim when she wasn’t. Because so many women and children are victims of these predators, I’m ashamed to be the mother of the little girl who cried wolf, and it bothers me that someone may be afraid to tell their story because they know there are liars like Emma who hurt the cause. Emma Tawana Brawley. (Emma’ that’s way before your time, but you can look it up.)

I do hope one day that Emma will explain to us the motives for her falsely accusing the priest of sexual molestation. She was bored and needed attention, so was that the reason for all the stories? Since the priest was running for office and happened to be a democrat, was that the reason Emma went after this man. Emma’s story has similarities to the Roy Moore story in that she made her accusation before an election. And, when I told my sister about Emma’s accusation, Emma was FURIOUS with me for telling my sister, but later when she spoke to my sister, one of the first things she said to my sister was that the priest was a democrat. What Emma trying to have an effect on a local election by her accusation? In Emma’s case, she accused a politician shortly before an election, just like in Roy Moore’s case, but with Emma, the priest dropped out temporarily and then got back into the race. As we’ve seen in the news lately, some politicians are resigning after admitting they acted wrongly, but in Roy Moore’s case, he denies the allegations and has not dropped out of his race. Personally, I think that is the proper course of action. After all, he is innocent until proven guilty, right? There’s already some fishy things going on with a tampered with signature in a yearbook and the fact that the accuser won’t turn over the yearbook for handwriting analysis.

So yes, I am glad to see victims speaking out and I’m curious as to why it has taken the media so long to address this issue. Some of us are old enough to remember the 90’s when accusers were being swept under the rug by the media, and some people say that the #metoo movement fits a political narrative now, so that’s why the media is finally all over this issue, but at least it is being addressed now. One day, I hope the media will address the falsely accused as well. I no longer believe every story of “sexual misconduct” I hear, nor do I believe every story of child abuse that I hear. I have learned that we need to stop and look at the situation first instead of everyone jumping to the whims of a so-called sympathetic victim because there a few of them, like my daughter, who made it up.

The Good Architect

Posted on October 27, 2017 by losingemma

My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler). Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

The Good Architect

So, Emma, this is for you, as I know Tyler doesn’t read the blog. I was looking at Tyler’s blog on line, tyler-buchheim.com but just skimmed it. I’ll go back and read it later. You know I’m not very high tech, so I’m sure I’m not going to get most of it. In fact, a friend just gave me a blue tooth because this computer Daddy got me when he threw me out of our home is not very loud, and I bought some ear buds, but I don’t like being tied to the computer. Well, I’m sure it will come as no surprise to you that I can’t figure out how to use the darn things. I did some updates and such and still no luck, but I did manage to get it working with my phone, and I just watched a couple of episodes of The Good Doctor on my phone over the past two days, after a client at work was telling me about the program. (More on that later.)

From what I read, Tyler’s dreams of becoming an architect changed to dreams of becoming a software developer. I’m sure the two areas can have a lot of overlap, and maybe Tyler will be developing software for architects or something. You all are young, so I think that’s great. You all should try a lot of things before you get tied down with a mortgage and children. As you know after selling insurance, you spend a lot of time at work, so hopefully you find something you like doing.

I was thinking how Tyler must be Daddy’s dream son-in-law. Another geek in the family! (I mean that as a compliment.) Someone Daddy can talk all technical with, and Tyler probably understands all the geek-speak! Did you know at one time, Daddy wanted to be a computer programmer? I know you saw that game Daddy wrote for Atari magazine. It was called Cosmic Defender, and it wouldn’t be impressive now, but back then, that Daddy could create that and bring it to life was a pretty big deal.

In 1988, your daddy turned 30 years old. For his 30^th birthday he wanted to buy a computer and they were awfully expensive. What he wanted was $1500, a LOT of money for us at that time. It doesn’t sound like much to you because I know you’re used to buying iphones and such, but I was in school, so we were paying for college, and we had a mortgage, and we were pretty strapped all the time. With the rate of inflation, that would be like Tyler wanting to go out and spend $3,138.00 on his birthday today. Maybe you can relate to that figure a little better.

