Emma and Kayla —–With Friends Like This…

Updated Nov. 22, 2013

(If you are new to this blog, you may want to read the posts “In a Nutshell” or go to July 2012 and read “Sending out a Letter.” Both of these posts give a brief description of what happened. As Emma’s mom, I am blogging my experiences with Emma and the things she did/does. This is a child who made up a story about rape, accused a priest of molesting her, and then as her attorney was about to file a lawsuit against the priest and the church, Emma accused her mother of physical abuse to stop the lawsuit because she knew her lies were about to be discovered. Emma claimed she had to move in with her boyfriend’s family in Ohio to get away from her mother, and later claimed her boyfriend’s mother was afraid that her mother would show up and kill the entire family. (I have confirmed with the boyfriend’s mother that she never feared any such thing.)

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Emma Kate Roey and Kayla Benifield Weaver at church camp in 2003. (Kayla is now a computer science student at Armstrong University in Savannah, Ga.)

Emma met Kayla Benifield at church camp in 2003 when Emma was 9 years old. Kayla was a couple years older. The two girls were in the same cabin and became friends. On the last day of camp, the parents come to see a performance, pick up their kids, and have dinner in the dining hall. Phill and I sat at a table with Kayla’s parents and grandparents. At one point, I told Kayla’s mom and dad that we’d love to have Kayla over to visit, and I got sort of a noncommittal response and sensed something odd. Later, I was to find out that Kayla’s parents were divorced, and Kayla was actually being raised by her grandparents who lived in Martin, Ga., but Kayla’s mom Sheree Benifield (later Barwise) lived not far from us in Buford. Later, she moved even closer to us in Hoschton. I never found out why Kayla’s grandparents were the ones who raised her, and I never asked. When I met Sheree, she was working for a vet and going to school. She seemed like a nice lady, and she was probably a good bit younger than I, so I always assumed maybe she’d married young and wasn’t equipped to be a single mom after the divorce.

Kayla came down to visit her mother now and then, and Emma and Kayla would get together a couple of times a year. Emma said Kayla only visited her mother twice a year because her grandparents had custody and that was all the time Sheree was allowed to have Kayla. Sometimes Kayla would come to our home and spend the night, but probably a little more often, Emma went to Kayla’s because Kayla was never down for very long, and we didn’t want to take away from time with her mom.

Kayla was always the perfect guest in our home. She was kind of quiet, shy, well behaved, and never a bother. She loved butterflies and had almost platinum blonde hair, and when she got a little older, she started dying some of her hair bright pink. It sounded odd when Emma told me about it until the first time I saw it, but it was cute and seemed to fit her personality. Anytime she was down visiting her mom, we were always happy to have her over, although that “we” usually meant me because when Kayla first started coming over, Phill was working out of town on the weekends. Of course, I was relegated to cook and maid, but at that time, we were homeschooling Emma, so it was always nice for me to get a break from her. As well as mom and teacher, and even though Emma was in many extracurricular activities, I was usually her playmate, breakfast, lunch, and dinner companion, the one she wanted to play a game with, sit and watch a movie with, and the one who read to her in the evenings before bed. During the 5 years that we homeschooled, I never got much of a break, so in addition to not having Emma constantly at my side, it was fun to be more of an observer and get to see Emma and Kayla having fun together.

I think Emma was in 10th grade when Kayla graduated and went off to Marist College in New York. Recently, I heard that Kayla married her longtime boyfriend, Blair Weaver. I wish Kayla and Blair a long and happy marriage.

Now that I’ve introduced you to Emma’s childhood friend, next post I will share some of the lies and stories Emma told about Kayla and her family over the years. I haven’t verified all these stories, but I will let the reader decide what sounds plausible and what doesn’t.

Emma’s stories about Kayla and her family may have started innocently enough. One of the first “stories” I remember would have been in about 2004, when Dan Rather, with CBS, attacked President George W. Bush’s service with the National Guard. Since Phill and I were fans of WSB talk radio, a radio was usually on in our home or our cars all the time, so Emma heard a lot about this story, and she learned a lot about politics.

Kayla had been down visiting her mom, and we’d taken Emma over to Sheree’s home to spend time with Kayla. After Emma got home, she said, “Mom! You are not going to believe this!! Kayla’s mom got married?”

She was right, I didn’t believe it because I’d have thought we would have heard about it when we either dropped off or picked up Emma, so I said, “She did? Who did she marry?”
“Dan Rather!”
I said, “Ha. Ha. Very funny, Emma.” And thought to myself that this was Emma’s funny sense of humor.

When Emma was little, maybe about 3 or 4, she got into “Knock Knock” jokes. It was always when we were riding in the car, and whatever she happened to see would become part of her joke.
“Knock, Knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Tree.”
“Tree, who?”
“Tree, Lampost!” and then she would burst out into a fit of laughter.

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Cloud.”
“Cloud who?”
“Cloud, Stop Sign!” and again with all the laughter. It was so precious. This could go on and on and on, but I never got tired of it because each time, Emma laughed like she’d just told the funniest joke in the world.

But, the Dan Rather story didn’t seem to be a joke. Emma tried to convince me that Sheree had married Dan Rather, and that he was Kayla’s new stepfather. At first I went along with it and said things like, “Oh, really?” and “Hmmm.” And Emma went on and on until I finally said, “Emma, I know Kayla’s mom really didn’t marry Dan Rather.”

This just seemed to make Emma angry, and she tried harder and harder to convince me until I just let the subject drop and ignored anything else Emma said about Kayla’s mom and Dan rather.

