IN A NUTSHELL

On her 16th birthday, my beautiful daughter, Emma, did something horrible. She made up a story, claiming that a friend of hers was raped. I’m not sure why she made up the story. At the time, she liked a boy at our church who had liked her for a while, but had moved on. She was at her church youth group when she told the story. Perhaps it was for attention, since she wasn’t getting the attention she wanted. A few months later, on her dad’s birthday, Emma confessed to her dad and I that she had been molested by a priest when she was 12, and claimed that the rape of her friend brought up repressed memories of what had happened . I’m not sure why Emma made up another bizarre story at this time. She was still in love with the boy who had lost interest in her, and who seemed to be paying attention to another young lady at our church. Or, could it be because Emma was failing a physics class? Everything came to a grinding halt, and because Emma was so upset and traumatized by her repressed memories, we let her drop the class, so she didn’t have to live with a failing grade, or had she been able to pass, she would have had a barely passing grade. Emma prided herself in being a good student and never wanted anything below a “B” on her record. Being a horrible mom, I chose to believe my daughter. My first instinct was suspicion, and I said to my husband, “Do you believe her?” He replied, “Don’t you?” making me feel like the worst mother in the world to question what my daughter had told us, so I chose to believe her. I couldn’t turn back and have my daughter think her own mother doubted her, so that was that. Again, being a horrible mother, I wanted the man who hurt my daughter punished. I listened to Emma tell her story over and over again to the police, DFACS, church officials, etc. While her story still bothered me, I chose to ignore my intuition, and never questioned Emma. (Kind of ironic that some time later, a friend gave the Meyer’s Briggs test which showed I don’t trust my own intuition. Instead of trusting my gut instinct, I’ve always tried to reason things out, or find a way to explain something that I knew wasn’t right.) When I felt the church did not handle our complaint about the priest properly, and later sent a church attorney, a rather nasty woman, to interview Emma, eventually, we talked to an attorney who wanted to take Emma’s case. This was a pretty big Atlanta attorney who takes about 1 out of 1000 cases, and Emma was so convincing when he interviewed us that he wanted to represent her. He told us he would investigate and we would sue the church, the diocese, and the priest himself. About a week before Emma’s 17th birthday, I had let her know that her attorney would be filing the lawsuit. Two days after Emma’s birthday, she had someone call the police to say that her mother physically abused her. When DFACS came to our home, she gave them three dates that I supposedly shoved, pushed, or shook her. Interestingly enough, one of these dates was her 17th birthday, when her dad had been home with us all day. Because I don’t have the time or the inclination to sit down and write a book, I will be writing a series of essays about the whole experience and sharing them on this blog. Why did Emma do what she did? Why would she want to destroy her own family? Emma was backed into a corner. She knew the attorney was going to have to talk to her friend that had been “raped” and then she would be exposed as a liar. Some of the other answers are about Emma’s need for control, and the fact that she wanted out of public school. Emma chose to sacrifice her mother rather than admit what she’d done. She knew her mother loved her no matter what she did. Later on, when she continued with the lies, Emma knew that her mother was on to her, and that her mother suspected there was no molestation. Emma couldn’t have someone around who didn’t fall for her stories around. It’s kind of ironic now that Emma is “engaged” and dreaming of rings, weddings, and beautiful dresses. Does she know she increased the odds of her marriage failing since she now comes from a “broken home?” Sadly, I hope for Tyler’s sake, that this marriage doesn’t take place. I think we can all see the handwriting on the wall if Emma doesn’t get some help, but she is so deep into her lies, that she can’t lose face by telling the truth. I know it will come out eventually. I’m just afraid of who else may be hurt by Emma’s actions. I will be sharing the entire story here. I have given Emma the chance to keep this between herself, her dad and myself, and she continues to lie, so I will continue to document the story. I have pages and pages of notes, but am working full time, so it will be a slow project. Thank you to those of you have supported and encouraged me with this project. This story needs to be told, and parents need to be warned about therapists and what can go wrong when you have a very smart child and only average therapists. I will also share my adventures with this experience. I had planned on picketing one of the therapists today, but didn’t get my sign made. Since I don’t have a lot of days off, the picketing will just go on when I can get to it, but I’m sure that will be interesting. I will also share my thoughts on dealing with divorce and attorneys. Phill’s attorney definitely had some interesting things to say about Emma. He was willing to handle Phill’s divorce, but wanted nothing to do with Emma (more on that later). He told my attorney that he didn’t believe Emma and that Phill was letting Emma run the show. If you have any questions or comments, many of you have my private e-mail, or you can e-mail me through the blog. Thanks for reading, even if it is a horrible and a very sad story.