Tag Archives: Divorce

Happy 24th Birthday, Emma Buchheim

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My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler).  Emma works in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as an insurance underwriter.   Emma and Tyler are the parents to two little dogs, Arya and Sansa.  (Emma is a huge Game of Thrones fan.)  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

Happy Birthday Emma—— #24!

Wow! I was writing last week in anticipation of Emma’s birthday, and then it almost slipped by me! December 19th used to be the most special day of the year to me, the birth of my baby girl (December 19, 1993). You look at your child growing year by year, and can’t imagine your life without her, and her birthday is kind of like Christmas, a day to remind you of this very special gift you were given. I remember, as I got older thinking how it is such a short time that we have our children. You give birth and raise them, and they are so all consuming that they take up your entire life, and then, if you raise them right, they spread their wings and go out on their own, and then when you think about it, we really only have our children for maybe 1/5th of our life, and then they have their own life. Then, the time we have with them seems so short. In an ideal world, that’s how it is supposed to be, and even though Emma has done some horrible things, she’s still my little girl, and I’ll always love her. Here’s the post I wrote last week:

I’ve been thinking about Emma’s upcoming birthday and her turning 24 years old. Not too long ago, I was shopping for a birthday card for a friend and saw one that made me think of Emma, and that reminded me of a card I had wanted to purchase for Emma a few years before.

On Emma’s 18th birthday, I wasn’t going to contact her lest she take out a restraining order, and, per my attorney, she’d asked Phill’s attorney, Seith Eisenberg over and over again about getting a restraining order against her mother. Then, when Emma knew I would be at a ladies’ bible study group, down the street from our Buck Trail, Hoschton home, Emma called the police and claimed a car that looked like her mother’s pulled up in the driveway! (It was dark when she made the claim, and from the house you would only be able to see headlights, so she wouldn’t have been able to tell what kind of car it was if indeed someone pulled up in our driveway, but since people frequently did turn around in our driveway, it’s possible that it did happen. Fortunately, I suspected Emma might pull something like this and had friends follow me into the neighborhood and follow me out so that I would have witnesses if Emma tried to claim something even worse happened.) Oh, noooooo, I sure wasn’t going to send my daughter a birthday card, but I happened to be card shopping one day in December of 2011 and saw the card I wanted to send Emma. It was pink and had a Chihuahua on it, right up Emma’s alley. (Although, oddly enough, I took our little Chihuahua with me when Phill had me thrown out of our home, and Emma never asked about him, up until his death, and one of the reasons we adopted the little guy was because Emma wanted a small dog so badly. Odd that she cared nothing of him once hie was gone, but Emma now owns tow chi/mixes, Arya and Sansa.)

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Emma Roey, Emma Kate Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Buchheim, Emma Katherine Buchheim, Emma Kate Buchheim

 

That card I wanted to buy Emma, the old Emma, the Emma I thought I knew, was pink, with a chihuahua on it, and on the front it said, “I smile because you’re my daughter.” and when you opened it up, it read, “I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.” Ok, if you’re on any kind of social media, you’ve probably seen this meme with the word “daughter” interchangeable for sister, mother, etc. I’ve seen it many times since then, but this was the first time I’d seen it and I thought it was sweet and funny, and of course since Emma loved Chihuahuas, it seemed perfect, but I didn’t get it. A birthday card from her mother might be too traumatic for 18 year old Emma.

It never fails, around the holidays, I find something I would like to get for Emma, and I remember back in 2011buying some earrings I wanted to give to her, and I’d read the book, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson Ph.D. and thought Emma could use that book, sort of like a book of devotionals, just something you pick up once a day or so to remind you what’s important in life. I also found a purse that I thought Emma would love. It was quirky and cute and just reminded me of Emma in one of her silly moods.

Now, several years later, I have no idea what Emma likes. Is green still her favorite color? Did she ever learn to eat anything at the Chinese restaurant other than egg drop soup and sesame chicken? Did she ever try anything at the Mexican restaurant besides a cheese quesadilla? Did she ever learn to like any vegetables besides green beans and corn? Living next-door to a vegetarian for several years, I learned a lot about cooking vegetables, and I would love to tell Emma to learn how to roast her vegetables, and maybe this year I would get her a hot air fryer as I got myself one and I love cooking vegetables with it. I wanted to tell Emma that Brussel sprouts are now my favorite after hating them for 50 years. Emma and I used to make a lot of noise when we’d come home and Phill would have microwaved these nasty noodle-type pot stickers that were gross and smelled so bad. Even now, I’m not sure I would like those nasty things Phill used to make (they were meant to be fried, but there were all soggy and just kind of gross) but I do love brussel sprouts.

Sometimes, I’ll read a book or see a movie and think how Emma would have loved it. I miss our discussions over books, movies, current events. Lately, I’ve been watching A&E’s Scientology and the Aftermath, and it made me more curious about Scientology and cults, and I’ve wondered how people get sucked in to these things that sound so crazy to me, so I’ve watched a few other programs, read some things on line, and am waiting on Tony Ortega’s book The Unbreakable Miss Lovely, which I put a hold on at the library. (Wow, talk about being falsely accused! I’m thankful Emma hadn’t read this book! It would have just given her more ideas on how to frame her mother!) I thought how much I would have enjoyed watching these programs and discussing them with Emma. I remember a conversation we had about cults and religion when Emma was about 15 or 16. I wonder what else Emma watches besides Game of Thrones. I know Tyler is a big Notre Dame fan, so did Emma ever get into watching football? Since Tyler wrote some kind of golf links program, I’m assuming he plays golf, and I wonder if Emma likes golf too? Emma always hated exercise, so I wonder if she ever found anything she likes to do.

Does Emma like her job? Is insurance something she wants to do long term? I would love to know how Emma got into being an underwriter. I would love to have one of those relationships, like my friends have with their adult kids, where I would get a daily text, “Hi mom….” but that is something not meant to be at this time in my life, and I’m really ok with it. Emma is not the person she pretends to be, and she and I both know it, so they only way she can keep up the pretense is to cut out those in her life who know the truth about her.

I’ve also been thinking about how supposedly the brain is mature around age 25, so Emma has one more year to go. As I understand it, the part of the brain that handles rational thought is not fully developed until then, and that sure makes a lot of sense with Emma! I guess in another year, she will be what she will be, so it will be interesting to see how she is then. Looking at all the things Emma’s done, it’s a little scary that she was considered an adult at 18, and yet I know a great group of college kids, and while they are young, I see a maturity in them then I don’t think Emma ever had. Emma knew how to “act” mature, but that’s not the same thing. Was Emma’s “storytelling” just part of her growing up and every story was like a rehearsal for her, a practice of her craft, so to speak? Was Emma’s harmless lying just practice for her version of a “shaggy dog” story?

And what about Emma’s habit of lying? Looking back, I realize Phill and I were way to trusting of everything Emma said, and almost everything Emma said about kids at school, kids a church, her youth group leaders, neighbors, etc. was a lie. Most of these were fairly harmless lies, and Emma could be so convincing, but with so many lies, I wonder if Emma is even capable of telling the truth.

When Emma, my sister, and I went up to the William Holland School in Young Harris, Ga. for a week, I think it was either 2009 or 2010, Emma was trying out her new found maturity. Emma kept putting on this fake voice and talking to people. As her mother, it was really weird to listen to my daughter who did not sound like herself at all stand there and have a conversation with someone. These people didn’t know her, so they didn’t know what she normally sounded like. I just wanted to say, “Cut it out. Do you not know how ridiculous you sound?” but I didn’t say a word. Later on, my sister and I were having a conversation about teens or something, and she mentioned like Emma and her fake voice, and how she was trying it out, finding herself or whatever. Thank goodness that phase was fairly short lived and Emma went back to sounding like her normal self again, but remembering Emma and her fakey voice made me wonder if her lying was just part of her growing up, too, sort of a way to try out things. A lot of Emma’s lies seemed more like attempts to tell a great story. Is that what she was doing or is she really a compulsive or a pathological liar? I guess time will tell.

