Trifecta Part 2 cont. Great Grandma Stella (completedd 6/14/16)

Posted on June 11, 2016 by losingemma

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Grandma

Emma, I want to tell you a little about your great grandma because even though you never met her, for me, it is interesting to see how she had some influence on your life whether biologically and/or psychologically.

Your great grandma had three children and at least 4 husbands. She had two daughters, one being your Grandma Harriett, and a son named Tommy. Maybe it was the time, and sons were more valued than daughters, but your great grandma’s main focus was on Tommy, whom I never met, and whom I never, ever heard anyone speak highly of. In fact, Daddy told me that if Tommy ever showed up at our door, not to let him into our home. Like you, he did some horrible things, but Stella loved him no matter what, which was sad, because your Grandma Harriett was the one who really looked after Stella until Tommy moved her away the last several years of her life.

Stella was raised in the south, I believe around Anderson, S.C. I’m not sure what is true and what’s not, but your Grandma Harriet told me that her dad, Stella’s first husband committed suicide. Grandma Harriett could be quite dramatic, and she claimed that she walked in on him after he had slit his own throat. I wondered about that story, but your Grandma Harriett got quite hysterical, crying and sobbing when she told me that story many, many years later.

Sometime, when your grandmother was growing up, Stella moved the family to New Jersey. I have no idea why, but I’m sure Daddy can tell you.

I met Stella on my first trip up to meet Daddy’s parents. We went over to Stella’s little ranch house for dinner. Stella was married to a man named Frank, whom I believe was her 4^th husband. According to your dad, every time Grandma Stella lost a husband, she would lose weight and then catch another one. Frank had had a stroke and was lying on a hospital bed in the middle of the living room. I remembered being impressed with how clean Frank was and how perfect the bed looked. I thought Stella must have taken wonderful care of Frank. (I suppose she could have had Home Health coming in as well.) Later on, Daddy told me that some of the neighbors had witnessed, through the window, Stella attempting to smother Frank with a pillow.

Stella had invited your dad and me over for a “…real EYE-talian dinner” that she had delivered from a local Italian restaurant. You know how Daddy and I love Italian food? Well, this was some of the worst Italian food we’d ever had! It was very bland and flavorless, but Stella was so proud of it, so of course we didn’t say anything. She wanted me to be able to go back to Ga. and tell people I’d had a real Eye-talian dinner while I was in New Jersey.

As you know, your grandparents were married long enough to create two babies, and then divorced. Your grandpa worked in (maybe owned, I can’t remember) a bar up until he bought the diner, and your grandma was a waitress.

Grandma Stella was the babysitter for Daddy and his little brother up until they were old enough to stay home by themselves. In fact, Stella is the one who gave your uncle the name he is called. Your grandma named him his real name, but Grandma refused to call him that because she wanted him named “A.” so that was what she called him and it stuck. Daddy claimed to have many fun memories of things they did with Stella, but he was somewhat bitter about it when he found out everything they did was paid for by Grandma Harriett and not Stella.

After that first visit, Frank died, and Stella did something pretty bizarre. She sold her house and gave all the money to Tommy. From everything I ever heard, Tommy was a drifter who showed up back in New Jersey now and then, especially if he needed money from Stella.

Grandma Harriett told me that some people came into the restaurant asking her when her mother was moving out of THEIR house? Grandma Harriett had no idea that Stella had sold her house with absolutely no idea where she was going. Fortunately, your grandma had connections with someone high-up in town who was able to get Stella into a subsidized senior high rise. It was a nice little apartment, and Daddy and I visited every time we went up there.

Grandma Harriett told me a story about how a few years earlier, Stella had been in a car accident and won $100,000.00 in a lawsuit, and then gave all that money to Tommy, too. For whatever reason, Stella would do anything she could for her son, even to her own detriment.

Like you, Emma, Stella was also a liar. She could tell some whoppers. When Daddy and I went to visit her, she would always want to give me things. I think she was probably getting rid of things she didn’t really have room for in her small apartment, and I remember leaving with my arms full of stuff one evening and joking with Daddy that she probably told people I asked for those things. Sure enough, that was what she said to Grandma Harriett.

One of the funnier stories was when Grandma called me (I would say mid 1980’s) and told me how sick she was. She claimed to be passing “pure” blood and vomiting up “coffee grounds” blood. She went on and on telling me how sick she was, and how the doctor told her she didn’t have long to live and she needed to have her LEFT intestine removed. (I was guessing she meant to say “kidney.”) I can’t remember what year Stella died, but it was many years after that!

Great Grandma Stella lived in the subsidized senior housing apartment for several years and then one night disappeared. Her apartment was cleaned out and she was gone! It seemed that Tommy had showed up and talked her into leaving with him. Maybe he wanted her social security check as a source of income, I don’t know. Tommy and Stella moved to Mt. Airy North Carolina. Later on, Daddy heard that Tommy had beat her badly enough that she had to be hospitalized. I think Grandma Harriet told that to Daddy, but who knows if it was another Stella whopper. Eventually Stella died at the age of 92, I believe, and Tommy became a pastor. I guess it’s never too late to turn your life around.

So Emma, as you can see and you’ve heard from Daddy’s stories about Stella, her influence on Grandma Harriett and on Daddy trickles down to you. Grandma Stella’s lying (and possibly Tommy’s?) could also be a genetic component into why you lie. It may just be an inherited trait. From the things I heard about Tommy, I’ve wondered if you could have some of those genes, too, but I never met the man, so I don’t have anything to on there, other than again the lying and Tommy’s relationships in comparison to your relationships. Daddy can tell you much more about Stella and Tommy, and you may want to ask him, and maybe that will help you figure out your “issues” as you used to say.

Love always,

Mom

Trifecta Part 2, Daddy’s Family (Part 1)

Posted on May 31, 2016 by losingemma

Emma Katherine Roey

Daddy’s Family

Emma, I’m writing a couple of these posts to you, and then I will get back to writing about you. I would much rather write to you privately, but since I don’t want to be threatened with a restraining order, I will have to do it here. I had hoped, when you grew up, we could discuss these things and you could learn from my mistakes. I don’t want to trash your dad’s family, but I will tell you how things were from my perspective and from what your dad told me. I think you know about a lot of the “scandals” so I’m not going into the details on those.

By now, I think you’ve realized that every family is dysfunctional. You know about my family life because we discussed it, but I don’t think your dad ever really discussed his with you. I can only tell you what he told me and what I saw for myself. I hope that learning about your family helps you figure out who you are, and by learning about your dad’s family, you will understand why your dad couldn’t face what you did, how he doesn’t like to argue or confront anyone, or do anything difficult.

Your dad grew up in a pretty tumultuous household. He always said he didn’t like to argue because all the fighting in his home growing up made him literally sick to his stomach and he hated arguing. Even after your dad and I had been married for years he claimed he didn’t like to argue because he would still get sick to his stomach. And you know your dad and I could have a disagreement or an argument, and we still loved each other. By now, you’ve been married long enough to know you are going to have arguments with someone you live with so closely.

Daddy’s parents were divorced when he was a toddler, and fortunately they got along amicably. Your grandfather was very easy going and passive, so your grandmother kind of ran things, including his life. It was kind of funny when they came to visit. Everyone always thought it was so strange that your grandmother traveled with her ex-husband and her current boyfriend.