I remember later telling Phill about it, and how I thought it was a joke, but how Emma got so upset when I didn’t believe her. It was just really odd behavior. You Psych people will have to tell me what you think, because to this day, I wonder if they way Emma was acting should have been an early warning sign of a potential problem.

Another early story was about Sheree’s boyfriend (now husband), Jeff. Emma might have been about 10 or 11 when we found out Sheree had a boyfriend. He wasn’t usually around when Phill and I dropped off or picked up Emma at Sheree’s house, so I can’t remember how we found out about him, but fine, whatever.

One day, after being over at Kayla’s, Emma and I were home, and she was talking about her visit. She mentioned Jeff, and I asked if he had any children, and Emma told me he had a three year old boy, but the boy lived with his mother. Oh, ok. Sounds plausible, right?

It had to be a year or so later when Emma had been over at Sheree’s home to see Kayla, and she was telling me about what they did that weekend, etc. and I asked if Jeff’s little boy had been over that weekend. Emma told me that Jeff didn’t have a little boy. I reminded her that she had told me some time back that he had a son. Emma denied it, and I figured it wasn’t worth arguing about, and thought perhaps she’d been confused. Maybe it was a neighbor who had a three year old or whatever and Emma didn’t have the story straight. I let it go, but it bothered me for quite some time because it just seemed odd. Later, when I found out about many of the lies Emma had told, I wondered if this was one of those times where she didn’t know the answer when I asked if Jeff had any kids, so she just made it up.

As Emma got older, her lies got more interesting and a little more vicious. More to come……….

 

 

Mental Illness? Personality Disorder? Or Lack of Conscience/Character?

(Edited and Updated Nov. 10, 2013)

Some time back, one of Emma’ friends called me to fill me in on some things Emma was saying at the time.  Some things were about me, and some things were about others.  I was wondering about Emma’s propensity for telling stories about others.  Is she deliberately lying just to talk or for attention?  Does she lie to hurt people, although many folks don’t often know what she says about them?  I was speaking with this friend, and I asked if this person thought Emma actually believed that she was sexually molested by a priest and did she actually believe that the mother who raised her, homeschooled her for 5 years, took care of her, loved her, encouraged and took her to any extracurricular activity she wanted to try, etc. could actually have hurt her.  I was a little shocked and saddened when this person, someone close to Emma, told me they thought Emma was very manipulative and knew exactly what she was doing. I am also saddened to say that this answer didn’t surprise me. I think I knew this all along. 

Isn’t that an odd place for a mother to be?  You love your child, and you do the best you can to raise them to be a decent human being, and then you find yourself in a place almost wishing she were mentally ill just to explain the horrible things she’s done.  I’ve never liked dealing with mental illness.  I’ve known people with it, seen how it affects families, and often it is just too difficult.  There aren’t any easy answers and everyone hurts.  Often, there is no happy ending.  Yet, here I was thinking I’d rather believe my child is mentally ill than to believe she would do all the hateful, hurtful things she’s done with no regard for anyone but herself.  I tried to raise Emma to do right.  It’s not complicated.  Just do right, or in the psychobabble that Emma loves so much, to “Make Good Choices.”  Instead, I am wondering if I raised a child lacking character, and perhaps even lacking a conscience. Also, Emma is a coward.

A few mental health professionals that I’ve spoken with have suggested that Emma could have a personality disorder such as antisocial personality, delusional thinking, schizophrenia, etc.  I will go into more on these later.  Of course my knowledge is very limited on these topics, but my knowledge of Emma runs pretty deep.

I have a lot to say on Emma’s descent into therapy as well, and will tell you all about our experiences with Emma’s therapists:
Suzie A McGarvey, North Gwinnett Counseling Associates, LLC http://www.ngcounselingassociates.com/ (Suzie was formerly with Lanier Counseling http://www.laniercounseling.com/)
Dr. Elizabeth Genie Burnett, Manna Treatment,http://www.mannatreatment.com/our_staff
Dr. Richard Born, Applied Psycholocgical Health http://appliedpsychhealth.com/
Rachelle Hutchinson, Emily Kirby,Tamesha, Candace Whitman, of the Social Empowerment Center (DFACS therapists) http://www.socialempowermentcenter.com/
Heather Thompson, Jefferson High School, counselor http://jhs.jeffcityschools.org/faculty-directory.html
Peachford Hospital (Charter Peachford) http://www.peachford.com/
Jackson County DFCS http://dfcs.dhs.georgia.gov/jackson-county-dfcs-office

Another goal of mine is to expose Emma’s lying.  As I mentioned before, I’d been thinking a lot about Emma’s lying and wondering how far back it goes.  When did Emma cross over from normal childhood lies into something worse? 

In the coming pages, I will document more of Emma’s lies since that is what has been heavily on  my mind.  Emma told so many stories about school (when she did go to public school), kids she knew from school and church, pastors (Priests), choir directors, teachers, drugs and sex going on in school, pregnant teens (some of this I’ve already mentioned if you skim around the blog). Did Johnny really try to kiss her when they were in the play together at Jackson County Comprehensive High School? And why did Emma tell me one story, but make it sound so much more sinister for her friend “Lacey?” (I’ll share more about this later. I have to go through all of Lacey’s letters again to find it.) Emma claimed that Johnny was in 11th grade and was engaged. Really? Were all the girls who worked on the backstage crew at JCCHS really lesbians?  

Coming up next, I’m going to share some stories Emma told about her friend Kayla and Kayla’s family.  Emma and Kayla were friends from about 4th grade, and now Kayla is a married lady. Over the years, Emma told stories about Kayla, her husband, her sister-in-law, her mother, and grandparents.  When I share what Emma said about these folks, you are going to wonder, with friends like this………………..