And of course, there’s Emma’s ever elusive conscience. Does she have one? I’ve heard a couple of people with mental illness say that they wanted to study psychology to figure out what was wrong with themselves. That’s a scary thought. Emma’s therapist, Dr. Genie Burnett, who Emma thought was way cool and understood her so much better than her mother did, grew up with an eating disorder, so was that why she studied psychology? To understand her own issues better? It’s kind of scary to think of these people, who have their mental illnesses or personality disorders getting degrees so they can “help” others. I’ve talked to enough people who’ve told me about their own negative experiences with therapy, so I can’t help but wonder if a lot these “bad therapists” became therapists because they knew they were lacking something in themselves, so they had to study other people. I remember in college, in a psychology class, when our teacher was lecturing and started bawling, and I think it was one of our other teacher, after we told her about this strange encounter, who told us that anyone who works in psychology or therapy she would guarantee is in some kind of therapy themselves. We all thought that seemed to make sense because our crazy psych teacher sure seemed to need some kind of therapy.

Along with wanting to become a therapist herself after her time being influenced by Dr. Genie Burnett (Manna Treatment and Counseling), Emma may have partly been interested in drama so she could learn how to act normal. Someone said that to me once, that Emma doesn’t know how to feel, but she knows what she is supposed feel and she knows how she is supposed to act, and as Emma’s mom, that makes a lot sense. (But if you know Emma, you have to know how loves being the start of the show, so part of Emma’s love for drama is her love for the attention it brought her as well.)

The one thing I wish for Emma is peace. I’m afraid she is a very troubled soul, and I hope one day she gets help, if it turns out she can be helped. As Emma’s mother, I’m going to keep telling her story. If my daughter is going to accuse me of abuse and of poisoning her with DDT, I will continue to call her out on it. Emma knows I will happily take down the blog if she steps up and takes responsibility for what she’s done, but she’s not ready to do that yet. Emma knows as well that my door is always open to her. Well, I guess not literally. I don’t feel like I could safely let Emma into my home without a witness present. Lord only knows what she would accuse me of next. Maybe what I should say is that my phone is always open to Emma should she want to call. I don’t expect to hear from her anytime soon though. She still has some growing up to do.

When I was married, I was very sheltered, which probably wasn’t a good thing for an introvert. My world was Phill and Emma. As horrible as losing my family was, there are a lot of good things that have come out of it since. All those things you’ve heard, like “Life is a journey not a destination.” start to make sense, and I realize the power I have in my own life. I was one of Emma’s victims, but I’m not going to wallow in it. I’m a survivor and a lot tougher than I would have thought. Emma seemed to live in a victim role. The scenery may have changed, but Emma kept playing the same role. For me, going back to work has been and adventure and a learning experience. Working with the public has made me wonder many things. Sometimes I think there may be a lot more mental illness out there than people realize. Other times, I hear stories that would break your heart, and I wish Emma could realize how difficult some people have it, and that there was no need for her to make up all the drama in her life. If she lived the way some people have had to, I wonder if she would appreciate all that she truly had. Phill and I used to say how happy we were that our lives were so boring, while we didn’t necessarily mean “boring” but really just meant that we didn’t have a lot of drama. I hope one day Emma can appreciate a boring life.

So Emma, Happy Birthday, and here’s your card:

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Lot’s of Love,

Mom

P.S. Since I probably won’t have another chance to write before Christmas, I want to wish you and Tyler a very Merry Christmas as well! And be sure to tell Sherry, Bob, and Caitlin Merry Christmas from your mother as well.

The Apology That Never Came, Part 3

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My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in Frisco, Texas where Tyler, who has put architecture on hold, is studying to be a Full Stack Developer at the Flatiron School in an effort to avoid a midlife crisis (according to Tyler).  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

The Apology that Never Came Part 3

I Thought My Husband Was a Better Man

All throughout the divorce process, I thought my husband would have to come to his senses. I was so wrong. I made a lot of mistakes during the divorce because I believed in my husband and just knew sooner or later he would do the right thing. I didn’t know what was going on in his head, and yes, I think part of it was a midlife crisis. All of a sudden, Phill was free and he had Emma at home to take care of things there, so he could spend as much of his free time as he wanted traveling the country going to RC airplane events and hanging out with his RC buddies, drinking beer, flying planes etc. Sooner or later, Phill would have to face the truth. Emma was a big fat liar. While Phill was off playing with toy airplanes and driving around the country, I was researching into a lot of Emma’s stories and finding out more and more lies. It seemed almost everything Emma had ever told us was a lie.

Once Emma called me from a church youth group meeting, making fun of Phill. She claimed she was so embarrassed by her dad trying to act all cool, saying dumb things and doing the fist bump thing with her friend and sometimes crush Rob Simmons. When Phill got home, I asked him what in the world he was doing and he said he only said hi to Rob and shook his hand. That is just an example of how easily Emma lied. She didn’t even have to plot and scheme to make up a story (although she did that at times, too). The lies just came out so easily.

Emma often lied about doing her chores and all the things I thought were regular kid stuff, but something that stuck in my head was how you could catch Emma red handed and she would still lie. Like a lot of good moms, I tried to limit Emma’s sweets, and we had to lock up any candy, chocolate chips, and even marshmallows or they would disappear. One day, when making a cup of tea, Emma turned up the Sugar container (the glass kind with the metal top, like you find in a diner) and dumped a heaping helping of sugar into her mouth, and I said, “Emma! Don’t eat sugar straight out of the container.” and Emma looked right at me and denied it. I was right there in the kitchen and saw her and she kept denying it. I never understood that part of Emma either.

I knew my husband was a good man, and he was going to have to come to his senses sooner or later. Emma had lied about so, so much. How could he still believe she was molested by the priest? When I emailed him other examples of Emma’s lying, Phill refused to discuss Emma with me. I kept researching and thinking that maybe the next example or the next would help Phill realize what a mistake he made in the way he treated his wife. Well, I’m still waiting for Phill to come to his senses.

During the divorce, I believed sooner or later Phill would face the truth, apologize, and we would get back together, that’s how stupid and naive I was. I always believed my husband was a good man who would take care of his family. I thought Phill believed in our marriage, and would realize it was worth saving. Wrong again.

Maybe coming from a divorced family had something to do with Phill’s handling of Emma’s problems. Phill came from a family who just walked away when things got tough. I’d heard his mother often say that life was too short to be unhappy, and Phill’d been brought up seeing his mother with two failed marriages and multiple boyfriends. I always thought I’d gotten the prize in that family, Phill, who didn’t want to be like the rest of his family and was committed to his marriage. We were a loving couple, and happy, and I thought we set a good example for Emma of what a good marriage was, and I hoped when she married, she would realize that having two loving parents, who loved each other was indeed a blessing. I never thought I’d be competing with my own daughter for my husband, but that’s what happened. Emma became Phill’s second wife until she married Tyler.

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Emma studying her monologue when when she was taking Drama under Bonnie Roberts and Jackson County Comprehensive High School.  All those drama classes paid off!  Emma, did you ever return that book to Ms. Roberts?

Interestingly enough, on the side of the statistics, I have two sisters who have both been married about 35 and 42 years (if my math is right). Both couples have faced some of life’s difficulties, and yet they have stayed married. Also, both my brother-in-laws came from intact homes. Phill fit right into the profile of a child of divorce. Sadly, I saw my sisters and their husbands face challenges and I always thought I was so lucky I was married to Phill because we would be able to get through whatever difficulties came our way. I believed in my husband that much. Yep, wrong again.

One of the mistakes I made during the divorce was to let Phill have the house. Of course, at the time, I thought Phill would wake up and we would get back together, so I wasn’t going to destroy our home. I should have forced Phill to sell the house, or to live in it until the market appreciated and then sell it.

By throwing me out of our home, Phill the advantage and kept EVERYTHING. I think of some of the gifts he got me for my birthday, Christmas, etc., and hope he and Kim Chassion are enjoying my things. The only things Phill put in the storage locker for met to have were personal items such as books, clothes, and old records, and not even all of my records. You would think that Kimberly Chassion, having her own home, in I think it was Auburn, Ga, would not want her new man’s ex-wife’s things. That just seems odd. Or maybe Phill is just mean enough that he wanted to get rid of my things to make room for Kimberly, but didn’t want me to have them. It doesn’t really matter. I recently bought a home and am slowly acquiring things. When you lose your husband and your daughter in such a nightmare like I did, things are not that important. (but Phill darling, I could use some tools, so could I borrow a drill, our chainsaw, the hedge trimmers………….Oh probably not.)