Your grandmother had two divorces and many boyfriends, according to your dad. The first marriage was very brief, and the second marriage sounded pretty bad right from the start, and there was a lot of fighting then. Your grandmother had quite a temper and could swear like a sailor, but she was a hard worker, very generous, and could be very loving and kind. It sounded to me like your grandmother was one of those people who didn’t feel validated without a man. When your dad was growing up, if she didn’t have a husband, she went from one boyfriend to the next. She was a real people person, if you saw her at the restaurant, and she chatted with everyone, was very friendly, and made her customers feel special. There were several male customers who paid a lot of attention to her. After your dad and I were married, even though she had a boyfriend, there was a man named Pat who hung around the restaurant a lot at the end of the day because he was very fond of your grandmother. I thought this was a little odd because he was married, and your dad mentioned that it had upset Kenny (her then boyfriend). For a while, Kenny wasn’t allowed to go up to the restaurant because he got too jealous of the men that paid attention to your grandmother. Your dad also told me that Pat at one time gave your grandmother the key to his safety deposit box that had something like $100,000.00 in it and it would all be hers if she married him or something like that.

Because your grandmother had to work as a waitress, your dad and his uncle were raised by their grandmother, Stella, until they got old enough that they were home alone. They were pretty young when they started staying home alone, but this was a different time. Your great grandma, Stella is another story, and I will tell you about her later.

Growing up, Daddy, as the older brother was expected to be the peacemaker and give in to his little brother. You dad described your uncle A. and a child who would hold his breath until he passed out or pitch a big fit if he didn’t get his way. To get things calm, Daddy always had to be the one to give in and do whatever little brother wanted.

When your dad and I were dating, your dad and Uncle A were roommates for a while after your dad’s roommates had gotten married, and your Uncle’s roommates had graduated college and moved on. Your uncle got a free apartment for being a police officer, and agreeing to handle calls, sort of like he was the apartment security when he was home. When your dad was home, he had to answer the calls.

Also, since your uncle got the free apartment, your dad had to pay for the utilities, which didn’t seem quite fair since your dad acted as security when your uncle wasn’t there. One time when I was over, your uncle pointed out that a certain cat food was on sale, and when your dad said that the cat was your uncle’s cat and not his, your uncle said that since he lived there, he should pay for part of the cat food.

A few times, your uncle went to a movie with your dad and I, and he would always ask your dad, “Aren’t you going to get some popcorn.” So that he could have some without having to buy it.

One time, your dad and I had been out on a Sunday and he was having car trouble. Daddy had to get up very early to be at UPS (his part time job before he became a driver) and he asked your uncle to borrow some tools to work on his car, and your uncle refused. They argued, and Daddy was upset and went to his room. Then your uncle wrote out a note and told me to deliver it to your dad. I can’t remember word for word what the note said, but it was something about telling your dad he needed to admit that he should have worked on his car earlier instead of waiting until the last minute and to apologize. It was so crazy and stupid to me, but your dad did what he had to do to borrow the tools, and he got the car running and made it to work .

After your dad and I were married, and after your cousin had been born, your uncle was too cheap to pay for trash pickup at the house, and he would take his trash to the police station and throw it out there. Your grandparents came down, and I guess Uncle A. had taken some time off work, and hadn’t taken his trash to work. They all came over to our house, and I will never forget your uncle opening up the trunk of his big old care and pulling out 17 large garbage bags and saying, “Here Phill, I thought you could put this out when you put your trash out.” I was pretty angry at the gall, but said nothing. Had your uncle asked us before hand, I don’t think I would have minded at all, but to just bring all that trash over to our house and not even say, “Would you mind…….!”

I had witnessed the way your uncle treated your dad for so long that I never much cared for your uncle. Your dad always thought he was the better looking brother who always got the girls, etc., but I always thought your dad was such a much more decent person than your uncle. They were very competitive. Once, before we were married, I went hiking with your dad, Uncle A., and a friend of your dad’s. It turned into a race up to Amicolola, which I have to say was one of the worst dates ever. Of course I tried, but couldn’t keep up with the three of them, and I when I hike or walk I want to enjoy the scenery, look at things, etc. It was not my idea of fun at all.

The one thing your dad did that was kind of funny, after we were married, was that every time we were around Uncle A., when we hadn’t seen him in a while, your dad would always find a reason to walk around behind your uncle when he was sitting down so that he could check our his hair loss. As your know, your grandfather was pretty bald, and I figured both the boys would head that way eventually, but your dad had a lot more hair than Uncle A., and I guess that was the one thing he felt superior about.

I’ve heard that your dad and Uncle A. get along better now, but in all the years we were married, there was only one brief time that they got along well, and that was when A.’s first wife threw him out and his mistress had married the father of her child, and was no longer available. A. was pretty sad and lonely and came over to see us some. We hung out, went to movies, went bowling and such. We introduced your uncle to a friend of ours and they became a couple right away, practically living together. She fell in love with him, and with his little girl. I much regretted introducing them when later, your Aunt K. dumped her husband and called Uncle A. Your uncle immediately dropped our friend with no explanation. She called my crying, with no clue as to why your uncle did not return her calls. It was horrible, and I was so sorry for even being a part of it.

Except for this brief spell of niceness, your uncle was always rude and condescending to your dad, and I didn’t have much use for him. I loved your dad and your dad was such a good person, that I hated seeing him treated this way by his own brother.

Shortly before you pulled all your “my mother is abusing me” stuff, your dad and I had talked about getting together with your dad and his family. We hadn’t seen the girls in several years, and I think we were ready to try and have a relationship with your uncle’s family again. Your dad and I were talking and your dad still had some anger towards his brother when he told me, “He cheated on every girlfriend he ever had, he cheated on his first wife, and I no doubt he’s probably cheated on K. (second wife) too.” That kind of surprised me.

I know you know the problems that were going on with your cousins, and to be honest, your dad and I weren’t sure we wanted you around them. Of course now, it sounds as if all three girls have grown up and gotten themselves together. Little did I know that you would be the one whose problems made theirs pale in comparison.

To be continued…

Trifecta Part 1, A Midlife Crisis

Posted on May 21, 2016 by losingemma

Trifecta

This post is really for Emma, so I am writing to her.

Emma, BTW, I heard again from someone in Santa Rosa, CA who was looking for you. You might want to let everyone know where you are. Oh, Emma, Emma, Emma how many times did I tell you, if you are hiding what you’re doing, then maybe it’s something you shouldn’t be doing.

I haven’t wanted to write about your dad or your dad’s family, but since we can’t talk, and even your dad can’t talk about what you did, I will write it here. Today, I will tell you about your dad’s midlife crisis.

