Emma’s Stressors and Mental Illness

Posted on August 30, 2015 by losingemma

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” My daughter Emma Katherine Roey lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, claimed to have been molested by a priest, and then, just as her attorneys were about to file a law suit, Emma accused her mother (me) of physically abusing her and later of poisoning her with DDT. Emma claimed to have a toxicology report to confirm that her mother (me, again!) poisoned her, but would never turn over this report to my attorney. If you read through the blog, you will find many other examples of Emma’s lying. At one point, she even complained about the way her dad touched her and that he called her a “bitch” and a “slut” everyday. (I refused to listen to her when she talked about her dad like that.) As long as Emma continues with the lies, I will tell her story. Love and thanks to all of you who read and have written to me. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com Please continue to share the blog with others.

Because Emma loved her guinea pig (whom we had for almost 6 years–a pretty long life for a guinea pig), one Christmas I paid a friend to make Emma a guinea pig bean bag chair. Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey

Aug. 30, 2015

I have to admit that I had a little fun with that last post. I got a little silly with the Face In Hole site. It was kind of amusing, and as I said earlier, I could picture Emma and I having fun with it were things different. I remember us playing with photoshop one time, and Emma making crazy, alien-looking pictures with head shot of one of our neighbors. In all seriousness, I will get back to Emma’s story.

When I was going through the sheer hell of my daughter accusing me of abusing her (but before Emma accused me of poisoning her), the wife of a friend said something about how Emma was the perfect age for mental illness to show up. This lady is a health care professional, and I didn’t understand what she meant. She explained it to me, and I did some reading about it. Some studies say that one in five adolescents has a diagnosable mental health disorder. Wow. I didn’t know the numbers were that high! Often, what brings about the diagnosis is the stress of graduating high school, leaving home, and starting college. Leaving all that is familiar, an old school, old friends, etc. and going to a new place, whether it be college, a job, the military… All the changes and stressors can exacerbate the already present mental illness.
I know the terms psychopath and sociopath have really been replaced with the diagnosis “Antisocial Personality Disorder,” but people my age still tend to think more in the terms of psycho/sociopath. While Emma was growing up, it always bothered Phill and me that Emma didn’t seem to understand cause and effect, and she didn’t care about consequences. We often talked about how when we were kids if our parents offered a treat like having a friend spend the night, or going out to do something fun, we were Johnny on the Spot at getting our chores done so that we could get the reward. That was something we never saw in Emma. If she didn’t want to clean her room, telling her we’d take her bowling when she was done would make no difference. Nothing motivated Emma except for Emma. She did what she wanted and consequences be damned. If she got in trouble or caught red handed, she never showed remorse or guilt, just anger. Phill and I didn’t understand how to motivate her. Punishments for bad behavior didn’t work. If Emma got in trouble it was because we hated her or we were mean, but not because she’d broken a rule or misbehaved. Rewards for a job well done didn’t work. Now, I’m able to see there was a problem, but neither Phill nor I had enough experience with parenting or mental illness to realize that at the time that there was something wrong.
I can only imagine the stress that brought on Emma’s psychotic break, if that’s the right word for it. After claiming her on line friend, “Lacey” was raped and had attempted suicide, Emma made up a story about a priest sexually molesting her. She claimed this man stuck his fingers into her vagina multiple times. (Sorry for the graphic content there, but I think I need to say it bluntly to emphasize the seriousness of Emma’s allegations.) Emma was interviewed over and over again and therefore rehearsed her scene multiple times with numerous officials and members of two churches, attorneys, various therapists, counselors, a psychologist , a psychiatrist, DFACS, the police and sheriff’s departments in two counties. (Jackson and Gwinnett Counties, Ga.) Emma had been through a brutal interrogation by an attorney who was investigating Emma’s story for the church. And lastly, Emma had a large Atlanta law firm about to file suit. There would be a trial. The attorneys would need to interview “Lacey” to verify that she had been raped and attempted suicide so that the story of Emma’s “repressed memories” was feasible. Emma was about to be FOUND OUT, BUSTED, CAUGHT, EXPOSED! The truth would be revealed! Emma’s lies were about to be brought to light!