That is pretty much it in a nutshell. I always thought my husband was a better man. I knew that sooner or later, he would face the facts and right the wrongs that he had done. Of course, knowing Phill, I also know how hard it is for him to admit his mistakes, but I always believed in my husband and believed he’d stand up and do what was right. I was wrong. After nearly 27 years of marriage, I guess I didn’t know my husband well at all.

It’s kind of funny. I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me about my divorce and if my husband left me for a younger woman. A friend of mine once piped up, “Yes, his own daughter!” I’ve heard plenty of jokes about Phill and Phill thinking with his “little Phill” and I’ve even jokingly called Phill “Flatworld Phill.” I loved my husband and always believed he’d do the right thing, and always believed that he loved me and would honor his marriage vows. I thought Phill would do whatever he had to to take care of his family. I guess there are worse things in life than to think that someone is a better person that they actually are. I am not the first wife to be betrayed by her husband, and I won’t be the last.

I feel kind of sad when I think of Emma and Tyler because their whole marriage is based on Emma’s lies. I’ve joked about Tyler Buchheim, my “future ex-son-in-law,” but it makes me sad to feel like Emma and Tyler’s marriage is doomed. With the divorce rate as high as it is for healthy relationsips, I can’t help but feel that Emma’s marriage is a sinking ship. Maybe she’s straighten herself out before her marriage fails, but I doubt it. Emma is in too deep to save face now. I’ve wondered if Emma will get pregnant when her marriage starts to fail in an effort to hold on to Tyler. Whatever happens, it will be an interesting ride for poor Tyler.

Emma and the Other Woman

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My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California where Emma sells insurance.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

Emma and the Other Woman

I’ve wondered a couple of things about Emma and the other woman. First, I was the other woman, but I was too stupid to realize I was in a competition, and I lost. I also didn’t know the rules for playing against someone who has what I assume is an anti-social personality. They don’t play by the same rules as the rest of us, and they will do anything to win. If you fight fair, you don’t have a chance.

As I’ve written, I’m not sure that Emma has a conscience. Ok, as her mom who raised her for 17 years, I really don’t think Emma has a conscience. I would LOVE to be proven wrong, and I don’t think you, dear reader, can imagine how much I would love to be proven wrong on this. I want to think Emma has a heart and a moral compass, and I pray for God’s healing for her everyday, but I can’t say I’m hopeful. I think Emma is what she is. Supposedly 1 out of 25 people is a sociopath, and as much as I hate to say it, I think my daughter is one of them. I pray everyday that I’m wrong, but there is something very wrong with Emma. When you’re pregnant you worry about every little thing that could go wrong with the baby, and I was so happy Emma had all her fingers and toes and was a happy, beautiful baby, and I thought Phill and I could raise her to be a decent human being, someone who would make a positive difference in the world, but I never worried about my child having a personality disorder. That was never something that occurred to me. I could never have imagined what kind of person my daughter would turn out to be.

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Emma loved cowboy boots when she was little!  I will never forget her wearing her pretty Christmas dress to church when she was three with her ugly brown (hand-me-down) cowboy boots!  It was precious!

So, if Emma is a sociopath, how does she feel about the other woman in her dad’s life? I can’t tell you the number of people who’ve said to me, “Oh, just wait until Phill gets a girlfried. She’d better look out! Emma will take care of her!” I’ve often thought that Emma got me out of the way, and that was her goal, so she probably doesn’t give her mother a second thought. Mission accomplished. But, then again, I’ve wondered if her dad having a new squeeze made Emma happy that she could stick it to her mother one more time or did she even think of that? Is she so wrapped up in her California life with Tyler, trying to prove what a grownup she is, that she doesn’t even care about having a stepmom? I’m reading and learning about personality disorders and people like Emma, but I know I will never be quite the authority like all of Emma’s therapists.

And, being the good little Christian girl that Emma is, I’m sure Emma wants her dad and Kim Chassion married and not living in sin anymore.

I’m sure at first, Emma will love Kim Chassion and call her “mom” like she called Sandra Brooks McCravy “Mommy.” And, in addition to another mommy figure, Emma gets a new “sister” in Sydney Chastain. Emma always wanted a sister and resented me for not having more children. She often said ugly things to me about being an only child and how I didn’t give her a sister, and she was always trying to adopt younger girls at church to be their big sister. At one time, I thought Emma was just being sweet to the younger girls, but now I think part of this was because Emma didn’t do well with peers her own age, so by gathering a flock of younger girls, she could be the authority figure and be in control, and be in charge, and they would listen to her and do what she wanted.

As for Phill, I mentioned that for 26 years, 9 months, and 14 days Phill loved being married, and I have no doubt that he wants to be married again, if he’s not already. Phill told me almost daily how happy he was to be married to me, and he often brought up that we had the longest lasting marriage in his family. Phill hates being alone and always missed me terribly whenever I was gone for more than a few days. In other ways, Phill wants to be married, so he can say, “This is my wife……….” and pretend that he is as normal as possible. He will no longer have to talk about his ex-wife, and we all know when you meet a 59 year old with a girlfriend, everyone speculates, “Is he divorced?” “Never married?” “What’s the deal?”

I have wondered what Kimberly Chassion thinks of our divorce? Are there any red flags going up? I’ve known a lot of women that will take a man, any man, just to have one and will not question anything he says because they want a man so badly, but I have wondered. Does Kim just blindly believe everything Phill says? Has she picked up on that there’s something not quite right with Emma yet?

I want to learn more about men and their midlife crises, and that it something I plan on reading more about in the future, but I just haven’t gotten to it yet. How do you go from telling your wife how much you love her and then turn on a dime and say you’ve “put up with a lot” and “there’s too much water under the bridge?” And then, instead of a sports car, you buy RC airplanes and travel the country being a pretend pilot, hanging out, talking toy air planes, and drinking beer with your buddies.

But I digress……….. Anyway, I think there will be sort of a honeymoon phase for Emma, and she will love her new mom and new sister at first. What Kimberly Chassion and Sydney Chassion need to know is that Emma will lie TO them and Emma will lie ABOUT them. That is just Emma. After I looked back on it, I realised Emma lied about almost everyone she ever knew. Phill choose not to believe Emma has a problem even though I pointed out lie after lie after lie, but deep down, he knows the truth. He just has to take the easy way, and not facing Emma’s problems is how Phill needs to deal with things right now. I loved my husband, and one of the endearing things about him was his easy going personality, but along with that easy going personality is a passiveness, and Phill doesn’t like to rock the boat. Phill doesn’t like to make the difficult decisions, I always had to, right up until he had me thrown out of our home, and then Emma took over as the decision maker of the family.

Whatever happens, Kimberly Chassion and Sydney Chassion will find out that life with Emma won’t be boring.

To be Transformed

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My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California where Emma sells insurance.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

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Emma helping with a Fundraiser for the Dog/Cat Rescue

Transformed

A few months ago, I ran into a couple of people (separately) I hadn’t seen in quite some time. One, was a young woman, Emma’s age, who knew Emma as a teen, and she said to me, “How’s the Demon child?” I laughed and we talked for a bit, not about Emma, but just catching up.

That same week, I ran into another person who’d known Emma, who asked something along similar lines as the “demon child.” I kept thinking about how it just seemed funny that I ran into two people I hadn’t seen in years and they both asked about Emma in the same way, joking about the awful things she’d done. Both of these people liked Emma when they knew her, but they just didn’t believe Emma’s tales of abuse.

A short time later, I heard from an old friend that Emma and I went to our “small group” with, and I hadn’t seen her in 4 or 5 years. She asked about Emma, and I told her what I knew and she said she would pray that Emma’s heart is transformed.

What a sweet thought. If Emma only knew how many people have prayed for her. Can Emma’s heart be transformed? Can Emma be healed? If you have faith, you believe that God can change someone’s heart. It does happen. It has not happened in the time I wished for it to happen. It may not happen in my lifetime.