I have to admit, I was really disappointed in your dad. I always had too much faith in your dad. I’d always thought he would do anything to take care of us. Well, I was half right. I thought when he realized your friend was never raped, never attempted suicide, her mother was never dying of breast cancer, you never babysat for the neighbors down the street although you made up some great stories. You never babysat for our former priest and never had to call 911 on his bipolar son, and you were never molested by another priest……………… I really thought your dad would apologize and want to get to the bottom of your problems. And later on, I found out you were telling people that Tyler’s mom, Sherry Knopp Buchheim was afraid I would show up in Liberty Township, Ohio and kill her whole family and that I poisoned you with DDT and you had the toxicology report to prove it, I e-mailed your dad, but he just couldn’t deal with it. He e-mailed back that he refused to discuss you with me. I was kind of shocked when he just ignored everything you did. I was hurt too. I always believed in your dad, and believed he would do what’s right, even if it took him a while to realize how wrong he was. He always called himself a “secular humanist” and he didn’t have any need for religion. He wasn’t quite an atheist, but more agnostic. He wasn’t quite convinced about the whole God thing, but he thought of himself as a good person, and he was. Well, he was until things got difficult. Part of it was that your dad was going through a midlife crisis and part of it was your dad’s upbringing, and I will tell you about both of these. Your dad just doesn’t like difficult stuff and just chooses not to handle things.

Emma, I don’t blame you for the divorce, or at least not all of it. You were just a part of it. So many people joked about my daughter being “the other woman” and you really were. I was the one who stuck up for your dad when you made fun of him when he wasn’t around. I was the one who reminded you how hard he worked so we could have a nice home and nice things and you could do all the activities you were involved in. You thought your dad was stupid because he didn’t finish college. You made fun of him for being a truck driver, but he made a good living working for UPS. Something you didn’t think I noticed was how jealous you were of the way Daddy treated me, like when he brought me my coffee in the mornings. I remember how when Daddy would see a book by my favorite author at Costco and bring it home, you almost couldn’t stand it. You looked at me like I was something evil, even though you read my books too! I never realized my own daughter was jealous of the relationship between my husband and myself. It was like you couldn’t stand for me to get the attention or the little gifts. Then, after I was thrown out of my home, you became the little woman, doing the shopping, loading the dishwasher, taking care of the pets. I saw your posts on facebook before you removed me. You took over as the woman of the house. I guess that was your practice marriage.

Emma, remember when we’d get the $10 JCPenney coupons in the mail. We always let you have them and took you to buy something with them, but the one time I said I was going to use one because I could use something decent to wear to my job at the homeschool arts program, you go furious with me. I don’t know what we did that you turned out to be so selfish and vicious, and I know it wasn’t just me. I wondered if part of the reason you talked so badly about the girls you rode the bus with was because you were jealous of them. Maybe you were too insecure at school, so you had to make others look bad. And remember when we had the baby shower for the unmarried daughter of one of our friends at Bible Study? You were so jealous of the gifts and attention she got for doing something you considered shameful. I tried to talk to you about how she was a lucky girl to have a family that supported her because she was traveling down a difficult road. You couldn’t see it that way at all. You just thought she didn’t deserve a shower for having a baby and not being married. Well, I digress. I really wanted to write about your dad’s midlife crisis, so let me get back to that. I just keep hoping you will get your life turned around Emma, but I know it’s not going to happen. Some people live their whole lives a lie, and I’m afraid that’s where you are headed.

Your dad couldn’t face what you did and still can’t. It was easier to throw his wife out than to face the truth about his daughter. After all, blood is thicker than water. And also, your dad comes from a family with a high divorce rate. Even though he made a marriage vow, and he vowed to get counseling or help if we were every at the point of divorce, your dad just couldn’t do it. It was easier to walk away. When your uncle cheated on his first wife, your grandmother, who has been divorced twice, just wanted her son to be happy, while your grandfather told your uncle that he had an obligation to his family. At the time, I did wish your grandfather was still living because I don’t believe he would have fallen for all your drama and he would have talked some sense into your dad.

Your dad always joked about how lucky I was that his midlife crisis was RC planes. It’s kind of funny because your dad was always the one who talked about “self-fulfilling prophecies” too. Since I was a worrier, can’t help it, it’s just my nature, your dad would always tell me if you worry enough about something happening it probably will.

About a month before all the drama at Suzie McGravey’s office, where you wanted to go live in a group home, Daddy was working on a friend’s computer and talking about our plans for retirement, how he wanted to get a camper or an RV and we planned on doing some traveling, and of course because he was all into the RC planes, we would be going to a lot of RC shows. So yes, at this point in my life I thought your dad and I would be retired, or close to it, and you would be out of the house, and we’d be doing some traveling. You never know what life is going to throw at you, do you? Anyway, this friend, who yes, knew you, was so shocked that all of a sudden your dad wanted a divorce and that he was letting you manipulate him so. All of a sudden, according to your dad, there was “too much water under the bridge.” How do you go from talking about retiring with your wife one month, and then the next month wanting a divorce?

Daddy really had all the classic signs of a midlife crisis. Everything was RC planes, and I heard that a year or so later he bragged about taking almost 100 planes to SEFF, but when we were married, he had maybe a dozen planes. That is some major money he spent for planes and motors. That gets pretty expensive.

What was also a shock was that our family was going through a major crisis, and yet Daddy took off every chance he could to go to RC shows for days at a time: SEFF, Joe Nall, and I don’t remember where the one was he went to up north (Midwest) was. What kind of man goes traveling the country when his family is in crisis? Our poor, supposedly “sexually abused” daughter was left home alone or with the neighbors or dragged around the country to RC shows? What kind of man does that?

Another classic sign of a midlife crisis was the camper. A lot of men go out and buy a sports car, but your dad spent $23,000 on a camper as well as all the RC planes? Again, he sure wasn’t hurting for money. Maybe I should have hired a forensic accountant like one friend wanted to do. I don’t know where Daddy came up with all this money but then, I was just the dumb housewife who let my husband handle all the money. Let that be a lesson to you! Don’t let Tyler handle all the money. Remember how I was trying to get daddy to teach me how to do the on line banking and he was so reluctant to do so? I was more worried about if something happened to him that I wouldn’t know how to pay the bills. I didn’t even know how much money we had in the bank.

Daddy had always been an introvert, like me. We were always happy at homes, doing things together or near each other like when he would work on airplanes upstairs and I would work on my glass stuff. I had looked forward to more of these times when you left home, but that was not to be. BTW, what did you do with my glass studio?

Once Daddy discovered his RC friends, he really came out of his shell. He found a crowd he fit into. He became a big fish in a small pond. He became one of the “cool kids” and wanted to hang out with them and fly planes and sit around at night and drink beer. He no longer needed a homebody wife who fostered dogs and spent Saturdays at adoptions. That wasn’t going to fit into his new life. We never talked about it, but I figured I would quit fostering, or maybe foster a small dog that we could take with us in the future camper. I supposed a lot of this is my fault because I was the one who encouraged Daddy to get back into his childhood hobby of RC planes.

Daddy was always freaked out about the idea of menopause. Even when you were just a little thing, Daddy worried about it. He often brought up that you would be going starting your cycle around the same time I would hit menopause. I just made a joke about it, but he brought it up so often, I should have realized he was having a problem. Then, when I had the hysterectomy, Daddy freaked out that I was going to become a crazed mad woman. Actually, the hysterectomy had the opposite effect of what your dad was afraid of. My hormones were so messed up because of the fibroids and cysts, that I felt so much better afterwards and wished I done it 10 years earlier.