Emma was about to get caught with her hand in the cookie jar, only Emma’s misdeed was much worse than the usual childhood transgressionsl. Emma had committed the crime of false allegations, false police reports, etc. She had to cover up what she’d done. I don’t know if Emma would have been prosecuted for her false allegations, but I would think she could have been if the priest wanted to press charges or to sue her. We’ve all faced stress in our lives, and at the age of 17, I think this was more than Emma could take. Phill and I didn’t know about all the lying Emma had done. It wasn’t until after Emma accused me of abuse that I started looking into many of her stories. We assumed we had a normal teenager who could be very difficult a lot of the time, like a lot of them are. I kept telling myself that if we just got her to college she would be ok. I thought she would love college and do well there, and I guess in some ways she has. She’s attended four different colleges that I know of so far, but she does make good grades. I don’t know how she likes it or if she has any friends besides people like Kayla Benifield Weaver and Abby Benito that she didn’t see often but kept in touch with through facebook, e-mail, and texts. It’s a lot easier to hide who you really are when you only see you “friends” for occasional, short visits.

Emma was keeping a terrible secret and didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. If she did talk about it, she would have had to admit what horrible things she’d done. I can only imagine how stressed out Emma was that she was going to be discovered. In her sick mind, this would have been catastrophic. The pressure she put on herself must have been overwhelming. She knew what was coming and she must have felt the clock ticking, worrying day in and day out that the attorneys would interview “Lacey” and find out the truth about the “rape” and “suicide attempt” and thus find the truth out about Emma.

In some ways I can sympathize with Emma. With the stress of being thrown out of my home, my husband refusing counseling, losing my marriage and my family. I went through my own stress, and I know how horrible I felt when I felt like I was losing everything that was important to me. The difference is, I talked to a therapist, went on an antidepressant for a little while, and had some wonderfully supportive family and friends who were there for me. I think I worked through my stress without trying to hurt or destroy someone else. Emma chose a much more sinister route.

Emma Getting Married—A Mother’s thoughts

Posted on August 15, 2015 by losingemma

Emma and fiance Tyler Albert Buchheim.

Since I won’t be attending Emma’s wedding, I couldn’t help making a few bridal pictures. Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey

For those of you attending Emma’s wedding, I hope everyone knows it is still Sept. 19, 2015, but the location has changed from Port Girardeau, MO to Santa Rosa, CA. Gee, I feel sorry for the people who go their plane tickets already  (wink wink) Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s an Ohio wedding?

In 2012, I heard Emma was engaged to Tyler Buchheim, an architecture student from West Chester Township, Ohio, who attended Notre Dame University and whom Emma had met on line. I had mixed feelings. She was 19, and too young and immature to be engaged, and Tyler was her first boyfriend, but I was also saddened, no, heartbroken, that I didn’t hear about Emma meeting Tyler, falling in love, etc. from Emma. I felt like in addition to all I’d missed with Emma starting college, I’d missed hearing about something else that was so special in Emma’s life. She’s my daughter, and even with all the horrible things she’s done, I do love her, and I want to see her happy and to have a normal life, even though now I don’t think that is possible. Emma will never have a “normal” life.

I was sad at the thought of missing all the wedding things with Emma like seeing her walk down the aisle to marry the man she loves, helping her with arrangements, going dress shopping, attending her shower, etc.

Since I won’t be attending Emma’s wedding, I couldn’t help making a few bridal pictures. Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey

Of course, later on, I was to find out that there was no engagement, according to Tyler’s mom, Sherry Buchheim, who e-mailed me several times and told me that Tyler was not ready to get in engaged, etc. Who knows, maybe Sherry was lying to cover up for Emma. I don’t know, and it doesn’t really matter. I still find it odd that a family from Ohio would let their son’s girlfriend move from Georgia to Ohio, to move in with the boyfriend’s grandparents, if the relationship was not fairly serious. They’d even taken Emma on vacation to Hilton Head and even had professional pictures made of Emma and Tyler.

I felt obligated to warn Tyler’s family about what they were getting into, and saw no point in e-mailing a young man who was in love. Who would he believe? His girlfriend? Or her mother whom he’d never met? Instead, I contacted Tyler’s mother, Sherry Buchheim, and told her briefly what Emma had done. I gave her my name, address, phone number and e-mail address and told her I would be happy to answer any questions she might have. (I’ve already written about this, so dear readers, you can go back and read about “Bud the Boyfriend” to get the full story about Emma and Tyler Buchheim.) I knew that Emma marrying anyone was going to be a disaster.

Since I won’t be attending Emma’s wedding, I couldn’t help making a few bridal pictures. Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey

Now, when I think about Emma getting married, it just makes me sad for her. What kind of marriage can she have? But then again, I am glad Emma’s getting married. She won’t be able to hide her crazy (with apologies to Miranda Lambert—I love that song!) forever, and once the newness and excitement wears off, and the young groom is close to Emma, living with her day in and day out, her husband is going to see that something’s not right. Eventually, the marriage will end in disaster, but of course, nothing will be Emma’s fault.