Now, if you know me, you know I believe there is something very wrong with Emma. I would like to NOT believe this. I would like to think there’s still hope that my daughter will grow up and stop being the victim. I would like to think Emma will take some responsibility for her actions. I would like to think we raised her better, and that Emma will stand up, admit her wrongs, and we could all move forward, but Emma is too tangled in her web of deceit. Things have gone too far. There are too many people that Emma would have to face if she told the truth now. There are too many people that would have to know Emma was not who she pretended to be.

If you’ve ever worked with the public, you start to notice that there’s probably a whole lot of undiagnosed mental illness out there. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard someone (who works with the public) talk about this “crazy customer” or that “crazy client,” etc. And some folks believe we are all just a little bit crazy in some way or another. Some of us just hide it better than others. I would like to believe that Emma could quit her acting and grow up, but in all honesty, I’m not very optimistic.

All of this makes me very sad for Emma. She’s a young married lady, and her whole marriage is based on lies. She lied to Tyler about who she is and lied to his family to get them to take her in. She played the poor victim who wasn’t safe living at home alone while her dad was on over-the-road truck driver for UPS, so she got the Buchheim, and in particular, Tyler’s grandparents, the Knopp family, to welcome her into their home in Ohio. Who couldn’t feel sorry for this poor young thing, a victim of sexual abuse and physical abuse. Emma needed to be taken care of, and she was so sweet and charming, that everyone loved her.

As a mother, you want to see your daughter grow up and be an adult, and Emma is certainly and adult now, married, and working, but her whole life is based on lies. She knows it, and I know it, and anyone else who figures it out will be cut out of Emma’s life because that is what she does. Emma is like the drug addict who can’t kick the habit. They can be wonderful and charming when they’re clean, but then they fall back into their old habits. Some of them do make it out of the abyss, and are able to put the past behind them, but many aren’t and just keep repeating the same pattern again and again.

Raising Emma, I knew I made a lot of mistakes as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, in all my roles as a failed human being, but I truly understand that life is a journey, and I’m still on that journey. I always thought that with whatever mistakes we made, Phill and I were still doing something right with Emma. I looked around at all the messed up kids in the world, grateful that that wasn’t my kid. My kid was doing ok. She was going to be just fine. She was smart and talented and could do whatever she wanted to in life. We gave her a stable, loving home, and a good basic education, that she could be whatever she wanted to be. I knew the odds weren’t that Emma would actually go to medical school (specifically YALE) like she talked about for years, but I always believed that if Emma wanted to become a doctor, she could. I never imagined what kind of things were going on in Emma’s head. We knew she lied, but we thought they were just typical childhood fibs, and we had no idea that Emma’s lying was growing in such a way that they were out of control.

One of the things that makes me sad is Emma’s marriage to Tyler Buchheim. It seems like starting off a marriage with so many lies gives a foreboding prediction of Emma and Tyler’s future. The lies will accumulate and Tyler will realize that the marriage is one big lie. As Emma’s mom, I want to smack her on the rump (but not in any child-abuse kind of way) and tell her to sit down with her husband and get this all straightened out so they can get the marriage on the right footing. Tyler is not a dummy. He went to Notre Dame for gosh sakes. I know he’s young and in love, but he’s going to figure this out sooner or later. Being a good Catholic, I wonder if Tyler would get the marriage annulled based on fraud? Come on, Emma, save your marriage before it’s too late. But, alas, I’m just the long distance mom and have no power. As always, Emma’s going to do what Emma’s going to do. Or, as a friend so aptly put it, “She’s made her bed, and she’s going to keep lying in it.” (Get it?)

I know I joke, because humor is what gets you through, or at least it does for me, but I pray for Emma daily, and who knows? Maybe her heart will be transformed one day. Maybe she will be the young woman I always thought she could be. I want to tell Emma, “You’re better than that, Emma.” but, sadly, I’m not sure she is. I would like to think so, and maybe one day she will be, but I’m so sad for who she is right now. I have no power but to tell her story.

Someone recently posted this clip from Rocky’s inspirational speech to his son on Facebook, and it reminded me of Emma. Enjoy:

The Husband – The Gift That Keeps on Giving, Part 2

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If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California where Emma sells insurance.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

The Husband – The Gift That Keeps Giving, Part 2

So, in going through some of my things, I noticed it was just small personal things. Mostly a lot of junk I don’t want now like lots of clothes and books.  Phill gets to decide what is mine and what isn’t.   Phill had already told me I couldn’t have the desk he gave me for my birthday one year. I couldn’t have any furniture or anything else because I didn’t take it immediately. (I was still stupid enough to think that Phill would come to his senses and do the right thing, even after the divorce.)

I emailed Phill and mentioned a Wolf print by Carl Brenders that we had hanging over our fire place. It was either 1991 or 1992 that Phill got it for my birthday. We’d gotten some fall catalogs, and I saw this print and loved it. A close friend had some smilar wolf prints, and I’d always admired hers.

Carl Brenders

Phill was going to surprise me with the print for my birthday, but the UPS man kind of ruined it. (Those darn UPS men! They ruin everything. Even their marriages!) I came home from work, and the print was leaning up against the garage. Phill had beat me home from work, thinking he would be there to get the print, if it came that day, and hide it before my birthday. He was upset the the UPS man had just left it there and never rang the bell, so I got to open up my birthday present early.

Then, after lugging through some of the stuff in the storage unit, I found some things that were in my closet, but not some photo albums that I had. Since Phill had threatened to block my texts some time ago (2 or 3 years, I think?) I’d never texted him since, but since I was sitting here with my phone, I thought “What the heck.” and texted him a message:

“Just wondered what you did with our wedding photos?”

About 30 minutes later, I got this e-mail:

I failed to renew the block on your number, I have fixed that. I have never been afraid to face you, but you showed me that was pointless early on.

If you want the wolf print I will put it in the storage unit Friday. It was not a birthday present but a joint anniversary present. You can also have the wedding album if you want it. This is the last of things you will get. I tried repeatedly for years to get your things, and you chose not to.

Let me know,

Phill

 

Failed to renew the block on my number? What does that mean? I thought once you block someone, that’s it. They are blocked. Ok, whatever. Technology is not my forte.

Phill used to save all our receipts, so I thought he probably still had them. He had files and files crammed with old statements, bills, etc. When I emailed back and said he might want to check the credit card statements, I got this message from Phill:

 

Fine, If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. I don’t think I am and you know the receipts are long gone. Please just answer the question.

 

Boy do we have different memories!! I know that’s true for everyone. The brain does funny things.

It’s not really the wolf print I want to talk about though. Phill gave it to me, and it was mine, but I considered it “ours” and if Phill wants to keep it, along with everything else, he might as well have that too. Even though he offered it to me, if he treated the print like he’s treated the rest of my things, I wouldn’t want it anyway, so please just keep it and take care of it. Since our 34th anniversary is coming up, he can have it as an anniversary gift, or it can be a wedding gift for him and Kim Chassion.

What is interesting to me is the tone of Phill’s emails. Now, I’ll admit, I loved my husband. I didn’t want a divorce. He broke my heart and let our 17 year old daughter take over my role as woman of the house while he went off gallivanting, playing with toy air planes and drinking with his beer buddies. (No, nothing incestuous, just that Emma started acting like the wife doing the shopping, cooking, taking care of the pets, going out with her dad, etc. I joke about Emma was Phill’s 2nd wife and Kim will be his 3rd.) It has taken me 6 years to be able to write about Phill. I was so heartbroken that I just couldn’t. I couldn’t even talk about the divorce for a few years. It was too painful. I had my close friends, but when others would ask me, I would say I was divorced and leave it at that. I just couldn’t say anymore. And, part of me believed that my husband would eventually do the right thing. I know Phill well enough to know his weaknesses, and he just can’t face the truth, even 6 years later.  I have survived, however.

 

Emma had to cut me out of her life because she knows I know the truth, so it’s a lot easier to say to people that she was abused by her horrible mother because her mother isn’t there to speak up. That’s ok. That’s part of Emma’s personality, whether you want to call it a personality disorder or mental illnes or whatever. It is just who she is, a perpetual victim.

 

So anyway, a couple of things I thought were interesting in Phill’s e-mails were his tone. I’ve contacted him once by text in the past few years, and he got so upset, he got that “fixed.” Really? One text from you ex-wife is such a harassment that you have to put a block on? Ok, so sorry to have upset you so deeply, dear husband.