Funny how your dad called me your “sexless parental unit.” I’ve met several other women who went through divorces because their husbands were so freaked out about menopause. All of a sudden, these men realize they are getting old. Well, they don’t think they are, but they think their wives are, so they dump them. I’ve also heard stories from the adult children of parents who divorced because their dad’s freaked over menopause. It’s really not that uncommon.

Your Aunt Chatty Kathy used to talk about the “burnt cookies” divorce, which was really the same kind of thing. She described it as how one partner in the marriage freaked out and basically said, “You burned the cookies! Oh my God, I want a divorce!” All of a sudden everything that was ever wrong in your life is the fault of your spouse. You can ask her about it, but it was how your dad acted too. He couldn’t handle our family crisis, so OMG, let’s get a divorce.

I will never forget some of the things your dad said to me. When I was over at your “Aunt Janice’s” and he came over and brought me some things, we were arguing, I don’t remember about what. He was going to leave, and he put his arms around me and told me he loved me, but “I’ve put up with a lot.” Really? Isn’t that what married people do? Was your dad so perfect that I didn’t put up with anything? No, I put up with a lot, too, but I loved your dad and part of loving someone is putting up with their faults. Hopefully, you and Tyler have been married long enough now to realize that it’s not all puppies and rainbows. Tyler has his faults, and you have some of your own.

Well, Emma, I think I’ve pretty much covered your dad’s midlife crisis. At the time, I didn’t realize what it was, but after a little distance, it was easy to see Daddy had so many of the classic signs. Even through all of it, I thought your dad would eventually get himself together and do what’s right. He knows he messed up, but daddy cares too much about what people think of him to admit it. He’s just not strong enough to face his friends, family, and neighbors after all that he did and let you get away with. He’d rather go on living the lie.

And speaking of that, there is so much your dad owes me. (Oh dear, do I sound like you Emma? You had me, you owe me? You married me, you owe me?) No, your dad knows what he did wrong and what he took from me. He owes me a furnished home, a fenced yard, etc. Funny how we were updating the house with a new fridge, new dishwasher, the counters, the floor, and the new shelves on the sunporch. Daddy owes me a furnished house. All the little things like cookware and cutlery, linens, a bed, appliances, etc. I could use a couple of ceiling fans, so be a dear and ask Daddy to put them in for me. He’s got my number. Oh, and a funny story about that, when I asked Daddy for the stand-up fan, he brought me the industrial fan! I know you haven’t been in my house, but daddy has. It’s about 900 square feet and that fan was way too much for this house. I ended up giving it away. I used to joke about Daddy’s passive-aggressive streak, and there it was!

Here’s a photo of the sun porch that we’d just spent about $2500 on new shelves for:

Ikea1a

I’m sure by now Daddy got the flatscreen tv he wanted for that bare spot, even though he wouldn’t let me have the old giant monster tv that was sitting in the garage.

And here is the $10 bookshelf, leftover from homeschooling, that was out in the garage to get rid of that Daddy gave me when he had me thrown out of my home:

bookshelf

Your dad sure made out like a bandit from the divorce, didn’t he? Well, after what my attorney told me, there was no way I was going to go near the house, and Daddy was certainly not going to divide up the household fairly or bring me my things, although he did bring me a few things at first. I will write more about that part of the divorce later on.

So, Emma are you out of school for the summer? Are you working? And what about Tyler? Is he going to school for his Master’s or did he start working? I’ve always heard you need a master’s in architecture to really do anything, but I don’t know much about it.

In my next post, I’ll tell you about your dad’s family and his upbringing and you will understand a little better why your dad can’t handle a confrontation or face the hard stuff. You’ve heard all about my family, and by now you may have realized that every family has it’s on kind of dysfunction. Ours did too, but we had a lot of love and I always thought that would see us through. Wrong again. When I tell you a little about your dad’s family and his upbringing, you will be able to understand why your dad is the way he is.

So long for now, Emma. Love you.

Happy Mother’s Day, Emma

Posted on May 7, 2016 by losingemma

heart

Recently I came across this letter you wrote when you entered a contest with the FISH 104.7 for a Mother’s Day makeover:

WHY MY MOM DESERVES A MOM’S MAKEOVER

I’m her only daughter, Emma (I’m 11). I think my mom deserves a mom’s makeover because as some say ‘if dads are the head of the family, then moms are the neck, and the neck can turn the head any way it wants’. My mom is DEFINITLY the neck of our family. She gets me to softball, choir, chorus and lots of other activities. She also reminds my dad that he has a dentist appointment in an hour so he needs shower and comb his hair and put on a shirt that doesn’t have holes in it (those are his yard-work shirts that have holes). On top of all this, she still manages to put a meal on the table so we can eat together. Getting the family together for meals may sound easy; however, it’s often anything but, since my dad works for UPS (United Parcel Service). He isn’t the kind of worker who delivers packages to your door, but the kind of worker who takes packages from GA to another state, and he does it at night; so he has a weird schedule.

Since she wants me to get a good education, she gives up her day to homeschool me so that I’ll have a chance to complete my ultimate (earthly) goal; to earn all good grades so I can get the Hope Scholarship, attend Georgia Tech for the first 4 years of college, and attend Yale University in Connecticut so that I can become a children’s pediatrician. It really helps to have my mom support my goals and to know that she’s behind my every step to catch me if I fall and encourage me to get up and start again. My mom is a fire when I’m cold and a couch when I’m tired. She’s an animal-sitter for our neighbors and a friend to anyone who needs one. It’s hard for me to put on paper why my do-good, church-going mom deservers a mom’s makeover, but I’ve tried my best and I think she would be a VERY worthy recipient of your luxurious prize!

Oh, and safe for the whole family? 104.7 The Fish!!!!

Mom and me (and you enclosed a picture of the two of us)

*************************************************************

I know you’ve made some bad decisions, but you’re still my daughter and I still love you. I think of you always and pray for you daily. That’s all I can do for you at this point.

I remember when you turned nine, and I thought that my time with you was half over. At 18, you would probably be going off to college. How that time flew by.

During the difficult times, when you would get so angry with me for being the bad guy, the mean mother who made you pick up your room or do chores, I often looked forward to the day when you were an adult. I thought you would be something amazing. There was no doubt that you were smart, and I knew you could do whatever you wanted. Even thought you talked of becoming a doctor, I knew the odds were not likely. Not too many people have what it takes to put in all the time and effort to become a doctor. It is a lot of hard work. I just looked forward to the day you were an adult so we could be friends, and I wouldn’t have to be that evil mother who micromanaged your life..

When you were growing up, I thought you were the most important job I’d ever had. If I could just raise you to be a decent human being, that was what was important. I have so many happy memories of being your mom from the time you were a flutter in my belly, until you hit those terrible teens. I was always proud of you, maybe too much so.

You were a wonderful baby and spent practically the first two years in my arms or on my hip. I remember so many times, vacuuming with one hand and holding you on my hip with the other. I remember you in your walker, and how happy you are when you discovered how mobile you could be. I remember how much I read to you from the time you were just a few months old. By the time you were able to sit up (at 6 months) I would spread books out on the carpet and you would reach for the one you wanted me to read next.