I was discussing this with a friend, who knew Emma a few years ago, and I guess after everything Phill and Emma put me through, I’ve come a long way. I was telling her that I don’t even feel like I’m missing anything by not attending Emma’s wedding because I feel like the whole thing is such a farce. Her marriage is just the countdown until the first divorce. Or, as my friend put it, it’s the countdown until the next train wreck.

Emma will have her wedding day, her pretty dress, her handsome groom, her wedding gifts, her honeymoon, and she will be the star of the show. But just wait until Act Two.

Special thanks to Face in Hole for the fun website! Emma and I used to do those Jib Jab things where you put the face in (or the dog’s face!) and when I saw this site, I thought this was the kind of thing we would have sat there and played with, laughing hysterically as we made funny pictures.

Since I won’t be attending Emma’s wedding, I couldn’t help making a few bridal pictures. This one reminds me of Hillary Clinton. Sorry, Emma, I know you would hate that comparison! Emma Roey, Emma Katherine Roey, Emma Kate Roey

Emma Turns 21 Years Old!

Posted on December 19, 2014 by losingemma

Emma Katherine Roey
Born: Dec. 19, 1993
6lbs. 12oz.
7:34 AM
19 1/2″ long

Emma Turns 21!
(NOTE: It was important to me to write on Emma’s birthday, even though I had a terrible headache, so if you read this post on Dec. 19th, I have gone back an re-written, edited it, etc., with a little clearer head, but again, I was in a hurry this morning, Dec. 20th, so I may need to do some more.)
Twenty-one years ago today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Wow. Things certainly didn’t turn out anything like I expected! I wanted to spend the day writing about that wonderful day that Emma came into the world, but I’ve been busy with work and with the holidays, so I’m just going to share a few thoughts, and maybe one day later, I’ll write about Emma’s birth. In any event, I hope Emma has a wonderful 21st birthday. Maybe her dad got her an expensive piece of jewelry that she wanted, a new iphone, or the hair removal laser treatments she wanted if she didn’t get them when she graduated high school. Maybe she’s out with her other mom, Sandra Brooks McCravy, or if her friends Kayla Benifield Weaver (and husband Blair) or Abbey Benito are home from Armstrong College in Savannah, Ga., and Anderson University, Anderson, S.C., respectively, and Emma will get to socialize a bit. I wonder if Emma is having her favorite cheesecake instead of birthday cake. Phill used to make banana pudding for my birthday, and we’d always pick up a cheesecake for Emma’s. She much preferred that over birthday cake.
I was thinking about the young people I know that are around Emma’s age. I think most of us will agree that 21 is not grown up. Most of us didn’t feel grown up until we were about 30 and most 21 year olds are still living off mom and dad. I do know a couple of young people who went through some technical programs, got jobs, apartments, etc., and are living on their own, but not many. A lot of kids, like Emma, lack the maturity to do so, and some kids are working on career paths that take much longer, so they are supported by mom and dad while they work on their degrees.
They say a mother’s work is never done. I’ve certainly found that to be true! As a mother, I’m going to hold Emma accountable for her actions. I gave her the opportunity to keep this between her dad and me, and I would have taken down the blog, but Emma chose not to take that path, so I will continue researching, investigating, taking notes, and writing the blog. There are many things I haven’t written about because I don’t want Emma to know everything I know. Some information I should probably hold on to for a while, and I will write about it when the time is right. You can bet though, as long as Emma is going around lying, and accusing me of crimes, I’m going to be behind the scenes collecting information.
Who expects their child to grow up and do horrible things and hurt people? Sadly, I’ve met many parents who’ve been through something similar with their own children, and as one mom said to me, “I didn’t raise him that way.” I certainly agree. Phill and I didn’t raise Emma to be a liar. Of course we didn’t even know how much Emma had lied about until much, much later.
Emma’s dad refuses to discuss Emma with me and has no answer as to why she claims I poisoned her with DDT. In fact, I can only contact Phill on matters related to the divorce or he has threatened to block me from e-mails and texts. Kind of pathetic, I know. Phill knows how much Emma has lied, and he knows she’s lying about being abused, being sexually molested, and about being poisoned with DDT. He knows about all the lies I’ve mentioned in the blog. When Emma made up crazy stories about her friend, Kayla Benifield Weaver, Kayla’s grandparents, and Kayla’s mom, Sheree Barwise, I told Phill about them at the time, so he’s aware of Emma’s long history of lying. She’s daddy’s little girl though, and he’s going to stay in denial as long as he can.
This blog isn’t about Phill though. As, I said earlier, I intend to hold Emma accountable. If she wants to be estranged from her mother, that is her choice. I’ve talked to many parents of estranged children. Some of these kids grew up in difficult circumstances, and others, like Emma, had pretty uneventful childhoods with two parents who loved them, but for whatever reason, needed some kind of drama and turned their parents into the villains in their lives and blame them for every problem they have. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of this out there whether it is because of the entitlement generation, mental illness, or what have you.
If Emma wanted to discuss any real problems we had in our family, I’m perfectly fine with that. I can certainly own up to the fact that I made mistakes as a parent. BUT, as long as Emma is going to accuse me of abuse and of attempted murder, and accuse a priest of sexually molesting her,, I will leave no stone unturned. I will keep writing and keep investigating. Emma had the opportunity to deal with me once and move on. Now she will be dealing with me for the rest of my life. Don’t worry, I’m not going to get anywhere near Emma. She already filed a police report claiming a car that looked like mine pulled into the driveway and sat on a night she knew I was at a neighbor’s home down the street (and fortunately I had friends follow me into the subdivision and follow me out because we all suspected she might do something like that. I will know everything I can about Emma from afar.
As a parents, our job was to raise Emma to be a decent human being. Obviously, we failed at that, and it’s a little late to send her to her room for a time-out, but as long as Emma is hurting other people, I will be around. Should she ever accuse someone again of hurting her, sexually molesting her, etc., I will be the first one to step forward with all the documentation of Emma’s lies. This little girl has cried “Wolf” one too many times.
In any event, Happy Birthday Emma. I hope it was all worth it.
Love, Mom