The other thing I thought was interesting was Phill’s “pointless” comment. It was pointless to deal with your wife, so you have your wife thrown out of your home. It was pointless to stand up to your 17 year old daughter who manipulated you into doing her bidding. It was pointless to get your family into therapy to figure out what was going on. After finding out your daughter’s friend wasn’t raped and didn’t attempt suicide, so there went Emma’s excuse for her “repressed memories,” it was pointless to look into Emma’s story. After finding out Emma was claiming her mother had poisoned her with DDT and claimed to have a pathology report to prove it, it was pointless to discuss this with your wife, let’s just let Emma go on her merry way, telling lies wherever she goes.  (Poor Tyler.  I’m really hoping he can be the man that Emma is going to need him to be, or does he take after his dad, Robert, whom Emma described as a “wimp?”)

Anyone that’s been married a while knows that it’s not always easy. Sometimes you have to choose to work things out, but for my husband, it was pointless, and he chose to throw away his wife instead. For the almost 27 years of our marriage, I will say it was pretty easy. We got along well, loved each other, and loved our life together. We didn’t face too many difficulties, so maybe that’s why Phill fell apart when we had such a big one. I tend to think our problems multiplied by first Emma’s issues, and then when Phill couldn’t handle things, he went into a midlife crisis instead of choosing to man-up and deal with it. He let Emma take over, and she was in charge.

I was telling a friend about Phill’s recent emails, and she said, “Me thinks the husband doth protest too much!” (And I have to apologize to my 12th grade English teacher, Miss Kimball. I heard that and at first thought Macbeth, but that was actually Hamlet! It’s been a long time since I read Shakespeare!  Oh, how I remember working so hard to memorize that Hamlet Soliloquy!) I don’t think Emma has a conscience, and I’ll write more about that along with some examples at some point, but I do think Phill does. He has a conscience, but he doesn’t have much of a backbone. I had to be the disciplinarian with Emma, the bad guy, and when faced with Emma’s threats of “If you make me see mom, I’ll run away.” Phill couldn’t deal with it, so he gave in to Emma. Phill knows he messed up, but would rather go on with his life than face what he did. He got the house, got rid of the wife, has the new squeeze, and hangs with a new crowd, so he can keep up the pretense that he was justified in ruining his wife’s life.  Suckered by a 17 year old.  Pretty tough for a MENSA eligible fellow to swallow.

Marriage1985One of the things Phill left me in the storage unit was this cross stitch sampler that I made in 1985. It hung in our bedroom. I’m not sure why in the world Phill would think I wanted it. Maybe I should send it to Emma and Tyler?

The Husband–The Gift That Keeps on Giving

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If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California where Emma sells insurance.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

The Husband—The Gift That Keeps on Giving

My last couple of posts were about Moving Madness and how I missed some personal items that I never got after Phill threw me out of our home. Of course, having just bought a home, I miss a LOT of the practical items that I could use such as furniture and such too, but wouldn’t you know, after writing, I received an e-mail from Phill:

I really don’t want to throw out your personal belongings, although in five+ years you’ve never attempted to get them.

I’ve rented a small storage unit at Jackson Self Storage, 489 Zion Church Rd, Braselton, GA 30517. I’ve moved all your personal belongings into it and will mail you a key tomorrow. There are somewhere between 15 and twenty boxes. I put all the heavy ones as low as possible. Take what you want, and when the lease expires at the end of June I’ll dispose of the rest. That gives you a full month to go through everything.

 Unit……………………….

Phill

Storage101

26 years of marraige, and I’m only allowed my personal items such as clothes, books, etc. according to my wonderful husband.  And let’s not make it easy to go through.  Just cram it all in there.

So, if you’ve read the blog over the past several years, you know that I have told Phill multiple times to go ahead and get rid of my things, do whatever he wants with them, I didn’t care. Yes, there were some things I wanted, but it just wasn’t that important to me. It wasn’t worth it. I wasn’t coming to get my stuff. I was living in a very small furnished house and didn’t have room for anything. It’s ok, honey. Just get rid of it. Do whatever makes you happy.

Are you wondering if Phill has a guilty conscience? He threw me out of our home April 7, 2011, and has held on to my things for 6 years now? Even after I told him he could get rid of my things, and even after having his esteemed attorney, Bradley D. Moody of Lee Sexton and Associates P.C., graduate of Atlanta’s John Marshall Law School, son-in-law of Matt Klos, husband of Jessie Klos Moody, father to cute little little Ella Moody, who signs his letters with his Bar#655693, send me a letter about having a third party pick up my things (because Phill is too much of a coward to face his wife) and of course, as most attorneys like to bully people, Mr. Bradley D. Moody, Esq., also had to threaten me with storage charges for Phill keeping my things. (Don’t worry Mr. Bradley D. Moody, one thing Emma taught me is to document well, and I have the e-mails from YEARS ago where I told Phill he could get rid of my things.)

Sometimes, during our 26 year marriage, I would joke with Phill about his passive aggressive streak. Phill is a perfectionist about a lot of things. If he cared about doing something, he would do it right. He would research and read about how to do something before tackling it, and do every little detail to make it right.

Phill would also freely admit he was a procrastinator.   I didn’t really mind that because I didn’t care about most stuff, but it did bug me when he would tell me he was going to do something, even though I didn’t ask him to, and then he wouldn’t follow through. I would ask him to not tell me he was going to do something if he really wasn’t. That did aggravate me. “Just don’t tell me, so I won’t be expecting it.”

Then, if I did remind Phill about something told me he would do, he would do it, but not do the typical good job he did on things. Later, I would joke with him that his passive aggressive side was showing.  It was always very clear if Phill was doing something willingly or grudgingly.

Procrastinator

When someone shared this on FB, I had to laugh.  It is sooo Phill!

Well, Phill’s passive aggressive side is showing again.

I wasn’t sure I even wanted to bother, but I went to the storage unit where Phill dumped my things. First off, he rented the smallest unit he could, so everything is crammed in there, and I can’t go through it without pulling everything out, and some of the boxes are too heavy for me to lift and put back. Most of the stuff is ruined, so I don’t want it, and I’m certainly not going to drag it home.

Mouse turds

A box of books with other things thrown in.  You can see some dead cockroaches and all the little turds.  Ummmm,  No thanks, I won’t be bringing these home..

cat dollThis was a sweet little cat figure Phill bought me, early in our marriage, when we went to visit a shop in Sandy Springs Ga. that was on his UPS route at the time.  This was a Christmasy cat and I got another one in a pink dress, but I haven’t found that one.  This one was thrown in with a box of books, not packed carefully at all, and you can see one of the little turds on the apron.  Ummm, thanks anyway honey, but I don’t really want all this nasty stuff you left me.   

I don’t know if Phill or Emma did the packing, but while some clothes were put in a wardrobe box, others were thrown in garbage bags. I brought a few things home in a garbage bag that I thought I might want, but once I got home, there were bugs in among the clothes, so they didn’t even come in the house. Most of them smelled bad, I guess from having sat out in the garage for 6 years. If I hadn’t worn it in 6 years, I probably don’t need it now.

I opened a couple of boxes and found things thrown together. Fragile things were thrown in boxes of books. Some of the boxes were full of roach and mouse turds, and a lot of things were ruined from either the mice, bugs, or the heat and humidity. It was gross. Thank goodness I had some hand sanitizer in the car.

I do have a question for Bradley D. Moody, attorney at law of Lee Sexton and Associates P.C., son-in-law of Matt Klos, husband of Jessie Klos Moody, father to cute little little Ella Moody, who signs his letters with his Bar#655693. Mr. Moody, since you were threatening me with storage charges for Phill keeping my things, even though I told him years ago that he could get rid of my things, wasn’t Phill supposed to do his due diligence and take proper care of my things? I mean, really!

Another interesting note, was some things that Phill took back, the ol’ Indian Giver. I had an old uniform with a white apron, and I kept it in the closet and kept my pins on the white apron. I had saved almost all of Phill’s UPS Safe Driving pins that he GAVE me.  He didn’t want them. I think there were 23 or so at that point, and when I found that uniform with the apron, the UPS pins were gone. At some point, early on, I had asked for the pins and told him I wanted to keep those UPS pins, but I guess I’m not entitled to them now that I’m the ex-wife. I hope Kim Chassion enjoys them. (I don’t know if Phill and Kim have married yet, but Phill needs to be married. I’ll write more about that later.)