I remember the time we visited my sister in Ct., and you were a toddler. We were in the kitchen, and I don’t remember what she did, maybe dropped something, and she yelled, “Shit! Shit! Shit!” and you went wandering out of the kitchen mumbling to yourself, “Shit, shit, shit.” and your aunt said, “Phill is going to kill me.”

Sometimes when I’m doing something or going somewhere, I still think, “Oh, Emma would love this.” or I wish I could tell you about something that happened at work. We used to talk about everything. I’ve wondered if your taste has matured. Did you ever learn to like any vegetables besides green beans and corn? Did you ever learn to like any Chinese food besides Sesame Chicken?

You never asked about your little dog who lives with me. He is now an old man, with a lot of white in his face, his paws, and down his back. He’s not the little psycho we adopted way back then, but he is almost socially acceptable now, although it’s been a lot of work. I take him to your grandmother’s assisted living home at least once a week, and all the older people there love him.

I wonder how you feel about having a stepmother. Is that cool or will you be jealous of Kim Chassion like you were of me?

Just know my darling daughter that wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I’m always thinking of you. I hope you and Tyler do something special for his mother this mother’s day. And no, I don’t expect a card, a call, or even a text. After all, what was I on your facebook? Your “pending” mother before you removed me.

I was recently joking with a friend (someone who knew you for many years) and said, “Back when I was a mother…..” and she reminded me that I will always be your mother. I know. I will. With all that you’ve done, you can’t take away what was.

I have a lot more writing to do, and I think next I will tell you about your dad’s family, and why your dad is the way he is. If you still plan on being a counselor or a therapist, it might help to understand your own family dynamics, and know how you got away with what you did because your dad could not confront you.

Happy Mother’s Day, Emma. At times I’ve prayed that you don’t have children, and other times I’ve hoped you’d have six just like you! But what it is your dad said, that you were afraid you’d be a mother like me?

moon

Emma and the English Teacher (completed5/01/16)

Posted on April 19, 2016 by losingemma

Emma and the English Teacher (Jefferson High School, Jefferson, Ga.)

After doing (and not doing) 10th grade on line, Emma attended Jefferson High School 2010-2011 as a junior. To be fair to Emma, she missed the first week of school because we’d had a trip planned with my sister before we knew when school started. I gave Emma the choice, and of course she wanted to go on the trip, and Phill and I felt, remembering our own school days, that she wouldn’t miss much the first week and could easily get caught up. We also talked to the school about Emma missing her first week, and we assured that it was not an issue. Looking back now, with Emma starting at a new school, that was probably a bad decision, and as her mother, I am to blame for everything, at least according to Emma.

The two classes I thought Emma would like best turned out to be the classes she hated most. Emma took Drama with a teacher named Roger Bright. Mr. Bright’s claim to fame was a small role in the television series “Christy” in 1994-1995. Unlike Bonnie Roberts’ class, at Jackson County Comprehensive High School (JCCHS), Emma was not the star student, but was just another student, one of many. She didn’t get any special treatment, didn’t even get a part in the play, and she hated Mr. Bright.

According to Emma, there were moms who did all kinds of things for Mr. Bright, including babysitting the class while he went off in another room, and did not conduct class, and these were the kids who got the attention and parts in the plays.

The other teacher Emma complained about, even more than Mr. Bright was Janet Schwartz, her English teacher. Mrs. Schwartz was thought of very highly by students, parents, and other teachers. If you go to Ratemyteachers.com, you can read some comments that others have written about Mrs. Schwartz.
Emma came home with stories everyday about Mrs. Schwartz and how unfair she was and how poorly she treated Emma, or maybe, how she treated poor Emma!

I asked Emma to keep a list of her complaints and here are some of them:

On their idiom quiz, Mrs. Schwartz took 10 points off Emma’s grade because she used pencil to write her ansers. She spoke to Mrs. Schwartz after class and asked if she could get half credit because she had not been informed of Mrs. Schwartz’s policies. Mrs. Schwartz told Emma that she was supposed to copy someone’s notes, which she had done, but they did not mention the pens and pencils policy. Mrs. Shwartz told Emma she would under no circumstances reconsider her grade and would take off an additional 5 points for Emma’s “disputing her decision.” Emma said she asked Mrs. Schwartz at both the open hose and on her first day for any material she might have missed, and Mrs. Schwartz did not explain her policies or give her any handouts besides the idioms list and syllabus.

On Aug. 18, 2010, Mrs. Chwartz mentioned a vocabulary quiz that would be on Friday. Emma didn’t know what she was talking about, so she asked the other students who told her that they were given the vocabulary list the first day of school. Emma said she was never given the list, although she’d asked Mrs. Schwartz for hand—outs both on her first day of school and at orientation. She only had two days to learn 60 vocabulary words!

One story that Emma complained to me about, but did not write down, was about their term papers. Mrs. Schwartz put up a list of topic, and Emma knew which topic she wanted. When she asked Mrs. Schwartz for the topic she’d chosen, Mrs. Schwartz told her the topics wouldn’t be assigned until the next day. The next day, Emma asked Mrs. Schwartz if she could sign up for her topic, and Mrs. Schwartz told her she had already given that topic to someone else the day before. (I am interjecting this story here because the next paragraph is about Emma’s term paper.—Emma’s Mom.)

On working on the bibliographies for their term papers that were due that day, Emma brought her bibliography, done in MLA format because that was the format she had previously used in other English classes. Mrs. Schwartz announced that they would be checking each other’s Works Cited sheets according to the guide in their Writer’s Inc. books. Emma saw several of her classmates pull out this books which she had never seen before. Emma told Mrs. Schwartz that she did not have this book, and Mrs. Schwartz issued her one, however she had to re-do her bibliography because she had not told her this in the first place.

When Emma saw Savannah reading Gone with the Wind, she asked what class she was reading it for. Savannah explained that they were supposed to begin reading it at the start of the school year, and they would have a test on it on Sept. 16th, only two weeks away. Emma claimed she knew nothing about this assignment.

Emma discovered she hand an older edition of Writer’s Inc., despite several newer editions being available. It was confusing because when Mrs. Schwartz would cite a page, it was not the same page in Emma’s book. The book also did not discuss how to cite web sources because it had been printed before web sources were common. When Emma asked Mrs. Schwartz about this, she told Emma she should have said something when she issued the book and she would not allow Emma to exchange her book.

Poor Emma! Always the victim.

After school started, I’d encouraged Emma to get involved in any extra circular activities she was interested in. She was in the dram club because there was some rule that if you took drama, you had to be in the drama club, and Emma hated it. No surprise there, since she hated Mr. Bright. I don’t remember Emma’s various complaints, but I remember one story about them playing ball (dodge ball) at drama club. I think Emma tried to make it sound like no drama was going on and it was all a waste of time. As to what really went on, I have no idea.

Some time after the beginning of the school year, Heather Thomspon, the school counselor who’s husband Allen Thompson was one of Emma’s teachers, called me and asked if Emma could stay after school a couple of times a week or so to help in the office. Of course I said it was fine, but I was disappointed that Emma was doing this. I was hoping she’d find something to do with other kids and make some friends, but instead, Emma hung out with Ms. Thompson and complained about her home life, how badly she was treated, how she was afraid to go home to her her horrible mother, etc. By this time, Emma knew the ropes and knew that if she kept making stuff up, by law, her teacher were obligated to report Emma’s horrible home situation to DFACS. She’d learned this well when she told her Physics teacher she’d been molested and DFACS showed up at the door. Poor Emma! She needed to be taken away from her unsafe home environment!