Bud the Boyfriend Part 2, The Break-up (UPDATED 11/18/14)

Posted on November 4, 2014 by losingemma

Another One of Emma’s Pinterest posts while dating “Bud.”

Bud the Boyfriend, Part 2, The Break-up

When I found out about Bud, I began writing about it on the blog. I found out who Bud’s mother was and contacted her with a brief e-mail stating my situation with Emma and gave her my name, address, phone number, and e-mail address and told her to please contact me if she had any questions.

Early on, I got a couple of e-mails through the blog from Bud’s mother, but I felt a little funny about posting them, so I didn’t. Bud’s mother threatened legal action, but I’d already talked to an attorney about what I could and couldn’t post on the blog, so I wasn’t worried about any type of legal action. I think now, Bud’s mom is probably glad that I didn’t post her e-mails, but in one of her earlier messages, she stated that Emma and Bud were NOT engaged, but that she would be thrilled to have Emma as a daughter-in-law one day, and she told me to quit lying on the blog to make my story sound better. We went back and forth a few times, and Bud’s mother kept denying that Emma and Bud were engaged until I told her that I DID believe her when she said Emma and Bud weren’t engaged, but I was just writing about what Emma was telling other people, and I had the documentation to back it up.

Bud’s mother and I exchanged a few more e-mails both through the blog and privately, and I told her I would be writing more about the lies Emma told about Bud’s family, and although I put Bud’s name as well as his parents’ names in the blog, I let Bud’s mother know that I would never mention Bud’s sister’s name in the blog. I really did not want to cause this young lady any pain. I figured the adults could handle it.

From the first e-mail I received from Bud’s mother, to the last, I could sense a change in her tone. At first, she seemed very hostile towards me, and then later, I think she started to see there was something not right about Emma and the stories she told.

To be honest, I really didn’t want to hurt Bud or his parents either, but when your child has accused you of the crimes of child abuse and attempted murder, you do what you have to. I gave Emma the opportunity to keep this between her dad and me, and I had really hoped that she would tell the truth, and we would move forward from there. I thought that maybe the thought of losing Bud might push Emma in the right direction, but Emma probably felt that if Bud found out what a horrible thing she’d to her mother, he would end the relationship anyway, so there wasn’t any reason for her to tell the truth.

Emma told Bud’s family pretty much what I have said in the blog. I find it interesting that she told them she was sick as a child and that it was due to being poisoned. (That darned DDT again!) Emma claimed to continue to have health problems and always seemed to be tired and didn’t have much energy. She also got over heated easily and fainted frequently. (More about Emma’s “fainting” in a later post. She pulled a very dramatic fainting scene at the home of Fr. George and Paulette Ivey.)

Another sweet wedding idea Emma had on her pinterest page.

I also find it interesting that Emma was in such fragile health while living in Ohio. I guess this was another way to play the victim. Who wouldn’t feel sorry for a frail little figure who’d suffered years of DDT poisoning? As for getting “over heated,” Emma never had problems tolerating the heat. For a while, she was on some medication that made her skin break out into red blotches if she got too much sun, but she managed to go on a 10 day mission trip with Eternal Hope in Haiti during the summer. She also went on a youth group mission trip to Cherokee, N.C. during the summer and did numerous outdoor activities in hot weather. I believe Emma’s precarious health while living in Ohio was just another drama exercise for a young lady who wanted attention.