Pins

What was left of my pin collection, or I guess I should say, what Phill allowed me to have of my pins.

I guess I will go back and go through a few more things. I’m not sure it’s worth the bother, but there are a few mementos I would like to have if I stumble upon them.

Thank you, Honey.  You’re a Peach.  Oh, wait, you’re from New Jersey.  Maybe I should say, “You’re a Silver Queen Corn.”  You shouldn’t have. I mean, you really shouldn’t have. Really.

SilverQueenPhillMy Silver Queen, Phill.  I’m sort of seeing the resemblance.

Moving Madness and Why I Gave Phill Our Home

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If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California where Emma sells insurance.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Moving Madness and Why I Gave Phill Our Home

Once again, I was thinking of some of the things I don’t have.   The other day, I was talking to some friends about trying a recipe, now that I have a decent kitchen. (My rental house had a very small counter, and not a lot of kitchen space, and I’ve worked two jobs for the past 5 years, so I didn’t cook much. And besides, Phill has all my kitchen dishes, pots, pans, tools, etc.)

So I was talking to friends, and said, “Oh, wait. I can’t make this yet. I need a rolling pin and a baking sheet before I try it.” Darn that Phill. He got all my stuff, and thinking about trying a recipe just means more work because not only do I have to shop for the groceries, but the cookware as well.

I’m still settling in. That will take a while. I don’t have much furniture, so I don’t have places to put things. Phill has all our old dressers, armories, entertainment center, book cases, night stands, chests, china cabinet, my desk, my office chair, etc., etc., etc. He did let me have one dresser and a $10 cheap book case he got at Office Depot or Office Max and had stuck in the garage to get rid of.

I bought a smallish antique chifferobe from a friend just because I liked it and could use it, and they were moving and getting rid of some things. Well, wouldn’t you know, we locked the door on the chifferobe when I moved away from crazy neighbor, and then when I went to open it, the key broke with a piece falling inside the lock! I could really use to have that space to put a few things, and I can’t get to it! Just my luck!

I found a site where I could order a bunch of antique keys and I think one of them will work, and then found out they are out of stock and won’t have more keys for about a month. Fortunately, other than to get my rain jacket, which is locked in the chifferobe, there’s nothing in there that I’m desperate for.

So the boxes sit.

I had a beautiful home with Phill. If you want to google it, it was 284 Buck Trail, Hoschton, Ga. 30548.  Even more than our home, I loved the almost 2, mostly wooded acres we had. I spent many hours out in the yard, clearing growth and cutting some of the wild stuff down so we could walk through it. I have always been a dog person, and I loved having a big, fenced-in backyard for the dogs. Later on, Phill built me some agility equipment, and I even though I never wanted to compete in agility, I enjoyed having the dogs run through some exercises on the equipment. I had taken our dog, Little C to agility classes for about a year. It was so much fun, and he loved it, too. Later on, Emma and I took, Benny, one of our foster dogs, to agility too.

Now I have an overgrown back yard that needs a lot of work, and I guess sooner or later I will get to it. I’m not really in a hurry, but I would like to do something with it to get the Georgia clay under control. I either need to terrace the yard, and maybe put down some gravel, or plant some ground cover to cover up all this clay. I don’t want my current little buddy dragging it into the house.

Phillgarden

I thought after Emma was grown, Phill and I would get to a lot of the things we’d talked about doing around the house and yard. Neither of us were real gardeners, but we’d talked about taking a Master Gardener course and as limited as our knowledge was, we had things we thought about doing to fix up the yard. Phill wanted to put in a pond, and I understand he put in an outdoor tv area or some such thing after he dumped me.  Someone told me about it, but I don’t remember what it was. Me, personally, I go outside to get away from that stuff, so I probably wouldn’t have cared much for it, but you know men and their TVs. They like to have them everywhere. I always thought it was kind of funny because Phill wanted TVs everywhere or wanted whatever was new out on the tv scene, and I would say, “Why?” We didn’t watch much television, so I never understood his fascination with wanting the latest and greatest or all his ideas for having TVs everywhere. One thing he wanted to do was have a tv at the end of our bed that recessed into the floor. I will say that when Phill went out and bought a flat screen tv, even though he’d just bought a HUGE tv a couple of years before that he just had to have and got up to go stand in line at a Black Friday sale, I did notice how sharp the picture was. One of the night time talk shows was on, and I think it was Jay Leno talking to Reese Whitherspoon, and I said, “Wow. I can read what’s on the coffee mug.” and Phill beamed, the proud hunter who brought home the prized, elusive, tv. (I think this TV was another Black Friday deal too, if I remember right.) I also remember the gorgeous Reese Whitherspoon had some “back fat” in the beautiful black, strapless gown she wore and thinking, if someone that beautiful has back fat, there is no hope for the rest of us Plain Janes.

I was never much of a decorator, and I had just discovered pinterest right before Phill had me thrown out of our home, so I think, had Phill not thrown away our marriage, I might have gotten ideas for decorating and making our home prettier. I was never good at that sort of thing and needed (still need!) some help. I have a few things I’m good at, but decorating is not one of them.

Phillsuit

Phill Roey, my sweet, geeky, introverted (until he became an RC air plane nut) husband.  Phillip Thomas Roey, Phill Roey

We bought our Hoschton home in 1995, and I thought we would live there until we were brought out of the home feet first.  I never wanted to go through the whole moving ordeal ever again! Every once in a while, Phill would talk about retiring in the N. Ga. Mountains, or some place like that, but I didn’t think he was too serious about it.

I know some of my readers have been through a divorce, or some other horrible life circumstances, and people have asked me why I let Phill have the house. Well, I will tell you and it’s pretty simple. Even after throwing me out of our home and taking off, traveling around the country flying RC planes, acting like a responsibility-free teenager while his family was falling apart, I always thought Phill would do the right thing.  I still believed in my husband.

I knew Phill would not be able to deny Emma’s lies forever. Emma and I might have argued a lot, and maybe I yelled too much (he always joked about how she loved to push my buttons), but he knew I didn’t not abuse my daughter. Emma lied about being molested, about her friend who was NOT raped, and did NOT try to commit suicide, and Emma lied about so many other things and even lied about Phill. Emma lied about being poisoned with DDT and even lied about Tyler’s family. (But the poor boy still married her. I fear the future is not so bright for that marriage.) Sooner or later, the man that I loved, was going to have to come to his senses, face the truth, and stand up for his family.

I could have forced Phill to sell the home, but I didn’t. I couldn’t afford the home and didn’t even have a job yet. I’d been out of my field for 17 years and had to take a course to return to the job market, and even then, let me tell you, not too many people are interested in interviewing someone who hasn’t worked in their field in 17 years. I’d come from the pen and paper days and all of a sudden I was filling out application after application on line and wondering if anyone even read them. There was no way I could afford the mortgage or even the utilities to our Hoschton home. Besides looking in my field, I applied for jobs at places like Home Depot, Target, PetsMart, Doller General, and a couple of jobs as a veterinary assistant. No one at those jobs wanted to hire me because I was over qualified, but I couldn’t get an interview in my field because I’d been out of work for so long.  It was a horrible position to be in.  I thought I’d never get a job.  One of the jobs I interviewed for told me they wouldn’t hire me because they knew I would leave for a better job as soon as I could. After having been a housewife for so long, I was scared.  I cried buckets mostly over the loss of my marriage and family, but also because my future was looking pretty bleak.  No one wanted me as an employee, and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.

Phill had to pay me a few years of alimony, and he got our home. What else could I do?

I believed in my husband, but I was wrong. I’ll write a little more about this when I finish up writing about the death of my marriage, but that pretty much sums it up. I thought my husband was a better man and he would do the right thing. I was wrong.  I bet on the wrong horse.  Instead, Phill traveled around the country, flying RC planes, acting like a teenager, drinking beer with his buddies, and got a girlfriend.  The man that I had always believed in, who I believed would do whatever he had to to take care of his family, failed with flying colors.  I guess if you’re going to do something, even if it’s something horrible, do it spectacularly, and go down in a blaze of glory.