(BTW, Heather Thompson has left Jefferson High School, and started her own little business called Gateway Consultation, College and Career Planning Services. http://www.gatewayconsulation .com in Athens, Ga. She has bleached her hair with the dark roots. It is kind of a very different look from the brown haired young woman with braces that I met at Jefferson High School.)

Heather Thompson was in a quandary! Because Emma was going through major episodes of vomiting with the stress of the church attorney who was investigating her claim of being sexually abused by the priest, Emma missed a lot of school, and I had to go meet with Ms. Thompson one afternoon. I remember sitting in her office, tearfully telling her Emma’s sad story of sexual molestation, dealing with the church, finding an attorney, etc. Ms. Thompson was very sweet and kind and said if Emma wanted to talk to her, she was always welcome to. Boy did Emma want to talk to her! She had someone new to perform for!

I really didn’t find out about what Emma was doing and saying to Ms. Thompson until later, in one of our sessions with Suzie McGarvey (North Gwinnett Counseling Associates) when she stated that poor Heather Thompson was so distraught about what to do about Emma. She didn’t know if she should believe her or call the authorities to have Emma removed from her home or what? Heavens!

I’d spoken to Heather Thompson a couple of times concerning Emma’s complaints about Mrs. Schwartz. It did not sound like Emma was being treated fairly. Heather Thompson decided a meeting would be a good idea. She asked that Phill and I come in, and then she would bring in Mrs. Schwartz and Emma.

Poor Mrs. Schwartz was blindsided. She didn’t understand what the meeting was about. She thought Emma was a wonderful student and had wanted her to try out for some oratory competition that she thought Emma could do really well at.

We brought up Emma’s complaint about her book, and Mrs. Schwartz said of course Emma could exchange the book. Phill and I went to Mrs. Schwartz’s room with her and she showed us around, talked about the class, and of course exchanged Emma’s book.

Phill and I left, very satisfied that we’d stood up for our poor, picked on daughter. Phill said he wondered if Mrs. Schwartz was somewhat senile or had some dementia. She sort of stammered out many of her responses.

NOW, let me tell you what I think really happened. Mrs. Schwartz probably thought Emma was a great student, and was probably really pleased with her progress in class. Emma is a smart girl and worked hard at things she was interested in.

I do think we totally blindsided Mrs. Schwartz. (I kind of know how she feels.) She was having a typical day when she was called into the office in front of the principal, the school counselor, and two irate parents over a student who she was very pleased with. I believe that is why she was thrown off and stammered a bit.

As for Emma’s book, yes, it was out of date and not the same as the others, but I believe Emma never said anything about the book to Mrs. Schwartz. I think Emma wanted to make her parents upset with her story, so she never asked for another book. She brought home the book as well as a classmate’s book, so that she could show her parents that the evil Mrs. Schwartz was trying to make life difficult on Emma by giving her a book that didn’t match up with the other books, so that if she called out a page number, Emma could not find the correct page without doing some hunting.

Oh, and as for the oratory competition that Mrs. Schwartz was so excited about having Emma try out for? Mrs. Schwartz had told us that she and the drama teacher, Mr. Bright, would be working with Emma if she chose to enter the competition. Why, this sound right up Emma’s alley, doesn’t it? She loves drama and performing!

When I’d ask about the competition, Emma kept telling me that Mrs. Schwartz hadn’t announced it yet. I knew this was a lie, but I also knew I wasn’t going to make Emma enter a competition if she didn’t want to. She would do a sorry job and end up wasting everyone’s time if it wasn’t something she wanted to do. I waited and waited and finally asked Emma to e-mail Mrs. Schwartz about the competition. Sure enough, Emma had missed the deadline. Surprise, surprise.

Sometime later, maybe in 2012 or 2013, I had an occasion to meet Mrs. Schwartz and her husband. I did not tell her that I was Emma’s mom. I am now ashamed of the lies I’m sure Emma told about Mrs. Schwartz and that I was stupid enough to believe them. I found Mrs. Schwartz to be an absolutely delightful woman, and saw no signs of dementia or senility. Another good manipulation by my dear daughter. As a homeschooled child, and with her classes in the small homeschool groups, Emma was used to being a star student. Mrs. Schwartz probably treated Emma like every other student, and she didn’t get all the attention she was used to getting. She didn’t make any friends at school, so Emma once again had to be the victim to get attention.

Happy Easter Emma

Posted on March 26, 2016 by losingemma

20130430_247a

Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Buchheim, Katie Buchheim, Katie Smith, Sophie Buchheim, Emma Kate Roey, Katherine Smith……….. so many names……

Happy Easter, Emma! Your first married Easter! I hope it is wonderful.

I was watching a young lady take her first driver’s test the other day, and got to thinking about you when you started driving, getting your permit, taking your driver’s test…. Funny how Daddy said you couldn’t get your driver’s license until you were 18, but he had to back down on that, didn’t he? After all, he couldn’t have Judy and John Hall driving you to school all that time.

I was so shocked when you failed your permit test. Did you not study at all? Did you go through the test too quickly? That just wasn’t like you. You were always so confident, I know you weren’t nervous. But, eventually you finally did pass, and that’s what counts.

When we were teaching you, I thought you were going to be a good little driver, but Daddy probably rushed that a bit from what I heard about all your accidents and totaling your cars. Were they just accidents, or were you using your cell phone or texting? I know how you are, and just because we have rules, doesn’t mean you will follow them. You probably needed more practice, or to take a good course. I sure hope you are a safe driver now that you have a few years of experience under your belt. And as your mom, you know I worry about you texting and driving because that’s something I can picture you doing most definitely.

Lately, I’ve been thinking of some of your funny stories, and have so many I want to ad to the blog. You sure told some good ones! I have just been so busy, it is hard to sit down and write.

Oh, BTW, I asked Daddy for my desk quite some time ago, and he never gave it to me. Do me a favor and ask him about it? I could use it. I could use a lot of other things that he owes me, but we’ll worry about that later. I keep hoping he’ll move in with his new girlfriend, Kim Chassion, and want to bring me some of my things. I could use him to do a few things around the house too. You know, since he took my home, he should have fixed up where I’m living with the things I need (shelves, lights, ceiling fans, etc.)

Stay safe! I hope the Easter Bunny is good to you!

Love, Mom

Another Emma Believe It Or Not

Posted on March 13, 2016 by losingemma

Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Buchheim, Katie Smith, Emma Kate Roey, Sophie Buchheim

Recently, I was traveling, and while driving along the coast and seeing the signs to Savannah, something popped into my head. I believe Emma was in 6th grade when the church youth group went on a try to Jekyll Island, Ga. to learn a little about bird banding. There was a couple at our church, Mr. and Mrs. P. who spent every fall banding birds and recording information. They’d been doing this for years. Emma seemed to enjoy the trip despite her complaining about the other kids. There was the one young lady that Emma never got along with, and Emma talked about how she latched on to one of the boys and spent the whole trip with him. (Perhaps a little jealousy there.)