Emma described Bud’s mother as controlling and said Bud was “under her thumb.” She claimed Bud couldn’t do anything without getting permission from his mother first. I believe, when I heard Emma making these claims, Bud was 21 years old at the time, and I just could not imagine a young man who went away to school, still having every move controlled by his mother.

Ironically, Emma posted this e-card on her Pinterest while she was dating Bud.

Bud’s family never met Phill, and all they knew was that he worked for UPS and was gone most of the time. They thought Emma seemed to have a lot of freedom, very little supervision, and they were surprised when Phill let her move to Ohio without having met Bud’s family or even talking to them on the phone. They had the feeling that he wasn’t very involved in Emma’s life. Maybe this is why Emma accused Bud’s mother of being controlling. Although Bud was in college, he still had rules when he came home, and Emma didn’t seem to have any rules she had to follow.

So………….Emma moved up to Ohio, in with her boyfriend’s grandparents, and lived happily ever after, or maybe not. Emma had everything she ever wanted. She was out from under her control freak, micromanaging mother, and she’d managed to get out of Georgia and up to Ohio where she could start a new life with a new audience who didn’t know about her habit. She lied about a friend being raped and attempting suicide, she lied about being sexually molested, she lied about being physically abused, she lied about kids in the neighborhood she claimed did drugs, got pregnant, had abortions, etc., she lied about neighbors, family, church members, school, teachers, etc. Too many people in Georgia were catching on to Emma, so Ohio was a fresh start, but what happened? Emma got everything she wanted in moving to Ohio. She was pseudo-independent, living on her own, pretending to be an adult, but financially supported by her Daddy. She had this wonderful boyfriend who had a wonderful family who seemed quite ready to accept Emma into the fold. Why did Emma need to lie about Bud’s family? Why did she need to keep being a victim, claiming Bud’s sister hated her and making Bud’s mother out to be a control freak, just like Emma’s own mother?

On Sept. 4th, 2013, I received a rather hateful e-mail from Emma. It was short and to the point, telling me that Bud broke up with her. After the divorce of her parents, Emma sent me a “drop dead” e-mail, just as my attorney had said she would. The e-mail stated that I was not to contact her, phone her, text her etc., and my attorney had explained that if I did contact Emma after receiving a letter from her like this, she could take out a restraining order against me. I received it, and I did not contact Emma again until after she contacted me. Later, I contacted Emma about one of the police reports, giving her the opportunity to discuss it before I published it on the blog, and she sent me the same “drop dead” email:

“DO NOT contact me again, in any form, at any time. Forms of contact include (but are not limited to): phone calls, voicemails, text messages, email messages, messages sent through a postal service, and physical/verbal in-person contact.”

So, I guess how that works is that Emma can contact me, but if I contact her after she contacts me, she sends me another “drop dead” e-mail to let me know that if I contact her again, she will take out a restraining order. I wonder if that really works? Is a judge going to take a restraining order seriously if you contact the person you are trying to get a restraining order against?

Ok, so back to the break up. What exactly happened? In the e-mail I received from Emma on that Sept. 4th, the subject line read: Congratulations, and in the e-mail Emma accused me of destroying her life “so completely” and that I won and I had proven that no matter how hard Emma tried to escape my damage and rebuild her life, I still found a way to hurt her and took away the most important, sweetest person in her life. She thought I would be thrilled to know that all the “crap” got to be too much for Bud and he’d dumped her. She asked if in my twisted mind we were somehow even or would I continue to destroy her life. She claimed she could never have a relationship because I would ruin it, what the hell did she have to do? What was my endgame? What did I want from her? She called my blog “inane” and said that stalking her boyfriend and his family til [sic] they dumped her did not score any points either.

Oh there was so much I could have said in reply to Emma’s e-mail, but what would be the point? I sent Emma a short e-mail telling her I would not do this by e-mail and she could call me if she wanted to discuss it.

That same night, I also received a much longer e-mail from Bud, telling me he had broken up with Emma. I won’t go into the details of his e-mail except to say that he stated that reading the blog and put a seed of doubt in his head about Emma, and he could not be in a relationship where he wasn’t in 100%.