Moving Madness

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If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California where Emma sells insurance.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

 

Moving Madness

As most of you know, I moved recently. I wasn’t planning on moving and really didn’t want to buy my own place, but because of the crazy neighbor situation which was getting kind of scary. (There is a lot I did not talk about in the blog, and I am still working on typing up pages and pages of notes of the craziness.) I don’t know if I will share the entire story on the blog, but because of the craziness, and I think this man could still be dangerous, I wanted to type up all my notes, just in case I might need them at some point. Lord only knows, I wish I’d kept notes on all Emma’s nefarious activities. I did keep some notes on her vomiting, but Phill has those.

Back in the fall, I think it was, when Phill had his (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) “attorney” Bradley D. Moody of Lee Sexton and Associates P.C., son-in-law of Matt Klos, husband of Jessie Klos Moody, father to little Ella Moody, who signs his letters with his Bar#655693 ……………. Mr. Bradley D. Moody sent me a letter on Phill’s behalf wanting me to pick up the few things Phill was allowing me to have out of our Buck Trail home in Hoschton, Ga., and Mr. Bradley D. Moody went so far as to threaten me with storage charges because Phill had my things, oh, and I needed to send a 3rd party because my husband couldn’t face me showing up at our Hoschton home. (I am THAT scary 😉 Anyway, I told Phill he could donate my things to whatever charity he choose. I was not coming to get them. I was renting a furnished house and had no where to put things, and to be honest, the thought of having to go through the things Phill was allowing me to have, and deciding what to keep and what to get rid of would have been so painful, I just preferred not to do it.

Were there things I wanted, yes, of course. There were a lot of personal things, photos, letters, yearbooks, books, mementos, things that meant something to me that Phill would have not even known why they were important to me. There was an antique framed poem that a friend, who has since passed away, had given me that hung on our bedroom wall. There was my childhood postcard collection, many of which came from my grandmother (as in belonged to her, so they were really old), and there were little things I’d gotten from the countries I lived in growing up, as well as our Christmas ornaments (I’m sure Kimberly Chassion is not going to want any part of the ornaments Phill and I accumulated over 26 years of marriage.) There were the glass animals that I had collected when we lived overseas, and the sweet notes Phill had written me over the years, some with little cartoon drawings. (Phill wasn’t much of an artist, but I loved the sentiment.) Phill wouldn’t let me have Emma’s baby photos, so those wouldn’t have been in there.

I think you can get the gist of what I’m saying. All you have to do is look around your home and think of all the little things you have that mean something to you.

In another way though, I lost everything that was important to me. I lost my husband and my daughter. I lost my marriage. I lost my identity. I was no longer Phill’s wife, Emma’s mom, a UPS wife, a boring housewife, etc. And when you lose everything, stuff isn’t that important. Yes, there are things I miss, and sometimes something will pop into my head that I wish I had, and it breaks my heart that it is gone forever, but then again, it is just stuff.

Unfortunately, buying a home, I realize how much stuff I DON’T have. If you look at our old insurance statement to the Buck Trail home, I think Phill had our possessions insured for about $160,000, if I remember right. I will have to dig up that statement. Phill knows he owes me a furnished house, but he’s still living in denial, so I don’t expect him to help me out, and I don’t think I would receive a warm reception if I called him up and said, “Hey, Honey, can I borrow our drill, the mower, the chainsaw, a ladder………..?” Or, “Can I borrow the truck to go down to IKEA for a bed?” “Or what about all those computer you had, honey? And the three or four printers?” I did ask Phill for a television, when the one he gave me died after about 3 months. I didn’t even ask for a good one. We had an old monster of a tv in the garage that he just had to have one Thanksgiving, but then a couple years later he just had to have a flat screen, so that big monster sat out in the garage. I asked him for that one, knowing he didn’t care about it, but he ignored my request. What a Peach. Oh, wait, Phill’s from Brick, New Jersey. He’s definitely not a peach.

I have no tools, (Ok, I bought a hammer and a screwdriver.) no mower, no shovel, rake, hedge trimmers, weed wacker, sheets, towels, dishes, silverware, ect. I bought a mattress and box springs last year, but the bed belonged to my landlord. Phill had the complete advantage by throwing me out of our home. He had all the “stuff” and doled out only what he allowed me to have. I didn’t even have a blanket or comforter for my bed because when I had asked Phill for the blanket that was in my closet and a comforter, he wouldn’t bring them to me. The things I used at the rental house belonged to my landlord, and fortunately, it’s been warm, so sleeping under the sheet has been enough for now, and then today, a friend gave me a nice comforter, so I will have it when I need it. Some other friends gave me a sofa and chair, and I’m shopping for some used furniture. I’m not in any hurry. I don’t plan on moving again, and I need so much, I figure I have plenty of time. (Of course, when we moved to our Buck Trail, Hoschton home, I thought I would never move again. Little did I know what my husband was capable of.)

I still have no mower, but I hired someone to cut the grass.  I did buy a shovel though.

Moving alone has been quite an adventure, and you find out who your friends are when you have to move. I was so lucky to have friends and family who helped me move, gave me some things, and for some coworkers who rearranged their schedules to work for me. I didn’t realize I was supposed to work my last weekend in the rental house, and I had friends coming with a trailer to help me, and as soon as one of my coworkers said, “Aren’t you working this weekend?” Three of my coworkers offered to cover for me. I didn’t even have time to worry about it. It was taken care of.

Phill always set up stuff like the internet, so I had to do that, and it took me three weeks #windstreamsucks, but I got it done. After dealing with Windstream, I had about decided that I could just go down to the library a couple of times a week and live without internet, but it’s nice to have. When my 12 months is up though, I may change to satellite. After what Windstream put me though, trying to get established, I HATE them. It’s kind of funny because when I was asking around, trying to find out what my options were, I found that Windstream pretty much has the monopoly in my area, and I can’t tell you the number of times I heard, “And they suck.”

With all this chaos, I had a few days off, so took the last 5 days to go visit a friend in another state that I hadn’t seen in a while, and the next couple of weeks I am working some extra, so I will be pretty busy, but I wanted to share some thoughts today.

Dear readers, I have a lot more to say. I wanted to finish, “Death of a Marriage” and I still have Emma’s vomiting issues to tackle. Let me know if there’s anything else you want to hear about. As always, send your comments or questions to me at: losingemma@gmail.com

 

A little Catch Up!

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If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey, now Emma Buchheim, lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story.  Emma and her husband, Tyler Buchheim now live in California.  Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

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Emma Buchheim (Emma Roey)

RIP Little C.  From what I understand, Emma still loves Chihuhua mixes and she and Tyler have two little ones!  (I have granddogs!)  Emma, I do have to ask you about Game of Thrones, though.

Thank you to those of you who’ve asked about the blog.  Yes, I am behind, and I will get back to it.   In addition to work and other obligations, I’ve had some friends going through a very, very difficult situation, and a crazy neighbor with lots of drama and plenty of police involvement.  After what I went through with Emma, you’d think I’d be used to drama by now.  Some of it has been quite bizarre, and with a little distance it is kind of funny, but it is not funny when you are in the middle of it!  Some of it has been a little scary, and I’ve had the police call me at work, and then I had to be interviewed by the police regarding the crazy neighbor.  I may write more about it one day, but mostly it is just very sad to see someone who so obviously needs help.   Just one of the many adventures in the life of Divorcedom!

In any event, I hope to be moving soon, and getting back to a calm and peaceful household, and then will get back to telling Emma’s story.

If you have any questions or comments, don’t hesitate to write to me at:  losingemma@gmail.com

Take Care!

Denial Dad! And What’s Your Superpower?

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Denial Dad! And What’s Your Superpower?

A lot of people have asked me over the past few years, “What happened to Phill?” “What is wrong with Phill?” and many more questions along those lines. Well, Phill is really the only one who can answer that, but I can give you my perspective after being married to the man for 26+ years. Phill was a good person, and I never thought in a million years he would do some of the things he did, and I surely thought, after realizing his mistake, Phill would take the appropriate action. But, like a lot of men, Phill has a lot of trouble admitting he’s wrong, and let’s face it, accusing your wife of abusing your daughter and destroying your marriage because of it is one heck of a mistake to make.