Daddy had decided his dream was to be a computer programmer, and he would buy these huge, thick, computer books on languages, and he subscribed to several computer magazines. Of course if that was Daddy’s dream, I wasn’t going to say no. I wanted to support him if that was what he wanted to do, so Daddy went out and bought a $1500 Atari computer, and I don’t have to tell you the ending to that. Daddy never left UPS and never became a programmer, and in fact, he never did any computer programming after he created Cosmic Defender, but that was ok. It was something he wanted to try. Investing in Atari might have been a mistake too because I don’t think they are even around anymore, but that was the computer Daddy wanted at the time.

Remember how jealous you were when Daddy wanted to buy me that craft cabinet for my birthday. You thought it was too expensive and I didn’t need it, but since I was turning 50, daddy wanted to get me something special that I really wanted, and later you saw how much I loved that cabinet and how I was able to organize my supplies so easily. Daddy was supporting my hobby and getting me something I really wanted, and hopefully you are supporting Tyler in his effort to be a full stack developer. And if Tyler doesn’t become a software developer and goes on to something else, then that’s ok too. You all have plenty of time.

Around the time you were born, Daddy got into woodworking and wanted to buy all these saws and such. That didn’t go very far either. He made a pull toy, and that wooden coat rack that hangs on the wall by the garage door, and he started on that rocking coyote that sat out in the fort in your swing set and never got finishes. Oh, well. At one time, I wanted to make teddy bears and bought a few books and made a few and quit. And when I went back to college, I was so afraid I couldn’t do it because I was never smart like you and Daddy. I like to say I worked hard for every B and C I ever got. I did get a few A’s too, but not like you, dear daughter. I was a very average student. Anyway, I was terrified about going back to college and thought, “What if I can’t do it and I quit?” and your dad said one of the best things he could have said. He told me that an education was never a waste, and if I took some classes and quit then it was ok because I still would have learned something.

So anyway, I hope Tyler is enjoying school, and it will be interesting to see where you all end up after this. I have no idea what you’re doing, Emma. Are you working for Amica in TX now or doing something completely different? I could picture you in sales. You have the outgoing personality for it. I think you would do well there, but you are smart enough to do well in whatever you choose. Recently, I met a young woman, I think a year younger than you, and she will be going to medical school next year. She has applied to 11 schools and has been accepted to 8 so far, so she must be an exceptional student. They weren’t little Podunk schools either, I know one of them was Harvard. Anyway, of course she made me think of you, and it was just fun seeing her, so young and excited about her future. She admitted it was a lot of hard work, but she thought it was worth it.

That brings me to the Good Doctor. I’d seen scenes for the show, and thought it looked good, but didn’t pay any attention to when it was on. When this man told me that it came on at 10, I told him I’m usually going to bed about then! I asked him if he liked it, and he really did, so thank goodness for internet and I can go back and watch it on line!

The main character is a high functioning autistic young man named Dr. Shaun Murphy. I don’t know anything about the actor who plays Shaun, and I don’t know too much about my son-in-law, Tyler Buchheim, but I got a kick out off noticing the resemblance between the two. Granted, I’ve never met Tyler, so I’m going only on photos I’ve seen, but I thought it was cute. And the show, by the way, is really good. I’ve only seen two episodes, but I like it!

The Good Architect VS. The Good Doctor

The Good Architect

and The Good Doctor

P.S. Emma, tell Tyler I’m sorry/not sorry about the Georgia/Notre Dame game. I was thinking of you all and wondering if you all were there or if maybe Sherry and Bob Buchheim went to the game. I actually was watching that game, even though it was past my bedtime. I have way too many friends and coworkers who are UGA fans, so even though I don’t have cable or dish, I’ve kept up with the Dawgs and have even seen some of the games! I’ve even met some of the players! I guess we are a house divided! Praying for you both everyday! Love, Mom

Losing Emma

Tag Archives: Emma Roey

Bread and Circuses

I LOVE This Mom!

Happy Birthday Tyler Buchheim (and The World is Changing)

Emma’s Moral COMPASS

Stepping Back

Protecting the Ones We Love

Happy 24th Birthday, Emma Buchheim

Emma and the Roy Moore Effect Part 2 , Person of the Year (Update 12/12/17)

The Good Architect