I guess Emma wasn’t quite as convincing as she thought she was. She packed her bags and headed back to Georgia. While I have no doubt that Bud is a wonderful young man, and I’m sure, under different circumstances, if he had ended up being my son-in-law someday, I would have thought Emma made a fine choice in a husband, but I thank God that Bud had the sense to realize something was not right and to end his relationship with Emma. I can only imagine what harm she could have done to his family. I do hope one day Emma can have a good relationship, and even get married, but I don’t think she is anywhere near ready for that step in life right now. She needs to get her own life in order first, but as long as Emma keeps lying her way through life, that’s not going to happen anytime soon.

One more pinterest I thought Emma might like to save for her wedding ideas.

One more pinterest idea I thought Emma might like to save for her future weddings.

Coming up next: Emma’s New Dog!

The Girl Who Would Be Me

Posted on September 9, 2014 by losingemma

If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” Both of these posts give a brief description of what happened. As Emma’s mom, I am blogging my experiences with Emma and the things she did/does. This is a child who made up a story about rape, accused a priest of molesting her, and then as her attorney was about to file a lawsuit against the priest and the church, Emma accused her mother of physical abuse to stop the lawsuit because she knew her lies were about to be discovered. Emma claims to have the TOXICOLOGY REPORT to prove that her mother poisoned her with DDT and that she had to move to get away from her mother. (My attorney has been waiting for months for over a year for that that toxicology report.) Emma was recently living with her boyfriend’s family in Ohio, but came back to Ga. when the boyfriend began to have doubts about Emma and broke off their relationship. As long as my daughter is accusing me of child abuse and attempted murder, I will continue to tell her story. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at: losingemma@gmail.com

Emma at Old Rhinebeck Aerodome in Rhinebeck NY, 2006

The NEW Woman of the House (The Girl Who Would Be Me)

Just before and right after being removed from my home, we started what I jokingly called the “Emma Dates Her Dad” period. (And since I get asked this all the time, let me just stay that no, I never thought there was anything incestuous going on between Emma and her dad. Up until Emma figured out how much power she had by claiming to be abused, she was always a mommy’s girl. Phill was always a little envious that Emma always wanted to be with me, wanted to talk to me, to confide in me, etc, but they had a pretty good relationship. Emma frequently made fun of her dad for being a geek, or dorky or whatever, and occasionally I got on to her when she got a little mean, but they got along well.)

While I sat home alone one night, Phill went over to the home of Randall and Cora Andrews, the neighbors who lived behind us, to sit out and drink beer. It was Randall and Cora, John and Judy Hall, whom Emma was staying with that night, and Phill. He told me later that the Hoschton mayor, Erma Denney, who was another neighbor who lived behind us, stopped by. As I knew Erma and had helped her with a rescue dog she had found, I’m sure Phill must have found it a little awkward to explain to the mayor where his wife was.

While I was out of town so Emma could be home for Spring Break, Phill and Emma, in addition to seeing a divorce lawyer, were going out on the town, to the Atlanta Aquarium, out to eat, to movies, etc. Just a fun family stay-cation for the abused child while Emma was on Spring Break. As I mentioned earlier, I was hurt when I found out they went to the Aquarium as we had talked about doing that as a family.

Emma began posting things on her facebook about all the chores she was doing at home (essentially my chores). In one post she bragged about how quickly she got the dishes out of the dishwasher and put them away. This was kind of funny because Emma could take 30-40 minutes to put the dishes away. One day, out of curiosity, I timed myself and told Emma that it took me 7 ½ minutes to casually put the dishes away, so there was no reason for her to take so long. Of course, when Emma made her facebook post, her time was under 7 minutes. As much as she hated me, she WAS me!

Emma bragged about taking care of the dogs and the guinea pig and posted something about all the furry creatures fed and taken care of.

Emma wrote about the first time she played piano for our new church, Holy Trinity Anglican Church, Flowery Branch, Ga. I was heartbroken that I was not there to hear her. I guess that was my payback for all those years of driving her to piano lessons!

She also posted a picture of her on a swing at church, looking up at the sky, and said something about how bigger churches may have all this stuff, but our church had a swing. That one was a little odd, but she looked pretty and sweet, like a good Christian girl looking towards the heavens.

Phill wrote about going out to a bar or restaurant where one of his RC buddies played in a band and posted a picture of Emma standing there listening to the music. I remember his comment, “A good time was had by all.” At the time, I wondered if that was deliberately to try and hurt me, an attempt to show how much fun he and his daughter were having without the evil mom.

Phill also took Emma white water rafting and posted the pictures on facebook. Again, this was something I had talked about doing with the church youth group, and I was heartbroken not to go with my family.
Phill let Emma skip a week of school to go with him to SEFF (Southeastern Electric Flight Festival) in Americus, Ga. After all, with all the pressure of being an abused child, she needed a little vacation.