I wanted to share what it it like to deal with Phill through some recent e-mails. A while back, Phill and I were texting and when I brought up a subject Phill was uncomfortable with, he threatened to block me, which I’m assuming he did. I haven’t tried to text him in a while, so I don’t know for sure. At the time, I assumed he blocked me from his e-mails as well.

Recently, I misplaced a check and forgot all about cashing it. At the same time, a friend and I’d been talking about how I used to do some beadwork (you can see it on my facebook page, and if your are interested, just e-mail me and I’ll send you the album links), and I sort of wished I had my old desk and maybe I’d take up my old hobby again. I told her that I’d asked Phill two or three years ago for my desk, but he just ignored me. She told me to ask him for it, and knowing about Phill’s difficulty with facing his wife, suggested that she could go over and pick up my desk for me. I’d already told Phill that he could have all my stuff, and if you’re curious about that part of the story, just do a search for Bradley D. Moody, and you can read all about Phill and how he came to keep all my things.

So anyway, back to my story, I came home and thought why not e-mail and ask for my desk, a birthday gift Phill got me from IKEA, but since Phill had probably blocked me, I was going to e-mail his newest attorney, Bradley D. Moody, Attorney at Law with Lee Sexton and Associates in Stockbridge, Ga.? And since Bradley D. Moody, son-in-law of Matt Klos, husband of Jessie Klos Moody, father to little Ella Moody, always uses his Bar# when he signs his correspondences, I was going to be sure to include Bar#655693.

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This picture of Rob, one of the kids from Emma’s youth group, but you can see part of the IKEA desk in the background.  It had some nice shelves.

I came home and got on the computer, and surprise, surprise, there, out of the blue, was an e-mail from my husband! It read as follows:

10/28/16

I reissued a check you didn’t cash back in July, it should be there in a few days. They’re only good for 90 days so it was automatically voided.

I never blocked my email so you don’t have to get creative if you need to get in touch.

Phill

So I responded:

Wow. Your ears must be burning. I was just about to email your “attorney” Bradley D. Moody, attorney at law #655693 to get in touch with you.

A while ago, I asked for the desk that you got me for my birthday from IKEA, and you never brought it. Can I send a “third party” to pick it up?

Oh, and since I have you, a friend re-did my computer with Windows 10, etc., but I lost my snip tool. (This has quite a learning curve, for me anyway.) Can you tell me the name of that program we had. I can’t seem to find it.

My best to Emma.

So…………….after all this time of no correspondence whatsoever from my dear husband, I get yet another e-mail the same day:

If you click on the Cortana button just to the right of the start(windows) button and start typing “snipping” the tool will show up.

http://www.techsupportalert.com/content/screenshot-captor.htm-1

The one we used to use is gone.

As to the desk, you have lost the rights to the items you didn’t pick up. I tried for years to get you to get the items in the settlement

Phill

Wow, what authority! He certainly told me, didn’t he! It’s a shame he never took that tone with Emma, or she might not have the problems she does. (Well, yeah, she probably would, I think she was born with some personality disorders and such, but we just didn’t figure it out.)

Ok, and so some of you reading this blog know me, and know I can be a very patient person when I need to be, but sometimes, just sometimes, I have a low tolerance for idiots, so I couldn’t resist getting a little bit snarky:

Okay, but would you please send me the copy of the Toxicology report that Emma claims to have showing that I poisoned her with DDT? My lawyer is still waiting on that.

Did you ever talk to Father T. about all those times Emma babysat his boys? And the time she had the called 911 because son #1 got so out of hand?

Lie after lie. What happens when you finally accept the truth in real life How badly you betrayed your wife? Don’t bother to answer. I won’t bother you again. I’ll go through your attorney for anything else.

Love, wifey number one. My best to Kim. (Kim Chassion, aka Mrs. Roey 2.0)

And if you’re new to the blog, let me just mention that yes, Emma was going around telling people I poisoned her with DDT, and Emma never babysat our priest’s sons, but knew the parents had to call 911 when their bipolar son got out of control one night, so she went around telling people that SHE had to call 911 one night when SHE was babysitting the boys. Funny thing is, Emma NEVER babysat those boys.

So once again, the threat:

I will answer emails regarding alimony and the property settlement. I also don’t mind tech support questions.

I will not respond to anything having to do with the grounds leading to the divorce. I warned you I’d block phone and text if you continued to harangue me and you chose to push it so I blocked you. If you do the same on email I’ll block that too, leaving only US mail. I’d prefer not to do that.

Phill

Poor Phill! Harangued! Threatening to block me again! Oh, my stars, what will I do? (I swear folks, he was not this stupid when I was married to him.) I brought up a subject that Phill can’t deal with, so he has to threaten to block me again. Horrors!  Funny, it was some SEFF folks who told me about Emma going around saying I poisoned her with DDT and she had the toxicology report to prove it, but my poor little snowflake of a husband can’t deal with that, so we are not allowed to discuss it.  Nope, can’t even bring it up.  Phill won’t explain Emma’s actions because he can’t, and he can’t face the truth, so let’s just not talk about it.  Now, that’s a real tough man right there, isn’t he?

At this point, I figured I’d just let Phill retreat to his “Safe Space” and get some counseling, some warm milk, and maybe a therapy dog. I didn’t want to stress the poor boy out any more than I already had. After all, if he can’t handle an e-mail and has to threaten to block me, he must really be upset. Poor baby. (I swear folks, he wasn’t this much of a wimp when I was married to him.) I didn’t e-mail Phill and further and decided if I needed to talk to him, I’d just do it through the blog or through his latest attorney, Bradley D. Moody, Attorney at Law, Bar #655693, the associate part of Lee Sexton and Associates of Stockbridge, Ga., son-in-law of Phill’s RC buddy, Matt Klos (Events Director of SEFF), wife of Jessie Klos Moody, father to Ella Moody, and as for computer help, I won’t bother the poor boy with that either, though I always need the help, but thankfully, I have other friends who are computer literate, as I am not!  (Usually, when I asked Phill to teach me something on the computer, he told me not to worry about it because he’d always be there to do it for me.)

This blog is really about Emma, and I’m not going to talk too much about Phill, or at least not now, other than how he relates to the story of Emma. We were married for 26 years, and up until Emma accused me (the 2nd time) of abuse, I thought we were happy. Phill always claimed to be happy, talked about retirement, and us doing things together after Emma was gone, etc. and was proud of our long marriage right up until he decided to have a midlife crisis in the middle of all Emma’s problems. I was totally blindsided by what my husband did and one day, I hope he’ll have the guts to explain to me what in the world he was thinking, but right now, he can’t face me (I am that scary!), or I guess to put it more clearly, he can’t face what he did, so the easiest way for him to deal with that is to not to have to face me, hence that’s why he wanted me to send a 3rd party to pick up my things at our home………………… I mean, I get the whole midlife crisis thing. I’ve known several women who’ve been through the same thing. There is always someone younger, cuter, slimmer, different issues, someone who hasn’t heard your same jokes and stories 1000 times, a bottle blonde as opposed to your salt and pepper haired wife…………. (funny thing is, Phill hated me coloring my hair and wanted me to let it go natural, and then he takes up with a bottle blonde?) But the Phill I was married to would not have let Emma go on with her lies. The Phill I was married to considered himself a secular humanist, a good person, and he would have not let an innocent person be falsely accused by his daughter, but now he’s done it with both the priest and with me. And for many other lie’s Emma’s told, Phill just makes excuses for her.  When Emma claimed the girl down the street had an abortion and she might be pregnant again, I later investigated and this girl told me none of it was true.  Instead of asking Emma about her lies, Phill chose to believe the girl told Emma these things to sound cool.  Emma couldn’t have possible made them up.  Somebody get the man a cape for Christmas!

I hope Phill survives this midlife personality shift he’s going through with a clear conscience. The man I was married to would have stood up and would have been a man, and would have done what’s right, but I don’t even know who this new Phill is.  I don’t think he does either.

And, BTW, Phill was wrong about the snip tool, I was able to get the exact one I had, which is great because I am a creature of habit and wanted to stick with the one I know.

As for the desk, that’s ok, Phill. I have new hobbies now and I’ll probably end up giving all my beading stuff away. I like to write now, and I still have a lot of Emma’s story to tell.