This was also the trip where Emma complained about the new youth leader letting the girls watch the program “Sex and the City” and claimed that she picked up her sleeping bag and moved it to the kitchen. She claimed she told the group that she didn’t think her parents would want her watching that program. Whether or not that’s true, who knows? I think I can easily picture Emma making that story up to make herself sound a little high and mighty.
In 2007, Mrs. P. invited Emma and I to go to Jekyll while they were bird banding, since she knew we homeschooled and had a somewhat flexible schedule. We took her up on her offer and drove down there that September for a few days. Jekyll was beautiful, and learning about the bird banding was very interesting. We weren’t allowed to remove the birds from the nets, but we could hold the birds once they were handed to us. I was thrilled when I was able to recognize the subtle differences in some of the birds because when we first started, they all looked alike! In addition to Emma and myself, there was Mr. and Mrs. P, their grown son, and a friend of theirs who came down just before we left. Over dinner conversation, it was very clear that the politics of the group was liberal leaning, and Emma, being very opinionated, even as an 8th grader, did not like the conversations. As a mostly conservative myself, I agreed with somethings that were said and didn’t agree with some things, but it doesn’t upset me if my opinions differ from those around me. Emma, on the other hand, had no use for people whose perspectives were different from her own.
All in all, bird banding was a great educational experience.
A year or so later, when Emma was doing school on line, some of the ladies at church started a sewing group, and I thought Emma might enjoy that. Often, if I could let Emma do something without me, I would, to try to give her a little space without mommy always being around, so I took her to the group, but didn’t stay.
When I picked Emma up, she seemed to have enjoyed the group, but then started complaining about Mrs. P. and how she put down homeschooling, going on about homeschoolers being unsocialized, etc. Emma claimed that when Mrs. P. made some derogatory comment about homeschooling, Emma piped up and said, “Well, I’ve never known a pregnant homeschooler.”
Then Emma said, that another woman from our church, the mother of Savannah, one of the girls in the youth group, said something like, “Good one, Emma.”
I remember telling Phill about the incident, and it never occurred to us that it might not be true. We were kind of proud of Emma for speaking up, but sometime later, something bothered me about this story.Mrs. P. was a classy, polite, articulate, considerate, educated, kind lady. She’d known Emma for years, and knew Emma was homeschooled. I just cannot believe that she would have been putting down homeschooling in front of Emma, knowing that Emma was homeschooled, even if she did have feelings thoughts about it. She just wasn’t that type of person.
Have I called up Mrs. P. to ask her if this story even happened? No. I just classify this story under another Believe it or Not, and I’m not buying it.
So many times, I saw Emma be very judgmental against someone whose politics were different than Emma’s. That’s all it took for her to decide she didn’t like someone. I certainly hope she outgrows this behavior and can learn that people who think differently than you do can still have a lot to offer.
After we told my sister about Emma’s accusation of “molestation,” she later told me that Emma immediately told her that the priest she accused “molesting” her was a democrat. Doesn’t it seem a little odd that you claim to have been sexually abused by a priest, and one of the first things you tell someone about the situation is that he was a democrat?
I know this story is mall in comparison to some of the other things Emma’s done, but I think some of these small stories give you better insight into Emma’s personality, so I want to share them.
And Emma, I will give you credit for one thing though. You were right about your dad. I always joked about your dad being super smart but I wondered about his common sense sometimes. I guess in some ways, he is as dumb as you always said he was. Later on, I will tell you about your dad’s family and his relationships with them, and you can sort of understand why he is the way he is. (I would prefer not to write about this on the blog, but since we can’t talk in person I guess I will have to. And besides, nothing your dad or his family has in their history can be as bad as being a child abuser and attempted murderer, right? BTW, have you recovered from the residual effects of the DDT? I hope you are happy and healthy.)

Thank you to my readers! Please feel free to write me at: losingemma@gmail.com

Meeting the ex- with his new, ummm, Girlfriend?

Posted on February 5, 2016 by losingemma

Those of you that know me or have be following the blog, know this blog is mainly about Emma, but it’s also about me, as the estranged parent, navigating the waters through this whole ordeal of losing my child and my marriage. I can be a little sarcastic, or maybe tongue-in-cheek, which some find endearing, and others may find annoying. It is what it is and that’s just me. Enjoy!

Ft. Yargo

I guess there’s always going to be that time you see your ex-spouse for the first time since your divorce. For me, running into Phill was definitely a surprise. Was it some sort of cosmic joke, or did God put Phill in my path again for a reason? Or maybe put me in Phill’s path for a reason? I have yet to figure that one out!
I’d done my usual thing when I have a Saturday off from work and went to help with Pet adoptions. Because I’d had a long week at work and wasn’t home much, I took my little dog to adoptions as well as the three puppies I was transporting. Afterwards, I returned the puppies to their temporary home, and it was such a beautiful day, I wasn’t ready to go home. I almost took a walk where I dropped the puppies off, a familiar route to me, but I decided to go to Ft. Yargo instead. Those of you that know me know that I’m not going to go anywhere secluded, but it was such a nice day that thought there would enough people around that I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.
It was late afternoon. The sun was starting to go down, it was cooling off, and I didn’t have my jacket, so I wasn’t going to stay too long. I walked along the lake, and through the woods, and I picked out a spot where I would turn around. When I got to that spot, there was a couple coming towards me, and I heard my husband’s voice going on, talking about campers or RVs and he was saying something about how he wasn’t sure if he wanted a 5th wheel or something else………………. (As you can see, the divorce sure hasn’t financially hurt Phill any. He already bought one camper, and now he’s talking about another.)
You can imagine, I was shocked to see Phill and the woman he was walking with. I don’t know what I would have said if I’d had time to prepare, hopefully something humourus, witty or even a little caustic, but like I said, I was taken by surprise.
Phill and the woman walked even closer and he glanced at me and said hello. He looked down at my little dog and asked, “Friendly Chihuaha or unfriendly Chihuahua?”
To which I replied, “You don’t recognize your own dog?”
I wish I could have taken a picture of Phill’s face when he realized it was ME, the evil ex-wife! And I thought I was in shock! Phill was even worse! Of course afterwards, I wished I hadn’t said anything and just waited to see how long it took him to recognize me.
Phill reached down to pet his former dog, who paid no attention to him and didn’t even recognize him as being someone he knew.
I then asked “So, is this your girlfriend?”
Phill said, “Yes, this is Kim.” (Kimberly Garrett Chassion, a code enforcement supervisor and mother to Sydney Chassion) and then he turned to Kim and said, “My ex-.” (Apparently, I don’t have a name.)
Kim said hi and immediately corrected Phill, looking at me and saying, “We’re friends.”
I reminded Phill that the alimony was late again, and he claimed to have sent it. (I guess technically it’s alimony, but the amount Phill has to pay me came out to about ½ the depressed value of our home in the down economy. Not a bad deal to get rid of your wife and keep the house and all the furnishings!)