Emma posted about going out to dinner and eating steak with other UPS drivers and their wives that we we occasionally met for dinner: Randall and Cora Andrews, Tim and Elizabeth Hince, Carl and Connie Lehman, Tommy and Dennise Thompson, Kevin and Jocelyn O’Gorman.

Phill had not wanted Emma to get her driver’s license until she was 18, but with the evil mother out of the house, he needed her to be able to get to school, so he reversed his decision on this and let Emma get her license and bought her a car. When she totaled that car, he bought her another, and I heard from a neighbor that Emma totaled the 2nd car, too.

Once Emma had her driver’s license, she posted on facebook about her trips to the grocery store.

So many of Emma’s posts about all the chores she was doing were kind of humorous. Emma was the child who could take 3 hours to do a 5 minute chore, but now that she was running the household, it was different!

I’m not sure how Facebook works, but in the relationship section, where you have your husband, sisters, daughter, etc., next to Emma on my Facebook, it said “Pending,” so I guess that is what you do when you remove a relationship.

Emma then removed me as well as my sister and her to girls (Emma’s cousins) from her Facebook and blocked all of us so that we could not see anything she did. As one of my nieces put it, “It is her loss.”

In June, we had a trip planned with my sister and one of my nieces who was coming from CO. Emma was really looking forward to rooming with her cousin, but it ended up being me, my sister, and my neice who went on the trip, as Emma did not go.

After Emma removed me, I removed Phill from my Facebook. It was all just too painful.

During that summer of 2011, I went up and stayed with my sister and brother-in-law in Ct. for a couple of months. They were a lot of support while the divorce was going on. Somewhere in there, I got copies of all the e-mails Emma sent to “Lacey.” And I let Phill know. I expected Emma to ‘fess up, knowing that I had a stack of lies that she’d written, and that my attorney was talking to “Lacey’s” parents about Emma’s claim that “Lacey” was raped and had attempted suicide. Phill took Emma up to visit his mother in Brick, New Jersey, and I half expected him to show up and apologize, but to this day, Phill has no answer as to why Emma claimed “Lacey” was raped and attempted suicide. I’ve pointed out all the other lies Emma told such as “Lacey’s” mother in the hospital, with breast cancer, Emma accusing me of poisoning her with DDT, Emma’s story about babysitting the priest’s two boys and having to call 911 when the older son got out of control, Emma’s story about being drug searched at school, etc., etc., etc., and Phill refuses to talk about Emma with me. I am not allowed to call, as he will not speak to me. He threatens to block my e-mails or texts if I contact him about anything other than the alimony being late (which it is frequently) or picking up my things (which he still has).

In 2012, one of Phill’s friends sent me some photos just to let me know what was going on. Unfortunately, I looked at them and deleted them. Of course, now I wish I’d saved them, but oh, well!

Sometime, in 2012, Phill was confirmed at Holy Trinity Anglican Church, Flowery Branch, Ga., by Father George Ivey and there was a nice picture of Phill kneeling at the altar. Emma was about 12 when Phill was baptized by the priest that Emma would later accuse of sexually molestation. She had really hounded Phill about getting baptized. It was more important to her than it was to him. I’m guessing that she hounded him about getting confirmed as well.

I’ve occasionally wondered what Emma’s collection of therapists would say about Emma accusing the priest who baptized her dad of sexual molestation. Emma wanted her dad baptized so badly, and yet she accuses the priest of a crime. It seems like a decent psychologist might have something interesting to say about all that. (Dr. Richard Born (Allied Psychological Health, Athens, Ga.), Dr. Genie Burnett (Manna Treatment, Duluth, Ga.), Suzie McGarvey (Lanier Counseling, now with North Gwinnett Counseling Associates) , Rachel Hutchinson, Emily Kirby, Candace Whitman, Tamesha (Social Empowerment Center, Lawrenceville, Ga.) Heather Thompson (Jefferson High School), etc., etc.

Also in 2012, Emma threw her Dad a surprise birthday party. Since there was a picture of her and her friend, Abbey Benito, in with the party pictures at our home, I’m assuming Abbey helped Emma with the party.

Abbey Benito was a friend of Emma’s from the homeschool arts program that we were involved in. She was in Emma’s class and a lovely girl. Abbey was tall, quiet, well-behaved, and quite an artist who almost always had a sketch pad in her hand. I remember Abbey’s mom, Donna Benito, telling me that ever since she was little, Abbey liked to draw and it was something she did all the time. One semester, I worked as an assistant to one of the art teachers, and Abbey was in one of the drawing classes. I always enjoyed seeing her work. I think between her gift and all her years of practice, she was such a talented artist and now attends Anderson University in Anderson, S.C.

When I started teaching at the arts program, my first class was a Wire Jewelry class. I had never taught a class like this before, and working with kids was challenging, but I really enjoyed it. I felt like I learned as much from the kids as they did from me. Abbey was in my very first class, but she did not do well at it. Wire Jewlery can take a little time to get the hang of, and I don’t think Abbey got it as first. There was another young lady who had a difficult time, but this girl stuck with it and ended up taking pretty much all my classes and doing very, very well.

Unfortunately, I may have neglected Abbey a little bit. It was my first time teaching, and it was difficult with the kids constantly calling out and asking me for help. Abbey was so quiet and never asked for help, so I had to make an effort to check on her as she struggled in class. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and I felt like I probably did not give Abbey enough attention. Later on, Emma seemed to enjoy telling me that Abbey did not like my class. Emma did not mind when I worked as an aid at the program, but when the director asked me about teaching, Emma was not happy with me. I think she got jealous that the kids liked me, I was the “cool” teacher, my class was fun etc. I felt very blessed to be teaching a class the kids did NOT have to take. The kids that took my class were there because they wanted to be there. At first, it was only girls, but later on, I got a few boys, too. The very first time I had a young man sign up for my class, it was a young man who had a friend in one of my classes, and he often stopped by the class room. One day, he asked if he could sit in on a class with his friend, and I told him if he was going to do that, he was going to work, and I had him start a project. Later on, I teased him that he signed up for my class just because he didn’t want to take what else was offered that period, and he told me that no, he thought my class was fun. He ended up doing being a very good student and did some fine work.

I enjoyed being the “fun” teacher, and at the end of the semester, we had “Parent’s Night” where we displayed the kids’ work for all the parents to see. The director of the arts program was always pleased with the work my kids turned out, and I was very happy with my job. I worked there for 7 years, and I am sad to say that because of Emma, I will never work with children again. During the divorce and while I was working on going back to work, I wanted to volunteer with kids. I remembered how much Emma loved reading, and I always wanted to do something like tutor kids who needed help with reading. There’s just something magical about seeing a kid who discovers reading. I am sad to say, that due to the fact that my daughter has accused me of abuse, I will NEVER volunteer with children ever again.

One day, I came home and sat down to eat with Phill and Emma and was telling them something one of the kids had said about how much they liked my class, and Emma just looked at me and said, “Mom, they hate their own mothers too.”

Just a side note, when Emma first accused me of abuse , somehow, word got to the director of the arts program, and when we started back to classes in Jan. , the director took me aside to tell me she’d heard about Emma’s accusation. I’m just assuming that Sandra Brooks McCravy (who had taken her boys out of the arts program because she was unhappy there) had told a mutual acquaintance, probably our friend Rita Carlton who also worked at the arts program, and I’m assuming that Rita told the director.

The director of the arts program told me that because of Emma accusing me of child abuse, I would have to have someone else, another adult, in my class to supervise me. I guess to make sure I didn’t go postal and kill the kids in my class. It was Donna Benito who came in to “babysit” me that first week back. After that, I guess the director decided I didn’t need a sitter, and although it was embarrassing and humiliating, I got through it.

Anyway, back to Phill’s birthday party. Phill’s birthday is March 21st, but if I remember right, the part was on March 18, 2012. That would have been a Sunday. I guess the party could have been on March 17. That’s neither here nor there.

The party was a small gathering with Emma and Abbey Benito. John and Judy Hall were there, as well as Phill’s UPS partner Carl Lehmann and his wife, Connie, and one of Phill’s RC buddies, but I can’t remember his name.

Emma had gotten Phill an Angry Birds cake for his birthday, and I wasn’t surprised, as he was always into video games. It was cute.

It was March 14th, 2011, when Emma wanted to leave the family and go live in a group home, and everything went to pieces. Phill’s birthday for 2011 kind of go overlooked with all the Emma drama, but I wondered if Emma got Phill one of the gifts I’d planned on giving him. We’d been out in Jefferson, Ga., and saw some windsocks outside a local store. There was a really cute one of a red bi-plane, and I had planned on getting that for Phill because of his RC plane obsession, but with all the Emma drama, I never got back there.

Anyway, those are just some examples of Emma’s new life being the Alpha Female in charge of the house hold. I am out of time tonight dear readers, and will reread and edit when I have some time, but I was just trying to get some thoughts down.

Coming up next, I want to write about Emma’s first boyfriend and her move to Ohio!

As always, please contact me if you have any questions: losingemma@gmail.com

Losing Emma

Tag Archives: Abbey Benito

Emma’s Stressors and Mental Illness