I didn’t really have anything to say. Phill continues to be in denial about all the things his daughter did, so I wasn’t going to get into a conversation with him. I just saw him as kind of pathetic. I didn’t even ask about Emma because Phill isn’t going to tell me anything, although I guess I should have asked about her health. Has she recovered from all the DDT I poisoned her with? Has she quit throwing up? What about the catatonia? What kind of mother am I that I didn’t show concern for all Emma’s made-up, over-dramatized health problems?
Phill said, “Well……….” and turned around and started walking away. Kim Chassion followed him. Since I was headed the same way, I let them get ahead of me before I started walking, although I stopped to take a picture of the happy couple.
The police didn’t show up at my house with a warrant or anything, so I guess I did good. After all, if I have a history of abusing my teenage daughter and then “blocking it out,” I can only imagine what I could have done to the “other woman” and then “blocked it out”! Maybe the reason Kim claimed to be “friends” with Phill and not his “girlfriend” was because she was in fear for her life! Whew! So glad Kim Chassion wasn’t harmed in our introduction.
And what about chivalry? Is it truly dead? Why didn’t Phill jump in front of the lovely Kim Chassion to protect her from the violent ex-with-no-name? After all, I was dangerous enough that he wanted to get a restraining order against his own wife? How could he leave Kim unprotected?
I do have to wonder what Kim Chassion thought of me. Did I appear as evil as Phill described? What does Kim think of Phill now that she’s met me and about all the things he did, having me thrown out of my home, taking my home, my daughter, my belongings? Perhaps Kim was in fear for her life, so that is why she so quickly downgraded her status from “girlfriend” to “friend.”
Friends and I joked about the things I could have said, like, “So, is this your NEW soulmate?” or “Is this the woman you were dating while we were married?”
That evening, a friend pointed out that I was wearing a sweatshirt with the big logo on the front of the rescue group where I volunteer. Phill had seen Emma and me wear these shirts every Saturday for about 7 or 8 years, so not only did he not notice his wife, he didn’t notice the shirt she was wearing was one he should have recognized, having seen the big logo so many times before. Phill must be pretty oblivious not to recognize his wife of 26 years or his dog.
Seriously though, Ft. Yargo was a place of many happy memories for our family. We took hikes there, cooked out, went canoeing, took the church youth group there……

Kim sounds like a lovely young lady, and appears to be a member of Celebrate Recovery at Hebron Baptist Church. I wonder if she’s met Emma and what she thinks of her. I wonder what she thinks of Phill supporting all of Emma’s lies about her friend being raped and attempting suicide, Emma’s claims of being poisoned with DDT by her mother………
And Kim Chassion, good luck honey, and Welcome to the family! I guess we will be wives-in-law. You can read the blog for our history, and if you have any questions, I’ll be happy to answer them.

PhillandKim

Happy Birthday, Emma!

Posted on December 20, 2015 by losingemma

Emma, I hope you had a wonderful 22nd birthday! Your first birthday as a married lady! Emma turned 22 on Dec. 19th.

And to my readers, I’m sorry to be so slow in finishing up my story about how Phill and Emma tried to get me to violate the Temporary Protective order. It’s coming! Like a lot of us, Nov. and Dec. are busy, busy! I am ready for things to slow down!

The other day, I had a facebook message that said I posted this picture 5 years ago:

I took this Photo when I was doing pet photos with Santa for the dog/cat rescue group we volunteered with. Emma always liked to assist me, helping people and pets get situated or making noises to get the pet to look at the camera, things like that. It was a challenging job as the pets weren’t always cooperative, but we had a lot of fun doing it and talking to people about their pets.

I loved this picture. Emma had that beautiful smile after all the torturing we did to her with braces. This picture was just a couple of short weeks before Emma had Dr. Genie Burnett (Manna Treatment and Counseling, 965 Oakland Rd, Bldg 3, Suites D&E,Lawrenceville, Ga 30044 Tel: 770-495-9775 Fax: 770-495-9745 GA.) call the police to say Emma was being physically abused by her mother. We had such a great time on this day. I certainly didn’t see any signs of abuse in the way Emma was acting. You’d think if her mother was abusing her, she wouldn’t want to go hang out with her mother at adoptions every Saturday. Funny.

As for Dr. Genie, Manna Treatment moved their practice from Duluth to Lawrenceville, opened and closed another location in Marietta, and hopefully is sticking to her forte of eating disorders. I’ve often wondered what therapists do when they mess up, especially a good Christian counselor like Dr. Genie. Apparently nothing. They certainly don’t want to admit they were taken in and fooled by a lying 16 year old. Doesn’t make them look very professional, does it?

Anyway, Emma, let me wish you a Merry Christmas, as I’m probably not going to have much time this week. I wanted to text you on your birthday and wish you a happy birthday, but I know you’d threaten me with a restraining order, so I certainly won’t do that and I’ll just keep writing here.

Thank you to my readers for you love and support.

Emma and her Dad try to get a Restraining Order

Posted on November 15, 2015 by losingemma

Emma frequently came in and laid on our bed to hand out and chat with me before I became that evil mommy! Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey

You can read in my earlier posts (July 12, 2014 through August 17, 2014) about the Temporary Protective Order that Phill took out on me. I’m sure this was under the advice of his attorney, Seth Eisenberg (Bovis, Kyle, and Burch LLC).

Phill had been getting legal advice about Emma’s so-called molestation from one of his RC buddies, Mike. I believe it was Mike Howell, but there were a lot of Mikes, so I’m not really sure. It could have been Mike Downey. Hmm, I will look into it and see if I can clarify which Mike, but Mike was a former attorney himself. I’m just assuming Phill got his attorney, Seth Eisenberg, from some kind of recommendation from one of the Mikes.

My own attorney later told me that Seith Eisenberg told him, when they spoke privately, that Phill brought Emma with him to almost every appointment. He also said Emma asked every time she came about getting a restraining order against her mom. Seth told my attorney that he thought Emma was crazy and he would handle Phill’s divorce, but he wanted nothing to do with “that kid.”

It’s too bad attorney’s don’t get involved personally and maybe Seth could have told Phill that he thought there was something wrong with Emma and that maybe he needed to look into things a little further before he threw away his wife, but hey, I understand divorce attorneys aren’t counselors. They are there to make a buck off of someone else’s troubles. I did learn from MY personal experience that attorneys don’t think much of therapists and therapists don’t think much of attorneys, and neither of them have much nice to say about DFACS. Some of that was amusing anyway………..

In getting the TPO, two sheriff’s deputies showed up at my door (while Phill conveniently was out) and allowed me to pack a suitcase and leave my home. The sheriff’s deputies warned me about coming anywhere near my home or Phill or Emma, and not being stupid, I had no intention of doing such. Actually, the TPO was regarding Emma, but I wasn’t going to take any chances and was not going to get near Phill either. I was so shocked, stunned, distraught, and overwhelmed by the whole thing. Here I was, my husband of almost 27 years and my best friend had decided I was a child abuser and threw me out of my home. I loved Phill with all my heart and thought we could get through any difficulty together because we were a team. I just didn’t know I’d been fired, kicked off the team, or traded, or however you want to look at it. Phill sure had the element of surprise on his side. I knew Emma was lying, but I never expected my husband fall apart like he did and let her take over. I still thought we were a team and somehow, we would get through this. Now, I understand more about teens with control issues and how this was all partly a big power struggle, and how Emma won, but then again, she got a lot of help from her dad.

To be continued……….

Losing Emma

Tag Archives: Emma Kate Roey